Viewer Log: Peacemaker ep 3

A stakeout, how exciting. 

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Viewer Log: Peacemaker ep 2

Peacemaker has to escape the apartment complex. It goes about as well as you'd think. 

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Viewer Log: Peacemaker ep 1

 Chris Smith is back.... and is still an asshole.

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Viewer Log: Creature Commandos ep 7

 The plot comes together. Also the sad story of Nina. 

Last time on Creature Commandos, we learned the story of Alex Sartorious aka Dr. Phosphorous. Alex made a deal with Gotham crime boss Rupert Thorne. Thorne agreed to fund Alex’s research in treating cancer through radiation, in exchange Thorne would get to sell the info to who he wanted. The group in question being Bialya, a country currently under a fascist regime. Alex tried to feed them false info, but he got caught. Alex’s wife and son are murdered, Alex being framed for the crime. They then try to kill him with his machine, turning him into the radioactive man. He killed Thorne, stole his territory, lived as a crime boss for a while before being caught by Batman. Phosphorous briefly considers killing a little girl that found him hiding in her house, but she reminded him too much of his son for him to hurt. Weasel hung out with some wolves. Nina and the Bride hid out in a brothel, ultimately saving one of its girls from a pair of violent meta johns. The group reconvene and prepare to kill a princess.

 

We open on a woman giving birth. The baby seems to be born relatively fine, until the doctor gets a look at her and is visibly horrified, as is the baby’s father. We’re not shown the baby’s condition right away, but we’re told she’s got a series of unusual health issues including that her lungs seemed to have developed outside of her body. The doctor says they’re not sure how long they can even keep her alive, but thinks that the baby’s father, Dr. Edward Mazursky, might be able to think of something. He dubs the baby Nina, much to his wife’s shock. I think it’s the confidence in his voice that surprised her more than anything.

 

In the present, Eric has forced a man to drive him to the Pokolistan capital and listen to him talk very possessively about the Bride. The dude really needs a hobby. He ends his long speech by assuring his kidnapped driver, Ivan, that stopping the Bride from killing Princess Ilana will put an end to the “Screwball comedy” portion of their love story and shift it to an… adult film. The tender, soft, focused kind. The kind made for chicks. Ivan just nods as he very much wants to get out of this alive.

 

At the palace, the knights are on high alert for the commandos. So imagine the guards shock when Weasel and the Bride rush him and she crushes his throat. Eric pulls up, sees her massacring a guard, and shakes his head as he laughs at her being ‘up to her old tricks.’ In the guard house, the Bride starts looking through security cameras while everyone else waits. Nina asks the big question, what if Waller is wrong. Phosphorous is nonchalant about it, lighting the dead guards cigar and saying that killing a few people out of several billion hardly matters, and takes Weasel’s grunt as agreement. Phosphorous tries to help The Bride by looking through security camera feeds from a few days ago and sees something in the feed that I can’t make out. Nina remarks that it seems like they aren’t the only monstrous visitors here. They’re interrupted by Eric pulling himself into the guard tower and trying to tell the Bride what’s going on. The Bride sees her centuries old stalker and immediately shoots him three times… unfortunately warning the guards to their presence. They leap out of the tower to get away, the Bride landing next to an injured Eric. He tries to give her Flag’s message again, but she shoots him and tells the stalking POS to go to hell.

 

We flashback to Nina’s infancy where her father seems to have rigged up a portable iron lung to keep her breathing. Edward and Nina are clearly happy but Lily looks troubled, she walks off sobbing as Lily falls on her back and Edward has to pick her up to right her. Edward follows her and they have an argument on whether this is right or not. Lily points out that he’ll forever need to be rebuilding the iron lung to keep her breathing, and that she’ll be struggling every moment of her life. Edward tries to convince her that everything is fine, but Lily can’t take this anymore. She says she love him, but trying to make this work is torturing all of them. She leaves, saying that she’ll be at her mother’s for a while.

 

In the present, the Commandos find an entry point. Phosphorous kills the lone guard and then melts a hole, though he mutters that this could take a while.

 

Flashing back again, we see that Lily wasn’t exactly wrong about how difficult Nina’s life would be, as we’re shown the 5ish year old struggling to even walk while carrying the heavy breathing device. Edward promises her that he’s figured out a treatment to help her so she won’t have to wear it anymore. His machine injects her several times, Edward sying that the treatment is altering her DNA to help her breath despite the fluid in her lungs. Edward, like so many unfortunate mad scientists before him, learns to late that messing with DNA is never as easy as one might think. The injections that Nina is given within moments cause her to have a seizure as her DNA is rewritten, transforming her from the bald, flat nosed but otherwise human child we’ve been seeing up until now into her fishy form. She struggles to breathe, but Edward isn’t stupid. He grabs his baby, puts her in the sink and submerges her in water. After her new gills are under, she breathes fine and asks for her daddy.

 

In the present, new captain Sergei tries to keep the princess protected, even while Ilana nonchalantly walks to the pool for her morning swim. He tries to talk her into not going but she insists she’s fine with all the guards around her. She walks to the top of a diving area and we see the Commandos finally cutting through the brick. They prepare to go after Ilana, but Weasel starts freaking out. Nina grabs him and forces him to the ground. The Bride asks what’s up and she thinks Weasel is excited to see Ilana, reminding them all that she did play fetch with Weasel for hours when they first came. Phosphorous suggests maybe putting Weasel down, but the other two shoot him down immediately. Nina does her best to calm Weasel.

 

Another flashback and we see Edward trying to get Nina into a prep school. He lists off his daughter’s accomplishments, speaks four languages, has a lot of interest in the sciences, and is all around a good girl. He says that he’s homeschooled her this whole time but thinks that Nina needs to socialize as she’s really only ever known him. Principle Gale agrees to take him and asks Nina if she has any questions. Nina asks how to play Lacrosse. She looks like she has a good time playing for about a minute before the other girls are just massive bitches to her. We see she’s relentlessly bullied by other students as well. They call her a frog and demand she ribbit for them… which I don’t get. She’s clearly a fish! She’s fully aquatic and has gills! Why call her a frog? I know it’s asking a lot to have bullies think, but this is a prep school.

 

We cut to Flag’s hospital room, and he finally wakes up from his coma. He immediately tells Waller that she was wrong about Ilana. He only is able to get out that MacPherson wasn’t Mac before he passes out again, and Waller calls John to check things out.

 

At the palace, the Commandos are trying to keep Weasel calm while trying to get to Ilana without the guards noticing. The Bride eyes all the water around them and smirks. Nina asks her “What?” It took them seven episodes but the fish person is finally going to use her fish powers it seems.

 

Back to the flashback, high school Nina makes eyes at a boy she likes. He seems to smile at her and wave, but then she opens up her locker to find a frog sitting there and everyone laughs at her. We see her crying in her room for a minute before Edward comes home. He finds her window open and Nina missing. In voice over we hear her note telling her dad that she loves him but she can’t live among people like this. She opens a manhole and climbs into the sewar. She follows the flow of the water to the outflow, stripping off her suit as she goes before diving into the, hopefully, clean river the storm drain flows into. Her father runs out looking for her as it starts to rain before dropping to his knees and sobbing.

 

The other commandos tell Nina that she’s the one that has to kill Ilana, who is now swimming in the water. Nina is terrified by this as, I think the show has made clear at this point, she’s not a killer. She’s not a career criminal. She’s an otherwise normal twenty something year old woman that has gills. Why did they put this poor girl on a kill squad? Phosphorous and the Bride don’t really have other options so keep telling her to do it, the Bride giving Nina a knife. They tell her to dive in, stab, and then fall back before anyone notices. They give her their confidence, and Nina takes the knife.

 

We get another flashback to Nina living off the grid in the Star City water system. She’s hunting fish and seems to be doing fine when a photographer gets several pictures of her. We learn that it’s been three years since she ran away and has become something of a local legend in Star City. Though after the pictures, city officials have called in animal experts from Metropolis and Bludhaven to potentially capture her. This obviously panics her father, who finally has confirmation is baby is still alive. Nina gets caught and dragged from the water. Her father arrives and does his best to talk to her. An overzealous guard just sees him grabbing at the fish lady and shoot his. Unfortunately, right as her dad was trying to tell her she was never a burden to him. She screams as they throw her in a tank. This feels like a lot of pomp and circumstance for what is obviously a metahuman in a universe where they’ve existed for 300 years.

 

We cut to MacPherson’s house as Waller and John head in. Waller kicks the door in, and they’re shocked to see the fragments of Clayface scattered around the room. Waller realizes what happened and calls the team. She gets in contact with Sergei unfortunately as Nina makes her bid to kill her. Weasel runs to try to save Ilana, warning her what’s about to happen. She swims to the side as Nina makes her slash and they wrestle in the water. Phosphorous runs over to Weasel and grabs him, calling him a stupid animal as he does. An angry Weasel bites his arm, and ends up hurting Phosphorous but also burning his mouth. Ilana gets the knife from Nina and stabs her in the gut seven or eight times, an absolutely chilling look in her eye as she does. The Bride sees the blood welling up and runs to her friend’s lifeless body. They’re cornered by the guards, but Sergie stops anyone from shooting. He brings the Bride the phone and Waller tell her they made a mistake. Ilana rises from the water, soaked in it and Nina’s blood.

 

After, Phosphorous does his best to cover his injury. He is furious at Weasel for getting Nina killed and from getting a bunch of praise from the guards. The Bride asks what he expects after an assassination attempt, a pat on the back. Phosphorous says that he would like that, if their hands wouldn’t burn up from touching him. And he asks the Bride if she knows what it’s like to not be touched for 15 years. She says she does and storms off. The Bride finds Ilana and follows her into her study. Ilana says that she understands what happened and that there’s no hard feelings. She goes so far as to suggest that Circe is the one that wants to destroy the world. The Bride says that she believes Circe. Ilana tries to play cool… right up until the Bride says that she saw Ilana meeting with Clayface, in that tape which had the glare I couldn’t see through. The Bride puts it together for us: Ilana seduced Flag to get her on her side and tries to convince him to execute Circe on the spot. When Flag refuses, she sent Sergie to spy on them and confirm that they’d get someone like MacPherson to corroborate Circe’s claim. He was the other man that stared at The Bride when they got back. So, Ilana called up Clayface and convinced him to take out MacPherson and steal her identity to discredit what she’d told Waller. The Bride tells her that she’s not going to kill Ilana to stop WW3, or to save the world, but because she killed Nina. Her only friend. And the only person with an ounce of kindness in her. Ilana pulls a gun on the Bride, but the Bride is a faster draw and she blows Ilana’s brains out. She quickly exits, telling Phosphorous and Weasel to stop fighting and follow her. They escape before anyone notices.

 

Later, John congradulates the Bride for a job well done. She isn’t super jazzed because, again, dead friend. John tells her that Waller has converted a part of the non-human containment wing for her team. When the Bride asks about that, he opens the door to the cells and we find Phosphorous and Weasel waiting. Along with a rebuilt GI Robot, King Shark, Nosferata (one of the monsters bullying Nina earlier, the one that wasn’t killed) and Khalis an Egyptian themed monster. John asks if she’s in, and the Bride sarcastically asks what else does she have to do?

 

In a post credit scene, we see Eric has survived being shot multiple times. Which, ya know, tracks. He’s being nursed back to health by the woman that tipped him off that the Bride had returned to Castle Frankenstein. He seems to think the Bride “overreacted” to his presence just has him even more convinced that they’re meant to be together. He then comments that the soup is gross, and the woman says that it’s bird dropping soup. Ending on a poo joke, classy.

 

Well… damn. I would not have guessed killing Nina would hurt like that. The Bride had the right measure of her, despite the cruelty, abuse, and anger that Nina had suffered literally her entire life, she was extremely kind, and compassionate, and the Bride’s friend. Her backstory was sufficiently tragic. The world was against her from literal minute one, but she had to keep going. I respect her dad for never giving up on her, even if that desire to get her back is what got him killed. Though, again, the reaction to the fish lady felt way over the top considering guys like Killer Croc and Atlantis exist in this universe. I’ll be honest, Ilana should count herself lucky the Bride went for a headshot. In my experience in literature, taking the only friend of an otherwise anti-social person leads to vengeance that they write epic poetry about. I think the twist about Ilana being… I guess a double twist villain was well done. Her interest in Flag was always a bit odd, and she did at one point seem weirdly into the controller for the Commando’s shock implants. I wouldn’t be shocked to learn that there’s a draft of this season where she tries to steal that controller to get the Commandos to work for her. I do wish we could have gotten a bit more about her plan, as I’m not sure how this lady would ultimately lead a global war. I just would have liked what phase one was. Or phase two, if phase one was outfitting her knights in power armor. Overall, I liked this show. They had a good mix of comedy, drama and action, and I’m looking forward to season 2. And also, the Clayface movie, I want to see more of that horror monster. Oh, and I liked a visual Easter egg of the Bride pulling a book from Ilana’s shelves and picking a work by Mary Shelley. She chose Mathilda, which I guess side steps how Frankenstein could be both a book in universe and a real dude. Just saying. Have a good night and a happy Halloween! 

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Viewer Log: Creature Commandos ep 6

 The sad life of Dr. Alex Sartorious

Last time on Creature Commandos, we learned a bit about Eric Frankenstein. The creature was found by an old Romani woman named Donna that nursed him back to health. He bonded with Donna and her dog, Ivan, but ultimately decided to leave to chase his Bride. Donna was heartbroken at the thought of being alone… and Eric took care of that. He bashed her brains in, is what I’m saying. In the present Flag and Eric investigated Prof. MacPherson to show that Ilana isn’t a threat. They learn that Prof. MacPherson had in fact been murdered and replaced with a doppelganger. Said doppelganger is revealed to be Batman villain Clayface. Eric and Flag try to sneak away, but Clayface finds them and starts wailing on them. Eric is able to stop the clay menace by grabbing an electrical socket and electrocuting it. Flag had been beaten 3/4ths of the way to death at that point, and he begs Eric to go warn the Bride and the others they’d been duped. Meanwhile the Commandos land in Pokolistan. Flag is able to get in contact with Ilana, who orders her men to kill the Commandos. The Commandos get ambushed, but they kind of slaughter the knights, including Alexi, and are separated. Enough recapping. Let’s get to it, shall we?  

 

The episode begins with Gotham City at night. A doctor named Alex is thrown out of the back of a moving truck. He tries to get away, but some goons get out, follow and grab him. He’s dragged back to the car where Gotham Gangster Rupert Thorne tells him that he’s not going anywhere. We get a scene transition that shows Alex’s face being replaced by Phosphorous, so ya, this is our flashback star of the episode. The glowing green man is somehow dodging Pokolistan guards by hiding in a dumpster. He climbs out and starts walking away, whistling a merry tune.

 

At the palace, Ilana’s new guard captain Sergi is confused why the Commandos would want to kill her after they’d been their allies. She tells him that they’re being misled by Cerci, according to Flag. Sergi insists on taking her to their bunker, but she refuses to hide.

 

Nina runs from guards about as well as a fish lady might. She thankfully bumps into The Bride, who almost shoots her in shock, but realizes what happened at the last second. They duck into a building, which turns out to be a brothel. Some guards saw movement and head over to investigate. The Bride notices the owner of the brothel and tells the woman to hide them or she’s losing her head. Nina scolds her for being so hyperbolically violent, but the Bride isn’t listening. The guards come in, but the working girls play coy and cover for the two until they leave. The madam tells them to go, but the Bride says they’ll be staying until the heat is off. Nina tries to make the best of the situation and suggests they play a game, like Scatagories.

 

Jumping back to the states, we find Waller and John rushing a very injured Rick Flag into surgery for the many wounds he got fighting Clayface. Waller introduces herself to Flag’s doctor and asks what the hell is going on. The doctor isn’t sure, just saying that Flag was beat to hell, he’s in a coma, has a broken back, and multiple contusions. They do know a monster dropped him off, and after John lists off a few categories for them, a nurse tells them it was a green seven-foot-tall man with bolts on his head. John recognizes Eric’s description and tells Waller about him stalking the Bride for going on two centuries. Waller realizes that Flag told Eric about the hit and that stopping it, according to Circe, might start WWIII. She orders ARGUS operatives to watch all flights going out of the area.

 

We jump to a private jet where a pilot goes to check out his passengers, finding Eric had massacred them. He gives the pilot a long winded schpeel about his plans, that boils down to, fly me to Pokolistan so I can be reunited with my Bride or die. The pilot tells his copilot that everything is fine and they take off.

 

Meanwhile, Weasel flees into the wilderness around the Pokolistan capital where he’s surrounded by wolves. Oh no.

 

Phosphorous barely dodges the Royal Nights, using his powers to break into a house to escape their search teams. The photos he finds in the house remind him of his son and wife, back when he was Alex Sartorious. He did whatever scientist in fiction does and trusts some gangsters when they promise to fund his research. His research being a means of treating cancer through radiation. He mentions that this treatment might have saved both of his father and her mother had it existed. We then cut to Alex’s family dead in front of him, laying in a pool of blood. Thorne, framing Alex for their murder as he sobs, has his men get his hands all over the body, murder weapon, and smears their blood on his face. Phosphorous is pulled out his flashback by the little girl living in the house, who takes the glowing skeleton in her house better than I would have. She says a word in Pokolistanese that Phosphorous guesses means hungry.

 

Weasel is confronted by wolves, but his antics with a stick seems to get the wolves on his side almost immediately. Being something between a man and beast works out sometimes, I guess.

 

The madam suggests that maybe Nina and the Bride might consider working for her, saying that her customers would love a pair of girls as… strange as them. The Bride scoffs at this, saying that they have more respect for themselves than that. The madam scoffs back, saying that the Bride has no respect for herself as she clearly wants to die. The Bride pulls a gun on her, but Nina tries to get her to stop. They’re interrupted by a pair of johns stopping by… where the hell is Pokolistan where they’ve got what appear to be a pair of Irish migrant workers?

 

We cut back to Weasel who is clearly having a spectacular time running with the wolves.

 

Phosphorous got the girl some cereal and sat with her while she ate. The girl doesn’t speak English, obviously, as she doesn’t react to Phosphorous talking to her, saying that he really wishes she hadn’t come out… as he doesn’t want to leave any witnesses to his passing. We flashback to Alex’s lab, where he’s still sobbing about his murdered family as Thorne rifles through his research. We learn that while Thorne was funding the cancer research, part of the deal was allowing Thorne to share the results with some buyers. The buyers being the nation of Bialya, a DC fictional nation staple that’s in this universe currently under fascism. Alex gave him faked research, which the Bialyans were able to see through. They find Alex’s research, and to cover it all up, throw Alex inside his machine and power it up. Thorne explains it’s the age old story of a nuclear scientist going crazy, killing his family and then committing suicide by atomizing himself. They throw the switch and blast him. The result transforming Alex Sartorious into Dr. Phosphorous. In the present, the little girl giggles at the ‘smiling’ skeleton in front of her. Phosphorous says that “It looks like I’m smiling too, doesn’t it? … But I’m not.” That’s so damn ominous.

 

At the brothel, they hear a scream and madam Gyurov goes to check it out. One of the johns from earlier smacked the girl he was with, who’d smacked him, but because he was hurting her. Gyurov tells him to get out, but the john reveals he has Metahuman powers and that he’ll do what he likes. Gyurov says that Metas are fine in her house but no one is allowed to hurt her girls. He smacks Gyurov and goes to abuse the girl, but Nina breaks a bottle over his head. His brother comes in and he says they’re going to kill all the girls. The Bride instantly blows the brother’s brains out. She then beats the piss out of the surviving brother despite his electrical powers, and rips out his heart. They leave, but the girl they helped thanks them. Nina tease the Bride for being softer than she acts and they strut off into the night.

 

Weasel wakes up surrounded by wolves. IN his mind, we see Weasel has associated the girl that died with Ilena and gets up to go help her.

 

In the past, Dr. Phosphorous leaves his lab, cackling madly and plotting vengeance. He goes on a rampage, breaking into Thorne’s mansion and slaughter him and his family, and then all the men that had helped with his family’s death. Phosphorous tells the surviving goons that he’s taking over Thorne’s business and they can either get with it or die. We see a very sad montage of Phosphorus getting high on his new drug kingpin lifestyle juxtaposed against the happiest memories of Alex Sartorious. Seeing him dance in a pimp hat opposite him dancing with his bride at their wedding is heartbreaking. The fun stops when nonother than BATMAN comes bursting in.

 

In the present, the girl’s parents wake up hearing their daughter shrieking. They rush outside to find Phosphorous throwing their daughter up in the air and catching her. He apologizes, saying they were just pretending to fly. He asks directions to the castle, and the befuddled mother points the way. He thanks her and struts off.

 

Everyone starts to converge on the Castle. Weasel, the Bride, Nina and Phosphorous meet outside it. Flag is out of surgery but not awake, Waller begging him to wake up so he can help her figure out what is going on. The Princess is outfitting all her guards with power armor. And Eric lands, giving the pilots a fat stack of bills and breathing in the Pokolistan air. This should be a memorable finale.

 

Ya know, I don’t think I’d have guessed that Dr. Phosphorous used to be a family man. Rupert Thorne is never exactly a good dude, but his frame up idea is downright sociopathic. Stabbing a man’s family to death and then basically soaking him in their blood, traumatic is an understatement. The idea that he could cure cancer with that machine is pretty nuts, but not as much as using medical test data to do radiation research. But that’s comics for ya. The fact that the stoic, vaguely creepy Dr. Phosphorous is dealing with some intense trauma all this time is on brand but still incredibly sad. I was legit worried he was going to hurt that kid, but I’m glad he seems incapable of harming children despite his otherwise total disregard for other people’s existence. Like I said earlier, the scene cutting back and forth between Dr. Alex Sartorious, respected scientist, husband and family man, and Dr. Phosphorous, amoral sociopath, metahuman and drug kingpin was cool but sad. Plus who can say no to a Batman cameo? The Bride and Nina’s side story was pretty neat too. I was shocked to hear Shohreh Aghdashloo’s voice coming out of the madam’s mouth. She pops up in the strangest of places. Her observations about the Bride having a bit of a death wish are spot on. And I liked that Nina is proven right that the Bride is a bit softer than she acts. She’s a scary undead lady. And Weasel playing with wolves was sweet. All I’ve gotta say on that. See you tomorrow for Halloween (at time of writing) and the finale, have a good night.

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Viewer Log: Creature Commandos ep 5

 Flag and Eric are on the hunt. It goes about as well as you might guess. 

Last time on Creature Commandos, we learned the tragic history of the Weasel. The large animal man was sentenced to life in prison after the deaths of seven children and one elderly man, but we learn that it wasn’t his fault at all. The children found the anthropomorphic animal watching them while they played at school and befriended him. A passing hunter saw Weasel roughhousing with them and assumed the worst when he saw the creature’s jaws and claws and the kids play running away. He cornered Weasel and the kids in the basement of the school and shot at him with a rifle, causing the massive explosion that killed him and six of the kids instantly. Weasel tries to save one of the little girls, but the cops who arrived at the scene assumed the worst of him, shot him several times, and unintentionally caused the girl’s death. Weasel’s lawyer has her work cut out for her, given that her client is clearly mentally incompetent. Meanwhile, Waller interrogates Circe and learns that the sorceress has clairvoyant powers that she can share. Circe shows her a vision of the future where Princess Ilana leads a bloody crusade across the world, taking it over and killing Earth’s greatest champions. They have a Themyscira expert, Professor Aisla MacPherson come in to consult, and she insists that Cersi’s powers are the real deal. Flag refuses to help and storms off in disgust. He’s followed by Eric Frankenstein, who mistakenly believes the Bride is in love with Flag after the two laughed together. They fight in Flag’s house, but come to an agreement after talking it out. Flag agrees to help him with the Bride if Eric helps him prove MacPherson is somehow wrong about Circe’s vision. Enough recapping. Let’s get to it, shall we?

 

We begin with Professor Aisla MacPherson beginning a lecture on Themyscira. The weird thing is she seems to focus on one of her coeds, calling the girl beautiful and seeming to try to get information about Themyscira out of her… ya know, the topic she’s a Professor of. When the student lists off some thematically appropriate but ‘boring’ topics, MacPherson goes to the chalkboard and writes LESBIANS and tries to get the students to talk about that. Flag and Eric watch all this from a window overlooking the class and agree that’s… and odd teaching method. When they’re stared at by some of the other students, they act like they’re searching for Eric’s contact lens in a bush. When the students lose interest, Eric asks how this helps him get his Bride. Flag explains, probably not for the first time, that this is his half of their arrangement. Eric helps him discredit MacPherson, and then they can go to the Creature Commandos, stop them from killing Ilana and then Eric gets to be a hero in front of the Bride. He is very excited by this idea, and asks if he gets to kill MacPherson… or some of the students. Flag tells him that he’s not going to be that kind of hero. He suggests they search MacPherson’s home while she’s working, and Eric proudly proclaims he’ll start the search in MacPherson’s underwear drawer… I’m starting to see why the Bride was correct in not being into him.

 

After the intro we visit the murder of Victor Frankenstein, an act Eric performed in a delusional belief that with their maker and her lover dead, The Bride will finally love him. She instead attacks him, sets the building on fire and then runs off in the night. Leaving him dying in flames. In the present, Flag tries to call Ilana again, but still can’t get through to a representative that speaks English. Eric is wasting time drinking through a crazy straw.

 

The Creature Commandos touchdown in Pokolistan and meet with Alexi again. The vaguely Slavick guard captain asks about this new threat to his princess, but the Bride keeps mum, saying that this information is need to know and he doesn’t. He makes some comments about how Pokolistan lasted a hundred years without anything weird happening, but within a few years of opening communications to the US, it’s threats every day. The Bride just kind of shrugs and the group heads out.

 

Flag and Eric arrive at MacPherson’s house. Eric is distracted by a woman walking a cat and takes that as a potential bad sign. Flag isn’t really listening and makes some noncommittal noises at him. Eric is pretty sure it’s a bad sign, saying that he learned from a… Romani woman who was steeped in the occult. They used the other word for Romani, I’m choosing to not transcribe it. We return to the flashback, Eric stumbling from the burning mansion in flames. He makes it to a river and douses the flames. But he passes out from the pain and travels down river for a few miles. The following morning the blind Romani woman’s dog finds Eric’s dog and she and the dog drag him back to her home to nurse back to health. She covers his wounds in salves as he awakens and grabs her hand, asking what tomfoolery this is. She explains about the salve having healing properties and he lets her keep rubbing. He recovers a bit and helps her pick apples. He asks why she doesn’t look at him when she talks and she informs him that she’s blind. He says that the only thing that makes life worth living is beauty and if he couldn’t see, he’d end himself. The old woman laughs as if that were an off-color joke and Eric waxes nostalgic of his beautiful Bride… who I must remind you definitely hates him. A lot. The old woman tells him to close his eyes and has him picture the Bride, showing that there can be beauty just in the mind’s eye.

 

In the present they look around MacPherson’s home. They split up and look around. Eric is briefly distracted by a cat and a possible leash, and then his reflection in a helmet. Flag notices blood on the upper level and finds MacPherson’s body seated at her desk, her throat slashed. He calls Eric up and they look her over. They can tell she’s been there for a bit so the MacPherson that met with Waller was probably a body double. He calls Ilana, and for once gets through to her. She clearly was expecting a booty call of some kind, not a warning of immanent death by Creature Commandos. Dude is, again, committing treason for this gal. So odd. Eric keeps trying to get a word in as well, trying to build credit with the Bride. Flag tells her to run, and then notices the fake MacPherson pull up. He tries to hide, while Eric pisses and moans about Flag not saying anything to Ilana about him. Again, as part of a plot to make him look good to the Bride. Flag says that the Bride is going to kill Ilana, and that they aren’t going to sit down and chat. Eric points out that he’s starting to suspect this plan is pointless from his point of view. Flag orders him to hide, and so he stands behind a birdcage. Still in full view. An increasingly angry Flag tells him to hide under the bed, which he begrudgingly does as MacPherson opens the door.

 

In the past, Eric brings a wild turkey, telling the old woman, Donna, that she has to cook it. He admits that he’s at peace with them, and that he enjoys shooting things with the shotgun. He thanks her for letting him rest and recover, and she goes so far as to tell him to think of this place as his home. She says that her and her dog Ivan have never been happier since he arrived.

 

In the present, the Commandos are forced to listen to Alexi’s music as they drive. He answers his phone and clearly gets told about the Commandos assassination plan. Alexi tells them that there’s traffic to the castle and says they’ll be taking an alternative route. Phosphorous and the Bride clearly pick up something is weird but let it slide for how.

 

MacPherson feeds the cat, calls it an idiot, and then sits down to play some Xbox. Immediately the woman’s form melts and distorts until a human amorphous being of… clay is sitting in her place. Flag confirms that that is in fact Batman villain Clayface and that he’s extremely dangerous. They’ll have to sneak out.

 

Alexi meanwhile drives the Commandos around, stopping the car and pretending that they’re having engine trouble. They’re then surrounded by a hit squad, and Alexi pulls a gun on the Bride. Phosphorous, clearly annoyed by all this, radiation heat punches through Alexi’s head, killing him. Though he says that it’s a shame as he liked Alexi.

 

Flag and Eric make it to the door, but as Eric points out, Clayface noticed them and shot clay tentacles at them. They dor their best to fight him, but the shapeshifter is in a weightclass above them. He engulfs Eric in his clay to suffocate, and beats Flag to a bloody pulp. Eric is able to force himself through to reach a wall socket and eelectoductes them both. He’s fine, though, cuz, ya know, gave him life.

 

Phosphorous and The Bride make short work of the attacking guards. The Bride attacks a guard, rips his arms off, and uses his blasters to kill his comrades. Phosphorus strips down, and melts his way through a tank, and it’s drivers, with his middle fingers extended. Nina and Weasel run off and do their best to hide. The Bride does her best to search for them, but approaching guards cause her to run off.

 

Eric cradles an injured Flag. He thinks Flag is dying and begins to ask him a bunch of burning questions. Like if the Bride ever mentioned him or said his name fondly. Flag tells him to tell the Bride the truth before passing out.

 

In the past, Eric prepares to leave Donna’s house despite her begging him to stay. She tries to make him see reason and understand that the Bride doesn’t love him, but he refuses to believe it. He thinks the whole ‘setting him on fire’ thing was a mating ritual. Donna asks why he locked Ivan out of the house, and he says he’s not sure the dog would understand. Donna sobs, saying she doesn’t want to be alone again, and Eric says that he’d never let her suffer that. Before beating her to death with her kettle.

 

At the castle, Ilana meets with her new guard captain, Sergi, and says that while she likes the Commandos, they’re being misled by their government and must be killed.  

 

The episode ends with Eric leaving Donna’s house, whistling for Ivan to follow, which the dog does.

 

Eric Frankenstein is a wonderful example of psychopathic behavior. Donna clearly loved him, she nursed him back to health, fed him, gave him a home, and that all didn’t matter compared to Eric’s fixation on the Bride. Beating her to death to spare her the pain of loneliness makes logical sense to a coldblooded mind, but it was still chilling to see. His interactions with Flag were pretty funny. I get the sense that he’d be 1000% more useful if he wasn’t constantly thinking about how to impress the woman that has spent the last two centuries making it excruciatingly clear she isn’t interested in him. His single-mindedness would almost be funny if he didn’t keep hurting people. The reveal of Clayface was pretty good. He’s a talented actor in most incarnations, so it’s believable that he could fool someone like Waller if given enough prep time and money. The use of his powers were pretty freaky, with his tentacles going every which way and beating two guys at once. The Clayface that is scheduled to come out sometime next year was what I was most excited for post Superman, and this little cameo definitely keeps my hype high. The Commandos at work was both cool and disturbing. Phosphorous in particular was brutally efficient in using his powers to kill people. I think Flag’s worries about being around that much radiation were pretty warranted at this point. I’m sorry they killed Alexi; he was a fun dude. So that’s The Bride, GI Robot, Weasel, and Eric’s backstories down, guess that just leaves Phosphorous and Nina to cover. Neat. Hope there’s are only slightly traumatic. 

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Bluesky: @basicssuperhero.bsky.social

Viewer Log: Creature Commandos ep 4

 The sad story of Weasel.

Last time on Creature Commandos, we learned the sad history of GI Robot. Built in WW2, GI Robot served with Easy Company and made fast friends with the group after saving their lives from a Nazi ambush. In the years that followed, GI Robot wandered somewhat aimlessly, as he was a machine designed to kill Nazis in a world where Nazis weren’t a massive threat… at the time. He ends up getting passed around science types for a while before becoming a collector’s item. He ends up in the hands of a collector named Sam, who powers him back up. Sam seemed nice… until he took GI Robot to a National Socialist party meeting. Things didn’t go well for anyone. GI Robot was arrested and convicted. In the present, the Creature Commandos save The Bride and Nina and realize that this was a distraction to get them away from the palace so Circe could attack it. They rush back over and do their best to break through the Sons of Themyscira and save the princess. Flag tells GI Robot the Sons are Nazis and GI Robot has the time of his post war life obliterating Nazis. His head is unfortunately blown off by Circe. Circe goes to kill the princess, but is stopped by Weasel slashing at her and Phosphorous burning her face. They have Circe captured but she swears that they’ve just doomed the world. Enough recapping. Let’s get to it, shall we?

 

The story begins with Flag and Ilana making out, the princess asking if he’ll be back to see her sometime. Flag says that they need to bring Circe back to the states to interrogate her and figure out why she chose to attack Pokolistan. Ilana says that she’s got strong feelings for Flag, but he shuts this down and leaves the moment she brings that up. Shock of shocks, the divorcee with a recently deceased son has commitment issues, go figure.

 

We return to base where ARGUS agent and recurring DCU character John Economos is getting coffee when he’s confronted by Elizabeth Bates. She’s the Weasel’s lawyer and is demanding to see her client. John tries to lie and say that Weasel is sick, something Elizabeth doesn’t buy for a second, but the lie is proven anyway when they look out on the airstrip and see Weasel getting off the osprey. He’s chasing a butterfly. Flag disembarks and tells the Bride that, while she wasn’t exactly the best soldier he’s ever worked with, he thought she did a good job and hopes that she’ll consider working with him again if they need another Taskforce M field op. The Bride scoffs and says she didn’t think she had a choice, but smiles a little bit, so I think she’s not completely against the idea. She looks over towards the fences and sees a blonde man staring at her.

 

We then cut to a pair of binoculars and learn that someone else is staring at the Bride. Eric has arrived and bribed a helicopter crew to get him in the air. He sees the Bride smiling at Flag and immediately assumes that that smile means she’s in love with him. Note to any insecure guys, a lady can smile at a fella for any number of reasons, attraction does not have to factor into it. The lieutenant he’s with tells Eric who Flag is. Eric seems to fixate on the fact that Flag has a beard, something that he’s incapable of growing. The lieutenant is clearly weirded out by this but tries to play nonchalant as he suggest they land and he be on his way. Eric goes into a violent rage, grabbing the lieutenant and strangling him for, he thinks, thinking that Eric is some sort of giant man-baby for his inability to grow facial hair. The pilot tries to see what’s going on back there but Eric shrieks at him to mind his own business.

 

Elizabeth marches out to the field and calls out to the Weasel, who she calls John. She throws him a treat and demands to know where Flag took her client. The two have an argument about the Weasel, Elizabeth insisting on calling him John (John Doe) as they don’t have a better name for him and it sounds less demeaning than the Weasel. Flag brings up the whole 27 counts of murder of children, but Elizabeth insists that her client is innocent.  Weasel has a flashback to his arrest; we see a burning school and some cops looking inside to see a giant monster dragging a child’s body in its teeth. They open fire on Weasel, and the flashback ends. Elizabeth says that Weasel is innocent, that he was unfairly convicted, and the body count was actually 8. Like… 8 dead kids isn’t a good situation, but it’s better than 27 I suppose. Flag is clearly fed up with talking to her already and tells her to take the Weasel.  

 

Erik crashes his copter and snaps the neck of the pilot as he does. He steals a pen from the body and writes Rick Flag on his palm before marching off.

 

We cut to the interrogation room. Circe, looking like she’d just lost a fight with a blender and stove, is brought in with her hands contained in heavy duty manacles. Flag, Amanda Waller, and John begin the interrogation. After establishing that Circe isn’t able to cast spells without her hands free and that she thinks Supervillain costumes are overly sexualized, Waller demands to know what she was doing in Pokolistan. Circe says she was trying to save their worthless lives. Circe claims she was trying to kill Ilana to stop her from ending the world. Flag isn’t buying it, and neither does Waller, who points out Circe’s resume is filled with murder and assault charges. Circe says that she can show Waller what she’s talking about. John earns his paycheck by listing off Circe’s powers, saying that she can’t cast spells without her hands, but she is possibly clairvoyant and she can possibly use that power without her hands. Flag tells Waller not to do it.

 

With Weasel, Elizabeth lays out the photos of the kids Weasel is accused of murdering. She wants to see if the photos might provoke a reaction out of him. Weasel, who is busy licking himself, doesn’t seem interested. She draws his attention to the photos and triggers another flashback. Weasel was watching the kids playing at the playground at school. They see him, think he’s a neat animal and feed him to draw him out into the open. In the present, Weasel looks like he’s tearing up for a moment, but then eats one of the photos. The guards come in and take him away, as their time is up. Elizabeth swears she’ll figure this out.

 

Back in the interrogation room, everyone is one edge. Flag has a hand on his gun and is ready to draw. Circe asks if she’s ready. Waller has just enough time to ask “ready for wha-” before being pulled into a vision. She’s shown Ilana Rostovick leading an army of her power armored soldiers in a war that spreads across the globe. It looks like at some point she partners with Gorilla Grodd and fully overthrows the United States. We see plenty of iconic heroes dead and strung up, including but not limited to the Big Three (Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman) as well as Hawkman, Starfire, and Peacemaker. The connection ends and Waller drops to the ground, screaming. Circe is also tearing up, which I think lends credibility to the vision. Waller joins the other two and admits that it felt… legitimate.

 

They call in Professor Aisla MacPherson. She is a specialist on Themyscira and it’s history. Flag is skeptical of the formerly mythical island nation but MacPherson and John both say everything about the island is legit. MacPherson says that ten years ago Circe predicted a tsunami would hit the island. Some sisters heeded her warning and got off it, others didn’t and the ones that didn’t drowned within the hour of Circe’s prediction. She says that since Circe has been less… altruistic with her powers. Waller asks how they can be sure that the vision forced on her wasn’t another less than altruistic moment. MacPherson says that Circe can’t make visions, she can only see them. Flag still doesn’t believe it. He tries to get Waller to not act, but Waller barely listens to him as she orders John to get the Creature Commandos ready and to contact the Pokolistan Embassy to get them clearance. Flag tries to go to bat for Ilana, but Waller says that bumping uglies with someone doesn’t give you full insight into their character. Flag tries to deny it, but Waller clearly already knows. He refuses to help with this and storms off. When John asks her what to do, she tells him to get a new team leader, one “who’s less whiny, little bitch, and more just bitch.” Oscar, BAFTA, Emmy, Golden Globe, and Grammy award nominated and winner Viola Davis everyone.

 

We cut to the Bride and Phosphorous in the mess hall. Phosphorous seems to be trying to keep a friendship with the Bride, but the Bride isn’t exactly enthused by it. Their attention is drawn to some inmates trying to steal Nina’s food. The Bride confronts the giant ape creature that took Nina’s food and then kills him when he tries to brush past her. Don’t disrespect the Bride or her team. Weasel then shows up and starts licking the food off the floor. Phosphoros steals the food from ape man’s friend and gives it to Nina, saying everyone is happy… except the dead ape man. And his buddy. John comes in and tells the Commandos are heading back to Pokolistan.

 

Flag drives from the base and tries to warn the Princess what is coming. Dude must be smitten if he’s willing to commit treason for her. Unfortunately, the agent he’s talking to doesn’t speak English and tells him to call back. Flag pulls up to his house, and gets to the door when Eric rams a stolen car into Flag’s tree just as he leaps out and attacks him. They smash up his house as they wrestle, but Flag gets on his back and points his gun at Eric’s eye to get him to stop. They have a slightly tense time playing the pronoun game as they try to figure out what she either of them are referring to before Flag realizes that Eric is talking about The Bride. He says that she’s not his type, and Eric angrily stops as he says she’s everyone’s type. He says that Flag is also everyone’s type. Flag thanks him for the weird compliment and asks if he can get off Eric’s back and they can talk. Eric lets him down, and Flag offers him coffee, and Eric asks for tea.

 

He fills Eric on what happened and Eric agrees that Flag can’t let the princess be killed when they have this great love for each other. Flag isn’t sure it’s exactly love, but he knows she’s not the monster Circe claims. It’s clear that Eric doesn’t completely understand the world around him as he keeps comparing things to romantic movies, and claims that he and the Bride are meant to be together but aren’t. Like in When Harry Met Sally. Flag is clearly weirded out by this but suggests that maybe they could help each other. Eric declares that they’re best friends.

 

On the flight on the osprey back to Pokolistan, Nina asks the Bride why she helped her. The Bride shrugs and says she owed Nina for almost getting her killed. Nina says she doesn’t think they’re exactly even, as getting gross food back isn’t comparable to near death, but they both laugh at that comment so they’re clearly in a better place. The Bride tells Nina they’re headed back to Pokolistan to kill Ilana, and they’re not allowed to know why. Nina asks if she’s going to kill the Princess, and The Bride says that “one less human, leaves more room for monsters to roam.”

 

We flashback to when Weasel was playing with the school kids. Everyone is clearly having a fun time. A stray ball pushes open the door to the school. A mushroom hunter walks by and sees Weasel aggressively chomping at a ball and then all the kids and Weasel rushing inside to do pranks in the school and assumes the worst. Can’t exactly blame him with how thick Weasel’s chompers are. The hunter runs back to his shack and grabs his gun as he calls for the police. The kids and Weasel end up in the basement, playing with some matches, and a liquor bottle they found in one of the desks. In a lot of things going wrong at once, the bottle breaks as a match light up some paper, the hunter comes down with his gun and assumes the playing Weasel is attacking the kids. He shoots at Weasel, missing and causing the generator to leak fluid. Weasel leaps to try to save the kids but then the generator explodes. Weasel sees the blonde girl is still alive and tries to save her, but the cops see him dragging a kid by the collar of her shirt, assume the worst and shoot at them. He tries to escape with the girl, but is shot several times by the cop. He rushes to try to get her out, but the cops hit him several times, causing him to drop the girl and she’s buried in burning rubble. He sobs as they drag him away, clawing feebly to try to get back to the little girl. In the present, Nina asks what he’s dreaming about and the Bride says, “probably just chasing squirrels.”

 

If you had told me back in 2021 when The Suicide Squad came out that I’d be tearing up at the backstory of the freaking Weasel, I’d have called you a liar. But that was truly a tragic string of circumstances that lead to all that death. And like… the reactions were all largely reasonable… except for maybe the cops opening fire on a creature with a child in its jaws. I know, monster with kid, shoot at monster, but maybe not until you can try to get the kid away. I can’t even really blame the mushroom hunter for calling them, as again, Weasel’s got those razor-sharp teeth and fangs. Thinking he’s a monster seems reasonable, until you’re with him for five minutes and realize he’s only as aggressive like… a wolfhound. Could they screw some stuff up? Absolutely, but so long as you don’t piss them off, they just want belly rubs and ear scritches. I do like that he’s got a lawyer that’s trying to help him. Is Elizabeth going to be able to, as ‘John Doe’ is somewhere between an intelligent animal and a mentally handicapped man? It doesn’t look good, but it’s good that someone is trying. The present plot is interesting… just because it does feel like Flag is giving up a lot to protect someone he’s known for like a day and a half. Sure, ya, they boned, but as Waller said, that doesn’t really give you all there is to know about a person. Him and Eric teaming up should be interesting. I laughed out loud when Eric called him a DILFy Piece of Shit. The vision Circe had was interesting… and full of fun Easter Eggs. Does it seem odd that a princess of a backwater country leading an army powerful enough to end multiple super humans that include freaking Superman seem unlikely? Ya… but there’s magic in this universe, anything is possible. I do hope we hear more about how this plan might be carried out, if it turns out to be true. But we’ll have to wait and see tomorrow. Have a good night, everyone. 

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Bluesky: @basicssuperhero.bsky.social