My Two Cents: Flavors of Kryptonite

It does more then make Superman want to barf, who knew?

Let’s talk about one of the biggest crutches in comic book history, Kryptonite. Sorry, that’s a little harsh, but honestly, the glowing green rock is used rather liberally to make the invincible Superman all too vulnerable. It exists today mostly to make it seem less insane for guys like Lex Luthor, Ruin and occasionally Batman to face off against the big blue boy scout and not be killed instantly since he’s literally invincible otherwise. But that’s not the only function of the final remains of long dead Krypton. The history and varieties of this unusual alien mineral is a bit stranger then you might imagine. Let’s get to it.

If it also didn't give humans radiation poisoning
and tumors, it'd be a great holiday gift.

To start off with, I figured I should mention the rather odd place that Kryptonite came from. The glowing green rock from Krypton didn’t originate in the comics, but instead on a radio show. Yeah, back in the day Superman was part of a highly successful radio show that some postulate was as popular if not more so then the comic book incarnation. The series was called “The Adventures of Superman,” and was introduced it in 1943. Superman was only about five years old at the time, so the radio show was probably all but encouraged to make stuff up as they went. The story goes that Kryptonite was developed specifically to, or at least in part to, allow Superman’s voice actor, Bud Collyer, to get a little time off. See, a radio show can take hours to record even only a half hour of usable content, which can get pretty demanding on a main character. I’ve done a little voice work with the guys of Redshift on Fancy Pantsgangsters online, and I know for a fact that it often takes upwards of 2 and half or more hours of recording time to get a half hour of useable content. Editing is a pain in the ass, apparently. The idea was that Superman would be weakened by the rock, and then the could get someone who sounded vaguely like Collyer to groan and moan. This would allow the series to continue recording a few episodes of content, while allow their star some much needed r and r to keep him at tip top shape. A surprisingly simple, but elegant solution to the problem. Kryptonite must have really worked in the radio show, as the mineral was introduced into the comics six years later and became the modern Achilles Heel.

Hey, Clark, it's a really bad idea to tell anyone
about the rocks that can kill you, buddy!

In the DC Universe, Kryptonite is shown to be an irradiated fragment of Superman’s homeworld of Krypton. The surviving pieces of Krypton turned into glowing green crystals that saps a Kryptonian of their super strength and makes them physically ill so long as they’re in its presence. Long term exposure causes a Kryptonian’s blood to turn green and for their complexion to shift to that color as well. While it doesn’t affect a Kryptonian’s other powers, the physical illness and pain largely makes it impossible for them to, say, use their freezing breath to coat it in ice or something. The effects of Kryptonite can be reduced, albeit only slightly, if a Kryptonian takes in a huge amount of Sunlight. And the effects can be blocked entirely if placed in a lead container. As the most common form of the stone, I don’t think Superman has had a series without the glowing rocks popping up in one form or another since it’s creation. While this is the most common and arguably dangerous form of Kryptonite, it does come in other flavors.

The second most common form of Kryptonite is the Red variety. Which is somewhat fitting, as Kryptonite was originally started off as red before being reimagined as it’s signature green color. Red Kryptonite doesn’t affect Kryptonian powers, but their minds. Kryptonians exposed to Red-K will start behaving bizarrely and impulsively. The best description I’ve seen is that it makes them act drunk. They’ll lash out with extreme aggression for little to no reason, and just generally be a jerk. The effects are temporary, ceasing the moment a Kryptonian is taken out of its range. It’s been mostly used in series like Smallville or Batman: The Brave and The Bold, to turn the pillar of morality that is Superman into a legitimate foe for some of his allies, without having to do something too extreme like murdering Lois Lane.

They really did talk funny in the early days.

Another flavor is Blue Kryptonite. The effects of this one varies from series to series. In the main comic continuity, it has no effect on Superman or other Kryptonians. Instead, it works as an antidote for Red-K. Guess it’s working on that old opposite ends of the color spectrum canceling each other out idea.  It does, however, have the same effect as Green Kryptonite on the imperfect Superman clone Bizarro and those like him. IE, strength reduction, physical pain and illness. So, you want to bring this stuff to a crazy Superman, but keep it from a calm Bizarro. At least in this continuity. In the long running series Smallville, Blue Kryptonite instead painlessly strips a Kryptonian of their powers, rendering them more or less human. It’s used on a few occasions for Clark to play human, to destroy their Bizarro by supercharging him to beyond what his body could handle, and to strip a group of clones from the Kryptonian city of Kandor of their powers. While it was rather different from the main continuity, the powerless Clark’s adventures and their version of the Kandorians make up some of my favorite episodes, so I’ll let it slide.

The last variety I’ll touch upon is Black Kryptonite. This rather new variation of the glowing green rock (it was only introduced in 2005), has probably the strangest effect. When exposed, a Kryptonian will be split into two entities, one good and one evil. The two individuals have the same memories and powers of the original individual, and will be rejoined if exposed to more Black-K. In the Smallville season 4 premier, a small of Black-K was used to split Clark’s mind. This allowed the original Clark to suppress and reestablish control over Kal, a personality the AI version of his father Jor-El had implanted inside him. It was later used on the Kryptonian supermonster Doomsday to split the monster from it’s human side, Davis Bloom. The results were less then satisfying, as in this instance both sides kept about the same level of evil and the human half of the equation murdered Clark’s friend and ally Henry James Olsen. While this is one of the stranger flavors of Kryptonite, it is kind of a nod to older Superman stories.

Considering we see in another episode that Black Kryptonite
does work on and split humans up too, are we supposed to
assume Martha Kent is pure good to not be effected?

From what I’ve read in my research there was a time when there was a plethora of Kryptonite variants with unusual properties. These included but are not limited to Red-Green Kryptonite, an alloy that mutated and disfigured Superman; Red-Green-Blue Kryptonite, that split Superman’s head into a Red and Blue variety both with increased intelligence; Jewel Kryptonite, a form of Kryptonite from Krypton’s Jewel mountain that can give Kryptonians Astral Projection powers, and Magno-Kryptonite, a variant on the glowing rocks that magnetically attracts objects from Krypton. Apparently in the 70s and early 80s there was something of a trend of writing really weird and/or non-canon stories that often turned out to be either dreams or one offs. The unique flavors of Kryptonite were mostly used in those. This changed during the Crisis on Infinite Earths Storyline where one effect of multiple versions of DC’s Earth getting smooshed together had most of the more exotic Kryptonites turned into K-Iron. It’s basically just exotic bits of soil, metal, and crystal at that point. The Green variety remained, though, as well as the ones I’ve listed here, which are typically made by intentional or accidental tinkering with the common green variety.

I think Kryptonite holds kind of an odd, but useful place in the history of superheroes. Yes, the fact that Superman is so super powerful that they had to invent a substance to make him weaker so his all too human enemies stood a chance is kind of hilarious. But, at the same time it was something that got the ball rolling on heroes with limits and flaws. But back before the introduction of Kryptonite, heroes didn’t really have weaknesses per say. Stories back in the early days could largely be summed up as “dastardly villain steals or threatens something, Superman super jumps in, defeats them and super jumps away.” But as time went on and people wanted to see their heroes in more peril instead of being the auto-win option, they had to start introducing things like weakness, starting with glowing green rocks, but over time adding more realistic weaknesses. Sure, Iron Man’s alcoholism and weakness for redheads isn’t as crippling as Superman’s radiation sickness, but it’s kept him from having out and out victories on several occasions. And then there’s always Peter Parker’s greatest weakness, Rent. Am I reaching a bit to connect the realistic vices of modern heroes to the Kryptonite of the original man of steel? Maybe. But the connection does seem there. That and I’m highly entertained by the thought that the imperfect, flawed heroes of today can trace their origin back to a glowing Achilles heel that may or may not have been invented to give a voice actor a day or two off.

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Doing It Better: Angel's Story Arc

Let's see if we can give Angel the credit he's due.

It’s been a while since I’ve done a Doing It Better post. I think I should change that. And I’ve had an idea stuck in my craw for a few days now that I wanted to talk… er… type out and see what happens. But, instead of a single movie that I rework, I thought I’d try reworking a single character’s story arc… or lack there of in this case. I’m talking about Warren Worthington III, or Angel as he’s sometimes known. For this, I’m going to add him into the X-Men: First Class time line and see if we can’t make his death in X-Men Apocalypse have a bit more weight then the “Oh, that bird guy died,” situation we were given in the final product. Just to be clear, I’m completely ignoring the little better then a cameo part he had in The Last Stand. Why? Because one of the most visually iconic and a founding X-Men deserves better, that’s why. I’m going to assume that you’ve seen the movies, and just focus on the scenes that Angel would be included in.

Part One: Icarus in Flight

...
Subtle.

For this, we’re going to insert Warren into the plot and dropping Sean Cassidy aka Banshee. I’m doing this because having two guys whose primary skill is flight is a little redundant, Sean was a minor character at best, and that the version we’re given here bears little resemblance to the Sean of the source material. Seriously, why is the famously Irish Mutant an American in this version? Because somebody somewhere wants all of the X-Men to be from the US of A, I guess… grumble.  So yeah, Sean out, Warren in. I’m keeping Angel Santiago as she ends up changing teams anyway.

For his introduction in First Class, I imagine it’d be something like, Xavier and Magneto tracked down Warren to a lavish party being thrown at his New York Penthouse. On the way up the two Mutants discuss how insane it is that someone as wealthy as one of the Worthington’s is actually a Mutant. Once inside, they track Warren down and try to get him to talk. He blows them of twice before Magneto, clearly annoyed, uses his mastery of Magnetism to pull Warren’s expensive watch from his wrist. A visually disturbed Warren pulls them into a private room. He’ll do the usual “Oh my god, I didn’t know if there was anyone else like me,” and then take off his unusually heavy coat to show off his impressive bird wings. After that, they’ll take him to the compound in DC.

During that little party the Mutants have while at the Division X facility, he’d explain the bird wings, and that he’s got the sharpened senses of a bird of prey, as well as a bird-like metabolism. He and Angel Salvidor would have a disagreement about which of them should get to call themselves Angel. I’d argue that, while Angel’s name is in fact Angel, Warren kind of matches the term a little better, no? They’d get interrupted before coming to a decision.

Things would more or less remain the same through Sebastian Shaw attacked the Division X base. He’d cause rampant destruction, kill most of the guy’s there and finally murder Darwin in front of the others. Warren would side with Charles and the X-Men, and continue on when the group relocates to the Xavier Mansion. He’d be included during the week training montage, I imagine he’d be doing something to increase his speed in the air and or the dexterity of his wings. Something like him punching a sand bag a few times with his fists before swapping over to slapping it with his wings. They could work some humor out of that. I’d include a scene or two of him bonding with Beast especially, as the two would be the only Original X-Men on the cast. Maybe make him be the first person to reassure him after Beast’s little experiment turns him all blue and hairy.

Jump ahead even further to the final battle, and Angel will more or less completely take over Banshee’s role in the film. They could use his super-human sight or rig up some sort of sonic pulse device to cover Banshee’s scream. What? Hank McCoy is on that Blackbird, he’s someone that I think could out MacGyver MacGyver.  As the… Hellfire Club, I guess, join the fight, he and Salvidor can have an aerial battle as they dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge around each other before he knocks her into the water as she acid blasts one of his wings. What? I think stalemates are more fun then out and out wins and losses. He’d rejoin the X-Men and the credits would roll.

Part Two: Icarus Falls  

Shame this isn't what we got, even if it had been
the fourth blue character in this film.

Angel would have a minor but significant role in Days of Future Past. He’d be absent from the far future part of the film, only popping up with a mentally time traveling Logan hits up the X-Mansion. Like Hank, he’d be living at the mansion and helping keep things afloat. As wealthy as the Xaviers are, you really can’t have too much money funding a private school for Gifted Youngsters, or what’s left of one. I’d also add that in the intervening years that Hank had discovered the healing properties of Warren’s blood and that he used it in his cocktail for keeping Charles’ legs working and his blue hair suppression medicine.

He’d join the group as they picked up Pietro, yes I’m still refusing to call him Peter, and spring Magneto from his prison cell. He’d probably make a few snide comments about Magneto’s accommodations, and like Hank, ask Wolverine about what happens to him in the future. Like with Hank, I think Wolverine would confirm his death but also be rather vague about it. Cause that’s just the sort of guy he is.

I’d include a scene of Hank and Warren bonding while the group is flying towards DC. It’d be something simple like sharing a drink and toasting to making a brighter future. Maybe include some jabs in about how pissed Alex is going to be when he finds out he missed a time travel adventure.

He’d largely be a background character again until the final battle at Magneto’s attempt on Trask’s life. He’d try to grab Trask and fly out the area, only to have Magneto point a Sentinel at him, and have the machine do something to cripple Angel. Either with bullets, rockets or a flamethrower. Something to destroy his wings. Angel would crash, sobbing in the dirt. Magneto would step over Warren to go after Trask, with a grim “I’m sorry, brother,” to his former ally. Things would continue as in the film, with Wolverine getting waterlogged and captured by Weapon X, the X-Men stopping Magneto and Trask, and the timeline changing for the better. The only downside being Charles sitting in with Warren as he is told that they can’t save his wings, and that his own healing factor won’t be enough to recover them. The scene would end with Warren’s pain riddled sobs of agony.

Part Three: What would you give to Fly again?

What would you give to Fly again?

Apocalypse would work very similarly to how it did in the real film, but with Angel getting a larger role. Like in the original, Mystique would arrive at the underground Mutant fighting ring, saving Nightcrawler for a life of gladiatorial combat. Warren would be there, too, doing his best to fight with his still clearly crippled wings. I’m thinking that at least one would be nearly gone and the other would be incredibly burned. He’d be a drunken, belligerent mess, lashing out at everyone that gets too close to him. Mystique would have a briefer interaction with him, asking him “What happened to you?” when she sees him. He’d snap something along the lines of “You and your bastard boyfriend!” before stumbling off.

Things continue as is, with Apocalypse waking up and recruiting Storm as the first of his new Horsemen, and the weirdly age swapped Alex Summers bringing Scott to the X-Mansion for training. Yes, I’m still weirded out that they made Alex the original X-Man and made Scott his younger brother. It was odd. Just before the Summers meet Charles, I’d include a short interaction between Hank and Charles. They’d be talking about Warren and if either had any luck on helping him. By Charles getting him to come back and talk, or Hank figuring out a way to restore Warren’s wings. Obviously, they would have no success, and Hank would look incredibly distressed that they might lose his friend forever.

Apocalypse would then track down Psylocke. Unlike in the film, Warren would be with her and Caliban, looking to get paid for the fight that got interrupted. Not sure where I’d work this in, but I’d include some indicator that Warren had blown most of his inheritance on treatments for his wings. Psylocke would be recruited, but just before leaving, a barely sober Warren would laugh at Apocalypse. The demi-god would force him to talk, with the half crazed former rich boy mocking Apocalypse and informing him that whatever plans he has will be stopped by the X-Men. Apocalypse, intrigued by the X-Men, would interrogate Warren on the group, and learning the who’s who about the current and former members. Warren would start sobbing about not being able to fight with his friends, at not being a real X-Man anymore in his own eyes. Seeing ‘great potential’ in Warren, and knowing how much of a boon it would be to have a former X-Man at his side, Apocalypse would offer Warren a deal, his loyalty for a new set of wings. Warren, without hesitation agrees. He’d restore Warren’s wings, and create Archangel.

Flash over to Magneto in Poland, after he’d killed the militia that murdered his family, Warren would fly in and start fighting him. The two would be reasonably evenly matched, with the newly christened Archangel proving stronger as his metal wings are non-magnetic, and the feathers are dripping with neurotoxin. Warren would give one extra sucker punch to Eric’s face and tell him that he’s lucky Apocalypse wants to see Magneto. He’d then bring a barely coherent Magneto to Apocalypse. Movie would continue on the same course, with Magneto destroying the ruins of Auschwitz, Apocalypse using his powers to force the launching of nuclear missiles into space and capturing Charles, and Pietro arriving just in time to superspeed the students from an exploding X-Mansion, but being too slow to save Alex Summers.

While being held hostage by Apocalypse and his Horsemen, Charles would make pleas to Warren and Magneto to help him stop Apocalypse, only to find his former student too consumed by barely suppressed fury to listen and Magneto unable to help. After that interaction, Magneto would ask Warren why he’s doing this. Warren would snap at Magneto and tell his former teammate to screw off. More things unfold like in the movie, Charles last desperate plea to get aid from Jean and the other X-Men, Magneto using his enhanced powers to alter the magnetic field and Apocalypse prepping to transfer to Charles’ body, gaining telepathy strong enough for him to mind control the whole of the Earth.

 The X-Men would arrive and do battle with Psylocke, Storm and Archangel. As the fighting continues, it’d end up being Warren vs. Hank. The two would fight, the whole while Hank trying to reach his friend. Lots of “you don’t know me anymore” from Warren and lots of “What has your anger cost you?” from Hank. Hank would ask Warren why, and he’d start screaming. He’d shriek about the futility of Charles’ dreams, about having his life stolen by hatred, and how Apocalypse world would be one without pain and suffering. Hank would ask something along the lines of, “So because you got hurt, the whole world has to burn?” and let Warren know that he and Charles never stopped trying to find a way to get him his wings back. We’d cut away before the fight resolves.

Yeah, the Metal Wings definitely have a few perks.

Things continue forward, with Pietro getting Magneto to switch teams and Storm joining the X-Men and the multi-wave attack on Apocalypse. He’d fend them all off for a while, rallying when he see’s his bird of prey swoop down to stand beside him. He’d tell Archangel to finish off his enemy, meaning Magneto, as his prize for being a loyal servant. He’d instead stab Apocalypse through with his bladed-wings. Archangel would give Xavier a fair well nod and a psychic call of Do It! Before being obliterated along side Apocalypse. We’d end on a memorial wall, with Alex Summers and Warren Worthington III being added to it. We’d then cut to the new generation of X-Men and they’d roll credits.

Was it the best rewrite to give Angel more love? No, but I think I added enough of him in that the Angel in the X-Men films would be more worthy of the character from the comics. One of the biggest flaws of the X-Men films, in my opinion, is a habit of zeroing in on specific characters, Wolverine in the classic films; Mystique, Xavier and Magneto in the semi-reboot and only giving the tiniest head nudges to the other legacy characters. I don’t think anyone wanted Archangel in Apocalypse just to see Archangel. We wanted to see Warren Worthington III, the good but flawed man that sold his soul to the devil to get back the thing he wanted most and though of as the thing that made him special. We want to see him fall from grace, but also to see him find a way to stumble back onto his feet. Or at least I wanted to. I hope some day to see Warren in something that covers his full arc, from X-Man to Horseman and back again, but sadly it looks like it’ll be quite a bit longer. But who knows? Since Disney got Fox, we might start seeing X-Men cartoons again and Warren can get another bite at the apple. Here’s hoping. 

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Review: Captain Marvel

Captain Carol Danvers comes to kick ass and take names.

Say what you like about the movie, but
she looks great in that costume.

Captain Marvel has some pretty big shoes to fill, being that she is one of Marvel’s most powerful characters and being that she was the focus of the end credit scene of Avengers: Infinity War. For those who might not remember, as the vast populations of New York was disintegrating following Thanos’ snap, Director Fury’s final action was to pull out an old but fancy looking pager with Captain Marvel’s emblem on it. We had a lot of questions following this scene, such as when did Fury meet the Captain, where was she during all of the insanity of the last few years, why did he need a pager to summon her? All of these questions and more will be answered in the course of this film. Let’s get to it.

We open to Carol… I mean, Vers, having a nightmare. She dreams of being in some kind of fire fight with a few hazy individuals. She awakes and we see a day in her life. She’s a Kree soldier, part of their elite Starforce. She trains with her commander, Yon-Rogg, both in combat and in controlling her emotions, which is a big deal with the Kree. After a meeting with the Supreme Intelligence, the AI master of the Kree, she’s put on her first mission after waking up on Hala, the Kree homeworld, six years ago.

Vers and her team are dispatched to a Kree border world to retrieve a spy they’d had on the surface. He’d been discovered by a group of Skrull and activated his distress beacon. The Skrull are a race of shapeshifting aliens that the Kree have been at war with for centuries. These aliens are particularly dangerous as they can assume the form of other beings down to their DNA and can even scan and utilize their targets most recent memories. The Starforce’s main job is hunting Skrull infiltrators and wiping them out.

I'd have really liked even a throwaway line as to why some
Kree are blue, and some are standard human colors.

Planet side, the Kree are ambushed by dozens of Skrull as they track down their spy. Vers is separated from her team and is captured by the Skrull leader, Talos. Vers is put into a device that scans her subconscious memories. Which is impressive considering she had complete amnesia. They focus in on a woman from her past, interestingly this woman is the person that the Supreme Intelligence assumes the form of when Vers visits it, and a set of coordinates. Vers breaks free, beats the crap out of the Skrull and escapes as their ship crashes. She makes a not so graceful landing in the middle of a Blockbuster video. Yep, she was taken to Earth… specifically LA… in the mid-90s! Oh no!!!!!!

Vers is able to get a message out to Yon-Rogg and her team, who tell her to stay still and lie low. She also asks Yon-Rogg if she’d ever been to Earth before, which Yonny fervently denies. Laying low is made somewhat difficult with the arrival of Director… (sorry, forgot, 90s,) Agent Fury and rookie Agent Coulson. They attempt to interrogate the Alien soldier but their interview is cut short by a Skrull sniper. Vers chases after the shooter, but loses him. Vers was able to recover a crystal the Skrull was carrying that has most of her recovered memories on it.  Fury, who’d been following on the street, does kill another Skrull that had assumed Coulson’s shape. He shows it to his boss, Director Keller. They’re shocked to see this obvious alien. Keller tells Fury to meet Vers and try to work with her. After Fury leaves, Keller puts his head to the dead alien and says a little prayer over him. Yeah, Keller has been replaced by Talos.

Your first mistake was letting her regain consciousness.

Fury tracks Vers, who’d stolen some grunge clothes and a motorcycle, to a bar that she’d seen in the crystal. They interrogate each other, where we learn a little about Fury’s history (former Colonel turned spy turned SHIELD desk jockey, can’t eat toast sliced diagonally) and that Skrull can’t copy powers, or so Vers claims after she photon blasts a Jukebox. Fury agrees to help Vers find the woman, someone that Vers identifies as Lawson.

They use some info they’d scrounged up, and Fury’s security clearance, they break into Pegasus, a secret military base that Lawson worked in. They sneak into records and discover a few things. That the woman is Dr. Wendy Lawson, she is very dead, and she was a Kree. Some of her research was in Kree, which is how they found out. Lawson and a pilot, <redacted>, were killed in a test flight of her experimental lightspeed craft.  Vers also recognizes another pilot woman from her recovered memories named Maria Rambeau, and herself, in one of the photos. The plot thickens.

Fury called in some SHIELD Agents to help him capture and bring in Vers, but quickly discovers that Keller is a Skrull. He used info about Skrull not being able to access older memories and uses an inaccurate anecdote from their past to confirm it. Keller sends SHIELD agents after them, but they’re able to slip by thanks to Coulson trusting Fury over his orders. Fury and Vers escape using a Quadjet, a prototype to the modern Quinjets. They look up Maria who is living in Louisiana with her daughter.

Maria and her daughter, Monica, are shocked to see her. Why? Because they knew Vers as Carol Danvers, a former pilot, and Maria’s best friend. Vers… er Carol reconnects almost instantly with Maria and Monica, the younger Rambeau not questioning at all how her supposedly dead Auntie is back again. Their reunion is interrupted by Talos, who’d tracked them down. He explains the situation. Turns out, the Kree have been executing a genocidal campaign against the Skrull. The aliens have been running from planet to planet trying to hide from them following the destruction of their homeworld. More shockingly, Talos claims that Larson (in actuality a Kree named Mar-Vell) betrayed the Kree and was helping the Skrull. As proof, Talos reveals that he had the blackbox from Lawson’s downed plane. They play it for Carol, which helps her to reclaim her memories. Turns out, after flying towards Lawson’s ship, they were shot down by a Kree fighter. Lawson was morally wounded in the crash but asks Carol to guard her research. Carol comes face to face with Yon-Rogg, the leader of the Kree assault team. Carol shoots the core of the ship, destroying it and infusing her with its energy. She was then taken to Hala, had a control disk implanted on her neck and the rest is history. Back in the present, Carol, Fury and Maria agree to help the Skrull get to Mar-Vell’s ship and get them to a new home. Just in time for Yon-Rogg and his team, along with Ronan the Accuser to arrive. Woo.

Dark Phoenix, eat your heart out.

So, the good first. Brie Larson is great as the good captain. She’s charismatic, likeable and yet damaged in a way that is fun to watch. She and Samuel L. Jackson had a great chemistry to them, it was an excellent buddy cop vibe between them. The effects were phenomenal, that includes Carol’s energy blasts, the advanced Kree weapons, and the de-aging effects on Samuel L. Jackson. Seriously, there were parts where I couldn’t tell that they used CGI on his face. I liked the way that they shot Carol’s various remembrances/dream sequences. They were just disjointed and weird enough to seem like actual dreams at times. The jokes were also on point, particularly with the Skrull. When the aliens land and assume human forms for the first time they have a great “We’re wearing the same thing” moment to it.

The bad is minimal. The run time made this a bit of a slog. Not too terrible, mind, there were just a few scenes that needed to be cut down a little. Like the chase between Carol and Talos and Fury, it just ran on a little too long. A lot of stuff was also thrown at us at once. We not only had to learn a bunch of things about Kree culture and Hala, but then more about Skrulls and the war with the Kree, and then readjust to 90s LA once Carol gets there. And that’s all in the first act! Because of it, certain awesome things about all the different elements are glossed over. Like the Supreme Intelligence, a computerized amalgamation of all of the Kree’s greatest minds is kind of just shoehorned in at the beginning and ending. We also don’t get much info on the Kree-Skrull war, other than the Kree are trying to wipe out the Skrull for reasons, and the Skrull just want to be left alone. Not much to go on there. And there were the usual errors that always seem to pop up with prequel movies. Like we’re expected to believe that Nick didn’t see any superhumans between 1995 and 2008? Seriously? Also, if it bugs you that some Kree like Yon-Rogg and Mar-Vell look European, while most other Kree are blue… too bad, never explained.

Here’s a third category I’ll be touch briefly on. These are elements I don’t think are particularly good or bad, just things I noticed. I’ll start with an obvious one. They gender-swapped Mar-Vell. In the comics, the alien spy turned superhero Mar-Vell had the civilian identity of Dr. Walter Lawson, and was the on-again-off-again lover of Carol Danvers for several years. I kind of liked this change, as it turned Mar-Vell into more of a mentor character and largely removed any sort of romantic entanglements from the film. Which I think was the right call, this thing would have been 2 and ½ or even three hours long if we had to work a romantic subplot in. And I’d say this gender-swapping thing worked better here then, say, in Dr. Strange, due in part to the fact they turned a white man into a white woman instead of an Asian man into a white woman. Just saying. I’m also not sure how I feel about shifting the Skrull completely from villains to victims. This is kind of fitting, as in the comics, The Skrull only became a militaristic intergalactic power after they met the Kree. The blue aliens turned a race of space merchants into conquerors by necessity. Changing them into 100% victims means either the Skrull are going to have a massive ideological shift somewhere over the lasts thirty years in order to commence with the Secret Invasion or other Skrull related story lines, or we're not going to be seeing the Skrull again.. The ideological shift isn't impossible, but it’d make the heel-face turn of Talos and his ilk seem pointless.

Overall, I’m giving this one a B+. It’s not the perfect film, but it’s a good Marvel movie. They had a lot of things that they needed to do in a short amount of time, and while it was clunky in places overall it was a fun ride. I think that Brie Larson’s Carol will be an excellent addition to the Avengers roster and will be invaluable in the fight against Thanos. I will say that I understand that this movie isn’t for everyone and you have every right to not like it, from an artistic standpoint. But, if your big issue was the fact that Brie is a bad ass woman, I think the movie had an excellent answer to the trolls. Stop reading now if you don’t want it spoiled. Have a good day, if you chose to stop early.

Stop it.

No complaining if you kept reading.

Okay, here it goes.

In the films climax, Carol faces off against Yon-Rogg. The Kree pulls out his weaponry, and tries to egg her on. To fight her like he trained her, to show her she’d mastered her emotions and all that. No powers just fist to fist. Carol instead points a hand at Yonny and blasts him into a cliff. She then walks over to him and calmly states, “I have nothing to prove to you.” And that’s very true. She doesn’t have anything to prove to anyone. She’s Carol Danvers, she’s going to kick butt and take names whether anyone approves or not. 

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