I’ll start this post off with a
little personal background info. In school, I sucked at Math. Not worst in the
class, didn’t understand it at all sucked, just, rarely got the correct answer
sucked. I’d learn a formula, or something, seemingly understand it fine, but
when I executed it, I’d forget a key step and thus fail miserably. I imagine
that my math teachers from, I’d say, fifth through twelfth grade all had the
same thought. “He’s trying, but is just not getting it.” And that’s how I feel
about Justice League, it seems like
everyone involved is trying, but somehow just not getting what is needed for a
smash hit. Let’s get to it, shall we?
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| Not shown: Superman The guy that ends up doing 90% of the work. |
We open to a quick montage of
people missing Superman. Since his death, crime has apparently steadily risen,
and a number of smaller time heroes have disappeared. Batman, meanwhile, has
noticed something worse is rising. He runs down some no name thug, and then
dangles him off a roof. Why? To draw out his quarry. Apparently, the fear stink
of the thug is strong enough to draw an insect like monster, a Parademon. After
a quick scuffle, Batman gets it stuck on a chimney, which causes the monster to
self-destruct. Halfway around the world, Diana Prince is forced to stop a
terrorist group from bombing the heck out of local bank. Like Batman, she seems
uneasy about what might be about to happen.
As if on cue, a guarded treasure of
the Amazons began to react. The treasure, a Mother Box, reawakens, and calls
out to it its master, an alien conqueror called Steppenwolf. Steppenwolf
arrives via a Boom Tube, a portal in space time. Steppenwolf plows through the
Amazonians, quickly stealing the Motherbox despite the Amazon’s best efforts.
After gloating to the surviving Amazonians, Steppenwolf escapes through another
Boom Tube. Queen Hippolyta, realizing that the earth is pretty much boned if
Steppenwolf gets what he wants, sends a warning to Diana, via a magic burning arrow.
Realizing the danger, Diana rejoins
Bruce. She explains what they’re facing. Steppenwolf invade Earth thousands of
years ago with his Parademons and three Mother Boxes. The Mother Boxes were
used in a ritual called the Unity, which combined them together and cause a
chain reaction that wipes out all life on the planet. Steppenwolf was pushed
back by an alliance of Amazonians and Greek Gods, Atlanteans, and mankind. They
got a little back up from the local Green Lantern, but Steppenwolf kills him really
quick. Once Steppenwolf and his forces were removed from Earth, the Boxes were
divided amongst Earth’s champions. The Amazons and the Atlanteans kept their
Boxes in guarded chambers, while humans, in classic human fashion, elect to
bury it so no one can have it. Realizing getting the metaphorical band back
together is kind of impossible, getting the all the nations of the human race
together alone is kind of a tall order, the heroes elect to make their own team
and handle things themselves. The two heroes set about recruiting the other
metahumans they’d learned about from Lex Luthor’s files to their team. Bruce
goes for Arthur Curry aka Aquaman, and Barry Allen, aka the Flash. Curry isn’t
interested, not too subtly telling Bruce to piss off, but Barry is open to
saving the day. He, and I quote, “needs more friends.” He and Bruce make it
back to his makeshift Batcave. Diana tries to talk to Victor Stone, aka the
Cyborg, but the young man also isn’t interested in helping. At least, he says
he isn’t, he changes his tune when he learns that his father, Silas, had been
kidnapped by Steppenwolf.
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| Ciaran Hinds, maybe you and Nick Cage just shouldn't do Superhero movies. It just never seems to end well. |
Under da sea, Steppenwolf attacks
Atlantis to get the second box. He defeats the Atlantian guards, but is slowed
down by Aquaman joining the fray. He gets his hands on the box, though, and
teleports away. Aquaman is confronted by Mira, a servant of his late mother,
who convinces him to take action.
In Gotham, the three heroes are
drawn to the top of the Gotham City Police Department, and get intel from
Commissioner James Gordon. He shows them a map of recent missing persons.
They’re all S.T.A.R. Labs employees, but nothing else connects them, nor can
they figure out what the focal point of the attack is coming from. Cyborg joins
them, and is able to pin point that Steppenwolf is hold up under Gotham Harbor.
The team gathers up in Batman’s ride, a vehicle called the Crawler, and travel
through the abandoned facility beneath the Harbor.
Using the Flash’s speed, and the
others firepower, the group is able to save the kidnapped employees.
Unfortunately, Steppenwolf floods the room before using another Boom Tube to
escape. They’d probably all drowned, but Aquaman uses the hole to get into the
facility and uses his water powers to hold the flood back as they escape. After
that, Victor grabs the final Mother Box, which he’d hidden from his father.
Victor explains that his father, in a rather insane attempt to save Victor’s
life, used the Mother Box on him. The energies of the device healed Victor’s
injured body, but also transformed his body into living machinery. Batman
theorizes that, simply, the energies that the Box puts out could revive or heal
just about anyone, but the energies are just too intense for human bodies to
survive. But… what about someone stronger? Someone who’s cells could take
repeated abuse on a colossal scale. Someone who was, in a way, already made of
Steel. Diana and Arthur are against the plan, as they’re worried bringing back
someone from the dead is not only ghoulish, but highly dangerous. They worry that,
Superman may return, but he might leave a little of himself… back where he’d
been resting. Batman assures them that he will have a contingency plan should
Superman return broken.
They exhume Superman’s body from
the Kent family plot, and bring him to the crashed Kryptonian ship. Using the
incubation chamber in the ship, the Mother Box, and an electric jolt from
Barry, Superman is revived. Clark Kent rises, literally, but isn’t completely
there. He’s confused, and…irritable after his nap. He attacks the team,
humiliating the other heroes. He’s stronger then Aquaman and Wonder Woman, more
than durable enough to take Cyborg’s firepower, and can even keep pace with the
Flash at his highest speed. Batman arrives and tries to talk him down, but
Superman only seems to remember that they had had… issues. He nearly
heat-visions Batman to slag, but is stopped by Batman’s contingency, Lois Lane.
Superman calms down, but then flies off with Lois, back to Smallville. While
all that had been going on, Steppenwolf Boom Tubes in and takes the last box
back to base.
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| In retrospect, using minions that mindlessly attack anyone that is afraid is kind of a stupid idea, isn't it? |
Despite being outclassed,
outnumbered, and underprepared, the group track down Steppenwolf and prepare to
attack. He’d set up out in the most rural of Russian villages, beneath a former
nuclear silo. Can the team stop Steppenwolf and save the world? We’ll see.
The good section is short,
unfortunately. The actors are all top tier, I love everyone in their parts,
from Gal Gadot, Henry Cavill, Ben Affleck and the other returning cast, to the
newbies like Ezra Miller, Jason Momoa, J.K. Simmons, and Ray Fisher. Ezra
Miller in particular is phenomenal as the most comedic member of the group,
often breaking up more intense scenes with some levity. There are few scenes
sprinkled throughout the film, bonding moments that are done really well. For
example, Barry and Victor are tasked with getting Clark’s body. They have a
moment, where Barry points out how creepy it is to rob grave Mother Trucking
Superman, and he and Victor bond a little as the least experienced heroes.
There’s also a good moment where Bruce, after getting tossed around by
Superman, is setting his dislocated shoulder. Diana joins him and helps him pop
the bone back into place, and the two have a moment. Some of the effects were
good. I liked the Boom Tubes’ effect, seeing one of the most iconic means of
transport in the DC Universe brought to life was pretty cool.
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| This guy right here is one of the best elements of this movie. |
Now that we’ve gotten the good out
of the way, onto the bad. Most of the effects are terrible. Particularly on Superman. For those who don’t
know, post production of Justice League was
handled by Joss Whedon, who took over for Zack Snyder after Snyder took a leave
of absence following his daughter’s suicide. Whedon completely reworked and
added in several scenes. This called for Henry Cavill to do some reshoots.
Unfortunately, he was working on Mission:
Impossible 6 at the time which called for him to have a scruffy mustache
and beard. Paramount Pictures refused to allow Cavill to shave, as it would put
production of their movie behind. Since Superman doesn’t really do facial hair,
the guys upstairs decided to just digitally remove the hair. The end result is
bad, like really really bad. Like, Grand Moff Tarkin’s CGI face in Rogue One bad. It’s just… unnatural. Same goes for the
motion capture effects used to turn actor Ciaran Hinds into Steppenwolf. It
looks unnatural, and at no point did I believe that Steppenwolf was in the room
with anyone. Steppenwolf kind of has the same issue as Ares had in Wonder Woman. Both characters are played
by respected actors, but neither Ciaran Hinds nor David Thewlis could
physically portray their character when the fighting started. So, they try to
overcome it with Motion Capture for the close ups, and CGI for the far away
stuff, but the result is that I don’t believe the character is in the room. I
especially find it funny that they reworked Steppenwolf’s appearance so
heavily. Just do a quick Google search, Steppenwolf DC, and you’ll see what I
mean. For those that don’t want to, New Gods come in all different shapes and
sizes. Some, Like Darkseid, his son Kalibak, and chief adviser and backstabber
Desaad could not pass as human. Others, like Darkseid’s heroic son Orion, the
equally heroic Scott Free, the deceptively named villainess Granny Goodness,
and, yes, Steppenwolf could easily pass for mortals. In looks, not when they
show off their powers. I just don’t understand making more work for yourself
like that.
The final massive negative is the
plot. It’s littered with plot holes, and unexplained circumstances. Like, a
huge thing in the finale is Batman using a noise that attracts the Parademons
to make a hole in the forces for the others to slip passed. How did Batman
learn about this noise? Never explained. Or there’s Steppenwolf’s return. So,
he was kicked off Earth and waited millennia for another crack at it, which
came when the Boxes called out to him after Superman’s death. So… why didn’t
the Boxes call out sooner? Like when Ares went insane and killed the other
Greek Gods? Or when the Atlanteans were driven under the sea? Or when the
“Tribes of Men” got too big, prideful, smug, stupid, lazy, shortsighted,
pigheaded, stupid stubborn to ever work together again? Seems like there was
ample opportunities to come back and conquer between when he was kicked off the
first time to the five years Superman was running around. The Dark Ages for
example, or during WWI or WWII. Just saying. And there’s a lot of cringe worthy
info dumping. Like when Aquaman and Mera are talking after the attack on
Atlantis. We get a painful three-minute-long back and forth where we learn
about Arthur being left on his father’s doorstep, the trust issues he has
because his mother clearly didn’t want anything to do with him, Mera explaining
why Atlana did that to her boy, and that he needs to step up and be King. Which
is weird, since that implies either no one is in charge of Atlantis right now,
or Orm aka Ocean Master is. Either scenario doesn’t lend itself to the idea of
guards being posted around the ancient relic. Just saying. Barry and his
backstory about trying to help his falsely convicted father, he was framed for murdering
Barry’s mom, also has this problem, but to a lesser extent. I can see a father
telling off his kid for putting too much effort in a lost cause more than I can
see a guy telling a strange woman about his mommy issues. And on a similar
note, there’s a lot of telling not showing. We’re told things are
getting worse. We’re told Superman’s death has people shaken up. We’re told
that some characters are having specific issues. But there’s little showing.
Other than the opening montage, and a short bit with Lois Lane and Martha Kent
sprinkled in the action, we see very little turmoil. There’s a bit where Diana
claims that Bruce had been baiting her to get angry, using her lingering grief
over WWI era love interest Steven Trevor’s death, so she’ll step up and lead…
but I didn’t get that at all in context. I just thought Bruce was feeling like
an ass.
Overall, this is D list movie. A
good cast and okay effects cannot ever make up for a lackluster script, the
vast majority of the CGI and Motion Capture being dog poo, and just being dull.
Seriously, in the climax, Batman separates from the group in the Batmobile to
draw off the Parademons. The others save him and point out that a suicide run
isn’t the way to lead a team. And it’s only then that I realized that it WAS a
suicide run. At no point was I fearful for Batman’s survival, or the least bit
concerned that someone might get hurt or die. I just thought he was going to
draw off the Parademons and then dip, you know, because Batman. I hope we get
more DC movies, I really do, but they NEED to change SOMETHING. One out and out
good film, several okay movies, and whatever Suicide Squad and Justice
League end up being remembered as, is not a winning line up. All I’m
saying.
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