Review: Black Widow

Natasha's back and she's bringing her whole family for the ride. 

Sorry it took me so long to get around to this one. Loki took precedence, and then time just sort of got away from me, and suddenly it’s two months after Black Widow first premiered. My bad. Still, no time like the present to talk about a fun movie. I’ll just say now, if you haven’t seen it already, you should. It’s a fun little story filling in a small gap in the story of the MCU. But enough preamble, let’s get to it, shall we?

 

We open with Natasha Romanoff, aka the Black Widow circa 1995. She’s living with her family in Ohio. We’re first seen her and her younger sister Yelena Belova playing in their backyard before being called in for dinner by their mother Melina Vostokoff. They start having a pretty suburban dinner, when Alexei Shostakov, the family patriarch comes in and excitedly tells Melina that he got IT. The family makes a hasty exit, Natasha going to grab a photo album but Melina makes her leave it. They hurriedly but stealth-fully drive to a nearby airfield. As the girls get on the plane, Alexei shows off inhuman strength getting the plane ready. They take off, but police have arrived by this point. They take several shots at the plane, wounding Melina, but Natasha is able to take over and get the four of them out of there. They land in Cuba, where Alexei turns in a disk over to General Dreykov, their boss and doesn’t seem to notice Melina being carried off in a stretcher. Guards try to grab the two children, with orders to send Yelena to the Red Room for additional training. Natasha steals a gun and threatens everyone trying to touch her little sister. Alexei talks her down long enough to give her a knockout injection.

 

Black Widow had a hell of a week.

We jump to 2016, just after the Captain America: Civil War battle at the Leipzig/Halle Airport. Natasha is on the run from the US Government. US Secretary of State Thaddeus ‘Thunderbolt’ Ross is tracking her personally. They think they have her cornered, but Natasha had actually dropped her tracer in a bathroom and has instead escaped to Norway. Her contact, a fellow that is unnamed in the film but is called Rick Mason, set her up with a trailer and some supplies. Natasha settles in to hide for the foreseeable.

 

Meanwhile, her sister Yelena is still working for the Red Room. She is hunting a renegade Widow named Oksana with other Widows. Yelena kills Oksana, but gets a face full of Red Dust. The substance breaks the mind control that Yelena had been under up to that point. Yelena takes the antidote and sends it to Natasha’s safehouse in Budapest safehouse, where it’s forwarded by Mason to Natasha’s Norwegian safehouse with other mail.

 

Sometime later, Natasha is driving into town for supplies with the Red Dust in her truck when she’s attacked by an assassin in a skull face mask. The assassin, Taskmaster, shows off an impressive array of skills and weaponry as he tries to get the Red Dust from Natasha. Natasha forces Taskmaster back and is able to retreat. She heads out to her safehouse in Budapest, where she finds a recovering Yelena crashing. The two briefly fight before they realize who the other is and why they’re there. The two bond a little as this is the firsts time they’d seen each other in over twenty years. There’s kind of a cute but sad moment when Yelena says that she has kept the lie in her head that her family was still back in Ohio. Natasha, in Yelena’s fictional family, is married with kids. They end up being attacked by Taskmaster and a group of Widows. While escaping, Natasha learns that Dreykov, the leader of the Red Room is still alive and the program is still active. Natasha is in denial about this, as she had assassinated Dreykov in order for her to join SHIELD. She’s clearly haunted by the fact that Dreykov’s young daughter Antonia was also killed in the blast. Natasha and Yelena evade Taskmaster and escape. They get to Mason who supplies them with a helicopter.

 

Just a man on a trip with his girls. Kinda.

Natasha and Yelena fly out to a secret prison where Alexei is being held. They reason that their undercover dad was Dreykov’s #2, so he’ll know where the former Soviet General would be hiding. Alexei has gone through some extensive changes since we last saw him, growing a thick beard and is now covered in tattoos. We join him as he’s getting another on his back and is arm wrestling other inmates while telling them stories of him fighting Captain America. One of the other prisoners points out the timeline doesn’t add up as Alexei has been in prison since the mid-90s and Cap wasn’t taken out of the ice until 2010. Alexei breaks the dude’s arm and then goes to check his mail at the security desk. They’re eating cookies sent to the Red Guardian, but Alexei is allowed to keep the toy that came with it. He finds an earpiece in the toy and is told to get to the yard. He takes vengeance on the two guards for eating his cookies and after an elaborate escaped that ends with the prison being covered in snow by an avalanche reunites with his daughters. Man, that escalated quickly. They ask Alexei what he knows about the Red Room, but he claims to not know anything, but they could go look up Melina, whom survived her gunshot wounds and kept working with Dreykov while Alexei had been in prison. Alexie really wants to kill Dreykov, too, as the sob had him put in that hell hole prison to hide their covert operations together. Alexei is bitter about it, believing he, the Red Guardian, could have been bigger than Captain America. They fly, and are later forced to walk after their copter crashes due to an empty gas tank, to Melina’s farm. On the walk, Alexei asks Natasha if Captain America ever mentioned him, to which she scoffs and walks off.

 

They make it to the farm where Melina has been living. After we have kind of a cute domestic moment where it’s revealed that while they haven’t seen either Alexie or Melina in 20 odd years, they’re both ingrained enough in the younger women’s psyche as “parents” that they react to comments like “sit up straight” without thinking. Melina reveals that her work of the last few decades was on mind control. While they took a few years decoding and doing their own research on the disk that Alexie stole, they perfected a mind control technique that lets her completely control her pigs. She demonstrates by keeping her pig, named Alexie, from breathing. They all argue for a few minutes, where Natasha says something along the lines of “We were always a fake family,” to which Yelena admits that while she knew it was a lie she always WANTED it to be real. A sentiment that both parents reveal to be true of them as well. Alexie by remembering and singing “Bye, Bye Miss America Pie,” Yelena’s favorite song when he last saw her, and Melina by showing she saved the photo album that Natasha had attempted to grab. All the photos were faked, but were still happy.

 

I don't care what other people say, I love the design
of this version of Taskmaster.

Agents working for the Red Room start arriving, Melina revealing that she tipped Dreykov off to their location upon their arrival. They’re all captured and taken to Dreykov’s base, a flying fortress that just gives off the vibe of either a more advanced or alternate prototype to a helicarrier. Natasha and Alexie are put in cells, Yelena is taken to have her brain autopsied to see if they can find a way to counteract the Red Dust cure. Melina is taken to a private interview in Dreykov’s office. After a short conversation, it’s revealed that Melina had spilled the beans to Natasha just before the goons arrived, and the two had swapped places using that facemask mesh from Captain America 2. Natasha tries to kill Dreykov, but it’s revealed as part of Natasha’s Red Room programing can’t hurt Dreykov due to pheromone conditioning. Dreykov actually thanks Natasha for all she’s done, as she helped create the ultimate weapon. He has Taskmaster remover HER helmet and reveals that this version of the character is Antonia Dreykov. She was badly burned in the explosion that supposedly killed the Dreykovs, and suffered some unspecified brain damage. Dreykov implanted a chip in his daughter’s brain and used the technology of the Red Room to turn her into Taskmaster. Natasha tricks Dreykov into showing her his control system for the Widows and then breaking her nose, severing a nerve in her nasal passage to protect her from the pheromones and she attacks Dreykov, stealing his ring and starts downloading the Widow database as he escapes. Natasha’s family escapes their various bonds and they have to work together to disable the flying fortress, stop and cure the widows, kill Dreykov, and defeat Taskmaster. You’ll have to watch the movie to see how things turn out.

Nat is EXHAUSTED.

 

The good first. This was top tier Marvel in terms of casting. Scarlett Johansson kills it once against as The Black Widow, even with several other Widows vying for attention and the top spot. Florence Pugh is great as Yelena Belova. She’s a younger Black Widow, she’s been hurt and while she has her guard up for most of the film, you could see how much better she feels in those few minutes where she seems Alexei cared more about her than he let on back in the day. Speaking of, David Harbour was real fun as Alexei Shostakov. He’s very much a burnt out sportstar or musician, one that never got big but can’t let go of the idea that he’s just one big break from being discovered. The moment where he asks about Cap, when both he and Natasha know that Steve would have Zero idea who the Red Guardian is, was particularly well done with Scar Jo’s exasperation face. He came across as an absolute bastard for how removed he was from his daughters, but that does highlight how near and dear they must have been to his heart for him to remember that song without prompting that he’d only really heard in passing up to that point. He also has a really funny moment where he tries to see if Melina would be down to reenact the most “fun” part of their old assignment together. Horny Red Guardian is hilarious. Rachel Weisz was also amazing as the OG Widow Melina Vostokoff. Much like Harbour, she comes across as a bit of a monster for how detached she is from her kids and yet still able to do the “stop slouching” command that all mothers can pull off. But, again, that kind of highlights how important they were to her when she pulls out the album. Their history was a lie, they were a group of spies, but it’s clear that the elder spies loved the younger like their own children. This movie also passes the Bechdel Test. Most of the conversations are either between women or mix gender, hell I think there was only two dudes only conversations in the whole film.

 

I think the films main weakness is in the villain. Sure, Dreykov is played well by Ray Winstone, but he’s really just an evil exposition machine that only shows up in the third act. We could have used an earlier scene or two as he speaks with his Taskmaster or something earlier in the film. There are also a few hammy scenes that are just kind of cringy. Like this slowmo shot in the finale where Yelena tries to sacrifice herself to kill Dreykov. It just looks awkward.

 

I’ll talk about Taskmaster in a separate paragraph, as I don’t consider her bad but I do have some negative thoughts I want to talk about. On the one hand, I think this was a good reveal. For those who don’t know, in the comics Taskmaster is really Tony Masters. Antonia is a character made specifically for the film. In retrospect, the reveal was kind of obvious with how often they bring up Antonia before it, but I was still shocked with the reveal. The costume is padded enough that I’d have never guessed a woman was in the suit. The skills she showed off were interesting. She used the shield work of Captain America, the Claws of Black Panther, Hawkeye’s Archery, and Spider-Man’s acrobatics. But, I don’t think the powers were explained very well. It looks like her powers work on cybernetics and recordings in her suit, but it’s never explained as such. That and she kind of disappears after the second attack. We could have used another fight with her around when Alexei was broken out of prison or something. We needed more of her is my point. And, to anyone that is complaining that they didn’t get Tony Masters, I say, “Chill.” It’s totally possible to introduce him later, and I think is totally inevitable. Taskmaster is too versatile of a merc villain to not use in at least one of the shows or later movies. Or they’ll flush out Antonia now that her daddy’s mind control is out of the equation. Either way, I don’t think this is the last of Taskmaster.

 

Overall, this is a A- movie for me. There are enough negatives to keep it from a perfect grade, but the acting, action set pieces, and effects make sure it got 90% there. This was a fun story that fills in a minor timeline gap in the MCU for Natasha. It also builds into the next show, Hawkeye, as the post credit scene shows Yelena getting recruited by Countess Valentina Allegra de Fontaine recruiting her to hunt down Hawkeye, the “reason” Natasha died. This actually might be what lead to the legal trouble that Disney is now facing with Scar Jo. If you’ve been living under a rock for the last month, Scar Jo is suing Disney for breach of contract as she was promised that the movie would only be released in theaters and agreed to have her final salary be based on box office sales. Disney needed this to come out to set up Hawkeye, and Covid risks pretty much promised that crowds at theaters would be smaller than they would have been back in 2019. They really screwed Scar Jo, which is dub, because come on, if they’d renegotiated, I seriously doubt Scar Jo would have fought them too hard on allowing a Disney+ premier in exchange for more upfront. Yes, I’m on Scar Jo’s side. She deserves to be paid what she’s worth for her roles, and Disney really screwed their arraignment up by trying to go around her. All I’m saying. So yeah, the movie is fun, and I enjoyed seeing Natasha have the solo run that she deserved back in phase 1 or 2. And to think, this entire story really just explained where Natasha got her vest that she wore in Endgame. Have a good night, everybody!

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Twitter: @BasicsSuperhero

Review: Avengers: Endgame pt. 1 The Assault (No Spoiler)

All things come to an end. It is inevitable.

Let’s talk Avengers: Endgame. The story that began eleven years ago with Iron Man, that went on to span twenty-one different films has come to a close. We’ve seen a self-centered industrialist become an armored champion, a soldier out of time rally the troops, a jade titan find a home, a being of legend fall from grace and reclaim his glory, a pair of assassins transform into cunning allies, a king become both champion and envoy of his people, a man of science embrace the mystic, and a group of outlaws save planets. Just to name a few. Oh, and Spider-Man is there now too. Ha. They faced off against the Mad God Thanos last time, and while the different groups of Avengers put on valiant fights, Thanos ultimately overcame them all and used the Infinity Gauntlet to kill 50% of life. This is a massive film, so I think you can understand why I want to break it down into multiple parts. Don’t want to overload your eyes and brains with my nerd gushing. So, let’s get to it.

The Avengers have to avenge
50% of all life. Tall order.

We open on Tony and Nebula onboard the Guardian’s ship, the Milano. Despite captain Peter Quill’s death due to The Snap and ship’s engineer Rocket Raccoon being on Earth, the two were able to jerry rig the ship to fly, at least for a while. It does help having the world's fore most engineer on the ship. While they made it most of the way from Thanos’ homeworld of Titan, the ship still broke down about 1000 light years from Earth. Tony, fearing the worst, records a goodbye message to Pepper. He knows it’s an insanely long shot of anyone back home finding their ship, but he feels better leaving the message to her that he drifted off dreaming about her. He passes out, while the cyborg Nebula makes sure he’s comfortable. Just when all hope seems lost, Tony is awakened by a blinding light. It’s not a supernova, it’s Captain Marvel. Carol grabs the ship and takes them home, lickety-split.

Back home, the surviving Avengers recap to Tony and the audience what happened. That Thanos overcame the Avengers and the massive Wakandan Army to get the last Infinity Stones, did his big Snap, and 50% of all life was Dusted. Well, sentient life, anyway. What? Aside from Groot, I saw no other foliage disappear. Combining resources with Nebula and Rocket, they’re able to track down Thanos to his hidey-hole on the other side of the galaxy. They detected a massive energy burst unique to the Infinity Gauntlet on a planet that Nebula called the Garden. Thanos talked to her about it while mutilating her and upgrading her cybernetic components. Great dad right there. To the groups shock, Tony tells them to piss off. He’s tired and obviously broken after their defeat at Thanos’ hands. I have to imagine holding your young student in your arms as he fades away into ash does have that effect on a guy. He hands over his portable Arc Reactor and tells them to run and hide. Despite that setback, the team moves forward. It’s Captain America, Black Widow, Thor, Captain Marvel, Rocket, Nebula, War Machine and Banner in the Hulk Buster to save the day.

…

And that’s all you’re getting out of me. For now, anyway. I’ve spent the last few days agonizing over how best to approach this one. On the one hand, I want to gush about this movie, everything it did right and how overall amazing it is. On the other, I hate to give too much away and ruin someone else’s first experience of it. Honestly, I wish I could Neuralize myself ala Men In Black so I could watch it again for the first time. So, I came up with this little compromise. I’ll only talk about the first fifteen minutes of the movie here, and do a more in-depth analysis next month. That should give everyone who honestly wants to see it spoiler free a chance to see it and allow me to gush in detail later.

That all being said, I will give you broad strokes. This is perhaps the BEST send off for several Marvel Characters. It’s no secret that Robert Downey Jr. and Chris Evans for sure are done with Marvel Movies after this one, as they haven’t signed new contracts. For them, and several other legacy Avengers, this was their last Rodeo. And by God, it delivers. I think of Logan, and how that was a bittersweet but perfect send off for Logan and Professor X as played by their definitive actors. And this was that for those who have decided to bow out. It highlights their strengths, their humanity, and tugged at my heart strings in just the right way to make me feel truly sad that we won’t be seeing some of these guys again.

The effects are gorgeous, both on the massive, planet wide scale down to the intricate details that go into digitally altering a character’s face.

I have loved these movies and these characters since first seeing Iron Man with my older brother in theaters when I was a teenager. The Marvel Cinematic Universe encapsulated everything I love about Marvel characters, costumed superheroes, and big budget effects while changing just enough to make the stories accessible to those who don’t know how many Iron Men, Captain Americas, or Black Panther’s there’ve been. And to fill in gaps in the roster that the lack of ownership of several key characters caused. It’s been a long, strange and bumpy trip these last eleven years. And while it brings a tear to my eye to let some of them go, it was still a hell of a ride. And there’s the promise of whatever comes next. But after the decade’s long Infinity War Saga, whatever does come next has some pretty big shoes to fill.

There’s so much more I want to say. Hell, it was a three-hour movie, I could probably write a full twenty-page essay on the damn thing. And it would be fantastic, just saying. But, saying even one thing more would ruin several twists that even I didn’t see coming. And this stuff is what I spent my free time think and writing about. I’ll just close by saying, to everyone that has ever starred in, worked on, and enjoyed the exploits of the big screen Avengers, it’s been a fantastic ride and I wish you all the very best.

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Twitter: @BasicsSuperhero

Review: The Avengers: Infinity War

Death has come hunting.

Well, it all comes down to this. Ten years, Nineteen movies, dozens of characters, all building to this showdown. The Mad Titan Thanos has grown tired of waiting and is now actively searching for the six Infinity Stones. He plans on bringing the stones together and use them to wipe out half of all life in the Universe. May the Asgard help those who stand in his way.

A big cast for a colossal problem.

We open to the Asgard Ark being bombarded. Well, crap. The refugee gods were set upon by Thanos and his Black Order. Here’s a quick roll call, something the movie doesn’t bother with. First, we have Ebony Maw, he is an insanely powerful telekinetic and serves as the ‘preacher’ of Thanos.  He mostly stands around shouting about how glorious it is to die at the hands of the Mad Titan. Next, we have Cull Obsidian, the giant bruiser. He’s the resident powerhouse of the group, he is mostly brought along to break things. FYI, in just about everything else he’s referred to as Black Dwarf. And finally, we have Proxima Midnight, and her husband Corvus Glaive. They’re a pair of peerless warriors that serve as more discrete assassins then their cohorts. And leading them is Thanos, the Mad Titan and bringer of doom. He’d already gained the purple Power Stone from Xandar offscreen. Thanos and his minions lay waste to the Asgardians. Even the best efforts of Thor, Loki and the Hulk are useless against Thanos. Using the last of his strength, Heimdall is able to open a Bifrost Bridge, flinging Hulk towards Earth. Thanos stabs him through the chest for that. Thanos tortures Thor, to try and force Loki to hand over the Tesseract, which he stole from the Asgard Vault before their home’s destruction. And, to everyone’s shock, he hands it over to get Thanos to spare his brother’s life. Thanos shatters the cube, retrieving the stone within and places it on his glove. Loki then tries to offer his services to Thanos, as a guide while on Earth. This turns out to be a ruse to get in close and stab the Mad Titan right in his enormous chin. Unfortunately, he sees it coming and strangles Loki to death. He and his crew depart, bombarding the Asgard ship to debris with Thor still inside.

Even Loki would have trouble talking his way out of this.

Hulk hurtles across space and time, crash landing in Dr. Strange’s Sanctum Santorum in New York City. Hulk reverts back to Banner and tells the Sorcerer Supreme and Wong about what is coming. In order to stop this, Strange picks up Tony Stark, whom was in the middle of unsuccessfully convincing fiancée Pepper Potts that they should have a baby. They get Tony just in time, as Ebony Maw and Cull Obsidian have arrived in New York to steal the Time Stone from Dr. Strange. Unfortunately, Banner is unable to Hulk-out, so the heroes are at a disadvantage. Spider-Man, who saw the colossal ship the two Black Order were using, swings in to assist. The team is able to disarm, dis-hand, and strand Obsidian somewhere in the arctic, but Maw is able to overpower Strange and takes him to the ship. Peter hitches a ride on the ship but is nearly killed when the ship leaves the upper atmosphere. Tony summons up the Iron Spider Armor to help Peter, and by help, I mean tries to use it to force him back to Earth. It doesn’t work, so He and Iron Man are stuck on the cruiser. Street side, Banner takes the burner cellphone that Tony had dropped as the fight began to call Cap.

Meanwhile, in Glasgow, Scotland, Wanda Maximoff and Vision are finishing up a ‘secret’ rendezvous. The two have been carrying on a private relationship, despite Wanda’s status as a fugitive, since that Civil War fiasco. Just as the two are about to part ways, they’re attacked by Proxima and Glaive. The Black Order carry weapons that seem to counter-act Vision’s phasing powers, and nearly rip the Mind Stone from his head. But, back up arrives in the form of Captain Rogers, Black Widow, and Falcon. The three relatively normal humans force the two aliens back, for now. They grab Vision and take him back to the new Avengers Facility. James Rhodes is there, and ordered to arrest the fugitives, but he decides to ignore that order. Vision, knowing what will happen if Thanos gets the Mind Stone, asks Wanda to use her Chaos powers to destroy it. She refuses, as doing so will kill Vision. With few options, the heroes decide to take Vison to the one place on Earth that might be able to do something about the Mind Stone that could leave Vision intact, Wakanda.

Meanwhile, The Guardians of the Galaxy arrive at the wreckage of the Asgard ship. They’d received the distress call earlier. They hit Thor, literally, and bring him onboard. The last of the Aesir, after recovering, proposes a plan to the alien team. Feeling underequipped without Mjolnir, Thor wants to travel to Nidavellir, to see the Dwarf king and master weaponsmith Eitri. Why? So he can build a weapon capable of killing Thanos. But, at the same time, he feels someone should go to the space station Knowhere to check on the Collector, whom currently holds the Reality Stone. Thor had the Warrior’s Three give it to him at the end of Thor 2. Thor, Rocket Raccoon, and Groot go to Nidavellir, and Star-Lord, Gamora, Drax, and Mantis go to Knowhere.

Such a colorful collection of characters.

Back with Team Iron Man, Tony and Peter try to think of a way to beat Ebony Maw. And, actually, Peter has a perfect plan. They ripoff the ending to Aliens. Peter and Tony distract Maw for a second, then blow a hole in the side of the ship to cast him into the void. Peter and Steven almost get pulled out too, but hey, no plan is perfect. Without Maw to drive the ship, though, they’re stuck heading for it’s destination, Titan.  

On Nidavellir, Team Thor learns that the station is dark, and that the dwarves are all dead save Eitri. The rather giant Dwarf reveals that he made Thanos’ Infinity Gauntlet, in the foolish hope that Thanos would spare Nidavellir if he got what he wanted. Instead, the Mad Titan killed the dwarves and chopped off Eitri’s hands. Thor is able to convince Eitri to help them, and they set about forging Thor’s new weapon, the half-hammer half-axe Stormbreaker. They have a slight issue with the forging process, which leads to Thor having to manually holding open a valve and be blasted by a solar Prominence to forge it. Groot offers up some of his own wood to give Stormbreaker it’s hilt.

On Knowhere, Team Star-Lord find Thanos already there and torturing The Collector for the Stone’s location. Despite Quill’s best attempts at forming a spontaneous plan, Gamora rushes in and stabs her adoptive father in the neck. Well, that was easy. That’s a real short movie. Kind of anti-climactic really.

…

Okay, that’s not what happened. Turns out, Thanos already had the Reality Stone and used it’s powers to draw them into Knowhere, and then out into the open. The Thanos that Gamora killed was an illusion, and all of Knowhere is actually on fire. After a very short fight, Thanos grabs Gamora and flees. On Thanos’ ship, Thanos reveals that he captured Nebula, and through the Cyborg’s memories learned that Gamora knows where the Soul Stone is hidden. Gamora tries to feign ignorance but relents to spare her sister’s life. It's on a planet called Vormir. They travel to Vormir and are greeted by the Soul Stone’s Guardian. Turns out, it’s Red Skull. Oh, so that loose end is finally tied up. Apparently, he’s spent the last seventy or so years as a disembodied spirit, watching over the Stone and being tortured by the knowledge that it will never be his. Through him, they learn that the only way for someone to acquire the Soul Stone, is to sacrifice a soul in return. Gamora, for a moment, thinks that the heroes win, as who in creation could Thanos possibly love? Unfortunately, there is one. A little girl that he’d spared twenty years prior and molded into his perfect warrior. With tears in his eyes, Thanos casts Gamora onto the Alter. Killing her and winning the Stone. Meanwhile, Nebula is able to escape her bonds, and get’s a message out to Mantis to meet her on Titan.

On Titan, Team Iron Man and Team Star-Lord meet, fight, have a Mexican Standoff, and then realize that they’re all on the same side. While the others try to formulate a plan, Dr. Strange uses the Time Stone to see into the future. Of the millions of possibilities that lay before them, only one can assure them victory.

Team Rogers arrives in Wakanda, where they meet with Black Panther and Winter Soldier. The team consult with Princess Shuri, the Panther’s sister. Shuri believes that she could remove the Stone, but it’ll take some time. She’s got to very carefully cut and rewire trillions of synapsis if they want to make this work. And the Black Order is on their way. Realizing what is coming, Black Panther orders the city of Wakanda to be evacuated, and all of their forces gathered to the battlefield.

Wakanda Forever!

So, there you have it, on Titan, it’s Iron Man, Dr. Strange, Spider-Man, Star-Lord, Mantis, Drax the Destroyer and Nebula vs. Thanos. On Earth, it’s Captain Rogers, Black Panther, Black Widow, War Machine, Falcon, Winter Soldier, M’Baku, General Okoye, and the assembled forces of Wakanda vs. The Black Order and the armies of Thanos. Thor, Groot, and Rocket are able to Bifrost in using Stormbreaker part way through the battle. And Banner, who still can’t transform for some reason, is piloting the Hulk-Buster Armor. This is going to be a big brawl.

The good first. Everyone is phenomenal in their roles. I’d do a casting calling, but that’d take two pages at least. Just know that everyone from central characters like Iron-Man and Captain Rogers, all the way down to one-scene guys like Pepper and Wong are giving it their all. FYI, I have it on good authority that Peter Dinklage has always refused to take roles stereotypical for those whom have dwarfism. I assume that the fact that they used CGI to make Eitri bigger then just about everyone is the main reason he decided to let that rule slide. I liked what they did with Thanos. They toned down his more insane characteristics. There’s no mention of the Death Goddess he’s in love with, or hints at insanity. Instead, he’s portrayed as an extreme proponent of… I guess it’s best described as controlled genocide. In this version of events, his homeworld of Titan was ultimately destroyed due to overpopulation. He proposed, and was called mad for suggesting, that they randomly kill fifty percent of their population to reduce the burdens on their resources. No one listened, Titan was destroyed, and Thanos set about purging planets on his own. So yeah, he’s still insane, but there is a little justification to said insanity this time around.

Honestly, the only real negative that I could think of, as a Marvel fan mind you, was there was not enough screen time to go around. Each of these impromptu teams, Cap and co on Earth, Iron-Man and friends on Titan, and Thor’s team adventures on Nidavellir could have had a full-length feature all to themselves. Sure, Team Iron-Man and Team Quill’s would have meshed together pretty early, but it would have been doable. But then, as this movie is already split in two, maybe it’s for the best.

A+ all around. This movie is all that it needed to be. It was action packed, funny, and a treat for the eyes. Given how much work was put into the setup, the aforementioned ten years and nineteen movies, it’s a real wonder that this was able to meet, and in my case exceed, expectations. Thanos has come, and all of creation will tremble with his passing.

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Review: Captain America: Civil War

Words cannot describe how happy Captain America: Civil War makes me. What could have been a cluttered mess instead was an amazingly well done, but not great adaptation, of an intense Marvel story. They obviously couldn’t do an accurate adaptation, since a true Civil War adaptation requires the Fantastic Four and several X-Men, the two franchises that Marvel still doesn’t have access to. Side bar, Marvel, Fox Studios; sit down, talk and find a way to share the franchises. Marvel, you get more movies as Fox will shoulder some of the financial burdens. And Fox, have you seen the money these crossovers make? I guarantee that the returns would pale in comparison to the money that a Captain America/Wolverine movie would pull in. Side bar over, let’s get to the Civil War.

Bad ass from the moment he put on his cat costume.

Movie opens to a flashback to 1991. James Buchanan Barnes aka Bucky aka Winter Soldier being programmed to start a new mission. He’s sent out, takes out a car and steals a suitcase full of strange blue liquid. Flash-forward to the present day, and the current Avengers team (Captain America, Black Widow, Scarlet Witch, and Falcon) stopping a terrorist attack in Africa. Said Terrorist, Crossbones, and his crew are going to steal a biological weapon. A massive, well done chase and fight scene occurs, leading to a major fight between Cap and Crossbones. When Crossbones realizes the battle is lost, he bulls a bomb and tries to blow him and the Captain to Kingdom Come. Captain is saved by Scarlet Witch, who captures the explosion inside a magic bubble and levitating him upwards. The explosion destroys a nearby building.

At the Avengers Headquarters, US Secretary of State Thaddeus Ross reprimands the group for the destruction the Avengers wrought. In response to the latest incident, which included the deaths of several humanitarian workers from the reclusive nation of Wakanda, the UN has prepared the Sokovia Accords. Said Accords would basically create an oversite committee to determine when and how the Avengers would be deployed. Iron Man, War Machine, and Vision are for signing the Accords, believing legal oversight would be helpful. Captain America, and Falcon are against it, believing that an added level of bureaucracy would only make it harder for them to save people.

A surprisingly diverse cast. Of ten characters
two are women, three are black men, and
one is a robot.

There’s a momentary break in the action when Captain America learned that his former lover Margaret “Peggy” Carter had passed away. He attends her funeral, learns that the SHIELD spy that had lived across from him in Captain America 2 was her niece Sharon, and that most of his team signed the Accords in his absence. We then jump to Vienna, where Black Widow meets the Wakandan Royals, King T’Chaka and his son, T’Challa. During T’Chaka’s speech, the event is attacked by a bomb, killing Wakanda’s king and many others. Folks see a fella that looks like Bucky, and people start blaming the Winter Soldier. Learning that the UN is planning on taking out Barnes, Capt and Falcon go rogue and try to save Bucky. After another fairly intense fight and chase, which includes T’Challa in his new role as Black Panther, War Machine flies in and arrests Bucky, Captain America, and Falcon. I just want to take a second to point out that I think this might be a first in movie history, we get to see three major Black characters on screen at the same time. First time that I can think of it.

Meanwhile, Helmut Zemo tracks down Winter Soldier’s former handler and steals a red book that has the trigger words for Winter Soldier’s programming. We’re given a quick scene with the Vision and Scarlet Witch, it initially starts off cute (Vision trying to cook despite not having a sense of taste) but turns a little sinister (Vision can’t let Scarlet Witch leave by Stark’s orders). Weird, and creepy. Learning about Wanda’s house arrest is what keeps Cap from signing the Accords. Meanwhile, the restrained Bucky is interviewed by a shrink. Good, he needs help. Said shrink is Zemo. Not as good. He had a goon deliver an EMP device to a power station. Said power outage lets Zemo recite the programing words, and forces Bucky to tell him about his mission in 1991, and then cause a scene. Captain America captures Bucky and he and Sam learn Zemo’s apparent plan. Zemo is going to a hidden HYDRA lab where they kept additional frozen Winter Soldier experiments. Bucky could destroy a small nation by himself. Five of them, they could destroy the US or Canada.

Iron Man, still believing that Cap is in the wrong, assembles a new Avengers team to stop him. Knowing that Iron Man will try to stop them, Cap also assembles a new team. This leads to a massive brawl between Team Iron Man, consisting of Iron Man, War Machine, Black Widow, Black Panther, Vision and Spider-Man, vs Team Captain America, consisting of Cap, Scarlet Witch, Ant-Man, Falcon, Hawkeye, and Winter Soldier. And I can’t go into more detail than that, it’d ruin everything. Just know that, despite only appearing for this scene, Spider-Man and Ant-Man are perfectly utilized.

Sigh, nothing even approximating this costume in this one.

So… the good. The cast, perfect. Everyone is perfect for their parts, and gives 110%. Tom Holland and Paul Rudd, who only appear in one scene each to introduce them and then the major brawl at the airport, they don’t feel like cameos. Both of them are the funniest characters on their respective teams. It’s funny that after five major movies, it was the Captain America movie where he had maybe fifteen minutes of screentime that Spider-Man got the most accurate depiction. This Peter Parker was cracking wise throughout meeting Tony and later helping Team Iron-Man. I especially liked quips like “That Shield violates the laws of physics,” and the fact he was absolutely star struck upon meeting Captain America. Even though he’d just webbed Cap’s hands and stole his shield. Ant-Man was much the same way, star struck by the Captain and others. When he sees Black Widow he’s all, “I know you too, it’s great to meet you.” He also has a pretty good line when he shows off his new power. I won’t ruin it for those who don’t know all of Ant-Man’s tricks but the buildup line is great. “Oh I can do. I have done it. Once. In a lab. And I passed out. But I can totally do it.” The CGI is great, as are the fight scenes. Now let’s talk about the break out character, Black Panther. Chadwick Boseman does a great job as the young prince turned predatory cat-themed superhero. He’s motivated by a superhero classic, murder of a parent. His cold fury is shown from T’Chaka’s death, and doesn’t abate until he learns how toxic vengeance can be. Very well done.

And now, the bad. As far as villains go, while Zemo’s plan turns out to be one of the best villain plan to date, he’s probably the weakest character. He’s got like twenty minutes of screen time, which for me makes him a minor character, despite being the major antagonist. We also don’t see any of his sword or other combat skills, he’s strictly a thinker in this one. They also make major revisions to his backstory, making him a Sakovian Spec ops guy, rather than a German nobleman. Gives him motivation to hate the Avengers that isn’t tied to his father, Heinrich Zemo. Elder Zemo fought Captain America in WWII in the comics, and upon his death, Helmut takes the mantel for vengeance. For those who don’t know. Don’t get me wrong, I liked Daniel Bruhl’s character, but it wasn’t really Zemo for me, and even if they’d called him something else, he was kind of an underdeveloped bad guy. And, the motivations are kind of weak. Iron Man is so broken up upon once again being blamed for the collateral damage that hero fighting caused. I am kind of annoyed that this plot point keeps coming up, especially the New York incident. News Flash folks, had the Avengers not stepped in, you’d be either dead or enslaved to the Chitari. Might seem callous, but I think I’d say “Sorry, but stop your bitching,” were I Iron Man. Captain America’s motivation is also a little weak. Guy doesn’t even entertain the idea of government oversight. Granted, that was true of the Captain America and Iron Man of the Civil War comic story, but it was a weak story arc there too. Just saying.

Overall, got to give this A-. The cast and characters are great, the fight scenes are amazing, and while it was a poor adaptation of the story of the comics, it was still a fun ride. But, weaker character motivations and an underdeveloped villain keeps this from being a super movie. A super superhero movie. Even if, somehow, you were the level of comic purest that deviating from the original story even a little bit, you’ll still find some good out of this movie. “What?” you might be asking. “What could it be?” I would say that Black Panther, Ant-Man and Spider-Man’s parts in this film should at least get you jazzed for their separate films. So yeah, very good, flawed but great. Next time, something DC related, I’m still kicking around a few ideas. See you then folks. 

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Possible Plots: Black Widow

Time for another new segment. Well, not a new segment, just one I haven’t done in a while. Remember my Wolverine Legacy post from about a year ago? No? Then read it and come back. … Caught up? Great. For those who still haven’t read it, that post and this one are dedicated to creating a possible story for a future film to follow. I have a new name for this series of posts, Possible Plots. I’ll save these for whenever I need to really stretch my writing muscles. Or if I get a really crazy awesome idea. Like with today’s focus, Black Widow.

Scarlett Johansson has proven to be
an amazing Black Widow.

You know, I do find it pretty weird that Marvel and Disney seem so reluctant to make a superhero movie centered on a woman. We’re talking about Marvel, a company that has tried (especially in the last few years) to expand the cast of female superheroes (Captain Marvel, New Thor, Ms. Marvel, X-23 for a few examples) and Disney, a company that owes a huge amount of its success to the Princess movies targeted at females. Not to say men don’t enjoy Frozen, Cinderella, Tangled, and the rest, but yeah, the movies do seem to be geared towards the ladies. Sure, they do have Captain Marvel on the schedule, but that’s not until 2018 and as much as I enjoy Captain Carol Danvers, she’s not the one that so many fans are all but demanding to see. Natasha Romanov, the Black Widow, is the one that many a Marvel fan says needs a feature film of her own. Here’s my take on a possible plot for a Black Widow film. The same rules apply as for my “Doing it Better” segments, things like licensing, time, budget and so on don’t matter, it’s all about making an excellent flic. Let’s get to it.

Some background, I fit this film in sometime after Captain America 3. The Superhero Civil War has ended, and while stuff is getting back to normal, other things are still recovering. Particularly the friendship between Captain America and Iron-Man. Yes, I expect Captain America to survive the Civil War. Why? Because I love Cap, that’s why. While the main men of Marvel are still feuding, Black Widow is given an assignment by Nick Fury. Fury has been keeping an eye on things in the criminal underworld and has noticed a few disturbing trends. 1.) Several assassinations of important men and women in the global community, we’ll say an ambassador from Wakanda, a high ranking Stark Industries scientist, and a SHIELD agent. There can be more, but those would be the highlights. 2.) A mass brake out from the secret prison, the Vault. We’re talking HYDRA Agents, the surviving members of AIM from Iron-Man 3, the scientists on the Iron Monger project from the original Iron-Man, and Justin Hammer from Iron-Man 2. And 3.) An increase in HYDRA activity worldwide. If you’re asking why I’m assuming HYDRA is still a thing in the Marvel Movie Universe, that Nick Fury knows about it, and is letting them still be at thing, I do have a few reasons. HYDRA is a spy organization, which by definition is hard to permanently remove. They’ve had decades to set up facilities while SHIELD has been largely unware of their activities. And, think about the character of Nick Fury, would he be the sort to A.) Try to destroy HYDRA knowing full well they’ll just go underground and appear at a later date, or B.) Let them remain active while monitoring their activates? Yeah, I thought so.

The other Hawkeye. Both good with a bow
And both rock the Purple. What's not to like?

More disturbing, the aforementioned assassinations bear a striking resemblance to Black Widow’s style of killing back when she was an agent of the Red Room. Rather than assume Ms. Romanov is doing some killing on the side, Fury assumes another Widow might be active. For those who might not know, I’m talking about the second Black Widow, Yelena Belova. I’ll go into more detail in a later post, but basically she’s an evil Black Widow. Cue flashback to Natasha and Yelena being trained in the Red Room. I’m thinking something psychologically damaging, like watching failing students being poisoned so the other students can see the effects. Messed up, right? Back to the main plot, Black Widow’s mission, if she chooses to accept it, is to infiltrate the known HYDRA base and figure out what the heck is going on. She accepts, obviously, but she’s going to need a little back up. While braking into a facility is a cake walk for Black Widow by this point, Fury thinks that a little cover is necessary, given how dangerous a potential threat this whole thing could be. But, who? Captain America, Iron-Man, Hulk and Thor are all a little too flashy for undercover work. The only viable option from the original team is Hawkeye, but he’s either retired or on sabbatical after the events of Age of Ultron. There’s only one option, adding a new character. But who? For me, the clear choice is none other than Hawkeye… The other one.

Nick Fury introduces Black Widow to Kate Bishop, a new SHIELD Special Agent. Kate does a crazy impossible trick shot with a bow and arrows before Fury makes the comment that “She’s partial to the codename Hawkeye.” I imagine Widow smirking and making a crack like, “We’ll see if she’s up to it.” So, yeah, we’re going to avoid the “hate the new guy” cliché for this one. While I doubt that Black Widow would be 100% on board with a “new” Hawkeye, the character I’ve been presented with in previous films strikes me as someone who’d try something new before deciding she hates it. Which is exactly what she does. Black Widow and probation Hawkeye sneak in to the HYDRA base and use that magic face mesh from Winter Soldier (Not everyone forgot about that Deus Ex)  to pose as HYDRA new recruits. We get to see some of HYDRA’s “training” methods, and by that I mean things they do to ensure that their soldiers and scientists are loyal. It’s an evil pseudo-Nazi group, I can’t imagine every single person working for them is doing it willingly. Heck, I’d hazard a guess that more than half would need some brainwashing before they’d be willing to click their boots together and shout “Hail HYDRA.” I’m thinking things that border on insane torture like sleep deprivation, chemical treatments, and such to make them compliant. Another Flashback to Black Widow’s training in the Red Room, and maybe an offhand remark about “The more things change” before they continue.

Yelena Belova, the other Black Widow.
I seem to be seeing a lot of "others"
in this one.

They scope out the place over a few days, bonding and seeing the depravities of HYDRA, before slipping into the HYDRA Facility's computer database. We see our two superheroes disable…let’s say five guards and two techs before getting to work. While skimming through files, Black Widow learns that the various baddies of the Marvel Verse have created their own most wanted list of the various heroes. We could see guys like the Daredevil, Spider-Man, and Black Panther as “Possible Problems;” Black Widow, War Machine, and Hawkeye as “Known Problems;” and Hulk and Thor as “Major Problems.” She’d then note that Captain America and Iron-Man are both listed as “Removal Pending.” Also, if Captain America 3 doesn’t tie up the loose end, Black Widow should also note a file marked “Possible Winter Soldier locations” which she downloads with the other bad guy info. Just before Yelena arrives. The two Widows will duke it out while Probie Hawkeye is told to run with the Data. Some crazy fighting goes down, but both our super spies get captured and brought before HYDRA’s current leader, Arnim Zola.

Dr. Zola would then explain how he survived the bombing of his old computer body back in Winter Soldier. I’m thinking something like “Did you really think a man of my genius would remained locked in a bunker for decades? No, what you and the Captain destroyed was my original form, the first attempt at Arnim Zola’s immortality. This,” gestures at his purple and orange robot body with his face displayed on the torso, “is the new and improved Arnim Zola. The Immortal Master of HYDRA!” Or something similar. He gives one of the usual BS reasons why he didn’t kill the two spies, I’m split between “Wanting to watch them suffer” and “Wanting to use them in a creepy experiment.” Black Widow does her crazy interrogation powers (as seen in her discussion with Loki in The Avengers) to figure out Zola’s plan before she and Probie Hawkeye make their daring escape.

Now, you’re probably asking yourself what is the fiendish master plan here. What could HYDRA do to take out both Captain America and Iron-Man? I think you’re going to love this. Using the combined scientific insight of all the evil eggheads I mentioned earlier, HYDRA, AIM and Justin Hammer have devised their own stealthy ARC reactor and Repulsor. Their design barely gives off any light, and the Repulsor itself can flip up into the sleeve of who’s ever wearing it. Their plan, Yelena gets in close using HYDRA’s version of the face changing mesh to pose as Natasha. She disables Tony with some sort of powerful, mind bending toxin, just as her team starts tampering with the cameras. Its AIM and HYDRA, I’m sure together these two could even overcome Tony’s extensive security protocols. Yelena then takes on Tony’s appearance and invites Cap to the Avenger’s tower to talk. Once he arrives, Yelena would then attack, using the element of surprise and years of close quarters’ combat training to remove Cap’s shield and force him near a window, then use the stealth Repulsor to defenestrate him. You’ve seen Avengers Tower, right? Ridiculously high up, no close buildings, and no way to maneuver in the air. Yeah, Even Captain America would have trouble surviving the drop. It’s then a simple matter of quickly putting the stealth Repulsor on Tony, run off with the Shield, and the job is done. Cap dead, Iron-Man implicated in the murder, everyone is pretty bummed, and HYDRA now has their hands on Vibranium. Brilliantly crazy plan, eh?

Not sure if this is more or less creepy
than a green Toby Jones face
on a computer screen...

Of course, Black Widow and Probie Hawkeye arrive just in time to stop said Captain defenestrating, we see another crazy Black Widow vs. Black Widow kung fu fight, and our heroes ultimately save the day. Yelena is put into SHIELD custody, Kate Bishop is acknowledged as the new Hawkeye, Black Widow makes a crack about “always cleaning up after you boys” and all is well. And maybe one last flashback to Black Widow verses original Hawkeye back in the day, to when he convinces her to join SHIELD. Just to tie up that lose end.

So there you have it, my plot for a Black Widow film. Is it perfect? Hardly, but it’s a start. I included Kate Bishop to expand the overall pool of female superheroes in the Marvel Movie Universe, and as a way to set up a Young Avengers (the team Kate is affiliated with) movie somewhere down the line. Furthermore, it Clint Bartlet has hung up his quiver for good, it’s important to set up a replacement. There always needs to be a Hawkeye, much like there always needs to be a Captain America. It’s an important role. Yelena as the evil Black Widow and the final antagonist of the plot just feels right, as it gives us an excuse to see more of Natasha’s past as part of the Red Room, and also a glimpse into what she might have become had she not joined SHIELD. I included Arnim Zola as pretty much a place holder. He’s the only bigwig of HYDRA that I could think up that could technically still be alive despite his apparent death in Captain America 2. We could perhaps replace him for Viper, another bigwig of HYDRA, but that might be putting too many new characters in. Plus, Zola’s role in this story idea is pretty minor, so it might be best to leave him in and save Viper for another film.

Black Widow is an interesting character, one that I could totally see having a major motion picture of her own someday. This movie idea, I think, serves as a decent in medias res story of how Black Widow came to be the character she is today, and how that character is important to the overarching Marvel Universe. While guys like Iron-Man, Captain America, Thor, and the Hulk are perfectly capable of being in the spot light and saving the day, we will always need a character willing to hunt in the shadows. Which I think Black Widow is comfortable with. Next time, Doctor Strange: The Sorcerer Supreme, Marvel’s resident spellcaster’s first film appearance. 

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