Review: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 3

 A send off that this team deserves.

Let’s talk Guardians of The Galaxy Vol. 3. The final chapter of the James Gunn Guardian’s films is a masterful way to end a trilogy, being full of heart, humor, and space guns! There are quite a few different little threads for them to finish up, but I think they’re tied up reasonably well. Let’s get to the final adventure of these rapscallions.

 

The movie opens with a massive of baby raccoons in a cage. A mysterious man walks up to the cage, opens the door and grabs the only baby racoon that didn’t have enough sense to huddle back with the others. We jump forward to the present, where it’s revealed that baby raccoon is indeed Rocket. The Guardians are continuing their work restoring Knowhere from the Holiday Special. He’s listening to Radiohead’s “I’m a Creep,” as he goes around checking on everyone. Drax and Mantis are doing some painting, Nebula and Groot are hanging up their Guardians of the Galaxy sign, and Cosmo and Kraglin are fighting over something. Rocket enters he bar area where he finds a very drunk Peter Quill. It seems he’s relapsed from the happy high he was on at the end of the Holiday Special, where he learned that Mantis is his half-sister. He sees Rocket has his Zune and is irate. He yells at Rocket to keep his grimy Raccoon hands off his stuff. Rocket grabs a drink, saying he’s not a damn Raccoon before Peter passes out on the ground. Rocket flags down Nebula and the crew gathers as they take a passed out Peter to his room to sleep it off. Nebula tucks him in and turns the lights out for him.

 

Rocket asks Nebula what she plans to do with Peter, and they fight over who has the least emotional damage to handle that. Cosmo the space dog shows up Kraglin by hitting targets with his arrow better than he can, and Kraglin being mean and saying Cosmo is a bad dog. Cosmo, like I assume any dog that has ever heard that phrase, is furious and demands he take it back. This is going to be kind of her whole thing this movie. The crew gathers and try to discuss what to do about Peter. They don’t settle on a solution, unfortunately.

 

We cut to the space just outside of Knowhere where a man of gold is flying through the void towards it. Rocket heads up to his own room to get some sleep, looking at a keycard of some kind just before taking off his shirt to wind down, when a bright light barrels into his room and knocks him clear across the area. This alien is clearly a Sovereign. Remember the Sovereign? They were the golden aliens that the Guardians helped in Vol 2 at the start but ended up swearing an oath of everlasting vengeance against them after Rocket stole some of their batteries. A huge brawl takes places across Knowhere as the Guardians try to stop the Sovereign from taking Rocket. Nebula tries to shoot him with a cannon but is knocked aside, Groot wraps him in vines but the Sovereign flies off with him, slamming him around Knowhere until he breaks Groot’s head off. Kraglin tries to hit him with the arrow but it bounces off his skin. He finds Rocket as he’s about to ready a cannon to shoot him and gets blasted. He breaks Mantis’ arm and almost attacks Rocket again, but is distracted by Peter’s Element Gun shots and Drax throwing him outside, saying to pick on someone his own size. While Drax fights, Nebula pulls herself back together and Peter and Mantis rush to get Rocket a medpack to help him recover from his gun shot wounds. Nebula sneaks up behind the Sovereign as he beats on Drax, stabbing him through the chest and making him drop. Peter gets a medpack on Rocket but it seems to induce a stroke rather than fix him. The Guardians recover from their various wounds as the Sovereign flies off into space again. Guess his species can handle stab wounds. They rush Rocket to the ship and their med bay.

 

Rocket seems to have a dream about his… procedure. We don’t get many details besides his fur being shaved in places to allow for the cybernetic and brain augments, being tattooed with the serial number 89P13, and injected with various chemicals. He’s thrown into a cage with several other altered animals, a female Otter, a Male walrus, and a male bunny. The otter’s body has been modified into an approximation of a bipedal shape with robotic arms, but the Walrus has wheels connected to his rump to help him move and the Bunny has had spider-like legs attached to his back. Rocket’s first words are Hurts. And my heart breaks a little. The Otter gets a cloth, tells him to not be scared and helps clean the blood off him.

 

In the present, the Guardian’s learn that Rocket has a kill-switch in his brain that is set to go off if  anything tampers with his body. The switch is on his heart. Mantis asks about Rocket’s past, wondering if they can figure anything out from there on how to save him. Peter just says that Rocket won’t talk about it. Nebula, who is plugged into him and doing most of the scanning, sees most of the tech is copywritten for a company called OrgoCorp and they have his 89P13 serial number. Nebula says he’s got maybe 48 hours. Peter tells the team to get ready, they’re going to head to OrgoCorp and save Rocket. Peter leaves Kraglin and Rocket in charge while they’re gone. Nebula says she might have a contact near OrgoCorp that can help.

 

While they fly, we get another memory of Rocket’s. He’s playing along with his other prisoners in their cell. They are playing tag or something. They all end up on the ground, laughing, the otter saying it’s good to have friends.

 

In the present, we jump to Counter-Earth, the headquarters of our villain.  Ayesha, the head of the Sovereign, is weeping over the injured Sovereign that tried to grab rocket. Her boss comes in, the High Evolutionary. He demands to know if her minion has what he wants, but she says no. She blames the High Evolutionary for releasing the “Warlock” from his maturation pod early. When the boy, Adam, complains about his chest wound, High Evolutionary uses his own gravity powers to slam him against the wall and torture him until Ayesha begs him to stop. He orders them to get 89P13 back, NOW, and storms off. He asks one of his attendents, Theel, how 89P13 could still be alive after all these years, Theel saying he was always clever. The High Evolutionary wants Rocket specifically for that cleverness, he wants to examine Rocket’s brain. Theel asks if it’s wise to leave this up to the Sovereign and the High Evolutionary says they’re a backup plan as he knows where the Guardians are going.

 

We cut to the Orgoscope, headquarters of OrgoCorp, a giant organic planet. It’s just as horrifying as it sounds. Nebula is scanning the area and sees that there are three shields protecting the Orgoscope. Peter prepares the ship to penetrate the shield, lamenting the fact his drunkenness is what lead to Rocket getting hurt. Mantis and Drax try to get him to cheer up. After lamenting the deaths in his life, his mom, Yandu, Gamora 1.0, while Mantis reminds him his grandpa might still be alive. Peter is dismissive of the idea, as he remembers a hard man and isn’t interested in reconnecting with him even if he’s still alive. This causes a mild panic in Mantis when she learns humans can die at 50. They punch through another shield and Peter sets the third shield. They head to the bridge, just before the ship shorts out and they get boarded. It’s a Ravagers fleet lead by Sylvester Stallone… I mean Stakar Ogord. They Ravagers board via a lizard guy’s sling ring portals. Nebula stops a fight from breaking out by saying they have an appointment… with Gamora.

 

Stakar gives the group OrgoCorp uniforms, saying they’ll need them to get through the base. The Guardians get into their uniforms while dealing with the weirdness that Gamora is alive but much meaner than they remember. Stakar says that OrgoCorp has some of the most important Genetic IPs in the galaxy in their system. They need to get in, grab the code and get out.

 

Groot goes to check on Rocket and we get another memory. At some point, the High Evolutionary began tutoring Rocket. He impresses the High Evolutionary by solving complex equations. Outside the ship, they see Counter-Earth. It’s a planet that the High Evolutionary is preparing for his experiments. Rocket, or P13 as the High Evolutionary called him then, likes the blue sky and seeing rockets fly by and the music that the High Evolutionary is playing. He wants to turn what things are and turn them into what they should be, his words. He takes Rocket to see something, the little Raccoon grabbing something before following. We learn that the High Evolutionary is working on trying to create the perfect lifeform and society. He says that Rocket is part of Batch 89, but Batch 90 will be animals he puts though rapid, controlled evolution that he guides in moments. To demonstrate, they stick a turtle in the chamber and mutate it into a humanoid form. The thing screams at Rocket and tries to attack him. The High Evolutionary says this is the one flaw, for some reason every animal they put through the process gets extremely angry. High Evolutionary has Theel to kill it. Rocket points to a part of the machine, saying that the filters are suppressing glycosylated salts and are causing the build up of the chemical that are making the animal-people violent. His observation clearly blows all their minds.

 

Back in the present, the Guardians take off in color coordinated suits for the Orgoscope. They land on it and make for the hatch. While they cut into the station, Peter hits the blue communication button and tries to talk to Gamora. She’s really not interested in learning about her other self, and it’s clear that Peter has tried this tactic before without success. Then the others point out that they can hear all of this because Blue is open communication, not closed line to blue suit. After a comedy bit about which buttons connect to which suits, they slice into the station and slide inside. The main station gets an alert, and the security team calls Master Karja to check it out. Oh, hey, it’s Nathan Fillion. The team has just enough time to stow their suits before Karja and his team arrive. Peter plays it off, saying that they’re a maintenance team that just happened to be in the area when a Neutro Quark punched a hole in the station. While Peter and Karja bond over having stupid teammates, Mantis notices their spacesuits floating out in space. Turns out the bin they used was the decontamination bin and it jettisoned the suits. Shoot. They’ll need to find another way out.

 

They split up, Mantis and Drax to try to find a way to get Groot to fly the ship in for an extraction while Nebula, Gamora and Peter find the data to save Rocket. While walking, Peter bumps into a guy that we know as Theel. Shoot. Mantis and Drax enter the lobby of the building, Mantis making a security guard fall in love with Drax to get them through. While they search, we hear a message about OrgoCorp, how it was founded by the High Evolutionary 300 years ago. Unfortunately, security gets a look at Mantis and Drax’s faces, recognizes them from a report they got earlier and call in their troops.

 

Peter’s team make it to the records area. Peter goes to seduce Ura the record keeper, but Gamora doesn’t have time for this and comes in and threatens her with a gun. They get Ura to show them the records area and the species tag for Rocket. While Ura works, Peter and Gamora fight about their non-existent relationship. There’s a funny moment when Gamora says that the other her sounds more like Nebula than her and Peter and Nebula have a weird moment. They get the file, a slimy ball thing as a security alert goes off. Mantis and Drax are surrounded by guards in the lobby as guards surround Peter and co. Drax and Mantis start throwing guards around, while Gamora holds Ura hostage. Gamora says to kill an alien that looks like a carrot to show they mean business. Peter says no, and that past Gamora is so mean. Nebula points out she was always like that and yet Nebula was always the bad guy. Nebula radios Groot to get their ship, the Bowie into position. On an awkward elevator ride down, Peter gives Ura a super summarized version of Gamora and his relationship, Nebula saying that he skimmed over some key details but that’s the gist. They leave the elevator and Peter and Gamora head for the security hub while Nebula goes to help Mantis and Drax.

 

Drax takes a shot from Karja, badly injuring him. He tells Mantis to run but she doesn’t listen.  Nebula gets shot running to them. Peter begs Ura to give him access to the security system so he can give an impassioned speech and try to get things to calm down. Ura lets him in and Peter says he was lying to get access to their system. He then has all the guards’ jets to go off and make them fly around in circles. Peter heads out, telling Gamora that Ura was totally into him. Groot crash lands and they head out.

 

Another flashback and Rocket is laying in his cage with his friends. They are imaging what the new world will be like. The Walrus says he’s been thinking, about nothing in particular but thinking. The otter says that she’s been thinking about names. Her designation 89Q12 isn’t much of a name. She dubs herself Lylla, the Walrus names himself Teefs, and the rabbit says he’s Floor. Rocket names himself and says that he’ll build them a rocket and they’ll all fly off together forever and beautiful sky. They all laugh as they talk about their names.

 

Stop breaking my heart, James Gunn!

 

The Guardians watch the video in the orb. It’s a video of the procedure Rocket went through to become Rocket. They find out that the passkey was gone, 1 million characters long, and it was deleted by Theel. They realize that he works for the High Evolutionary and how he’s worshiped as a God in some parts of the universe. They realize the computer on Theel’s head has the code, so they’re going to rip it out and save him. Peter rallies the crew to head out and save Rocket, Gamora wants to be dropped off. Peter starts talking about his Gamora again, setting this Gamora off. She throws him into a wall and asks what’s so wrong with him that he needs her to be someone else. Nebula tells her to back off, Rocket’s family and she’s not risking him to make her life more convenient. Gamora says screw all of them as she heads out.

 

Karja grabbed a Ravager from earlier and brough him in for questioning. Ayesha tells Adam to show the Ravager they mean business, and he incinerates him. Whoops. Adam says they can interrogate his pet thing because he’s dumb. Thankfully for them, Gamora radios the Ravager and requests a pickup. She sends them to her coordinates because she’s dumb for this scene, I guess.

 

While flying Peter listens to sad music while wearing a new Guardian’s uniform. The rest of the crew put them on too. Mantis sends Drax to talk to Peter, to say exactly what she said, as no one listens to her. Drax gives him a speech about life being a pond, that he spent his life leaping from lily pad to lily pad and that maybe he needs to learn to swim. He then ruins it by going off script because Drax. They get an alert as Rocket’s vitals are flatlining.

 

He has another flashback to when an irate High Evolutionary came to Rocket’s cage. He grabs Rocket and takes him to see another set of animals be hyper evolved and asks how he knew about the proteins. The High Evolutionary seems to be having a nervous breakdown at the thought that Rocket knew something that he didn’t. He reveals that the procedure works now, and because of that, he doesn’t need Rocket and batch 89 anymore. He calls Rocket a “Medley of mistakes that we could learn from and be applied to the creatures that truly matter.”  He orders batch 89 incinerated tomorrow, but that he’ll have Rocket’s brain removed from his body first for additional study.

 

In the present, Nebula tells Peter that they don’t have long just as they arrive on Counter-Earth. It’s weirdly close to what Earth was like circa 1950-60. They land in the middle of suburb populated by the High Evolutionary’s Humanimals, highly evolved humanoid animals. Diplomatic relations hit a snag almost immediately when Drax throws a ball back at a child too hard and knocks her down. A riot almost breaks out but Nebula orders Groot to go Full Kaiju to scare them off. Peter goes to talk to a Bat-lady that got hurt in the initial scuffle and offers to help her fix her scraps in exchange for help. I’m amazed she was able to get all that, as the Humanimals don’t speak Galactic Basic or have a translator or whatever handwave the Guardians settled on to how every species speaks English in space.

 

Adam and Ayesha fly in, Adam petting the creature he took from  the dead Ravager. He says he’ll train him in the ways of the Sovereign. They reach the planet and prepare to land.

 

The Guardians are brough into the Bat’s house and do their best to communicate despite the language barrier, Nebula and Mantis fighting, and Drax insisting he should be able to laydown completely on the couch. They’re able to explain enough to her to figure out that people like Theel are at a large pyramid nearby, which is the High Evolutionary’s, base. Peter, Groot and Nebula take the Bat Lady’s car to drive to it, Peter ordering Drax and Mantis to stay back and watch Gamora and Rocket. He also gives Groot his Elemental Guns and tells him he knows what to do with them. They drive off, sort of Peter has no idea how to drive stick, as Gamora watches from the cockpit. We take a few minutes with Gamora. She wanders the base, talks to the comatose Rocket, saying that he must be a very loyal pet for them to do all of this for him. She looks through Peter’s old backpack full of 80s stuff, his photo of his mom and grandpa. At the same time, we see Peter and co driving through town and seeing the Humanimals have a crime ridden city filled with drugs and violence. Oh no.

 

We cut to the High Evolutionary examining one of his latest experiments, the “Star Children.” Theel comes to talk to him, but he ignores Theel for a few minutes as he lists off the Star Children’s specs. The one he’s watching has been running around in a circle for nearly 2 hours without breaking a sweat, they can survive on 30 calories a day, a week of sleep, are always happy, and can rewire complex machinery in under two minutes. He asks if she’ll be ready for the new colony. Theel finally tells him that Peter and company are there. Peter pulls up to the compound and meets the hellspawn, heavily modified humanimals covered in weapons. They let Peter and Groot in, keeping Nebula back because of her robot arm. Peter and Groot meet the High Evolutionary.

 

Another flashback and we see Rocket being brought back into his cage. Knowing that they don’t have much time, he quickly searches his cages and body for parts he hid. He assembles a skeleton key to open their cage while telling his friends what happened. He says that just down the hall are ships, he can pilot one and the four of them can fly off together just like they always said. Floor is happy while Teefs and Lilah seem more apprehensive. He opens the cage and then goes over and frees Lilah and Teefs. Lilah comes out and the two hug for the first time. She almost says “It really is good to have friends” but is shot at “have” by the High Evolutionary. He orders Rocket back in the cage as Lilah sighs out “Sky” before dying. Floor starts screaming that “Rocket, Teefts Floor go now,” as the High Evolutionary reports the escape attempt in and Rocket screams bloody murder. The High Evolutionary orders him back in the cage again, Rocket tackles him and starts slicing up his face with his claws. Guards arrive, Rocket grabs a gun and kills them. He goes to get the others only to find Teefs and Floor dead too. Rocket runs off, steals a ship and flies away… and I guess never really stops until he hooks up with the Guardians and Groot.

 

Back in the present, Drax and Mantis steal a motorcycle. Drax says he has a bad feeling about this and wants to go help. He tricks Mantis onto it and they drive off.

 

Peter sees Theel and demands to get the passkey from him. The High Evolutionary starts talking to Peter, his other assistant Vim ordering one of the hellspawn from outside (Warpig) to head out. The High Evolutionary says that he visited Earth years ago and was impressed by our culture and tech, and how he wanted to model his perfect society off of it. Like old Earth without bigotry or corruption, or so he says. Peter, already tied of this, says that he doesn’t need another speech from another whackjob whose mother didn’t love him trying to rationalize why he needs to conquer the universe. While they chat, Gamora hears the ship alarm going off. She exits the bathroom to see Warpig trying to steal Rocket. They start fighting. The High Evolutionary reveals he’s not happy with Counter-Earth’s development and that he’s going to raze the planet and start again. Warpig gets Rocket and calls it in, the pyramid starts to take off.

 

Gamora tackles Warpig to try to stop her, gets thrown off, but then Adam flies in and knocks her over. He orders his pet to stay. Warpig asks him why he’s doing this when they have the same boss. He says he needs the credit to save his civilization and tells her to backoff. Peter orders Groot to kill them all, but the High Evolutionary pins them with Gravity for a minute. When she doesn’t, he rips her head off. It’s only then that he realizes Gamora got up and ran off with Rocket. She circles around to the front of the ship just as Counter-Earth starts exploding. Adam flies off to try to save his mother but can’t get there in time and is tossed back. Nebula radios Drax to bring the ship around, only to discover they had just arrived at the pyramid. Gamora tries to take off, gets knocked back, gets up and finds a burnt and injured Adam had returned to the ship just before collapsing. Nebula radios Gamora and tells her to take off. Theel mocks Peter for walking into an obvious trap, Peter once again calls it a face off and tells Groot again to kill them all. Groot grows bigger and reveals he stored weapons within his chest cavity. They use a grenade to keep the High Evolutionary from them, Groot pulls out like 8 guns for himself and Peters two and they all start blasting.

 

Gamora gets the ship powered on and starts trying to take off. Nebula, Drax and Mantis dive at the Pyramid ship and get on the bottom most level as it takes off. Theel begs for his life, Peter gives it, but says thanking him would be premature. He runs and tackles Theel out of an open window, Groot leaping after a minute later. The High evolutionary says it’s a novel escape plan, jumping onto an exploding planet. Groot larches onto Peter and grows wings to let them glide down. Nebula and co try to get inside, believing Peter and Groot are still inside just as they shoot past them. They crash and Peter rips the computer out of Theel’s dead skull before almost getting crushed by Gamora and the ship. Drax just gets the door open by slamming into it just before they freeze to death or suffocate. Inside they find a ton of Star Children in cages, Nebula groaning “Oh piss off.” Peter and Gamora race to get the key to Rocket as the ship takes off.

 

Inside, Nebula flips out at Drax, believing Nebula and Rocket are dead because of him and that his excuse of being a big dumb idiot has worn on her last nerve. Mantis tries to defend him and Nebula yell at her too, and Mantis yells back at her. Mantis says that Drax has sadness but he’s the only one of the group that doesn’t hate himself. Drax asks if she thinks he’s stupid, she says yes but then makes him forget. They start freeing the kids as Nebula tries to reach Peter and Groot.

 

Peter and Nebula start trying to get the passkey into Rocket’s killswitch. As they do, he mentally enters a white room and sees Liliah, Teefs and Floor. The key is uploading but Gamora says that it’s uploading too slowly. He apologizes for failing them. She forgives him, saying that the sky is beautiful and forever. He asks if he can fly with them too, she says yes. Rocket starts to flatline, but Peter won’t let him go. He pulls the wires out and tries to give him compressions. Rocket goes to follow his friends, Liliah stops him and says not yet and that he still has a purpose. He asks for what, saying they’re just experiments made by a freak to be thrown away. She says there are the hands that made us, and the hands that guide the hands. They nuzzle, she calls him her beloved raccoon and tells him that the story has been his all along, he just didn’t know it yet. He has just enough time to deny being a raccoon before being thrown back to his body.  The passkey goes through and they slap a medpack on him to fix his chest. He gets up and Peter and Groot hug him. Groot entangling them in vines to make it tighter. He asks where Nebula is. Peter prepares to tell him Nebula is dead on the planet, but Rocket says that her code is on the comm. They reach Nebula and get their stories lined up. The High Evolutionary busts in and orders the Star Children back in their cages. He gets the communicator and tells Peter to bring Rocket to him or he’ll kill them.

 

We cut to Knowhere where Cosmo, Kraglin and several others are playing cards. Cosmo is still upset about being called a bad dog and from everyone else reaction she’s been complaining about it since the main crew left. Peter radios Kraglin and orders him to bring Knowhere to a set of coordinates.

 

We returned to the High Evolutionary’s ship. He’s having a psychological breakdown, it seems, at having lost rocket again and is yelling at Vim for failing to get him back. Vim is counseling heading to the new colony site now and not fighting at all. The High Evolutionary points to two of the Star Children, saying that they can do technical wonders like rewire a carbenetrix core in under two minutes but are still practicing rote memorizations. He claims that in hundreds of years, only one experiment had the spark of true invention. He calls Rocket putrid in every way except that. He believes that his star children’s society will fail unless they can get Rocket’s brain, figure out what makes him creative, and transfer it to the Star Children or they’ll fail.

 

Nebula, Mantis and Drax are thrown in a cell. The Star Children come to watch them.  They know that Peter doesn’t know about them, and that he’ll try to get to Knowhere to save them.  They try to warn the kids to stay away from the starboard side as that’s where Peter will attack but the language barrier is too much. Nebula starts yelling at them in frustration and freaking them out. Drax calms them down by doing monkey noises and then talks to them in their language, saying he told them to stay away from the starboard side.

 

The Guardians of the Galaxy suit up to do their rescue mission. Watch the movie to see how it plays out.

 

Okay, good first. The returning cast are all great. I liked that the movie wasn’t really focused on Peter trying to get Variant Gamora to become his Gamora, but ultimately to let his Gamora go and let this new Gamora be her own person. Certain parts, like Nebula finally getting fed up with Drax and Mantis getting tired of not being listened to feels a little forced but they’re trying to wrap up their story arcs in a satisfying way, there’s gonna be some hiccups. I like how this was first and foremost Rocket’s story. We got to see his birth, how he was raised, why he was such an asshole for so long and why he fought so hard to get his friends back. They don’t say it directly, but it’s implied that Rocket and Nebula are particularly close in this film due to the five years they spent together as the only living Guardians of the Galaxy. Major props to Bradley Cooper’s voice work in this. Now onto the new cast. Will Poulter is good as Adam Warlock. It’s clear he’s supposed to be like Drax from early on. Strong, yes, but extremely dumb. He makes a ton of mistakes because he doesn’t think things through, but he’s got an earnestness to him that makes it impossible to hate him. He’s just trying to make sure his people survive.  Chuwudi Iwuji is amazing as the High Evolutionary. Brillian but sadistic, creative but cruel, this unrepentant monster is the perfect villain to encapsulate the cruelty that made Rocket Raccoon. I loved the underlying message hee, that the High Evolutionary’s plan is impossible. He wants Rocket’s brain to figure out how to genetically program creativity. But that trait isn’t something you can hard wire in. You can nurture it, you can learn to be better at it, but no amount of DNA tinkering can make an organism that intuitively knows how to make new things, to think outside the box. The High Evolutionary’s empire burned to the ground for something he could never, really, have. It’s almost sad. Oh, and I liked that everyone’s plot got wrapped up in such a way without anyone dying. I was scared every time something was going to kill a Guardian every time someone took a hard hit. But no, everyone found a spot for them to be in, be it a retirement like it seems for Drax and Nebula, a solo journey like Mantis and Peter, or a new team like Groot, Rocket and Gamora ended up on. I teared up when Groot said, I assume in Groot but we got to understand it, “I love you guys.” The effects and music are amazing, but that’s true of most of James Gunn’s work, so I’m not surprised.

 

The bad is minimal. Certain scenes like on the Orgoscope drag a little in places. Certain jokes drag on a little too long, like Mantis making that alien fall in love with Drax and such. Like I said, the Nebula finally hitting her last nerve with Drax felt extremely forced, but I can’t even be too mad at it because it’s meant to help get us to her telling Drax his real purpose isn’t to be a destroyer but a dad. Oh, and Peter almost dying because he didn’t have his super space tech, folds into an earpiece helmet for the firsts time was a tad silly. But that did lead us to the cool shot of Adam redeeming himself and saving him. If it feels like I’m really struggling to find negatives, it’s because I am. Everyone getting a hit on the High Evolutionary is a bit silly, but thematically relevant. I believe without a doubt that this was by far the best MCU movie of Phase 5.

 

So yeah, this is a great movie. It’s a touching send-off to the Guardians of the Galaxy as we knew them, a love letter to all the characters that we’ve grown to love over the years. The Guardians of the Galaxy trilogy turned a team of Marvel D-list heroes into some of the most beloved characters in modern film. This is an excellent bookend to their story, and while I’m sad we may never see some of these guys again, I’m happy it ended like this, with everyone on their own journey, a family that’s going in different directions, but not done-done. Oh, and ending it with the new team talking Earth music and closing out with Rocket playing Redbone’s “Come And Get Your Love,” like the films started was just a sweet way to end it. My hats off to you, James Gunn, this has me really excited about what you’re going to do with Superman in a few years. Have a good night, everyone. Tomorrow, Across the Spider-verse!

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Twitter: @BasicsSuperhero

Review: Guardians of the Galaxy: Christmas Special

 Peter really needs to sit these guys down and explain what kidnapping is. 

Alright, let’s close out this year with Guardian’s of the Galaxy: Holiday Special. All I know about it is that it’s the team trying to cheer Peter up after he was still depressed following Gamora’s death and replacement with a pre-Guardian Variant of herself. I’ve heard people are mixed on it overall, but that’s all I know. Let’s see how I feel about it, shall we?

 

Such an odd opening...

The story opens with a drunk man singing a Christmas song before cutting to an animated scene of Peter explaining the concept of Christmas to Yondu and Kraglin. Yondu is… unusually aggravated at the concept of being given gifts and tells them to clean up the mess or they’ll be on latrine duty. He then violently smashes the tree up, announces he hates Christmas (despite knowing about it of only about a minute) and storms off. We then jump to current Kraglin, sporting Yondu’s old fin, explaining that that’s how Yondu ruined Christmas forever to Mantis, Drax, and Nebula. Mantis is sympathetic… and Drax enjoyed hearing about the violence. Kraglin says that he saw on a multi-calendar that it’s Christmas time on Earth and that it brought back memories. Nebula admits she kind of agrees with Yondu, as the Guardians have been super busy remodeling Knowhere since buying it from the Collector. Kraglin and Nebula go off to do more work. Mantis mentions that that was a heartbreaking story, to which Drax agrees, saying he hates stories where everyone lives. Mantis looks at, and we jump over to, Peter who is signing some paperwork. We shift focus a little to Rocket Raccoon berating Cosmo the space dog’s sloppy telekinetic movement of some panels. Cosmo drops the panels after Rocket calls him a mutt and demands treats if he’s to keep working.

 

An alien named Bzermikitokolok calls Peter over to get his input on how his band is doing on Christmas song he’s been working on. He learned about Christmas from Rocket, who learned from Cosmo, who learned from Kraglin who learned from Peter, so this is going to be weird, me thinks. The first lines are normal, but then they go into a full rock song about how weird Santa is when you think about it. A nearly fully grown Groot is rocking out to it in the background, so they’re doing something right. Peter walks off when they’re finished, looking miffed.

 

The Hangover but with Aliens. And
Christmas.

      Back with Mantis and Drax, she talks about wanting to help Peter out by trying to “fix” Christmas for him. She wants to do this in part because of her secret, the one that only Drax knows, that she is Peter’s half-sister. I guess that she didn’t have the spark or whatever Ego needed to enact his plan. Who knew? She doesn’t want to tell him because she doesn’t want him to only think about their psychotic father when they look at him. She wants to get Peter the ultimate Christmas gift to make up for Yondu humbugging up Christmas and Gamora’s disappearance. Drax suggest they get him the ultimate hero, the one that Peter has talked about most in the years he’s known him. We cut to Kevinn Bacon getting his car and getting a call from his wife Kyra Sedgwick and saying he’s all set for them to have the perfect Christmas. Oh, Kevin, you fool.

 

Drax and Mantis grab a ship and hyperspace fly to Earth. Their ship causes several onlookers to start sobbing, as they probably think another invasion is happening. At least they do until Drax remembers to turn on the cloaking device. Their plan is to go down to LA and ask around until someone tells them where to find Kevin Bacon. Wow, this is a weird premise but I guess we’re going for it. They both think Kevin Bacon is some kind of king or something. They land the ship and start looking for Kevin Bacon. There’s a funny bit where Mantis thinks a street performer is the real Steve Rodgers and Drax threatens a “Gobot” because one I guess killed his cousin? Drax’s backstory is weird. They make a bunch of money from tourists that take photos and such with them. The segment ends with Mantis in another photoshoot and Drax beating the Gobot guy in the background.

 

They’re still wandering around hours later and end up in a bar. They buy a couple shots and ask a bartender where Kevin Bacon is, which he obviously doesn’t know. They get a shot, Mantis wanders off to dance and Drax is hit on by a rando. They have a good time getting drunk and partying for a bit. They end up drunk and sitting on the street. Mantis laments not knowing where Kevin Bacon is or even what he looks like. A lady shows them a “Map of the Stars,” which Mantis makes her hand over for free, along with all her money. Damn, drunk Mantis is a monster.

 

I wonder if this was the weirdest house call that Kevin
Bacon has had...

They travel to the Bacon/Sedgewick house and interrupt the start having a lovely night in. They ring his doorbell and get his attention, but obviously Kevin Bacon isn’t super interested in helping out two random weirdo’s at his front gate. Mantis blames Drax for acting weird and not wanting to talk to them. Mantis tries to formulate a plan, wondering aloud if Drax could toss her over the gate and maybe… her thought isn’t finished because Drax immediately throws her over the gate. He leaps over a few seconds later. He immediately steals an elf Christmas decoration, and Mantis scolds him before also stealing a candy cane decoration. They knock on the door and call out to Kevin Bacon. Kevin does the crazy thing and goes to check his front door. He asks them to kindly put his decorations back and leave, and that he’s calling the cops right now. Drax breaks in and tells him that they’re taking him as a Christmas present. Kevin runs through his house, Drax and Mantis in pursuit, before escaping outside. They get distracted when Drax realize he left his elf behind and argue about whether he can go back for it. … kay.

 

Kevin Bacon runs into the cops as Mantis and Drax follow. They get ordered to raise their hands or they’ll shoot. They don’t stop and the cops start firing. Unfortunately for them, Drax is bulletproof. Mantis then leaps through them and using her powers to knock them out. She almost gets Kevin Bacon when another cop car drives and Drax flips the car over. Mantis yells at him for possibly killing cops. She goes over to make sure they’re okay and gives them her stolen candy cane as a peace offering. She grabs Kevin Bacon and uses her powers to make him super excited to come with them. They steal a bunch of Christmas stuff from a store and take off.

 

As they fly back to Knowhere, Kevin Bacon explains that he’s in fact not his characters from Footloose or Friday the 13^th but, ya know, an actor. Drax and Mantis are immediately disgusted by this, as I guess actors don’t have a great rep in the intergalactic community. He tries to explain how great actor’s are, but they’re too busy being disgusted by actors to notice. Mantis uses her powers to make Kevin Bacon to act like a real hero. He at first tries to be a literal hero, a private in the British army during WWII, but Mantis corrects him, saying be like Kevin bacon if he didn’t suck. Oy.

 

On Knowhere, Groot is sent to get Peter’s attention and lure him to the Guardian’s surprise display. They strung up a tone of lights and set up some fake snow to blow for him. Peter is absolutely floored by the display. Mantis runs in and wishes Peter a merry Christmas from everyone before all the citizens of Knowhere run in to celebrate. They then wheel out Kevin Bacon in a box. Peter opens his present and is shocked to find Kevin Bacon inside. Peter is obviously less than stoked his friends kidnapped Kevin Bacon and orders Mantis to get him out of his super stoked trance when he realizes what she did. She does and Kevin Bacon is scared shitless by what is happening. Peter tries to keep him calm while ordering Kraglin to get the ship ready to bring Kevin Bacon home. Groot pretends like he thought it was a bad idea, Peter scolds him for lying, and Kevin Bacon gets more freaked out. Peter lets shim go and he immediately runs. He orders Nebula to get him. She runs after him “You can’t outrun me, Bacon!”

 

Later, Kraglin brings Kevin Bacon onto the ship and prepares to take him home. Kraglin apologizes about what happened and mentions that this only happened because Kevin Bacon means so much to Peter. He mentions that Peter told them all about the story about Footloose and how Peter saved the Universe via dancing in part because of him. Kyra Sedgwick calls, and Kevin lets her know that he’s going to be a little late. Kevin Sings a son with Bzermikitokolok and his band while the Guardians do a gift exchange. Groot got a classic Gameboy, Nebula got Rocket Bucky’s arm, Cosmo got Kraglin a dead… space rat, and Mantis got Drax another Elf guy. That’s sweet. Groot made everyone little dioramas of the events of the special. My favorite is Kraglin’s, which is Kraglin holding a figure of himself, holding a figure of himself. Classic sight gag.

 

Sibling hug!

After the song, Peter and the gang have group hug with Kevin Bacon before he heads out. Nebula is amazed that all actors aren’t pieces of shit. Later, Peter asks Mantis why they went to all the trouble. Mantis says that Kraglin told them the story about Yondu ruining Chrismas and how they wanted to fix it. Peter mentions that he isn’t sure Kraglin knows the full ending. We see in another animated segment that Yondu eventually opened his gift and got this little green alien thing, and in thanks gave Peter his guns. Mantis reveals that they’re half siblings. Peter says that’s the best Christmas gift he’d ever get and they hug it out.  The story ends with the two saying Merry Christmas to each other, and a scene of Yondu and Peter bonding before flying off.

 

In a post credit scene, Rocket and Cosmo try to turn Groot into a Christmas tree. He can’t keep his arms up forever, though, so he drops the ornaments he was holding. Cosmo says Groot ruined Christmas again and Rocket comments that they’ll need to do another special.

 

Alright, that was fine. I definitely think that Werewolf By Night is the superior special. But that was introducing several new characters and new elements to the MCU, this was always meant to be just a “oh, aliens are weird” gag story involving the Guardians of the Galaxy. I in general like Batista’s Drax and Pom Klementieff’s Mantis… but I think they tried to milk them too much for this. Mantis not understanding what an impersonator is and not getting how she freaked out Steve? Funny. Mantis not realizing that kidnapping is bad? Less funny. It was fun to see Kevin Bacon in this, though. Celebrities just playing themselves in a movie/special is kind of easy mode, but again, this was just supposed to be a dumb fun goofy set up. His song was well done. And, while the “the real greatest gift is the truth” bit is cliché as hell, Pom does sell it as a big moment for Mantis to know that Peter is happy she’s his sister and not pissed off at the reminder of Ego. Oh, and it was fun to see Rocket and Cosmo interacting. What? Unlikely animal friends are great. So yeah, it was a silly little side story. Kind of dumb in places but harmless. I’d personally prefer more Werewolf By Night style specials than this one, but it’s not the worst thing I’ve seen this year. (Sidelong glance at Black Adam.) It makes me excited for whatever Guardian’s of the Galaxy Vol. III is going to look like, so that’s a win in and of itself. And that’s all I have to say about that. Have a Happy New Year, everyone!

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Twitter: @BasicsSuperhero

Review: Avengers: Endgame pt. 1 The Assault (No Spoiler)

All things come to an end. It is inevitable.

Let’s talk Avengers: Endgame. The story that began eleven years ago with Iron Man, that went on to span twenty-one different films has come to a close. We’ve seen a self-centered industrialist become an armored champion, a soldier out of time rally the troops, a jade titan find a home, a being of legend fall from grace and reclaim his glory, a pair of assassins transform into cunning allies, a king become both champion and envoy of his people, a man of science embrace the mystic, and a group of outlaws save planets. Just to name a few. Oh, and Spider-Man is there now too. Ha. They faced off against the Mad God Thanos last time, and while the different groups of Avengers put on valiant fights, Thanos ultimately overcame them all and used the Infinity Gauntlet to kill 50% of life. This is a massive film, so I think you can understand why I want to break it down into multiple parts. Don’t want to overload your eyes and brains with my nerd gushing. So, let’s get to it.

The Avengers have to avenge
50% of all life. Tall order.

We open on Tony and Nebula onboard the Guardian’s ship, the Milano. Despite captain Peter Quill’s death due to The Snap and ship’s engineer Rocket Raccoon being on Earth, the two were able to jerry rig the ship to fly, at least for a while. It does help having the world's fore most engineer on the ship. While they made it most of the way from Thanos’ homeworld of Titan, the ship still broke down about 1000 light years from Earth. Tony, fearing the worst, records a goodbye message to Pepper. He knows it’s an insanely long shot of anyone back home finding their ship, but he feels better leaving the message to her that he drifted off dreaming about her. He passes out, while the cyborg Nebula makes sure he’s comfortable. Just when all hope seems lost, Tony is awakened by a blinding light. It’s not a supernova, it’s Captain Marvel. Carol grabs the ship and takes them home, lickety-split.

Back home, the surviving Avengers recap to Tony and the audience what happened. That Thanos overcame the Avengers and the massive Wakandan Army to get the last Infinity Stones, did his big Snap, and 50% of all life was Dusted. Well, sentient life, anyway. What? Aside from Groot, I saw no other foliage disappear. Combining resources with Nebula and Rocket, they’re able to track down Thanos to his hidey-hole on the other side of the galaxy. They detected a massive energy burst unique to the Infinity Gauntlet on a planet that Nebula called the Garden. Thanos talked to her about it while mutilating her and upgrading her cybernetic components. Great dad right there. To the groups shock, Tony tells them to piss off. He’s tired and obviously broken after their defeat at Thanos’ hands. I have to imagine holding your young student in your arms as he fades away into ash does have that effect on a guy. He hands over his portable Arc Reactor and tells them to run and hide. Despite that setback, the team moves forward. It’s Captain America, Black Widow, Thor, Captain Marvel, Rocket, Nebula, War Machine and Banner in the Hulk Buster to save the day.

…

And that’s all you’re getting out of me. For now, anyway. I’ve spent the last few days agonizing over how best to approach this one. On the one hand, I want to gush about this movie, everything it did right and how overall amazing it is. On the other, I hate to give too much away and ruin someone else’s first experience of it. Honestly, I wish I could Neuralize myself ala Men In Black so I could watch it again for the first time. So, I came up with this little compromise. I’ll only talk about the first fifteen minutes of the movie here, and do a more in-depth analysis next month. That should give everyone who honestly wants to see it spoiler free a chance to see it and allow me to gush in detail later.

That all being said, I will give you broad strokes. This is perhaps the BEST send off for several Marvel Characters. It’s no secret that Robert Downey Jr. and Chris Evans for sure are done with Marvel Movies after this one, as they haven’t signed new contracts. For them, and several other legacy Avengers, this was their last Rodeo. And by God, it delivers. I think of Logan, and how that was a bittersweet but perfect send off for Logan and Professor X as played by their definitive actors. And this was that for those who have decided to bow out. It highlights their strengths, their humanity, and tugged at my heart strings in just the right way to make me feel truly sad that we won’t be seeing some of these guys again.

The effects are gorgeous, both on the massive, planet wide scale down to the intricate details that go into digitally altering a character’s face.

I have loved these movies and these characters since first seeing Iron Man with my older brother in theaters when I was a teenager. The Marvel Cinematic Universe encapsulated everything I love about Marvel characters, costumed superheroes, and big budget effects while changing just enough to make the stories accessible to those who don’t know how many Iron Men, Captain Americas, or Black Panther’s there’ve been. And to fill in gaps in the roster that the lack of ownership of several key characters caused. It’s been a long, strange and bumpy trip these last eleven years. And while it brings a tear to my eye to let some of them go, it was still a hell of a ride. And there’s the promise of whatever comes next. But after the decade’s long Infinity War Saga, whatever does come next has some pretty big shoes to fill.

There’s so much more I want to say. Hell, it was a three-hour movie, I could probably write a full twenty-page essay on the damn thing. And it would be fantastic, just saying. But, saying even one thing more would ruin several twists that even I didn’t see coming. And this stuff is what I spent my free time think and writing about. I’ll just close by saying, to everyone that has ever starred in, worked on, and enjoyed the exploits of the big screen Avengers, it’s been a fantastic ride and I wish you all the very best.

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Twitter: @BasicsSuperhero

Review: The Avengers: Infinity War

Death has come hunting.

Well, it all comes down to this. Ten years, Nineteen movies, dozens of characters, all building to this showdown. The Mad Titan Thanos has grown tired of waiting and is now actively searching for the six Infinity Stones. He plans on bringing the stones together and use them to wipe out half of all life in the Universe. May the Asgard help those who stand in his way.

A big cast for a colossal problem.

We open to the Asgard Ark being bombarded. Well, crap. The refugee gods were set upon by Thanos and his Black Order. Here’s a quick roll call, something the movie doesn’t bother with. First, we have Ebony Maw, he is an insanely powerful telekinetic and serves as the ‘preacher’ of Thanos.  He mostly stands around shouting about how glorious it is to die at the hands of the Mad Titan. Next, we have Cull Obsidian, the giant bruiser. He’s the resident powerhouse of the group, he is mostly brought along to break things. FYI, in just about everything else he’s referred to as Black Dwarf. And finally, we have Proxima Midnight, and her husband Corvus Glaive. They’re a pair of peerless warriors that serve as more discrete assassins then their cohorts. And leading them is Thanos, the Mad Titan and bringer of doom. He’d already gained the purple Power Stone from Xandar offscreen. Thanos and his minions lay waste to the Asgardians. Even the best efforts of Thor, Loki and the Hulk are useless against Thanos. Using the last of his strength, Heimdall is able to open a Bifrost Bridge, flinging Hulk towards Earth. Thanos stabs him through the chest for that. Thanos tortures Thor, to try and force Loki to hand over the Tesseract, which he stole from the Asgard Vault before their home’s destruction. And, to everyone’s shock, he hands it over to get Thanos to spare his brother’s life. Thanos shatters the cube, retrieving the stone within and places it on his glove. Loki then tries to offer his services to Thanos, as a guide while on Earth. This turns out to be a ruse to get in close and stab the Mad Titan right in his enormous chin. Unfortunately, he sees it coming and strangles Loki to death. He and his crew depart, bombarding the Asgard ship to debris with Thor still inside.

Even Loki would have trouble talking his way out of this.

Hulk hurtles across space and time, crash landing in Dr. Strange’s Sanctum Santorum in New York City. Hulk reverts back to Banner and tells the Sorcerer Supreme and Wong about what is coming. In order to stop this, Strange picks up Tony Stark, whom was in the middle of unsuccessfully convincing fiancée Pepper Potts that they should have a baby. They get Tony just in time, as Ebony Maw and Cull Obsidian have arrived in New York to steal the Time Stone from Dr. Strange. Unfortunately, Banner is unable to Hulk-out, so the heroes are at a disadvantage. Spider-Man, who saw the colossal ship the two Black Order were using, swings in to assist. The team is able to disarm, dis-hand, and strand Obsidian somewhere in the arctic, but Maw is able to overpower Strange and takes him to the ship. Peter hitches a ride on the ship but is nearly killed when the ship leaves the upper atmosphere. Tony summons up the Iron Spider Armor to help Peter, and by help, I mean tries to use it to force him back to Earth. It doesn’t work, so He and Iron Man are stuck on the cruiser. Street side, Banner takes the burner cellphone that Tony had dropped as the fight began to call Cap.

Meanwhile, in Glasgow, Scotland, Wanda Maximoff and Vision are finishing up a ‘secret’ rendezvous. The two have been carrying on a private relationship, despite Wanda’s status as a fugitive, since that Civil War fiasco. Just as the two are about to part ways, they’re attacked by Proxima and Glaive. The Black Order carry weapons that seem to counter-act Vision’s phasing powers, and nearly rip the Mind Stone from his head. But, back up arrives in the form of Captain Rogers, Black Widow, and Falcon. The three relatively normal humans force the two aliens back, for now. They grab Vision and take him back to the new Avengers Facility. James Rhodes is there, and ordered to arrest the fugitives, but he decides to ignore that order. Vision, knowing what will happen if Thanos gets the Mind Stone, asks Wanda to use her Chaos powers to destroy it. She refuses, as doing so will kill Vision. With few options, the heroes decide to take Vison to the one place on Earth that might be able to do something about the Mind Stone that could leave Vision intact, Wakanda.

Meanwhile, The Guardians of the Galaxy arrive at the wreckage of the Asgard ship. They’d received the distress call earlier. They hit Thor, literally, and bring him onboard. The last of the Aesir, after recovering, proposes a plan to the alien team. Feeling underequipped without Mjolnir, Thor wants to travel to Nidavellir, to see the Dwarf king and master weaponsmith Eitri. Why? So he can build a weapon capable of killing Thanos. But, at the same time, he feels someone should go to the space station Knowhere to check on the Collector, whom currently holds the Reality Stone. Thor had the Warrior’s Three give it to him at the end of Thor 2. Thor, Rocket Raccoon, and Groot go to Nidavellir, and Star-Lord, Gamora, Drax, and Mantis go to Knowhere.

Such a colorful collection of characters.

Back with Team Iron Man, Tony and Peter try to think of a way to beat Ebony Maw. And, actually, Peter has a perfect plan. They ripoff the ending to Aliens. Peter and Tony distract Maw for a second, then blow a hole in the side of the ship to cast him into the void. Peter and Steven almost get pulled out too, but hey, no plan is perfect. Without Maw to drive the ship, though, they’re stuck heading for it’s destination, Titan.  

On Nidavellir, Team Thor learns that the station is dark, and that the dwarves are all dead save Eitri. The rather giant Dwarf reveals that he made Thanos’ Infinity Gauntlet, in the foolish hope that Thanos would spare Nidavellir if he got what he wanted. Instead, the Mad Titan killed the dwarves and chopped off Eitri’s hands. Thor is able to convince Eitri to help them, and they set about forging Thor’s new weapon, the half-hammer half-axe Stormbreaker. They have a slight issue with the forging process, which leads to Thor having to manually holding open a valve and be blasted by a solar Prominence to forge it. Groot offers up some of his own wood to give Stormbreaker it’s hilt.

On Knowhere, Team Star-Lord find Thanos already there and torturing The Collector for the Stone’s location. Despite Quill’s best attempts at forming a spontaneous plan, Gamora rushes in and stabs her adoptive father in the neck. Well, that was easy. That’s a real short movie. Kind of anti-climactic really.

…

Okay, that’s not what happened. Turns out, Thanos already had the Reality Stone and used it’s powers to draw them into Knowhere, and then out into the open. The Thanos that Gamora killed was an illusion, and all of Knowhere is actually on fire. After a very short fight, Thanos grabs Gamora and flees. On Thanos’ ship, Thanos reveals that he captured Nebula, and through the Cyborg’s memories learned that Gamora knows where the Soul Stone is hidden. Gamora tries to feign ignorance but relents to spare her sister’s life. It's on a planet called Vormir. They travel to Vormir and are greeted by the Soul Stone’s Guardian. Turns out, it’s Red Skull. Oh, so that loose end is finally tied up. Apparently, he’s spent the last seventy or so years as a disembodied spirit, watching over the Stone and being tortured by the knowledge that it will never be his. Through him, they learn that the only way for someone to acquire the Soul Stone, is to sacrifice a soul in return. Gamora, for a moment, thinks that the heroes win, as who in creation could Thanos possibly love? Unfortunately, there is one. A little girl that he’d spared twenty years prior and molded into his perfect warrior. With tears in his eyes, Thanos casts Gamora onto the Alter. Killing her and winning the Stone. Meanwhile, Nebula is able to escape her bonds, and get’s a message out to Mantis to meet her on Titan.

On Titan, Team Iron Man and Team Star-Lord meet, fight, have a Mexican Standoff, and then realize that they’re all on the same side. While the others try to formulate a plan, Dr. Strange uses the Time Stone to see into the future. Of the millions of possibilities that lay before them, only one can assure them victory.

Team Rogers arrives in Wakanda, where they meet with Black Panther and Winter Soldier. The team consult with Princess Shuri, the Panther’s sister. Shuri believes that she could remove the Stone, but it’ll take some time. She’s got to very carefully cut and rewire trillions of synapsis if they want to make this work. And the Black Order is on their way. Realizing what is coming, Black Panther orders the city of Wakanda to be evacuated, and all of their forces gathered to the battlefield.

Wakanda Forever!

So, there you have it, on Titan, it’s Iron Man, Dr. Strange, Spider-Man, Star-Lord, Mantis, Drax the Destroyer and Nebula vs. Thanos. On Earth, it’s Captain Rogers, Black Panther, Black Widow, War Machine, Falcon, Winter Soldier, M’Baku, General Okoye, and the assembled forces of Wakanda vs. The Black Order and the armies of Thanos. Thor, Groot, and Rocket are able to Bifrost in using Stormbreaker part way through the battle. And Banner, who still can’t transform for some reason, is piloting the Hulk-Buster Armor. This is going to be a big brawl.

The good first. Everyone is phenomenal in their roles. I’d do a casting calling, but that’d take two pages at least. Just know that everyone from central characters like Iron-Man and Captain Rogers, all the way down to one-scene guys like Pepper and Wong are giving it their all. FYI, I have it on good authority that Peter Dinklage has always refused to take roles stereotypical for those whom have dwarfism. I assume that the fact that they used CGI to make Eitri bigger then just about everyone is the main reason he decided to let that rule slide. I liked what they did with Thanos. They toned down his more insane characteristics. There’s no mention of the Death Goddess he’s in love with, or hints at insanity. Instead, he’s portrayed as an extreme proponent of… I guess it’s best described as controlled genocide. In this version of events, his homeworld of Titan was ultimately destroyed due to overpopulation. He proposed, and was called mad for suggesting, that they randomly kill fifty percent of their population to reduce the burdens on their resources. No one listened, Titan was destroyed, and Thanos set about purging planets on his own. So yeah, he’s still insane, but there is a little justification to said insanity this time around.

Honestly, the only real negative that I could think of, as a Marvel fan mind you, was there was not enough screen time to go around. Each of these impromptu teams, Cap and co on Earth, Iron-Man and friends on Titan, and Thor’s team adventures on Nidavellir could have had a full-length feature all to themselves. Sure, Team Iron-Man and Team Quill’s would have meshed together pretty early, but it would have been doable. But then, as this movie is already split in two, maybe it’s for the best.

A+ all around. This movie is all that it needed to be. It was action packed, funny, and a treat for the eyes. Given how much work was put into the setup, the aforementioned ten years and nineteen movies, it’s a real wonder that this was able to meet, and in my case exceed, expectations. Thanos has come, and all of creation will tremble with his passing.

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Twitter: @BasicsSuperhero

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Review: Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol II

Well… I’m in a conundrum. On the one hand, I did really enjoy Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol 2. On the other hand, I’m not a fan of some of the changes that had to be made to make this film. The comic purest in me is screaming at me right now. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s dive into this space opera, shall we?

We open to 1980s Missouri, planet Earth. Hm… interesting way to start a space opera. We see a young couple driving through town. One of them is obviously a digitally age reduced Kurt Russell. I mean, it’s better than the effect done to Jeff Bridges in Tron: Legacy, but yeah, it’s still not perfect. Anyway, the man takes the woman, Meredith Quill, to show her something in the woods. This thing, whatever it is, greatly excites him. He claims that one day soon, this plant thing will spread across the universe. Nothing ominous about that.

Why do I suddenly feel like busting a move?

Jump 34 years into the future, and we find the Guardians on a mission. The group, consisting of Rocket Raccoon, Drax the Destroyer, Gamora, Baby Groot, and Peter Quill aka Star-Lord, were hired to protect some powerful batteries from an interdimensional monster. Rocket nearly has the sound system set up when the colossal creature attacks. As the opening credits crawl, Baby Groot plugs the last plug in and starts rocking out. It’s flipping hilarious to see tiny sapling Groot dancing around, while the rest of the team battles the creature in the background. I was actually a little sad when the dancing stopped and we focused in on the fight. Drax gets himself swallowed, believing that the creature’s hide was too tough to pierce from the outside. Gamora and Peter both point out how insane this idea is, as the creature will be the same thickness all the way through. They’re able to kill it, thanks to a sizable cut the creature had in its neck and Gamora’s super sharp sword.

The team is congratulated by High Priestess Ayesha of the Sovereign. The gold skin aliens give The Guardians their payment, Gamora’s psychopathic estranged adoptive sister, Nebula. She’d been captured by the Sovereign while trying to steal some of their batteries. The team leaves, Rocket revealing to Drax that he’d stolen some of the batteries. Greedy little varmint. The Sovereign discover the theft, and send their fleet to shoot the Guardian’s down. They fight back, shooting down dozens of enemy fighters. Not to worry, though, as the Sovereign fly drones remotely. There’s a pretty hilarious bit showing the Sovereign piloting their ships, their control modules look suspiciously like an old timey video game. The Guardians try to escape through a quantum asteroid field, but their ship gets critically damaged when Peter and Rocket fight over who should be the pilot. They’re saved at the last moment by a single man on a ship, that blows the fighters out of the sky. The team warps to the nearest world, crashing onto a planet. Their savior lands a few minutes later, Kurt Russel stepping out with an antennae-having alien attendant, Mantis. He calls himself Peter’s father, and reveals his name to be Ego. Oh no. More on that later.

We then cut to Yondu, Peter’s adoptive dad and leader of a Ravager ship. The Ravagers are, for those just joining us, like an intergalactic mercenary group. They work as hired muscle, thieves, transporters, and so on. Yondu is taking some R and R time at an alien brothel, when he runs into Stakar Ogord, another Ravager Captain. Stakar storms off after seeing Yondu, claiming that the planet they were on just lost the business of 99 of the Ravagers 100 factions. Yondu, it is revealed, was exiled from the main Ravager group for breaking their most sacred rule. Heck, it seems like it’s their only rule. Namely, that the Ravagers don’t deal in human… er, sapient trafficking. Specifically children. Seeing this scene, some of Yandu’s crew express frustration at being banished and think a change might be in order. Before things escalate, Ayesha arrives and offers to hire them to capture the Guardians of the Galaxy.

Kurt Russel, one of the most disarming bad guys ever.

The team splits in two. Peter, Gamora, and Drax go with Ego and Mantis to Ego’s planet. Rocket and Baby Groot stay with the ship to enact repairs and keep Nebula in check. What could possibly go wrong? That night, the Ravagers arrive on the planet and set to ambush Rocket. Unfortunately, Mr. Raccoon is wily. He set up a number of traps, and gives most of the Ravagers a run around for some time. He knocks out a bunch with tranquilizer darts, throws some around with gravity manipulators, and then shocks a few more. Unfortunately, Rocket is cornered by Yondu’s flying arrow. Rocket tries to barter his and the Guardian’s freedom by offering Yondu the stolen batteries. Yondu wants to take them, but the crew calls him out. Even his loyal #2, Kraglin, calls his boss out on the obvious favoritism Yondu shows Peter Quill. Yondu gives a believable lie, that sure the batteries are worth less than the Guardian’s bounty, but if you take out the Guardians of the Galaxy they’ll be enemy #1 of that planet Xandar, it’s Nova Corps, and dozens of other systems. Obvious lie, but a rational lie. Yondu is still in control of the situation, since his arrow moves faster than anyone, but he’s shot from behind by Nebula. She fries his ‘Fin,’ the metal plate on his head that lets him control the arrow. Not good.

 Peter and co arrive on Ego’s planet. Ego explains, using some nifty displays, his backstory. He’s an ancient being known as a Celestial. Over the millennia of his existence, he learned how to manipulate matter, formed his giant planet form, and then perfected a smaller humanoid Avatar to explore the galaxy. He eventually discovered other intelligent life, and then kind of just trails off. After showing Peter around the planet a little, Ego teaches Peter how to tap into his Celestial power and the two bond a little. Hooray.

On the Ravager ship, all of Yondu loyalists are jettisoned out the airlock. Messed up way to kill people, just saying. One of Yondu’s Lieutenants takes over, an ugly SOB that named himself Taserface. Rocket mocks him incessantly for it. Rocket and Yondu are safe, for now, since the Sovereign want to do the executing. Groot is also taken as a pet/slave for the Ravagers. Nebula is given a ship as a reward, and flies off to get her sister. After being thrown in a cell, Rocket and Yondu get Groot help the escape. Yondu had a spare ‘Fin’ in his room and they task Groot to get it. Unfortunately, Groot isn’t so good at finding things. He brings a desk, a prosthetic eye, a space rat, human toe, and Yondu’s underwear.  Thankfully, Kraglin helps him out. He was really upset to see the loyalists killed, as they were his friends. Yondu equips the fin, which looks like a giant mohawk, and he and Rocket obliterate the crew. It’s one of the most artsy and awesome scenes I’ve seen in a while. Taserface lets the Sovereign know where they’re going before dying.

Baby Groot, too cute for words.

On Ego’s planet, Gamora let’s Peter know that something feels off about this whole thing. Mantis is obviously terrified of something, Ego is hiding something, and all that jazz. Peter, who is still too excited about meeting and bonding with his bio-father refuses to listen. Gamora leaves in a huff to try and contact Rocket and Groot. While sitting in a prairie, she’s attacked by Nebula. Nebula crashes, they fight a little, nearly die in an explosion, and then fight a little more. They bond a little when they seem to realize, at the same time, that they really should both focus their hatred on dear ol’ Dad Thanos. They notice something odd in the cave they’re in and investigate. They discover a gigantic pile of bones. Oh, that is super not good. Gamora and Nebula meet up with Drax and Mantis, and demand answers. Mantis reveals that the bones are Peter’s siblings.

Meanwhile, Ego reveals the final bit of his story to Peter. When he discovered intelligent life, he was unimpressed. He decided it was his purpose in life to spread. To this end, he seeded thousands of worlds with seeds like the one mentioned in the beginning. The problem is, even with all the power of a Celestial, mass terraforming… (Ego-forming?) thousands of worlds is too tall an order. But with two Celestials… the impossible suddenly becomes possible. To get that second Celestial, he impregnated countless woman on the worlds he seeded, and then hired Yondu to bring him the progeny. Yondu was under the impression that he was just reuniting the kids with their father, or something. In actuality, Ego would test them to see if the children had the Celestial potential. Those, namely all of them except Peter, didn’t have the power and were killed by the process. Yondu discovered this before dropping Peter off, and elected to keep the boy to keep him safe.

Nebula's back, and she's pissed.

Rocket, and his team, and Gamora and her team reconvene and rush to save Peter. Peter almost looks like he was seduced by his father’s vision of perfection, that is until Ego drops a huge bomb. While he impregnated many females, Meredith Quill held a special place in his heart. She was the one that might have convinced him to just enjoy being a corporeal being. He visited her four times, and admits that if he’d come again, he’d have stayed. To make sure he was never tempted… he gave her the brain tumor. Peter refuses to help his father after that, but Ego is done asking. He uses his powers to force Peter to help power the Ego-forming, but the other Guardians arrive to save the day. The team decides that they need to stop Ego once and for all. Using a small nuke and the stolen batteries, Rocket jerry-rigged a super bomb to blow Ego to Kingdom Come. The problem, they need to plant the bomb right up next to Ego’s core to make it count. And Ego is not going to go quietly. And the Sovereign fleet have arrived. Damn, this is complicated.

So, the good first. The cast is top notch. Everyone brings their A-Game for this one. The new additions are up to par as well, with Kurt Russel being deviously evil, and Pom Klementieff as Mantis is just a delight. She’s an empathic alien that has 0 social skills. She’s like on the same and yet opposite end of the bizarre spectrum that Drax is. They’re a treat together. Sylvester Stallone is also fun, for the little bit of the film that he’s in. I had to look this up myself, but Stallone’s character Stakar Ogard is also known as Starhawk. Starhawk being the leader of the first-generation Guardians of the Galaxy, there’s even a post credit scene where Stakar and his former team reconvene, resolving to work together again. I doubt we’ll see a Gen 1 Guardians spin off anytime soon, but somehow I just feel better knowing that they’re running around too. Just saying. The visuals are stunning. One of the best was when Yondu, Rocket and Groot are going ham on the traitorous Ravagers. The raining of corpses, the Arrow flying about, and those three of them strutting their stuff, it’s just spectacular. And it’s funny. So very funny. I glossed over most of Drax’s story in this one, simply because they’re too funny to describe. Baby Groot’s gags are funny as heck, but, not going to lie, I’m glad they make it clear he’ll be full sized again for next time. Too much baby Groot is a no-no. Do I even have to mention the sound track? Top hits of the 70s and 80s. Interestingly, Looking Glass’s “Brandy (You’re a Fine Girl)” could be viewed as the ‘theme’ song of this one. In much the same way that Blue Swede’s “Hooked on a Feeling” was for Guardians Vol. 1. Ego on a couple of occasions uses the characters of the song, the sailor and Brandy to describe his relationship with Meredith. Namely, she was Brandy, the woman that could keep him (the sailor) from returning to sea. His destiny. Which ultimately led to her own untimely death. Very sad.

It's a good group.

The bad is there, but it’s once again kind of minimal. I’ll get the most minor of minor out of the way. Ego is not Star-Lord’s father. Peter Quill is not a Celestial. Peter Quill in the comics was fathered by J’son, Emperor (Or Star-Lord) of the Spartoi space empire. He is a jerk, but not a “I’m going to destroy all of creation” jerk. More of a “my son will do as he’s told regardless of how he feels” kind of jerk.  This bad is only for those of us that know the source material to some degree, as it took me out of the movie ever so slightly. The next one feeds into this slightly, as Peter learning how to use his Celestial powers is kind of a big deal. These powers were only hinted at in Vol. I, and only really shown in this one. Namely to form an energy ball for he and Ego to play catch with, and then to fight Ego to the death. And yet they treat it like a big deal when he opts to lose these powers when they go to kill Ego. Kind of hard to get emotionally invested in this loss when it’s kind of just being shown now. There were also a LOT of forced and/or cliché moments. Yondu actually advises Peter to “use his heart,” in the climax to get a handle on the Celestial powers. He also has a really kind of awkward chat with Rocket, as they were the asshole on their respective teams. It just feels weird. Also, Gamora and Nebula’s reconciliation is a little odd. They are at each other’s throats for what is implied to be years, and yet they bury the hatchet after Nebula accuses Gamora of being a crappy sibling. What the heck? Also, one thing that was bugging me from the start of the climax to the end. Ego is the planet. Ego can form a body from just about anything. So WHY couldn’t he stop the nuke at his core? They never really establish why he couldn’t do something to save himself. Like, why didn't he make a new body at his core to remove the bomb? Or transport it away from himself? Or encase it in heavy metals and move it? I suppose you could argue that fighting Peter was distracting him but… then you’re telling me the eons old being of near infinite power never learned how to multi-task? What the heck?

Overall, I give this one a B. It’s a good film, but if you’re a fan of the comics or have a basic knowledge of the comics, it’ll take you out the film a bit. And aspects of the climax were just a little too odd for me to just let go. I know what you’re thinking, Michael, aren’t you getting hung up on little details? Yes, yes I am. That’s what I do. I’m not saying don’t see it, far from it, I’m just saying that I didn’t enjoy it as much as a lot of folks. It’s a decent movie, just not Marvel’s best. In my opinion. Have a good one, everyone. 

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