Review: Avengers: Endgame pt. 6 The Battle

It all comes down to one moment.

I don't think Thor intends to miss this time.

So here we are. The Avengers had gathered the Infinity Stones from across time and space, performed their own “Snap” and were hoping they could just drop the Stone’s off again. But, instead, a 2014 Nebula brought the 2014 version of her father’s entire army to the future to steal victory back. And all that’s standing in the way of them are three of Earth’s mightiest heroes, three Avengers. Let’s get to it.

While Thor, Iron Man, and Cap are looking down on Thanos, the others are having issues of their own. Ant-Man, links up with Rhodey, Rocket and an injured Hulk. He saves them from a falling rubble, and buys them time for Rhodey to get a new armor. Clint, meanwhile, had found the Iron Infinity Gauntlet in the rubble, and has been running ever since to keep it from Thanos’ forces. He does some pretty sick arrow shots to dodge around Chitari and the Black Order. I bet he missed doing that. Nebula 2014 arrives and tricks Clint into giving her the Gauntlet. He’s saved from his screw up by the arrival of Gamora and 2023 Nebula. They try to talk 2014 Nebula into helping them, but she refuses. They had seemed to have forgotten that a decade ago Nebula was a bit of a zealot. 2023 Nebula executes her past self, that’s got to be flipping weird to think about, and the ladies claim the Iron Infinity Gauntlet.

So is Cap now both an Unstoppable Force and Immovable Object?

Topside, the big three rush Thanos. Despite Tony’s newest suit, Thor’s new dual wielding hammer fighting style, Cap fighting with his shield again, and their damn near perfect coordination and team work, Thanos proves to be a match for them. He shrugs off energy blasts, lightning strikes, Uru and Adamantine-Vibranium weapon blows and good ol’ fashion smacks like a prize fighter. That and his twin bladed sword of alien make is strong enough to chip Thor’s weapons and Cap’s shield. It’s a slug fest. During a lull in the fighting, Thanos reveals his change in ideology. He now sees that so long as people remember what was lost, there will be those that try to go back. To ensure this never happens, this time he’ll use the Infinity Gauntlet to obliterate the Universe and remake it from the ashes. This obviously puts the others in a rage and the fighting picks up again. At one point, he knocks Iron Man and Cap away, and pins Thor to the ground with Stormbreaker’s blade to his throat. He’s millimeters from removing Thor’s head when, suddenly, he’s smashed in the head by Mjolnir. Thor didn’t throw it, and it wasn’t returning to his hand. It instead returned to its new wielder, Captain Steven Grant “America” Rogers. Thor smiles wickedly as he proudly announces “I knew you’d be Worthy!”

Despite having two Thunder Gods on the battle field and a mobile tank in the form of Iron Man, Thanos fights on. He ends up thoroughly cracking Cap’s shield, and separating him from Mjolnir. He also summons up his army, so it’ll be three on about ten thousand. Despite this, he gets back up. Before Cap can perform a sacrificial run, he gets a call on his com. “Oh your Left, Cap!” Nice call back to how Cap met Falcon, guys. Suddenly, Sling Ring portals start opening up everywhere, to Wakanda, to Titan, to New Asgard, and to New York.

With Friends like these, I fear for their enemies.

Let’s do a roll call, shall we? Captain America. Iron Man. Thor. Falcon. Black Panther. Shuri of the Panther Tribe. M’Baku of the Jibari Tribe. General Okoye of the Dora Milaje. Dr. Strange. Star-Lord. Drax the Destroyer. Mantis. Groot. Spider-Man. Winter Soldier. Valkyrie. The Wasp. Wong. Scarlet Witch. Gamora. Nebula. Ronin. Howard the god-damn Duck. The Masters of the Mystic Arts (Wizards). The Armies of Wakanda. The Dora Milaje.  The Armies of Asgard. And the debut of Virginia “Pepper” Potts in her Rescue Armor. And when Stephen asks if that’s everyone and Wong sarcastically asks “Oh you wanted more?” Rocket, Giant Man, Hulk and newly armored War Machine join in as well.

Despite the grim odds, Captain America smiles, and he says the line. That line we fans have been waiting for. “Avengers, Assemble!” And they charge.

AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!!

The next several minutes are pure, weapons grade awesomeness. Blasters, guns and webbing are fired, lightning and shields are thrown, and every other sort of weapon is unleased. I especially liked this bit where Tony and Pepper fly around in the sky and tandem blast Chitari. Spider-Man reunites with Iron Man and they have a moment. Star-Lord meets up with Gamora and get’s smacked in the crotch for it. Giant Man crushes Null Obsidian. Cap and Thor trade off using weapons to obliterate opponents. Captain Marvel flies in part way through the fight and OBLITERATES the Sanctuary II. Both she and Scarlet Witch take shots at and push back Thanos. One of the best exchanges being Wanda screaming “You Stole Everything From Me!” in reference to the original Thanos killing Vision, from her perspective, minutes ago. Thanos just scoffs and says “I don’t even know who you are.” To which the Witch tries to squish him. It’s glorious. While the fighting is going on, the Avengers are trying to get the Iron Infinity Gauntlet to Scott’s van. Why? Because it has the only working Quantum Gate. They want to return the Stones and thus thwart Thanos forever. The gauntlet changes hands several times, ending up in an overwhelmed Spider-Man’s hands. Even his armor’s Instant Kill Mode is overwhelmed. He’s saved by the women of Marvel, a prototype A-Force maybe, and they push through their forces.

Unfortunately, Thanos destroys the Quantum Gate. He gets the Gauntlet. Captain Marvel intercepts and keeps him from snapping. She takes a headbutt from the Titan, and almost gets the Gauntlet, but Thanos uses the Power Stone’s power to strengthen himself and knock her away. Tony leaps onto Thanos and struggles with him. Thanos throws him away. And then we have two of the greatest lines of this series.

Thanos smiling smugly, “I am Inevitable.” Snap. Nothing happens.

Tony lifts his hand. All Six Infinity Stones settle on his Iron Gauntlet. He puts his fingers together. “I. Am. Iron Man!” Snap.

Thanos and his entire army are turned to dust.

And thus the Mad Titan Falls. Not with a resounding clang
but with a single small snap.

Shortly thereafter, Peter, Rhodey and Pepper find Tony. He’s severely burned from using the gauntlet, and looks like he’s hanging on by a thread. Peter and Rhodey are able to say their goodbyes. Pepper, and props to Gwyneth Paltrow’s acting talent, with tears in her eyes tells him that “It’s okay. We’ll be fine. You can go.” And he drifts off, most likely thinking of her, and a little girl named Morgan.

 Afterwards, they hold a funeral at the Stark’s lake side home. Tony, having predicted this eventuality, recorded a goodbye to his friends and family. He tells them, essentially, it’s been a hell of a ride and he wouldn’t have changed anything. And to his little girl, he signs off saying “I love you 3000.” They give Tony’s original Arc Reactor “Proof Tony Stark Has a Heart” a Viking funeral. By the lake, Clint and Wanda mourn together for their friends that were lost along the way. And at the house, Happy Hogan, Tony’s old bodyguard, is spending time with Morgan. I see him get choked up when the little girl mentions getting cheeseburgers. Another nice call back, guys.

Thor decides to handover the reigns of Asgard to the one person that kept the people together while he was wallowing, Valkyrie. You go, Brunnhilde. Oh yeah, that’s her first name, I don’t think the movie mentioned that. He decides to hook up with the Guardian’s of the Galaxy. He and Peter have a pissing contest but everyone else seems to be in good spirits about it. Peter, I think, is also a little distracted by the thought of finding Gamora again. The 2014 version seemed to have remained in the present following her father’s death but vanished after the fighting stopped.

Meanwhile, Captain America has volunteered to take the Stone’s back to their proper locations. He vanishes while Sam and Bucky watch. But he doesn’t reappear like Hulk thought. A few moments later, Sam notices an old man standing by the lake. He goes over and realizes it’s an old Steve. Turns out, after dropping off the Stones, and I imagine having a super awkward chat with the specter of Johann Schmitt, he decided to stay in the past and give “life” a try as Tony, and Natasha, used to encourage him. He lived a full life with the love of his life, and, at some point, decided to offer up his shield to Sam. Sam is hesitant to take up the mantle, but Steve and Bucky encourage him to do so. He takes the shield and with it the Mantle of Captain America, and swears to do the name justice. We end on a scene from Cap’s time in the past. That’s right, we close the film on Steve and Peggy finally got their dance.

Oh my god, what can I possibly say about this movie. It was the perfect ending to what I think we’ve all decided to dub the Infinity War Saga. It had all the drama, the explosions, special effects, and heart that I wanted to see in this film. I loved just about every minute of this movie. Everyone got the time they were due. Like I said last month, this goodbye was a lot like Wolverine and Professor X’s goodbye in Logan. The only complaint I can think of is that I wish they’d included a proper memorial for Black Widow and Vision. While it was sweet to see Clint and Wanda mourn together, and to hear Banner admit that he tried to bring her back with his snap, it’s still not quite the same as seeing a statue in their honor or something. But that’s a pretty minor nitpick. It’s beautiful, painful, bittersweet and yet exactly what I wanted to see. I almost feel sorry for future Marvel movies, as they have Enormous shoes to fill. To everyone who has worked on, acted in, or just loved these movies as much as me, it’s been a hell of a ride. Now, I’m going to take a page from Thanos and find a quite place to bask.

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Review: Avengers: Endgame pt. 5 Team 2014

Two Stones to go, and they're in the clear. But Thanos knows, so live in fear.

So, thus far the Avengers have gathered the Time, Space, Mind and Reality Stones. And Thor grabbed Mjolnir, to prove to himself that he’s still worthy and maybe as a “just in case” something hits the fan. The something being brown and gross. We just have one more team and two more stones to gather. This has been a pretty simple mission; I can’t imagine how things could get complicated.

 Black Widow, Ronin, Nebula and War Machine drop onto Morag, where the Power Stone was hidden. They break down one more time, with the assassins Nat and Clint going onto Vormir to get the Soul Stone while Nebula and War Machine stay to pick up the Power Stone.

There's no one I think Clint would want to go into battle with more.
And vice versa for Natasha.

Let’s go with Clint and Nat first. They arrive on Vormir and are greeted by the ghostly specter of Red Skull. He takes them to the altar of the Soul Stone and tells them the whole having to give a soul to get the Stone. Nat and Clint instantly start bickering over who should sacrifice themselves. Nat feels like she is the most expendable, where Clint thinks he is because of the five years of slaughter he’d lived in. They actually start fighting, literally fighting to see who makes the big drop. Nat ultimately sticks a life line on Clint’s back and forces him to let her drop. Nat dies on the altar and Clint get’s the Soul Stone. Five down.

Rhodey and Nebula walk to their positions. Nebula is held up for a moment due to her cybernetics acting up. They only have to wait a bit on Morag until Star-Lord shows up. It’s freaking hilarious to watch his Karaoke from their perspective. Without the music it’s just Peter Quill being an idiot. Rhodey and Nebula knock out Peter, and then nab the Power Stone.

On Sanctuary II, Thanos’ warship, his girls are prepping to meet up with Ronan the Accuser to get the Power Stone. To their shock, Nebula starts having a stroke. Thanos looks over his second favorite daughter and they pull up her neural net. Here’s the complication, both Nebula’s run on the same mental network. When 2023 Nebula came back to 2014, 2014 Nebula started picking up her thoughts. Thanos and his minions are able to learn about everything that is happening in the distant future. And he’s PISSED.

I know that Thanos is a bad Dad, but seriously, he is a BAD Dad.

Rhodey is able to travel back to the future with the Power Stone, but a glitch in here system strands Nebula. Unfortunately, her Dad and his crew show up and take her prisoner. They remove her newer cybernetics and plating, swap them out with 2014 Nebula’s parts and send her into the future. Oh no.

The team gather in the present, semi-victorious. Everyone takes it rather hard when they learn that Natasha didn’t make it back home. But resolve to make her sacrifice worth it. The tech savvy team, Tony, Bruce and Rocket, assemble a new Iron Infinity Gauntlet and set the gems inside. After that, they need to decide who will use it. They know that the feedback of using such a powerful object is immense, having seen Thanos’ burns after he used the Gauntlet only twice. Thor is the first to volunteer, as he is an Asgardian so he could probably survive the feedback. Hulk disagrees and takes the gauntlet. He explains that he feels like this was his mission all along, as the energy readings the Gauntlet gives off is largely Gamma radiation. That and he has the necessarily brilliant mind to calculate all the changes that will need to be made to also restore individuals that died due to the Snap. The passengers on flights whose pilots were dusted and the like. The pain of the feedback almost seems like it’ll be too much, but Hulk is able to snap, savagely burning his arm in the process.

Meanwhile, past Nebula opens up the Quantum Tunnel, and pulls her father’s entire ship through. Once in the future, Sanctuary II bombs the crap out of the Avengers Compound. Hulk, Rocket and Scott are buried in the rubble and the Iron Infinity Gauntlet is lost in the wreckage.

On board the ship, 2014 Gamora and 2023 Nebula have a heart to heart. Nebula reveals to her that, yes, she did hate Gamora and once actively tried to kill them. But in more recent years they’d actually formed a real, true sisterly bond and considered each other friends. Thankfully, 2014 Gamora was already having doubts about Thanos’ vision, so she is quickly moved to free Nebula and help the Avengers.

Thanos sends his minions, the Chitauri, the Black Order and the scourge of monsters at his beck and call to get the Gauntlet, while he waits for the next challenge. Thor, Iron Man, and Captain America escaped the earlier bombardment and are the only ones standing to face off against the mad Titan. Let’s it. Next time.

Recreating the single most powerful artifact of your universe?
Yeah, a single energy shield should be enough protection.

I liked Natasha and Clint’s dilemma in who should make the big drop. They both obviously want to make the sacrifice over their dearest friend, and according to some source’s former lover. Natasha wants to make the drop as she’s a former remorseless assassin with a TON of red in her ledger. Clint wants to make the drop as he’s currently a remorseless assassin with a TON of red in his ledger. What a conundrum. I’d read that they’d actually filmed their scene with Thanos and co arriving and bombing the area, and Natasha running to make the drop to save the mission. They reshot it so as to make it more Natasha’s choice. Which I think was the right call. Natasha Romanoff has been a staple of the expanded MCU since she was introduced in Iron Man 2. She’s fought along side the likes of Iron Man, Captain America, and The Hulk, she deserved to the opportunity to make the heroic sacrifice. If he hadn’t already, I bet Clint would name one of his kids after her. Scarlett Johannsen aka Natasha Romanoff aka Black Widow, I salute you.

Again, the bit about Nebula and Rhodey watching Peter’s private dance number was flipping hilarious. The complication of Nebula’s neural net intertwining with her past self was kind of surprising. I mean, once they introduced a time travel element, I figured they’d bring back Thanos for the final battle, but I didn’t think it’d be Nebula to accidently tip them off. I almost forgot that during 2014 Nebula was hellbent on earning daddy’s love. Shame her future memories didn’t affect 2014 Nebula more. The build up to the big, final battle was intense, and I’m looking forward to talking about it at length, next time. 

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Review: Avengers: Endgame pt. 4 Team 2013

Thor and Rocket in Asgard? What could possibly go wrong?

Okay, so last time we covered the adventures of Team 2012 as they tried to gather the three Infinity Stones that were in New York during the Battle of New York. Hulk got the Time Stone relatively easily. Captain America had to wrestle with his past self, literally, to get the Mind Stone. The hardest Stone to get was the Space Stone, as Loki just sort of wandered off with the Tesseract while things were going nuts. Tony and Steve go back further in time to the 70s to get another Tesseract and to get more Pym Particles. Tony also gets to have a few minutes with his father while stealing the Tesseract. Which is kind of cute. Next up, we have Thor and Rocket in Asgard.

Can we marvel for a second at how good the CGI is for Rocket?
He almost looks halfway real.

The two pop into Asgard while past-Thor was taking his then-girlfriend Jane Foster home to meet his folks and to remove the Aether (or Reality Stone) from her. The hiccup in the plan appears almost immediately when Thor spots his mother. Keep in mind, this is the first time Thor had seen him mom in over ten years and he knows she’ll die within that day. Rocket tries to keep Thor on task, but Thor ultimately bails on the plan to talk to his mom. Not going to lie, given the option between seeing my ex at a point in our history where things were complicated but reasonably happy or seeing my deceased mother whom I hadn’t seen in a decade, yeah, that’s no contests.

Rocket chooses to finish the mission and then fine Thor before he gets into too much trouble. He is able to hit her with a bit of knock out gas and then uses an extraction device to remove the Reality Stone from Jane. He’s then spotted by the Asgard Guard, whom instantly start chasing after that darn “Rabbit.” I really want to know why the Aesir of Norse Myth seem to think a Raccoon is a Rabbit. There has to be a story there.

While that is going on, Thor meets with his mother. Queen Frigga instantly realizes that this isn’t Thor as she knows him. Granted, his pronounced beer belly and extremely matted beard made this a pretty easy puzzle to solve. Though her magic powers probably helped. They chat for a few minutes, where I got the distinct implication that she knew exactly what was going to happen, both in this new story and in Thor: Dark World. She basically gives him words of encouragement and the advice that he should stop trying to be the man that Odin and her wanted him to be, and instead be the man that he wants to be. Oh, and to start eating salads again. I think Frigga would get along well with my mother.

Thor Odinson, God of Thunder, King of the Aesir and all of Asgard,
and he's standing around in a schlubby bathrobe and being yelled
at by a Trash Panda. That is all.

Rocket runs in a moment later and tells Thor they have to leave ASAP. Thor is incredibly reluctant to go, but his mother urges him to finish the mission and gives him her love. Just before going, Thor lifts his hand up. To his absolutely stunned amazement, Mjolnir flies to his hand. He laugh’s almost hysterically at the realization that he’s “Still Worthy.” They return to the future just before the guard charge in. I’d like to think this timeline’s Thor is freaking out that Mjolnir has vanished. That’s four stones down.

This is a short segment, as Thor and Rocket’s mission is insanely easy. It’s pretty easy to nab an infective substance from a sleeping woman. Just saying. It’s simple, but still important, as they need that damn Red Rock to save the day. That being said, the part of this segment worth talking about are those final moment’s with Thor’s mom. I feel like they haven’t really known what to do with Thor after the end of his Trilogy. They don’t seem to know if he should be a loan wolf fighter, king of Asgard, or something in between. So, him getting some clarity from one of the wisest people he’d ever known is probably an insanely good thing. Both in universe for Thor and out universe for the writing staff. Thor has needed guidance for a while now, and you don’t get a better guide then one’s mama. Especially when she’s a several thousand-year-old God queen. Just saying.

On a scale of one to ten, how weird is seeing your clearly
depressed and overweight son from the future?
I'm guessing at least a 7.

And there’s the most important moment, Thor getting Mjolnir back. Let’s remember the enchantment that Odin put on the Hammer at the start of Thor. “Whosoever holds this hammer, if they be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor.” What has happened to Thor in the last five years? He lost his brother Loki, and his lone surviving oldest friend, Heimdall, and the vast majority of the Asgard Population. He pored his blood, sweat and tears into a new weapon to battle Thanos only to miss the mark for saving 50% of all life by MILLIMETERS. And when he was given a second chance to fix it, he arrived days too late to save the day. Since then he’s spent the last five years in a drunken delirium, hating himself for failing, and spending his time threatening Trolls for Korg. So, seeing Mjolnir return to him, to come back to his hand just like it always did, I think shook him to the core. In a good way. I didn’t realize this during the watch, but more recent Reddit posts made me realize why it’s so important. It’s a simple, clear message. Your depression doesn’t make you unworthy. Trying and failing doesn’t make you unworthy. If you are worthy, you just have to keep trying. Or maybe that’s just me reading too much into it. That coupled with the maternal advice he received gives me hope that Thor will start bouncing back again. If Chris Hemsworth’s Thor get’s more screen time, that is.  Okay, so that is the Time, Space, Mind, and Reality Stones down. Just two left. Go Team!

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Review: Avengers: Endgame pt. 3 Team 2012

Hulk, Cap, Iron Man and Ant-Man take Manhattan!

Alright, so when we last left the Avengers, the team had developed a Hail Mary plan to undo the Snap and restore to life the half of life Thanos destroyed. Using a new and improved Quantum Gate and a bunch of Pym Particles to travel to the past and gather the Infinity Stones. They’re breaking into teams to save the universe. FYI, in the movie they cut between each mission. For simplicities sake I’ll just run through each team’s mission and then final battle. Captain America, Iron Man, The Hulk, Ant-Man, Black Widow, War Machine, Nebula, Rocket, Thor, and Ronin suit up. They open the Quantum Gate and jump back to in time.  Up First, 2012 with Captain America, Iron Man, The Hulk and Ant-Man.

The four arrive in 2012 during the middle of the Battle of New York. It’s actually right around when the OG Avengers Assembled for the first time and faced off against the Chitauri. Hulk leaps away towards the Sanctum Santorum while the other three slip into the top floor of Stark Tower.

The Ancient One sure loves giving people out of body experiences.

Hulk arrives at the Sanctum, and is somewhat shocked when he’s greeted by the Ancient One. He hadn’t realized that Stephen Strange was relatively new as the Sorcerer Supreme. The Ancient One, thankfully, is fully up to speed thanks to her own precognitive abilities. She still refuses to hand over the Time Stone, as giving up the protection of stone means that the human race is somewhat vulnerable to invasion by forces of evil, like Dormamu.  When he tries to insist that she hand it over, she instead uses that forceful Astral Projection power of hers to separate Banner from his body. Forced to play nice, Banner explains that with their plan, the current timeline will only be without the Time Stone for a few minutes. The plan is to take the stones to the future, use them, and then drop them off a few minutes after they’d left. Banner mentions that the whole reason they’re doing this is because Stephen handed over the Time Stone to Thanos during the last battle. This seems to surprise The Ancient One, but she has faith in Stephen and his allies so hands the stone over. Hulk uses his Pym Particles to return to the future. That’s one down.

Cute shot, but why didn't Scott just summon an ant or any other
flying insect to carry him?

Steve, Tony and Scott reach the top just as the Avengers capture Loki. They remain just out of view as Loki is arrested and the stones are divided up, with the Avengers keeping the Tesseract and HYDRA infiltrators in SHIELD nab the scepter. Tony and Scott go after the Tesseract, and Cap eyes the scepter. Tony plants a minimized Scott on his past-self and the two wait until they reach the ground floor to enact their plan. When SHIELD-HYDRA, Fury and Thor all bicker over who gets custody of the rock and Loki, Scott knocks some wires out of place in Past-Tony’s Arc Reactor putting him into cardiac arrest. Current Tony grabs the case in the confusion. Steve has an even easier job. He just gets into the elevator with the Double Agents, whispers “Hail HYDRA” in their ears and just takes the scepter. Show of hands, is anyone legit shocked that HYDRA goons actually believed Steven Trucking Rogers is HYDRA? Idiots. Then things hit the fan.

The Past-Hulk busts in on the show, knocking the case from Current-Tony’s hands. Loki, sensing an opening, just grabs the Tesseract and portals away. Crap. And, to make matters worse, they call in Loki’s escape. Past-Cap runs into Current-Cap and believes that he is Loki in disguise. The two have a pitched battle over who gets the scepter, with CC using its mind control powers to disable PC long enough to get away.

The three reconnect and realize they might be boned. Until they have a stroke of brilliance. They decide to send Scott back with the Mind Stone, while Cap and Tony travel back to the 70s. Why? Because back then, The Tesseract was kept in a SHIELD facility along with a younger Hank Pym. Whom obviously would have a healthy supply of his trademark particles. Brilliant!

I've heard of being at war with yourself but this is ridiculous. 

 In the past, Steven goes for the particles while Tony goes for the Tesseract. Oddly, things go surprisingly well. Steven is able to nab the particles pretty easily, but is temporarily stopped when he spots old flame Peggy Carter working at the facility. He doesn’t DO anything about it, but we’re reminded of what he’d lost in order to fight the good fight. Tony has a fateful encounter of his own, meeting his dear old Dad in the armory of the SHIELD base. Tony has a pretty heartfelt conversation with his father about parenthood and all that jazz. Steve and Tony meet on ground level are return to the future. So that’s three stone’s down. Overall, that was pretty easy. I can’t imagine how things could go horribly wrong. Right? Right?

Overall this part of the heist was pretty easy. Sure, there was that major hiccup of losing the Tesseract, but they fixed that pretty quickly. Sure, Loki escapes with the Tesseract, but I’m sure he’ll use it wisely. What’s that? This was before he had his heel-face turn? OH, right. Oh, that’s terrible. I’m sure they’ll tie that loose end up with the Loki streaming show on Disney+. Right? Right?! The scenes in Stark Tower were really cool, as they actually got back all of the characters that appeared in the previous films, which included Robert Redford’s Alexander Pierce. Yeah, I was shocked to see him too.

The entire scene at the SHIELD compound in the 70s was great. Not just because it officially opens with Stan Lee driving by tossing up a peace side while driving by in a big sports car. Miss you Stan! We also get to see that, while Steve has been doing a good job keep fighting the good fight and all that, he obviously hasn’t gotten over Peggy. I’m honestly shocked that he didn’t try to reconnect with her, but he’s able to hold himself back. Tony obviously doesn’t have to worry about freaking out his father, as at this point, I’m not sure if the Starks had settled on Anthony as their son’s name. It’s really sweet to see Tony get to spend time with his father while trying to keep the reason why he’s fanboying out to Howard Stark a secret. Much like with Morgan’s quite encouragement before they went on his mission, I think being reminded that, despite the trouble the two had had prior to his death, Howard was immensely proud of his boy even before he drew his first breath. Love is a far better motivator then just vengeance. All I’m saying. Next time, we’ll see what happens when a God and a small mammal try to break into Asgard. 

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Review: Avengers: Endgame pt. 2 The Heist

It all starts with a hair-brained scheme.

Okay, it’s been about a month, the ‘ban’ on spoilers has been lifted for a few weeks now, and Avengers: Endgame is pretty dang close to being #1 highest grossing movie in the world. IF you haven’t seen it but want to, I have no idea what you’re doing and have no problem spoiling the crap out of it. Let’s get to part 2, shall we?

The team consisting of Captain America, Captain Marvel, Black Widow, War Machine, Rocket Raccoon, Thor, Nebula and Banner in the Hulk Buster arrive on Thanos’ private Garden world. They’re easily able to capture the mad Titan and disarm with, literally, with Stormbreaker. Only to discover the horrible truth. Thanos, knowing the surviving heroes would never accept his new world decided to use the power of the Infinity Stones to… destroy them. All Six Stones, poof, gone. It was that energy spike that the Avengers locked onto and lead them to this world. On the plus side, doing so nearly killed Thanos and severely crippled his left arm, which made the capture child’s play. Thor, in a fury, goes for the head, decapitating the Mad Titan.

Side note, the Stones are not, and can never be truly destroyed. In the cosmic lore of the Marvel Universe, they’re staples of reality, the physical manifestations of the force of creation they’re named after. One cannot destroy the Space Stone, as it is merely a physical representation of space. Ya feel me? The heads of Marvel Movies Kevin Fergie and directors the Russo Brothers have since explained that what Thanos really did was reduce the stones to Subatomic size. They still exist, but are lost in the Quantum Realm, which is the next best thing to obliteration. Sure, they could potentially be found later, but without an Ant-Man or Wasp to help out, the stones are gone for all intents and purposes. Crap.

Five years pass. This may have shocked Thanos, but, turns out performing a Genocide on HALF of ALL LIFE in the UNIVERSE has some pretty awful side effects. Side note, no, Thanos did not Decimate the Universe. Decimate is a word that sounds a lot worse than it is, as it means to reduce by 1/10. He devastated, desolated and demolished half the universe, not a 10^th of it. Sorry, I saw that Decimated was how the fandom was referring to the post snap and inaccurate use of words makes me salty. Back on task. Much of the most populated areas are more or less in ruins, there is massive civil unrest across known space, and the Avengers have been, well, disassembled. Captain America is running support groups for survivors, Black Widow is running a team of most of the surviving Avengers plus General Okoye of Wakanda trying to keep things together, Tony and Banner seem to have taken a hands-off approach to things, Thor is in seclusion and Clint… well, he’s not taking losing his entire family well.

Considering Paul Rudd hasn't seemed to age since 1997,
Yeah, I'd totally believe he'll still look like this in 2023.

But hope arrives, in the form of an idiot. In a storage facility out in San Fran, a tumbling rat activates the Quantum Tunnel device in the back of an Ex-Con’s van. This causes a bewildered Scott Lang to pop back into existence. He’d been lost in the Quantum Realm after his girlfriend Hope Van Dyne and her parents were Dusted following the Snap. He’d been there gathering particles to help out Ava Starr aka Ghost. After confirming that things have been REALLLY bad in his absence, he sees a bunch of the monuments that have been put up for the fallen and the bits of debris and detritus scattered everywhere, and that at least his daughter is okay, if a bit taller than he remembered, Scott Races cross country to the New Avenger’s facility.

While initially skeptical, Cap and Nat eventually accept this is Scott Lang, and hear him out as to where the devil he’s been for the last half decade. He explains that he was within the Quantum Realm, in a point of that subatomic universe where, while five years passed for the rest of the world, only five hours passed for him. It’s the Quantum Realm, time is less a constant and more of a neat idea in that place. They agree to consult Tony.

Turns out, billionaire playboy philanthropist Tony Stark has actually been doing well in this abysmal new world. He’s spent his time tinkering with tech in a lakeside cabin and playing with Morgan Stark, his and Pepper’s young daughter. When the others arrive, he knows what they’re there to talk about, immediately says no, but is still willing to hear the idea. Lang, having been brought up to speed on the last few years, suggest the thing he does best, a Heist, but across time. He wants to use the weird time aspects of that part of the Quantum Realm he’d been in to go back in time, nab the Infinity Stones before Thanos does and fix things. Tony is immediately dismissive of a plan clearly inspired by Back to the Future and shows his friends the door. Obviously, family man Tony is TERRIFIED altering the past could destroy the best thing he’d ever helped create, Morgan.

Wait, so was the Hulk angry because he wasn't able to see, or
Did merging minds screw up his vision?

Not willing to be deterred, they look up Banner and see if the Avenger’s other super genius can help. Turns out, Banner had spent the last few years perfecting his gamma research and himself. Hulk and Banner have completely merged, allowing the physical power of the Hulk to be tempered by Banner’s brilliance. Despite this, Quantum Physics isn’t Banner’s forte, so while he’s hopeful about the idea, he can’t help.

Thankfully, the team forgot one thing. They’d given Tony Stark a puzzle. Do you know what Tony can’t possibly allow to exist? Unsolved Puzzles. That and being spurred on by memories of a young man he’d mentored and failed, Tony begins running simulations at his private lab. After like three failed attempts, he gets the math right with an inverted mobius strip. He’s hesitant at first to reveal this info to the team, but the women in his life convince him otherwise. Chalk it up to a wife telling you what you need to hear, and a child inadvertently encouraging you to save as many people’s lost kids as possible. He loves you 3000, too, Morgan Stark.

Back at the New Avenger’s Facility, the team is trying to make the plan work on their own. Unfortunately, their experimenting only succeeds in turning Guinea Pig Scott Lang into a child, old man, baby and back again. Turns out, no Banner was not lying about being bad at theoretical physics. Steve steps out to get some air, just in time to see Tony pull up. The two chat, with Stark revealing that he’d figured out how to make the plan work, and he’s willing to help, but only on one condition. IF they get the Stone’s back, they only undo the Snap, not erase the five years since. Steve agrees and the two old friends reconcile. Tony sums it up best by returning Cap’s shield to him, saying that Howard Stark made it for Steve.

So do you think that this is the first time Cap has felt complete
Since 2014?

They call in the troops. Nebula, Rocket and Rhodey are easy enough to get, as Natasha has them on speed dial. Captain Marvel is currently out of contact, as she’s trying to do what all of the Avenger’s are doing on Earth, but across the Milky Way Galaxy. Woman’s a hard worker. They still have two OT Avengers to gather.

Hulk and Rocket travel out to Tonsberg, Norway. Turns out, not all of the Asgard died in the destruction of their Arc. A few, including Valkyrie, survived and built the new fishing village of New Asgard. A bit of a step down from the Golden City, but you take what you can get. Valkyrie warns them that Thor has not been doing well. Turns out, Thor Odinson, God of Thunder, King of the Aesir and New Asgard, is suffering from a serious case of depression. He’s spent the last five years hold up in his cabin at the outskirts of town, drinking himself into a delirium and playing Fortnight with Korg and Miek. You know, the Rock guy and bug thing from Sakaar. Thor tries to pretend like he’s all Zen about things, but Hulk and Rocket only need to do a little coaxing to convince him to stop using Stormbreaker as a beer opener, suck in his gut and wipe the crumbs out of his beard so they can save the Universe.

Hawkeye died with his family.
Meet Ronin, the merciless.

Natasha, meanwhile, tracks Clint to Tokyo. Turns out, losing the four people he loved most in the entire universe caused Clint ‘Hawkeye’ Barton to snap. Deciding to spend his days culling the criminal element that existed in the remaining 50% of life, the newly christened Ronin has been chopping up gangsters across the world. Yeah, this might not have come up before, but the reason Clint prefers using a bow is because it’s a weapon that requires a lot of skill to use well. In actuality, Clint Barton is the single most deadly assassin and warrior of the last 100 years or so. He can kill with just about any weapon imaginable. And the only four things keeping him from killing those he judged wicked are now just dust in the wind. Sucks to be Yakuza. Natasha intercepts him after he killed the local boss Akihiko. He tries to walk away, but she gives him enough hope to try and get their families back.

A few days later, Bruce and Tony have finished their new, improved Quantum Tunnel and new suits to travel through Quantum Space. While working, Rhodey suggests taking things a step further, instead of getting the stones, just go farther back in time and ax Thanos before he could sit up. Bruce shoots down that idea, not for moral reasons but causality reasons. I can go into more detail in another post, but the movie is working on the Multiverse Theory of time travel. Meaning, going back in time and changing something won’t fix their present, it’ll just create a new, parallel universe. Or to put it another way, I get access to a time machine. I go back in time and empty an assault rifle into Adolf Hitler before he gets rejected from Art School. If I return to the present, nothing changes, because my timeline is one that didn’t have a handsome red head from the future go back and execute arguably one of the time five most evil men in history. Instead, there would be a new timeline, separate Timeline that is Hitler less. I’d like to think it’d be a better one, but movies have made me skeptical of that idea. Anyway, the team has decided the only way to fix things is to bring the Stone’s to their present and undo the Snap. No fuss, no muss. The only hitch in their plan is that it’s heavily reliant on Hank Pym’s patented Pym Particles. Since Pym was dusted with the rest of his family, and he intentionally never wrote down his process, they have a limited supply of them to get to the past and back again.

Would having brought a box for Rocket to stand on to be
Level with everyone have killed the mood?

The team discuss the stones, what they were hidden as and where, and how best to reclaim them. Over course of several days, a lightbulb goes off when they realize that three of the six stones were in New York, 2012. Half the work, all in one place. They then chart out where the other stones would be. 2012 New York had the Space Stone (in the Tesseract), Mind Stone (Loki’s Scepter) and Time Stone (within the Eye of Agamotto). The Reality Stone (the Aether within Jane Foster) was in Asgard circa 2013. And the Soul Stone (Just the stone) and Power Stone (in a temple) were on Vormir and Morag respectively in 2014. They decide to break into teams, each one responsible for gathering one of the Stones. It breaks down as thus, Hulk, Iron Man, Ant-Man and Captain America will go to New York. Three of them were there already so they could blend into the crowd, and Ant-Man’s whole shtick is going unseen. Rocket and Thor are going to go to Asgard. And Nebula, and War Machine, and Black Widow and Hawkeye will go together to 2014 and then go to Morag and Vormir respectively. Ready? Break!

Yeah, I’m doing this one in multiple parts. It’s a three hour movie that I want to gush about in immense detail. Obviously, I’m going to break it up so your heads don’t pop. My plan is to go do each mission separately, and then cover the final battle. So next up will be Team 2012’s antics during the Battle of New York. Followed by a drunk Aesir and Rabbit in Asgard for Team 2013. Then a quick jaunt across space to cover Team 2014’s successes and failures. And then cap it all off with how the Avengers Saved two timelines.

I must say that I really do love this concept of a Time Heist. Remember back in like 2000 where Superhero movies were largely just Bad Guy has plan, Hero finds out, Hero punches bad guy, there is much rejoicing? While I still love the classic pre-MCU Marvel Movies, they really pale in comparison to this much more complicated plot.  It’s a scavenger hunt across time and space, each with it’s own trials and complications. What’s not to love.

I was really shocked when I saw that five years later time card. I was totally expecting this one to pick up where the last one left off and have them, I don’t know, chase Thanos across space to get the Stone’s back. I like this idea a lot more. It let us see how the Avenger’s handle their first, honest to god major loss. Some kept trying to soldier on, like Cap, Nat, and Bruce. Some were able to find the silver lining and honestly move forward, like Tony. And some had something fundamental break inside them, and found different ways to lash out, like Clint and Thor. Thor spent most of his days yelling at a Troll named Noobmaster69 who kept heckling the very gentle Korg.

  The fact their entire plan hinges on a hairbrained scheme that Scott thought up, that Tony and Bruce made at least logistically feasible entertained me to no end. For a guy that claims to be a reformed burglar, Scott still seems to fall back into that “Let’s steal things to make our problems go away,” mine an awful lot. If you’re wondering why Scott experienced five years as five hours, while Jan Van Dyne experienced her time in the Quantum Realm as real time, it’s complicated. Think of the Quantum Realm as having different rules about space and time depending on where you’re standing. One quadrant of space may experience time normally, another not far off on a relative scale could make time go in reverse, or fast forward so a minute here is 100 years there. If you’re a fan of the Dresden Files, and think that sounds suspiciously like the Spirit Realm aka the NeverNever, then you’d be right. This segment is largely set up, so let’s wrap it up and move onto Tony, Steve, Scott and Bruce take Manhattan.

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