Villain Profile: Kraven the Hunter

He's hunting the most dangerous game, Spider-Men.

I’ve never understood the appeal of trophy hunting. Oh yes, how amazing, you used a high-powered rifle, a machine designed to kill with the minimum amount of effort possible, to kill a lion, a creature that would rip you to pieces if you tried using virtually any other weapon against it. How impressive. <SARCASM> The one trophy hunter I sort of get is the subject of this next post, Kraven the Hunter. This crazy Russian royal hunts things like Lions, Tigers and Bears (oh my) and kills them with his bare hands. And his magically/chemically enhanced strength and reflexes… but mostly his bare hands! Let’s get to it.

Honestly, the only thing holding this look back from greatness
are the paw print spotted leggings.

Kraven was born Sergei Kravinoff, an immigrant from the Russian aristocracy. His father was a duke or whatever the equivalent was in Russian that fled their homeland during the February Revolution and the execution of Tsar Nicholas II. The life of a wealthy aristocrat being denied him, due to that pesky communist revolt, Sergei spent his early life traveling around the world, working as a mercenary. While in Kenya, he got a taste for hunting. Not too shocking, given how rich folks seem to love it. What was unusual was that Sergei quickly grew bored with killing animals with guns or even bows, switching to knives and later his bare hands and teeth. His ability to hunt was then increased by taking an herbal potion from a voodoo witch doctor named Calypso (whom he was also romantically involved with for a time). Her potion gave Sergei strength, speed and senses on par with a big cat. It also made him live longer, which is a special bonus. With these incredible powers, he mostly just hunted animals in a manner similar to our early simian ancestors. Hey, they’re his superpowers, he can use them how he wants.

Over the years, even hunting Lions, Tigers, and Bears (oh my) with his bare hands started to bore him. Huh, guess he has something in common with Atticus Finch. … Read To Kill a Mockingbird if that reference is over your head. His boredom ended thanks in part to Dimitri Smerdyakov. Oh, don’t recognize that name? It’s the real name of the Chameleon, the master of disguise enemy of Spider-Man, and Sergei’s own half-brother. Dimitri needed some back up taking care of this pesky neighborhood Spider-Man. Getting the chance to not only hunt the most dangerous game, but the equivalent of an apex predator filled Sergei with a rush he’d never felt before. Sergei, just ask Zaroff how hunting something smarter than a big cat can and will bite you in the ass. What? If you don’t get it, read the Most Dangerous Game, it’s on the public domain now. I’m just pulling classic literature references out left and right today.

The brothers faced off against Spider-Man in Central Park, which the Chameleon disguised as Sergei to disorientate Spider-Man and allow the superior hunter to ambush Spider-Man. Despite the two of them working together and using a poison dart to weaken Spider-Man, the Web Head was able to defeat them both and see them arrested. While this first encounter infuriated Sergei, it formed an obsession in him, and he swore to never stop the hunt until he finally killed Spider-Man. Random thought, but it seems amazing to me that the expert hunter and tracker has never thought to try and follow Spider-Man to his home and attack him when he’s asleep or something. Don’t give me that look, Sergei might want a “fair” fight with Spider-Man, but the dudes not above grabbing someone in their sleep to force a confrontation.

I think Sergei Kravenoff and Gaston have the same interrior
decorator.

He was one of the founding members of the Sinister Six, joining Doc Ock’s little cabal in an attempt to kill Spider-Man. While the group in concept was smart, the execution of their plan was somewhat moronic. What? You get six of Spider-Man’s most dangerous enemies together, and you fight him one at a time? The only one that could possibly benefit is Doc Ock, who obviously would attack last, so he got to fight an exhausted Spider-Man. Anyway, Sergei attacked Spider-Man in Central Park with a trio of tigers while the hero frantically searched for his kidnapped Aunt May, and Betty Brant. Betty being Gwen Stacey/Mary Jane Watson before either character was introduced. Spider-Man over powered Kraven and his big cats, forcing the villain to give him his clue to the ladies’ location.

Kraven battled Spider-Man several times over the years, but was routinely defeated. Sergei began to grow frustrated as the years wore on, knowing that despite his potion keeping him younger and fitter than he should be, he was still slowing down due to his advancing age. Sure, fifty is still pretty young (relatively speaking), but I doubt there’d be a fifty-year-old in history that could wrestle Lions, Tigers, and Bears (oh my). He decided to perform one final hunt to defeat Spider-Man. He used a poison dart on Spider-Man, knocking him out and putting him in a coma. He then buried Spider-Man on his estate. After that, he donned a fake Spider-Man costume and impersonated him. In his Spider-Guise, he hunted down a mutant villain called Vermin, an enemy that Spider-Man had never been able to beat on his own. Spidey needed Cap’s assist to stop him before. Kraven captured Vermin and put him in a cage. Spider-Man emerged from his grave about two weeks later. Kraven told Spider-Man why he’d done all of this, released Vermin and bit Spider-Man farewell. Peter went after Vermin, and Sergei recorded a full confession of all of his crimes and then committed suicide.

This wasn’t the end of Kraven, obviously. He was actually resurrected by a dark ritual performed by his wife and children. Somehow, though, their ritual had a weird side effect that made Sergei unkillable, except by the hands of Spider-Man. So, while he might have let go of his grudge in death, it returned with vengeance in his new life. He’s continued to menace Spider-Man to this day.

Other than having me question if a laser spearhead is in anyway
better than a metal one, this is probably his best look thus far.

Kraven the Hunter is a skilled hunter and fierce hand to hand combatant. He’s on par with an Olympic athlete in terms of strength, speed, and dexterity even without enhancement. He also has a working knowledge of pressure points, using precise strikes to nerves to great effect. His own skill and power are improved by his potion, pushing his physical strength, speed, and senses to Wolverine levels. He’s also more durable than average, and can rapidly heal from most injuries. Not on a healing factor level, but much faster than normal. The potion has also greatly slowed his age, while he’s chronologically (in universe) in his fifties physically speaking he’s closer to his mid-thirties. He also has an almost encyclopedic knowledge of poisons and tranquilizers, which he uses to enhance his fighting prowess.

Kraven has appeared in several Spider-Man series outside of the comics. While certain aspects of him are tweaked from incarnation to incarnation, all versions retain his obsession with killing Spider-Man as he views the Wall-Crawler as his ultimate prey. Personally, I’m shocked he never decided to try hunting Black Panther full time, just sayin’.

He’s a recurring antagonist in Spider-Man: The Animated Series. He’s introduced in “Kraven the Hunter.” In this episode, Peter is going to interview a scientist named Mariah Crawford, only to find her at her office being attacked by a crazy man in a lion vest. After scaring the wild man off as his alter ego, Crawford explained to Spider-Man that was Sergei Kravinoff, her ex-lover. He’d been seriously injured protecting her from hyenas. To save his life, she used a “wonder drug” given to her by a colleague. It healed his wounds, and gave him superpowers but sort of drove him insane. Or more accurately turned his mind into something more similar to a predatory beast. Mariah came to America to create a cure for him. With Peter running interference on her unstable ex, Mariah was able to develop a serum that restored Kraven’s mind. They returned to Africa together. He returns in “Duel of Hunters.” In it, Spider-Man’s mutation had gone into overdrive, turning him into the horrid Man-Spider. Dr. Crawford returned to cure Spider-Man, as she owed him at least that much, and force Kraven to help. Kraven was able to Track down Man-Spider, but was sidetracked by an attack by the Punisher, whom had also been hunting Man-Spider. They team up and are able to subdue Spider-Man long enough to return him to normal. He returned one final time in “The Return of Kraven.” In it, Mariah had turned into a horrid monster after Kraven gave her the miracle drug to cure her of a plague. He and Spider-Man are able to restore Mariah’s mind, and the two depart together. This is easily the happiest story to involve Kraven, EVER.

Kraven the Hunter appeared in the second season of Spectacular Spider-Man. He’s introduce in “Destructive Testing” as a famous hunter that had come to New York to battle Spider-Man. Spidey is challenged by Sergei’s hand to hand fighting skills, but he’s able to disable his opponent. Sergei, unwilling to believe that he truly lost, believes that Spider-Man only won because of his powers. He enlisted the help of Professor Miles Warren, whom used a formula based on Curt Connors Lizard Formula to turn Sergei Kravenoff into a monstrous cat creature with a black lion’s mane. Changing his name to Kraven the Hunter, he battles Spider-Man again. He overpowers and outraces Spider-Man throughout their fight, but is stopped by Peter’s webbing. He returns in “Reinforcements,” as a member of the new Sinister Six.

The one version to have a happy ending. Well... happy enough.

A retooled version appears in the Ultimate Spider-Man series. This version, unlike other, uses high-tech old school tools. Think laser-knives, and energy shields instead of his hands, or more mundane knives and shields. He’s also more of Spider-Man’s ally White Tiger’s enemy in his initial appearance, as he had killed her father years before to steal their family amulet and get white tiger powers. He uses a magic drum to drive White Tiger into a fury, in an attempt to kill her while she’s enraged. She and Spider-Man are able to take him down. He returns in “Return of the Sinister Six,” “The Savage Spider-Man” “Contest of Champions” “Hydra Attacks” “Double Agent Venom” “The New Sinister Six” and “Graduation Day.” It should be note that his desire to kill and steal White Tiger’s powers is dropped after that first episode, as White Tiger and the rest of Spider-Man’s initial team are largely dropped in favor of an all Spider-Man themed team in later seasons. They had this same issue with their version of Scorpion, whom was reworked into a rival/enemy of Iron Fist, only to have the character seemingly drop a decades long grudge after only an encounter or two with Spider-Man. Weird.

They’ve tried to put Kraven into several movies, but production issues seem to be Kraven’s greatest enemy. There were plans to have him appear in the Amazing Spider-Man spin off The Sinister Six, and the third film, but those plans were shelved when the series was cancelled. His name is referenced in the new Morbius trailer, in the form of Kraven Pastries and the Kraven National Ballet. He’s got a film upcoming in Sony’s Spider-Verse movies, and has been hinted at possibly appearing in the third MCU Spider-Man film.

Like Rhino, Scorpion, Lizard and Mysterio, he has appeared in nearly every Spider-Man game in one form or another.

Kraven the Hunter is a fun Spider-Man villain. He’s strong, fast, and another of Spider-Man’s visually distinctive enemies. Say what you like about early Spider-Man comics, (the writing hasn’t aged well), but Steven Ditko was a master at making visually amazing characters. Kraven also gets points for being one of Spider-Man’s more honorable foes. Sure, he will repeatedly pick fights with someone that has zero interest in fighting him, but when Sergei promises, say, to release all of his captives if beaten, you never have to worry about him pulling a double cross. And, like I said at the beginning, I kind of get his style of hunting. Instead of using the largely “auto win” button of a gun, he truly pits his strength against that of his prey. If I could wrestle a Lion and kill it, you bet I’d display it in my living room. Though I would never do that, as I am an animal lover and largely pacifistic. Just sayin’. I do hope that Kraven get’s his film soon, especially since he makes significantly more sense to me as a star of a movie than Michael Morbius, just sayin. What? Just pit Kraven off against some fellow hunter or big corporate type like Osborn or Kingpin, boom, done, likeable anti-hero/villain story. And that's all I have to say about that. Have a good night, everybody.

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Villain Profile: Rhino

Russian Rhino rampages recklessly, routinely ruining runs, rallies, and relaxation. Boom, alliteration.

One of the most universally desired powers is that of what I think of as the Strongman. I picked this term up for the Super Powereds series by Drew Hayes. Basically, it’s anyone that has the combination of superhuman strength and endurance that turns a human being into a human shaped tank. Think guys like the Hulk, Luke Cage, or the Thing. Punching through concrete, leaping tall buildings in a single bound, always being able to open pickle jars, it’s a very attractive powerset. I don’t think that the powers per say are what Aleksei has a problem with, it’s the whole freakish hugeness and constantly being beaten up by a weirdo in red-and-blue spandex that’s a pain. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s get to it.

Somebody didn't care for their Uber Driver.

Aleksei Sytsevich began his career as a common thug for the Russian Mafia. He was big, dumb, and pretty much all of the other stereotypes you think of when you hear the term Muscle. Life took a slight turn for him when he was offered an obscene amount of money and the potential for a lot of personal power to undergo a little science experiment by some shady science types. Over the course of several months, he was injected with a series of chemicals and exposed to radiation treatments. The results were a massive increase in strength, due to the addition of a few hundred pounds of muscle. He was also outfitted with a suit of experimental armor that was permanently bonded to his skin, making him virtually impervious to harm, and giving him a new weapon in the form of his namesake’s sizeable horn. The scientists believed that the Rhinoceros motif was fitting as they’re one of evolutions most perfectly protected creatures.

The first mission for the newly dubbed Rhino was to kidnap astronaut John Jameson III, son of publisher J. Jonah Jameson Jr. So many Js. Sorry, back on task. He was to kidnap Jameson to bring back to his bosses so they might sell him to the highest bidder. Jameson had been exposed to a hitherto unknown alien spore, making him worth a stupid amount of money to the right people. Aleksei was given extensive, mind-bending training to teach him accent free American English and fake papers dubbing him Alex O’Hirn in order to sneak into the US undetected. Well, as undetected as a seven-foot-tall armored titan can ever be. Rather than go along with their full plan, Aleksei decided to turn on his benefactors, destroying their lab and setting out to capture Jameson on his own. As the Rhino charged his way through New York, he got the attention of a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, who quickly deduced how he could beat someone as apparently impervious as Rhino. The key factors to Rhino’s defeat were that 1. He couldn’t really change direction or easily stop once he began to charge, and 2. He’s about as dumb as a rock. Spider-Man’s agility allowed him to easily dodge Rhino until the big brute passed out from exhaustion. He was kept sedated at a prison hospital for several weeks until he eventually woke up and broke free. He tried to nab Jameson again, but was once again thwarted by Spider-Man, whom with the help of Dr. Connors, had developed an acid that ate through Rhino’s thick armored hide. He was sent to prison once again.

Yes, there was a time where we were expected to take this man
seriously.

Aleksei was eventually freed from prison and was immediately approached by his former benefactors. Guys, this is why you keep tails on former super criminals, all I’m saying. They apparently didn’t harbor any ill feelings toward Aleksei after their last encounter, and actually offered to power him up further. Aleksei, having not learned his lesson, agreed. He was subjected to gamma treatments, based on the work of Dr. Bruce Banner, and a new Rhino suit that was even tougher than before. The next job? Kidnap Banner and bring him to his bosses so they could extract the secrets of Gamma-ray treatments from him. His benefactors were able to track down Banner and sicced their new bruiser after him. Despite his recent powerup, Rhino was laughably outclassed by the Hulk’s nigh unlimited strength, was knocked out and rearrested. He was then freed and used by one of the Hulk’s enemies, the Leader, as his muscle for a short while. He kept getting his butt kicked by the Hulk, though, so he was eventually let go.

Over the years Aleksei Sytsevich has become one of the “Go To” villainous Strongmen in the Marvel Universe. Provided that you pay him well enough, he’s basically a walking tank that will hit what you want when you want him to. Guys like Kingpin or Osborn love to use him then they need something pancaked. In more recent years he attempted to turn over a new leaf. After one of his stays in prison, he met a waitress named Oksana that he somewhat hit it off with. When given the choice between becoming a new and improved Rhino or see where things went with Oksana, he choice Oksana. They quickly married and got an apartment in Yonkers. Their happiness was short lived, however, as the mad scientist that offered to upgrade him had found a new idiot, I mean volunteer to be the new Rhino. New Rhino thought the only way he could be taken seriously was by killing Aleksei. He was initially stopped by Spider-Man, but in true villain fashion, escaped prison and ended up killing Oksana. This drove Aleksei into a blind rage, he redonned his suit (he’d upgraded to a removable model some years ago) and brutally murdered New Rhino as payback.

Much better, this one actually looks like he's in an armored suit.

Most recently, he’d been hired as the muscle for New U Technologies, a company that promised Miracle cures for the terminally ill but in actuality swapped out the sick with healthy Clones. This was all a front by a returned Jackal, one of Spider-Man’s geneticist enemies. He’d bought Aleksei’s, and several other villains, loyalties by cloning their deceased loved ones as payment. So Aleksei got to be with Oksana again for a little while. This ended when one of the Jackal’s fail-safes was activated, a specific audio frequency that caused the clones to rapidly decompose. Aleksei was all but catatonic by her ashes until a quarantine team tried to move him. He went berserk and started to rampage. He was quickly stopped by Spider-Man, who forced him to calm down, and taught one of his oldest enemies his trick to living with grief. Namely, focus the pain of their loss into a desire to be the person their loved one wanted them to be. Aleksei surrendered and said he’d try. Well see if this new leaf turn is the one that sticks.

The Rhino has the standard Strongman suite of abilities. The combination of drugs and later gamma ray treatments made him super strong, unnaturally fast, inhuman stamina, and super durable. Basically, he can hit and get hit like few others can. He’s also been outfitted with his iconic Rhino suit, an artificial armor that renders him all but impervious to damage, and gives him the imposing horn of his namesake. With a running start, he can pierce 2 inches of plate steel with his horn. His really only vulnerable area is his exposed face, which is much harder to hit when he’s moving than you’d think. Originally the suit was fused to his very skin, which was a constant hassle for Aleksei to deal with, and he later upgraded to a removable suit.

The Rhino has been used several times outside of the comics, being one of the physically strongest opponents that Spider-Man regularly faces off against.

He appears in several episodes of Spider-Man: The Animated Series. His part is pretty much down to just being the big dumb muscle that Kingpin regularly hires. I don’t think anything about him is ever explained, not his name, powers, or even the fact that he’s stuck in his armor. He appeared in “The Alien Costume” parts one and three, the “Insidious Six” two parter, and the “Six Forgotten Warriors” two parter.

He’s has a more… fleshed out appearance in The Spectacular Spider-Man, where he’s played by Clancy Brown. You know, Mr. Krabs from Spongebob or the head guard from The Shawshank Redemption? Yeah, same guy. In this version he’s known by his alias Alex O’Hirn and is a petty thug working for the “Big Man,” and was often partnered with Flint Marko (aka the Sandman). He and Marko appear in several early episodes, where they’re constantly being captured and humiliated by Spider-Man. In the sixth episode, “The Invisible Hand” one episode after Marko got his Sand powers, Rhino was put into an armored suit and given the “enhancements” that turned him into the Rhino. The Big Man had decided to upgrade some of his thugs into costumed supervillains in the hope that they’d keep Spider-Man too busy to deal with his more mundane criminal activities. While he was able to smack Spider-Man around in their initial encounter, Spider-Man was able to deduce that this version of the suit is so skin tight that it didn’t even allow Alex to sweat except around his face. Spider-Man was basically able to defeat him by inducing heat exhaustion. It’s from a conversation from the addled Rhino that Peter finally learned who the Big Man is, Alex having heard the name L. Thompson Lincoln from his own superiors. He returns as part of the Sinister Six in “Group Therapy” and “Intervention” and as muscle in “Accomplices” and “Opening Night.”

Honestly, this makes me think that Paul Giamatti is begin carried
in some kind of armored babybjorn.

A teenage version of Rhino, again going by Alex O’Hirn, appeared in Ultimate Spider-Man. In the episode “The Rhino” he’s introduced first in his more hulking form as a new villain that’s attacking and stealing Oscorp chemical shipments. He’s particularly dangerous when it’s revealed his horn can cut even Spider-Man ally Power Man’s supposedly unbreakable skin. He’s later revealed to be an angry nerd that was being bullied by Flash Thompson. To get back at Flash, he started taking one of Doc Ock’s animal-based superpower formulas to turn himself into the Rhino. He’d been hitting Oscorp shipments to prolong the transformation. He attempts to kill Flash, but is delayed by Spider-Man and his amazing friends long enough for his formula to run out. While being taken away by SHIELD, Flash does take a moment to apologize to Alex for being a dick. A little late, but it’s good to see Flash grow a little. He returned in Rhino form in “The Sinister Six” and “Return of the Sinister Six” as the groups muscle, working for more Rhino formula. He has one more character focused episode entitled “Rampaging Rhino,” where it’s revealed that overuse of the Rhino formula has left him in his monster state. The imprisoned Rhino flies into a rage when he learns that his former tormentor Flash Thompson has gone on to be the “hero” Agent Venom and breaks free. He rampages across New York, only being stopped by a combination of Hulk and the Iron Spider in Hulkbuster armor, and Spider-man and Agent Venom appealing to his better nature. Spider-Man then persuades Nick Fury to let him train as a hero at the new SHIELD academy. He rejoins Doc Ock in “Lizards” and is a part of his crew until the end of the series. Though he does turn over a new leaf for reals by the end and truly joins the SHIELD academy.

He was played by Paul Giamatti of all people in the beginning and ending of The Amazing Spider-Man 2. In the opening sequence he’s just a stupid thug that attempted to jack a truck full of Oscorp plutonium. He’s stopped by Spider-Man after a bit of a chase. He returns in full Rhino gear, this time being a full mech suit with machine guns and rockets, attacking police at the films end. He was apparently either trying to draw out Spider-Man, or use his absence as an excuse to cause harm. Peter had been taking sometime off to grieve after the death of Gwen Stacey. Spider-Man swings in to save a kid in a Spider-Man mask who’d tried to face down Rhino, before charging him and beginning to swing a manhole cover at his face before the credits rolled. Giamatti was signed to appear in the third Amazing Spider-Man film, and possibly a separate Sinister Six spin off, but the films were cancelled in favor of the second Spider-Man reboot and being rolled into the MCU. Honestly, I can’t complain. I should note that, despite “Amazing” being in the title, Giamatti’s Rhino battle suit is one of several instances of the Ultimate Universe popping in instead of the Amazing Spider-Man series.

And like the Lizard, Mysterio, and Scorpion, The Rhino has appeared in almost every single Spider-Man game as a boss character.

As I said in the beginning, as a villain Rhino is a fairly standard Strongman type. He’s big, tough, and dumb as a rock. But, like a lot of Spider-Man baddies, he’s visually iconic. I really can’t think of another villain to use the slate gray armor and massive horn combination. And while his plans aren’t ever what someone would call smart, and he’s more often used as an enforcer for worse criminals, he’s still a staple of Spider-Man’s rogues gallery and has been for decades. He’s simple, but that’s kind of part of his charm. Not everyone can be the Norman Osborn/Lex Luthor types, you need the big dumb brutes to do the legwork. Obviously, he’s a fan favorite, given how often he’s appeared outside of the comics. I wonder if that’s just the kind of street cred that a former Sinister Six member gets, or if he’s just that cool to some people. It’s a shame that Giamatti didn’t get more time as the Rhino as he probably would have had a lot of fun with the role. But hey, there’s always next time. I look forward to seeing him buttheads with Spider-Man again, soon. 

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Villain Profile: Zsasz

If you think hash marks can't be scary, you'd be wrong, mother lovers.

So, with Birds of Prey coming out next week, and all the hubbub about the recent reveal that two of its villains will be portrayed as gay when they are canonically straight, I figured I should do a write up on them. But, since I already did main villain Roman Sionis aka Black Mask, I guess I’ll have to talk about his top henchmen Victor Zsasz instead. We’ve hit 2020, can we please stop treating any attempt at adding diversity to comic book adaptations like it’s an afront to the entire medium? At least think about it, kay? Enough diversity talk, let’s talk about a homicidal killer. Let’s get to it.

So each of those hashmarks represents a murder... that's horrifying.

Victor Zsasz began life in Gotham City, and was rather happily to begin with, for once. He had two loving parents, a sizeable family fortune, and had built his own personal fortune all by his early twenties. This ended, shockingly, tragically. Both of his parents were killed in a boating accident when he was twenty-five, sending him into a deep depression spiral. Officially making him the most relatable Batman villain ever. What? I don’t care what Joker fans say, one bad day won’t make you a homicidal maniac overnight. It can put you in a state of self-loathing and misery that you might never recover from. Yes, I have a little personal experience with that, but will spare you the details, other than it’s not me and if you know my family you probably know who I’m talking about. Victor found that the only thing that gave him any feeling other that soul crushing despair was gambling. Apparently, the thrill of cards, dice and/or slot machines was enough to make him feel something, if only for a little while. The issue was he wasn’t much of a gambler, and spent the next few years all but literally throwing his money away into his habit. Things didn’t really nose dive, though, until he found himself in the infamous Iceberg Lounge in Gotham. Said lounge was owned and operated by Oswald Cobblepot, aka The Penguin. Zsasz, who had been on a hot streak that night, ended up playing against the Penguin, betted everything he’d had left in the world, and lost it all. Big shock, we later find out Penguin cheated.

Destitute and more depressed now than ever, Zsasz decided to end it all and went to Gotham Bridge in jump to his death. Not going to lie, this might be an instance were his death might have been for the best. On the bridge, he was assaulted by an unstable homeless man that had been infuriated to learn that Zsasz wasn’t going to give him any money. Zsasz instinctively grabbed the knife and had a dark epiphany when he looked into the horrified man’s eyes. He decided that life is meaningless and nothing and nobody matters. As thanks for this insight, Zsasz stabbed the homeless man to death. Zsasz decided that it was his mission in life to liberate the zombies (how he now thinks of all living people) from mtheir pointless existence. While he’ll kill anybody given the opportunity, he had a preference (like a lot of killers) for young women, and developed a signature of slitting their throats and leaving them in life like poses. Upon finishing his work, he’d cut a tally mark into his skin. No surprise, when he was finally captured by the Batman and police, he was diagnosed as insane and sentenced to life in Arkham Asylum.  

Dear Mayor of Gotham, maybe consider sending your criminally insane literally anywhere else.

Like many inmates, Zsasz found his prison sentence to be largely optional. He bribed a contractor to build a secret passage from his cell to the outside, taking advantage of the Asylum’s reconstruction under it’s new warden, Jeremiah Arkham. He’d inherited it from his elderly uncle, Amadeus. It worked something like this, during the day, Zsasz would be restrained and “treated” personally by Jeremiah, but at night when he was supposedly locked in his cell, he’d use the passage to make his way back to Gotham and commit murders. Oh, and he used his treatment time to slowly drive Jeremiah insane as well, turning his captor into an unwitting henchman. Sort of like what Joker did to Harley. This process went on for a short time, until his modus operandi was noticed popping up again by police. Commissioner Gordon and Batman faked Batman getting arrested and sent to Arkham to investigate. As he was believed to be a cop killer, and obviously Jeremiah wasn’t on a need to know basis, his stay at Arkham wasn’t fun. Zsasz, realizing that the jig was probably up, killed the contractor and any other inmates that knew of his little passageway and tried to make a break for it. He was captured by a team-up of Batman and Nightwing and sent… back… to… Arkham. Oi, the stupidity.

Yep, he's mastered the crazy eye look.

Zsasz would continue to escape Arkham on a fairly regular basis, to strike at Gotham and its unwitting citizens just when they’d about forgotten about the sociopath. His most damaging spree went like so… Zsasz escaped from prison and went on a killing spree. Batman was hunting him, but kept coming up on dead ends. As Bruce Wayne, he took the night off and attended a charity function to cool his heels. Zsasz attacked at said function and nearly fatally wounds… Alfred Pennyworth! Not wanting to let his beloved butler and de-facto father die, Bruce rushed Alfred to the hospital and got him treatment just in time. Deciding to make this attack mean something, Bruce held a press conference to announce Alfred’s condition. Why? Because he knew Zsasz would see it, and that his psychosis wouldn’t allow him to leave his foul deed undone. He was right. Zsasz had already added Alfred to his Tally, and knowing that the man was still alive made him feel like his skin was burning. He broke in to the hospital to finish Alfred. This allowed Bruce as Batman to catch him off guard and trounce Zsasz, sending him back to prison.

Zsasz killing sprees seem to only ever be paused, not entirely stopped. A common problem Batman has with his most heinous enemies. I think he’d rather taken on any number of Scarecrows and Mr. Freezes if it meant never having to deal with an unstable killer like the Joker or Zsasz again.

Zsasz is, like a lot of Batman’s foes, a baseline human that just happens to have a natural skill for fighting. He prefers to fight using knives and other bladed weapons, feeling that guns are too unreliable. Though he will use a gun to coerce his victims. He’s surprisingly strong and agile, being able to fight fist to fist with Batman and giving the Dark Knight a run for his money. He’s also incredibly intelligent, having used his incredible mind to plot multiple escapes from Arkham and elude even Batman for weeks at a time. He’s also rather hard to track, as he pretty much kills indiscriminately. Even if folks notice a lot of dead bodies that are, say, sitting up in a chair or slumped against a building, it’s hard to pin that specifically on Zsasz. Thankfully, Batman is always able to track him down eventually, and rarely having to resort to use friends and allies as Bait, like with Alfred. He also has the most underrated of gifts, a name that is a palindrome. What? It’s a fun word to say so I use any excuse to bring it up. Palindrome.

Zsasz has been used a few times outside of the comics. Given the fact that he’s a literal serial killer with a very disturbing habit of slicing himself as often as his victims, I can see why a lot of shows shied away from using him. Heck, I’d imagine even the moderately dark Batman the Animated Series would have thought twice about using him, had he been a more seasoned character during that shows run. And, I feel like pointing out, he does follow that Decade rule I’ve mentioned in previous posts. He was created back in 1992 with his earliest appearances outside of comics coming in 2003 (on a minor game I won’t be going into detail about called Batman: Dark Tomorrow) and 05 (Cameo in Batman Begins).

He was a semi-regularly appearing assassin in Gotham, portrayed by Anthony Carrigan. He’s introduced in the seventh episode of the series “Penguin’s Umbrella” as crime boss Carmine Falcone’s top man. He shifts to Penguin’s employ after Falcone retires and flees from the city. Somewhat ironic a pairing, given the comic book origin of the character.

He has a cameo appearance in Batman Begins. He’s the mobster that is originally sentenced for Blackgate Prison, before being deemed insane by corrupt psychiatrist Jonathan Crane and sent to Arkham for a more lenient stay. Since I’m just now reading about this, I imagine that only the most die hard of fans realized he was even in the damn thing.

Wonder if he's saving the last tally for Batman for foiling him,
or Penguin for general life ruining.

He’s a minor character appearing, or at least being mentioned in, three of the four Batman: Arkham game series, voiced by Danny Jacobs. He makes a few small appearances in the original Asylum as a boss character Batman has to ninja sneak around before being knocked out. He’s the main villain in much longer side quest in Arkham City, where Batman is forced to track Zsasz across the city to his various crime scenes, always being prompt by Zsasz making calls to a payphone. It’s also revealed in this continuity that he did get a small amount of revenge against Penguin, being the man that jammed a broken bottle into the crime bosses face. The bottle is permanently logged in Penguin’s face, looking like a gruesome monocle. I have to imagine it’s painful for him. He only has a cameo appearance as a criminal at large during the events of Arkham Knight.

He will appear as one of the antagonists in the Birds of Prey movie, portrayed by Chris Messina. All I really know at this point is that he’s Black Mask’s henchmen, and he and his boss are both gay in this adaptation. Some people are rather upset about this change in characteristic, but I really only seeing this affecting Zsasz choice in primary target, so can’t really get myself worked up over, to be honest.

Victor Zsasz is a visually interesting villain with a tragic backstory. The fact that he only became a serial killer and murderer due to the death of his parents and some serious instances of bad luck afterward does make me feel that he’s one of Batman’s more relatable baddies. At least in his creation. Depression is a terrible mental disorder that has hurt countless individuals over the course of human history is tragic in and of itself, but to have it be the thing that turned a genuinely good person into a hollowed eyed killer is rubbing salt in the wound. Hell, were Zsasz a real person I might feel genuinely sorry for him. The tally marks on his skin is a disturbing image, particularly when you see the sheer number of five hash marks on his body. I wonder if he was the inspiration to Erik Killmongers scarification dots in Black Panther? I haven’t seen confirmation or dismissal of that idea, so if you know, let me know, kay? So yeah, overall a decent villain, and hopefully he’ll be as good on the big screen as he was in the Arkham games. Tall order, but hey, I’ve seen crazier things happen.

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Review: Venom

Still blows my mind that they thought they could make a good Spider-Man Villain movie with no mention of Spider-Man.

Alrighty, to recap, I’m not the biggest fan of Sony’s separate Spider-Man universe in principle, and I’m somewhat baffled by the choice of Michael Morbius, the Bat-themed Curt Connors, to be their second entry into this multifilm franchise. And since I brought it up, now seemed like a reasonable time to finally sit down and look over the first entry into Sony’s Spider-Verse, Venom. Yes, this is my first time viewing this movie. No, I don’t see every superhero relate thing that comes out, just the ones that interest me. And yes, I’m aware this is probably going to hurt me on an emotional level at the very least. Finally, I'm going to try to use gender-neutral pronouns for Venom and their ilk. Symbiotes are technically asexual, and while the usual short hand is to refer to the symbiote by the gender of it's current host, it's 2020, so I figured I at least should update my vocabulary a little. Alright, enough preamble, let’s get to it.

We open on a space shuttle making a return trip to Earth. The shuttle radios back to mission control that they’re on there way, and that they have the specimens secure. Right before one of the mentioned specimens breaks free and starts slaughtering people on reentry. The ship crash lands in Malaysia. A recovery team is dispatched and they begin removing the specimens. The owner of said space shuttle, Carlton Drake and his head researcher Dr. Skirth are watching the recovery remotely. They discover that one of the four specimens are missing and that one of the astronauts, Jameson, is still alive! They get him into an ambulance and try to rush him to a hospital. In route, however, Jameson sits up, engulfs both EMT’s in the ambulance with tentacles that manifest from his body and cause a massive wreck. I think we found the alien! Also, that escalated quickly. And finally, no one tell J. Jonah that his son is probably definitely dead. One of the EMT’s escapes, very clearly wounded, but black ooze appears over her various cuts, scrapes and one visibly broken bone and she continues walking. That’s probably not good.

Oh yeah, Eddie is afraid of heights. I'm sure that won't be important
to the story. <eye roll>

We then cut over to San Francisco… kay… I guess we’re doing the polar opposite of Marvel’s usual New York centric stories. Anyway, reporter Eddie Brock is rudely awoken by his lawyer fiancé Anne Weyling. They have some cutesy couple moments, to reinforce how happy they are, which I’m sure won’t be affected by the alien parasites crash landing on earth. Oo, it’s been a while since sarcasm hurt that bad. Eddie drives to his office on his motorcycle, while we get a montage of images of him doing various news stories. In this universe Eddie is a TV reporter with his own segment… kay… he makes it to his office and chats with his boss, Jack. After making a crack about not caring for the view because “Heights not really my thing,” we learn that Eddie is going to interview Carlton Drake. Drake is a big CEO of the Life Foundation, and the owner of the rocket that crash landed earlier. Eddie is immediately against the idea, as he has moral issues with interviewing someone as obviously corrupt as Drake, but Jack insists. Sending an in your face reporter to do a puff-piece. I’m not even going to use sarcasm here, that’s flipping moronic and everyone involved should know it.

Over dinner that night, Eddie tells Anne about the interview and his dislike for her ‘boss.’ She actually works for a private legal firm that represents the Life Foundation, so it’s a tomato/tomato potato/potato situation. After dinner and some hanky-panky, Eddie gets up that night and sees that Anne got an email on her computer. He violates every bit of trust that should exist in a committed relationship and reads her email. He sees several confidential documents as part of a wrongful death lawsuit. Again, no sarcasm, this will bite him in the ass.

The next day, we’re shown Carlton Drake leading a children’s tour group through his facility. He’s interrupted by Dr. Skirth to remind him of his interview with Brock. Eddie interviews Drake. At first he sticks to the puff-piece questions about the rockets and such, we learn that Drake is a self-made millionaire and built his fortune from at a young age. But then switches over to questions about his pharmaceutical practices and human experimentation and other unsavory topics. Drake cuts off the interview, and tells Eddie “Have a nice life,” as he’s dragged away.

The next day, Eddie is fired for pissing off a millionaire, Anne is fired for giving Eddie his info (no I have no idea how they found this out for sure), and Anne breaks up with Eddie.

Meanwhile, Drake’s crews bring in the three captured symbiotes. As Drake looks at the wriggling ooze in jars, he claims they’re beautiful. Dude is clearly insane. And, back in Malaysia, the rogue alien controlling the EMT makes it to town, rips the head off an eel and attacks several individuals that object to their theft and murdered of the eel’s owner. The symbiote then transfers themselves to a new host who then wanders off.

Shame that Venom can't appreciate Dare by Stan Bush
what with his allergy to loud noises.

We then jump forward six months. Drake’s scientists determined that the symbiotes require a host body to merge with to survive in an oxygen rich environment. And that, unless the host is compatible with the symbiote, like an organ transplant, they will reject and eat the host. Okay, so not totally like an organ transplant. They found this out using bunnies. Drake insists that they move to human trials, despite Skirth’s reservations. Also, I’m super disappointed we didn’t get to see a Venom-Bunny.

We then rejoin Eddie. He’s now routinely burning through his cash getting drunk, is behind on all of his bills, and is just constantly miserable. So, he and Peter Parker now have a few things in common. He buys a free newspaper off a homeless lady and has moral qualms about seeing the local convenience store being shaken down for money, just to reinforce he’s not a bad guy. He goes home to his shabby apartment and tries to sleep while his neighbor plays electric guitar at max volume.

Back at the Life Foundation, Drake has his scientists bring in homeless people to experiment on. The first one, a fella named Isaac, bonds with the symbiote, seems to do fine for a minute, but then is eaten from the inside. You know, that old horror chestnut. Drake rather callously calls for the next volunteer, much to Dr. Skirth’s horror.

The next day, Eddie walks downtown and notices his homeless friend isn’t at her usual spot. He goes into his convenience store, and starts off talking to himself, only be revealed that he’s telling Dr. Skirth in the next aisle that she’s terrible at tailing. She tells him about the human experiments and death, but Eddie blows her off. He stops by his ex-girlfriend’s place, sees her and her new boyfriend (really quick rebound from your fiancé, just sayin’), and goes to the Golden Gate Bridge to stare off into space. He then decides to call Skirth and agrees to help her. She sneaks him into the Life Foundation. On the way she explains that the Life Foundation found a comet filled with the creatures while exploring space looking for planets to colonize. Not sure someone could hide a space shuttle that advanced from the public, but I’ve learned to pick my battles. They’re separated when Skirth gets stopped by a guard. On his own, Eddie takes photos of the facility, the patience, and their info. He sees his homeless friend as one of their experiments. He frees her after setting off an alarm, she attacks and infects him with her symbiote before dying.

Eddie escapes the lab, showing off his new super strength and speed, and ultimately ditches pursuit after jumping into a tree. He gets home and is clearly feeling ill. He’s sweating profusely and pretty much eats anything in his apartment remotely edible. He throws up, hears a mysterious voice in his head, and seems to knock himself out.

Took about half the movie to get here, but, damn it, I have to admit
that that is a pretty awesome Venom smile.

Back at the lab, Drake learns about the missing Symbiote and demands his crew find it. He’s also informed that another host has survived and seems to be recovering from the bonding process. Also, while that’s going on, the rogue symbiote made their way to an airport and seems to be moving onto their new host.

Eddie wakes up, and starts wandering around downtown. He finds Anne and her boyfriend Dan on a date and tries to tell her about what happened. But he’s talking like he’s high out of his mind. Dan determines that Eddie is ill and keeps the restaurant from calling the cops. Even after Eddie sits in the lobster tank and eats one alive. Dan takes Eddie in to have an MRI. The symbiote starts flipping out the moment that the MRI is switched on, Dan turns the machine off and pulls Eddie out. He sends Eddie home, tells him to get some rest, and that he will call Eddie once they get the results of a few of his tests.

Back at the lab, Skirth is found out and captured by the security team. Drake’s team also discovers that while the patient bonded with the suit, the Symbiote is eating the host from the inside out. They also discovered that the creature is susceptible to intense sound.

Eddie makes it home, hearing the symbiote in his head demanding food the whole time. Anne and Dan call Eddie and let him know about his test results. They determined that he’s got a fever and hearing things due to a parasite. They seem to ignore his comments about having superpowers, too. When Dan claims they’ll get him on some meds to get rid of the parasite, the symbiote tells Eddie “Never going to happen.” He then scares the piss out of his guitar playing neighbor when the noise hurts the symbiote.

Meanwhile, Drake is trying to get Skirth to tell him what happened. He keeps trying the good guy vibe with her, even when it’s clear he’s evil. She falls for it, though, and tells him her partner was Eddie. She’s exposed to their one surviving symbiote as punishment. Oh no.

Eddie is then attacked at his apartment by the Life Foundation’s goons. The Symbiote (FINALLY) manifests and starts knocking the goons around with their tentacles. After escaping, Eddie sees his full Venom form in his reflection. They have an argument about whether Venom counts as a parasite or not, but they’re interrupted by more goons. Eddie and Venom lead the guards on a massive chase across downtown San Francisco, ending with Venom fully manifesting and leaping into the bay to escape. Out on the water, Eddie and Venom are finally introduced. Venom tells Eddie that they need Eddie as a host to get to the Life Foundation rocket. If he cooperates, Venom promises not to eat his internal organs. It's a good deal.

Meanwhile, the rogue Symbiote, in the body of a little girl, lands at the airport and wanders off. And we’re shown that both Skirth and the symbiote she was forcibly bonded with are dead. Drake is clearly growing unstable. He tells his security team that they need to bring Eddie and the one surviving suit in.

Dan calls Anne and lets her know that Eddie is way sicker than they thought. She makes it to his apartment and finds the block trashed. Eddie, meanwhile, tries to leave his phone at his former boss’s office but is stopped by security. Eddie refuses to let the symbiote eat him. They suit up and then climb the building. They almost fall to their deaths when a landing plane disrupts the symbiote, but they recover and leave the phone at the office. As he tries to leave, SWAT comes in to try and stop him. He laughably beats the snot out of SF’s finest. Anne arrives as Venom almost eats a police man. She convinces them to come back to the hospital. A drone follows their car.

At the Life Foundation, Drake meets the possessed child. The other suit attacks him and forcibly bonds with him.

Shame to see fathers and sons fighting. Even if the movie never
brings up that fact.

At the hospital, Dan tells Eddie that the suit is literally eating him from the inside. His heart has started to atrophy (does that science?). Dan tries to convince Eddie of how much danger he’s in, while Venom tells him it’s not as bad as it seems. Anne switches on the MRI, forcibly separating Eddie and Venom. They seal the creature in the MRI room, but they escapes through the airducts and possesses a dog. Eddie is picked up by Life Foundation goons.

Can Eddie and Venom reunite and stop Riot and Drake’s evil plan? Watch the movie to find out. Oh, and the rogue symbiote is named Riot. You don’t hear their name until the lasts twenty minutes or so.

Alright, so the bad first. This movie’s first half is rather dull. We go over 40 minutes before Eddie and Venom bond and start interacting even a little. In an hour and a half movie, that’s a long time to go before seeing your title character. Anne’s new boyfriend Dan was a pretty pointless character. He was really just there to give Eddie free medical care, and to create an unnecessary love triangle between Eddie, Anne, and himself. They could have done the free healthcare thing by making Anne a doctor, or maybe just make it an insane coincidence that Eddie meets a doctor that was a huge fan of his before his show was cancelled. The fact that the villain’s name wasn’t even dropped until the final bit of the movie was just irritating. It pissed me off in Spider-Man 3, and it’s just annoying a decade and a half later. Finally, Venom deciding to work with Eddie to protect Earth from his own people kind of comes out of nowhere. The movie claims that Eddie changed Venom… but Eddie spent their entire time together complaining, feeling ill, and just not enjoying being around the creature. Not sure why that’d make them want to stay on Earth.

Alright, another begrudging "This was a cool shot" head nod.

Onto the good, what little there is to be had. I liked the effects on the Venom symbiote and their fellows. They almost seemed to be there during a lot of their scenes. And while they gave Venom a fair amount of cosmetic changes to make him seem less affiliated with Spider-Man, his new design is still worlds better than the Spider-Man 3 creature we were given over a decade ago. And the Symbiote as Eddie’s shoulder devil was just kind of fun in places. I particularly liked this joke where, standing atop the tall building of his former office Venom egged him on shouting “Jump!” only to immediately call him a “Pussy” for electing to take the elevator. I was tempted to put this in the bad section since there’s so little of them and they appears so late in the game, but hey, I’ll give the movie this freebie. Tom Hardy was giving a 100% in every scene he’s in. Though, I will say he works better once he’s a bitter disenfranchised former reporter than the supposedly nice but tough journalist he was before. What? Eddie Brock is a jerk, that has been his main character trait for decades now. And while I heavily condensed it, the chase scene throughout SF was really cool. While racing around San Fran on Eddie’s motorcycle, we got to see Venom show off a host of their powers, from more liquid tendrils to sticking cars together with its amorphous body. It looked really cool. It just didn’t contribute much to the plot.

Here’s some changes that I though was just kind of weird. I know very little about Venom on his home planet, but the claim that he’s “kind of a loser” back home has never come up. Riot is actually one of Venom’s less famous offspring, being the younger sibling of Carnage. They’re usually seen with their siblings Phage, Lasher, and Agony, whom have fused together with one host to form Hybrid, and a fifth sibling Scream. And, while the younger generations do seem to have a greater ability to shapeshift than their parent, Venom is shown to be physically superior to their children. Symbiotes, while capable of eating flesh, mainly subsist on a diet of adrenaline from their hosts. Part of the reason Venom stuck with Eddie for so long was that he had an adrenaline secreting tumor, guaranteeing that they’d be fed well. The other part being their combined hatred of Peter Parker/Spider-Man. And finally, I was rather surprised to find out that the Life Foundation is from the Spider-Man canon. But, rather than a space exploring private company, they were more of a secret cabal prepping for the nuclear war that would destroy earth but let their bigwigs rule the irradiated husk left over.  They kidnapped Venom and forcibly removed and accelerated the growth of their children, Phage, Riot, Agony, Lasher, and Scream hoping to use Symbiote hosts as their private police force. I could go on, but I’ve been spouting off at length so let’s finish this up.

I’ll give this one a solid C-. Is it a terrible movie? No, it’s still leagues better than Suicide Squad. Is it a great movie? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. No. It’s just okay. The amazing acting of Tom Hardy, and pretty cool effects don’t make up for a lackluster plot. Riot actually has the same issue as their father in Spider-Man 3 in that they’re barely in the film at all. While Carleton Drake and the Life Foundation were okay as villains, the group isn’t enough to carry the movie. They really needed to get Eddie and Venom together significantly sooner, I think, to have made this movie better. In summation, it’s an okay film. Not the worst, but lightyears away from being great. It reminds me a bit of the DCEU, some good ideas but not great execution. I doubt that Morbius will improve things much, but I’d love to be proven wrong for once. And that’s all I have to say about that. 

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Twitter: @BasicsSuperhero

Anti-Hero Profile: Morbius the Living Vampire

Starting the new year off with a blood sucking monster. Huh, in retrospect, I don't think I'm doing this right.

So, Sony, I guess, is still attempting to make its own separate and yet loosely connected Spider-Man Cinematic Universe work. Things are getting a little weird. As seen in the new Morbius trailer, we can see images of the MCU Spider-Man with the word MURDERER graffitied over it, and I guess that Michael Keaton’s Vulture is going to have some role to play in the film? And yet, when the next solo Spider-Man movie comes out, I bet there will be no reference to any of this. Ugh, this is going to be a consistent headache for me moving onward, isn’t it?  Anyway, since the trailer just dropped, lets talk about Michael Morbius the Living Vampire. I’m going to refer to him as Morbius throughout, as writing my own first name over and over again feels weird. Let’s get to it.

Bleh bleh bleh, he's come to suck your blood.

Dr. Michael Morbius was born in Greece, where he spent much of his youth in relative isolation. He suffered from a rare blood disease that caused him to be physically frail, as well as unpleasant to look at. That’s just a low blow, universe, not cool. His condition motivated Morbius to become a biologist, he even earned a Nobel Peace Prize in biochemistry for his work on blood disorders. He eventually found a treatment for his own affliction which involved vampire bats and electroshock therapy. That’s all I can find on the subject, which is mildly disturbing.  The treatment did cure Morbius of his particular disorder, but had the unforeseen side effects of turning himself into a pseudo-vampire. I say pseudo because, while he has all of the typical powers of the undead (superstrength, speed, flight, rapid regeneration, and liquid diet) since he wasn’t killed and resurrected, he doesn’t have the same weakness to articles of faith and his heart still beats. And, while he transfers his disease to anyone he feeds upon, since they’re technically still alive his victims can be cured and returned to a pure human state. Something that Morbius cannot do due to being the progenerator. So, he has most of the positives without all of the negatives. Oh, and he does now need to drink blood to survive. Feels like he just exchanged one blood problem for another, if I’m being honest.

Morbius eventually traveled to New York, devouring the crew of the ship he’d traveled in, in an attempt to find a cure for his semi-vampirism. While there, he was discovered by Spider-Man, whom had tracked down the gifted biochemist looking for help with his own recent mutation, growing four extra set of arms. Morbius, hungry for blood, attacked Spider-Man, but their one-on-one brawl was interrupted by the Lizard who was also out to kill Spider-Man. He bites the Lizard before escaping. Much to both Spider-Man and the Lizard’s shock, Morbius’ bite seemed to have partially reverted him back to his human form. The two quickly theorize that something in Morbius’ blood must work as an antidote to genetic mutation. They decide to work together to track down Morbius and get enough of his blood to formulate cures for themselves. They’re able to track him down rather easily, and are able to beat him up and take enough of his blood to turn the Lizard back into Connors and remove Spider-Man’s extra arms. Whoo.

Morbius, tossed into the Hudson River during their fight, was eventually washed ashore and after snacking on two people, once again went on the hunt to find a cure. He set his sights on a former colleague of his, Dr. Hans Jorgenson and tries to kidnap him to force the doctor to help him. While this was going on, his fiancé, Martine Bancroft, had made it to the US from Greece and had contacted the Fantastic Four to find and help cure him. Johnny is the only one of the four who decides to look into it, he and Spider-Man team up and save Jorgenson, forcing Morbius back once more. He escapes, briefly, but is ultimately defeated by Spider-Man once he gets backup from the X-Men. Charles new Jorgenson too and sent his team to save him.

You know, you have to be really trying to dress sillier than the
guy in bright red and blue spandex. Just sayin'.

Since his introduction, Michael Morbius has constantly bounced back and forth between Villain and Anti-Hero. His alignment seems to rely heavily on how desperate he is for a cure, and what new method is available to him to restore himself to his human form. He’s worked for the Legion of Monsters, a group of Marvel Anti-heroes that all have some monstrous Origin, and whom kill monsters that go berserk. He has also teamed up with Blade and Ghost Rider on a few of their missions battling more usual Vampires and minions of Hell as they crop up. There are also instances of him losing control of his vampiric hunger and going on rampages, those of which are usually stopped by Spider-Man, Blade, Ghost Rider or whomever is in range to handle a Scourge of Vampires. He did receive a longer-term cure which came in the form of being struck by lightning during a fight with Spider-Man. Huh, guess Thor must have owed Peter one. He was human for several years and became a support character for several Marvel heroes before returning to his Vampire form once more.

Dr. Michael Morbius was once just a gifted scientist in the field of Biochemistry. After attempting to cure himself of his rare blood condition with an untested treatment that involved Vampire Bats and electroshock treatment, he became a Living Vampire. This comes with several Vampiric powers, including Super strength, speed, agility, stamina, reflexes and senses. He has an above average healing factor that causes him to rapidly recover from wounds. He also has unusually sharp teeth and claws which he uses quite effectively. He can also use his minor mental powers to cause himself to glide short distances. He has an unquenchable thirst for human blood, and spreads his condition to his victims. But, since they are still technically alive, his vampiric spawn can be cured.

As he’s a vampire created by science, not magic, he’s immune to most of their usual weaknesses. Silver doesn’t burn him, holy symbols don’t weaken him, a steak through the heart won’t kill him, and he’s only mildly annoyed by direct sunlight. So, while being a Vampire in general kind of sucks, at least he’s got some fringe benefits.

Michael Morbius has only appeared a handful of times outside of the comics, and usually in a villainous role.

Does it get more 90s than blue hair, a black duster,
and one of those stupid chin goatees?

He was a recurring antagonist in the 90’s Spider-Man: The Animated Series. He’s introduced at the start of season two “The Insidious Six” in his human form. At first, he just seems like a vaguely European exchange student that is battling Peter for the affection of Felicia Hardy. Peter and Mary Jane weren’t exclusive at the time, so he’s not cheating, FYI. He doesn’t shift into full monster form until the sixth episode “Morbius.” In it, he steals a sample of Spider-Man’s blood to use in an experiment. Peter had been suffering from sporadic power loss and had been shopping around ESU for a cure, FYI. During his experiment, a Bat flies in, gets some of the blood and then bites Morbius, turning him into a Vampire. He’s a recurring villain for the rest of the season, appearing in “Enter The Punisher,” “Blade, The Vampire Hunter,” and “The Immortal Vampire.” Yes, Spider-Man does work with Blade to hunt a Vampire, and it’s as cool a concept as 90s censors would allow. At the end of his first run, Morbius is turned into a much more monstrous Vampire bat form and flies off to live in seclusion. It closes on a very sad scene of him wrapping himself up in his massive wings and thinking that he’ll always remember the kiss he shared with Felicia in the bell tower. He returns to normal… well, his more human vampire form, in the fourth season “The Awakening” when Mutant hating scientist Herbert Landon kidnapped him to study his condition. Spider-Man swings in to stop what Landon and his boss the Kingpin were working on, and Morbius escapes in during the battle. He makes one more appearance in “The Vampire Queen” where he’s used by Miriam the Vampire Queen, Blade’s mother, as one of her minions and unwillingly gives her the idea to use the Neogenic Recombinator (the device that transformed Morbius) to make more Vampires. He’s eventually freed and starts working with Blade to hunt Vampires.

It should be noted that censorship at the time was very weird and Fox made several changes to Michael Morbius to make him more “kid friendly” or so they seem to think. Is it moronic to try and make a Vampire, a creature that subsists on the blood of humans, kid friendly? Yes. But here we are. While Morbius does have his usual massive fangs, in this version he drains his victims from these gnarly looking suckers on the palms of his hands. That feels more starfish than Bat, if I’m being honest. And, while they do confirm that he feeds on people, what he’s drinking is never referred to as blood. Instead they claim he drains “plasma.” Which is in blood, so I don’t see why they need to change it. But then, these are the same people that changed the Sinister Six into the Insidious Six, for no reason I can think of since both words are about the same level of not nice.

I'm starting to think Jared Leto likes playing unnaturally pale
skinned monsters.

He appears in Ultimate Spider-Man in the fourth season. He’s a HYDRA scientist attempting to create a new, improved Venom Symbiote. Spider-Man, Agent Venom, and Harry Osborn in his Iron Man style Patrioteer armor track them down, but the three teen heroes are surprised by the release of the new Anti-Venom. The suit possesses Harry, and drives him into a berserker’s fury. In the resulting Battle Morbius Escapes, Agent Venom is injured and Harry is put into a coma. Morbius returns in the three parter Symbiote Saga. In the first episode he steals another sample of the Venom symbiote and tries to force a restrained Doc Ock to help him experiment with it. In the fighting that results when Spider-Man and Agent Venom track him down, Octavious breaks free and injects Morbius with one of his animal DNA serums, turning him into Morbius the Living Vampire. He help the bad guys prepare to launch the upgraded Carnage symbiote across the world in part three before being captured.

Michael Morbius, as mentioned above will be receiving his own Sony film this July. It will star Jared Leto as Michael Morbius, and from the trailer looks like it’ll hit most of the usual plot beats. Meaning that he’s a biochemist attempting to cure his rare blood disorder but accidentally turns him into a creature of the night.

Okay, so, I’m not completely certain how Morbius got his own film. As far as villains and Anti-Heroes go, he’s always been pretty “meh” to me. Maybe the new film will turn me around on him, but he comes across as kind of generic. He’s the Lizard if Connors experimented with Bats instead of Lizards. Or any number of other scientists that experiment on themselves and become a monster. The fact he’s a not-totally-a-vampire thing is kind of cool, but I don’t think it’s enough to carry a film. And his somewhat limited filmography seems to suggest that show and movie execs agree with me that he’s far enough down on Peter’s rogue’s gallery list that he doesn’t get used much. Then again, I’m someone that isn’t super impressed by Vampires as a concept, so maybe this is just one of those concepts that’s lost on me, like understanding the fine sport of Football, or the idea that the Snyder’s cut of Justice League would somehow be better than the theatrical release. At the moment, I’m less curious about how the new movie will turn out on its own, and more of how it’ll incorporate the other Sony-centric Marvel films and how Tom Holland’s Spider-Man will fit into it. We live in uncertain times, so it seems. And since I’m talking about Sony’s properties already, I suppose I should finally sit down and watch Venom. I hope I like Tom Hardy in it. 

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