Viewer Log: She-Hulk ep 3

 This is one of the biggest legal longshots. Ever.

Last time on She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, no good deed goes unpunished. She-Hulk is an instant celebrity, earning free drinks and her hero moniker She-Hulk. Yah! But she’s immediately fired because the DA feels that her new powers are a liability. After a pep talk from her dad at a family dinner, she meets Holden Holliway, a representative of GLK&H, the law office she’d been up against and who filed a mistrial that led to Jen getting fired. Holliway offers Jen a job, which she takes if she can bring her friend Nikki with. She learns that she’s being put in charge of the Superhuman law department, that she needs to be She-Hulk on the job, and that her first case is the parole of Emil Blonsky aka Abomination. Jen, despite misgivings given the whole attempted cousin murder, meets with Blonsky. Blonsky seems to be repentant and, later, Jen get’s Bruce’s blessing. He and Blonsky had buried the hatchet years ago via letters, and technically Jen was going to do it anyway, she was just giving her favorite cousin the heads up. Oh, and Bruce is going to be MIA for a while because he’s going back to Sakaar for some reason. At least, I assume he’s going to Sakaar, the ship looks the same as the cruiser that caused the crash that gave Jen hulk powers after all. Jen is feeling good about her case, only to turn on the TV from a tip from Holliway and learning that video of Blonsky fighting at Xialing in Shang-Chi fight club, which is… bad for the parole. Enough recap. Let’s get to it.

 

Episode 3: The People vs. Emil Blonsky

 

Oh this'll be good.

      We begin with Jen arriving at the DODC prison to grill her client on the rather key detail of his case of him somehow getting out of supermax prison to fight a stout Asian man in Macau, China. Emil tries to play it off, saying it’s extenuating circumstances, that he was forced to leave his cell, but he returned of his own free will, so no biggie. When asked who could force him from his cell, Blonsky narks on the Sorcerer Supreme of the Mystic Arts, Wong. We cut to Nikki doing research, saying that Wong’s internet presence leads her to believe that he’s either a Sorcerer that lives in New York or a Librarian that lives in Nepal. Those are two wildly different jobs but knowing Wong I get the confusion. Nikki has reached out to Wong (using a selfie of herself with a lot of books) so now all they have to do is wait. Jen does a fourth wall break to tell us that she gets we’re excited to see Wong, but she just wants to let everyone know that this isn’t a “cameo every week” show. Well, except Bruce. And Blonsky. And Wong. Okay, this show does have a lot of cameos, but it’s Jen’s hero name in the title.

 

Oh, hi Wong!

We get a few news stories about Jen representing Emil Blonsky. It devolves into “oh, what, there’s a girl Hulk now? Cringe!” internet shit, before shifting back to an actual new story about the lawyer that put Blonsky away the first time, Gideon Wilson. Wilson thinks its wrong to let a superpowered criminal out of jail. This was all stuff Nikki was watching on her tablet before Jen arrived at her office. Jen complains bit about the case before Halloway calls Jen into his office. On the walk, Nikki tries to pressure Jen into agreeing to do an interview or something to help give them a positive spin, but Jen is 100% against it. Jen enters Halloway office, seeing her old colleague Dennis Bukowski is in the office. Whatever reason Dennis is there, he says no to Jenn helping with it. A coworker of Jen’  named Mallory Book walks in a moment later. How is Jen in charge of the Superhuman Law Division and hasn’t met all the lawyers under her? I know, for the audience, but I’m allowed to complain. Dennis makes a creepy comment, Mallory says screw this and leaves and I’m left wondering why they introduced her like that. After that, we learn why Dennis is actually there. Dennis claims he’s been defrauded by an ex and wants help getting his money back. This is a superhuman case because the ex is a Light Elf from New Asgard that had shapeshifted into Megan Thee Stallion.  I’m just… wow, they really characterized Dennis as a stupid asshole if he thought one of those celebrities that I’ve heard of but can’t tell you what she’s in fact famous for at time of writing was dating him. Jen takes a bit of vindictive pleasure of Dennis’ plight but is interrupted by Wong’s arrival. Jen bails to talk to Wong.

 

Wong explains that Blonsky was telling the truth. He pulled Blonsky out of prison to fight him at the area as part of his own training as Sorcerer Supreme. He needs worthy opponents to test himself against and is apparently not as patient as Stephen is to wait for immensely powerful beings of darkness to just… show up. He promised Blonsky that he wouldn’t be punished for his actions. Wong refuses to erase everyone’s memories to help Jen out, not for ethical reasons but because it can get quite messy. I can basically see the asterisk in the upper corner saying “For more information on the adventure Wong is talking about, see Spider-Man: No Way Home. Excelsior!” God, I miss Stan Lee. Wong offers other magic options, but Jen says no and just asks Wong to go to the hearing and give the board this information. And he agrees.

 

We cut to Pug getting info from Dennis about the Megan Thee Stallion imposter. Dennis eventually reveals he spent 175,000 on the fake Megan. Pug promises to start building the case and that he’ll be in touch. The second he’s alone, Pug looks annoyed. He watches a video of the fake Megan revealing herself, for Dennis to come back in and say he’s had a change of heart and is dropping the case. Please, Pug, see this for what it is. The Light Elf imposter spins a completely unconvincing story of personal growth and acceptance for me to believe of Dennis from the five scenes he’s been in, but Pug seems to be buying it. Right up until the real Dennis calls him asking about his truck being towed. Pug calls for security but is clearly taken out and replaced by the Light Elf. The Elf in disguise goes around acting like a dick to discredit Pug. Pug comes out a moment later, saying “not cool,” and the Elf reverts to normal, telling Pug that that is a warning.

 

I'll be honest, given peoples fascination with serial killers,
a super villain only having 7 groupies is less than I'd expect.

We jump to the DODC prison, Jen heads inside to begin the Parole inquiry. As she runs inside a tabloid reporter asks if she it was true that she was rejected by the Avengers, which hits the main news cycle seconds later. Scavengers. She meets with Blonsky, his seven soulmates watching from a viewing area. This famous criminal having way more groupies than he has any right to is way to real for me. The parole hearing begins, but Wong is late. Jen does her best to stall for time, giving the mic to Blonsky to try to convince everyone if he feels rehabilitated. He claims to have changed but he’s just smarmy enough that it comes across as insincere. He has property that he opens to open a meditation retreat, that will be funded by his seven soulmates. Oy, that one hurts. We get a few quick interviews from prison staff, talking about how Blonsky runs the literacy program and meditation program at the prison, and even helped get a guard out of a failing marriage. Wong still hasn’t shown up, though, so this might all be moot. Wong then opens a portal and hops in. Great timing. Wong begins by asking if they no what a Kumite is, which they do not.

 

We cut over to Dennis and Pug’s case. The Light Elf’s lawyer is asking to get the case dismissed. The lawyer claims that Runa, the elf, is the daughter of an elven diplomat and thus has diplomatic immunity. Judge Price points out that’s true on New Asgard, but not in the US. Runa tries to pinch one of Thor’s speeches to say that New Asgard isn’t a place, Price countering “Thor’s inspirational speeches are not admissible in court.” Pug pushes that Dennis get compensation, Runa’s lawyer insisting that they were engaged in “roleplaying” and that no one is dumb enough to know that Runa’s texts were from the “real” Megan Thee Stallion. The Judge finds Dennis’ side hard to believe, but will allow Pug to try to prove it. As everyone gets ready to leave, Runa takes on the Judge’s form and tries to reverse his ruling. Okay, her behavior feels like evidence in and of itself that she is a con artist. And insanely bad one, and that Dennis is an idiot. They don’t fall for it.

 

Wong tells the board that he took Blonsky out and offered him sanctuary at Kamar-Taj, but Blonsky chose to return. Jen gives her final statement. One of the board members asks what happens when Blonsky transforms into the Abomination uncontrollably. Blonsky wants to put their minds at ease and transforms into the Abomination to show that he can change on command. He shows that he has full control, but everyone obviously freaks out at seeing the big green titan appear. Jen tries to spin this in their favor. She points out, he could escape anytime he wanted, but has stayed to try to improve himself. The Board close out the hearing, they try to arrest Wong, but he bounces immediately. Smart Wong.

 

Jen leaves and is mobbed by reporters. They ask her multiple questions, one of them asking if she got her powers from a failed mob hit which is her comic backstory and makes a run for it. Jen tells Nikki at the bar about someone having written “Monster defending a Monster” on her car. Nikki again pushes for an interview, but Jen still says no. Jen wants to go back to a normal life, but Nikki keeps telling her that’s not happening. Pug joins them and talks about his case. Namely how Dennis is an idiot. When both women say that he’s gross, Pug asks them to say that under oath.

 

We jump to Dennis’ case sometime later, Jen swearing under oath that Dennis is a gross asshole. Jen characterizes him s self-absorbed, conceited, and chauvinistic. After listing his character flaws, Pug asks Jen if Dennis is dumb enough to think he could get with the actual Megan Thee Stallion, to which she says yeah. It’s amazing that when being an idiot works out for ya. The judge rules in favor of Dennis, sentences Runa to 60 days in prison for impersonating a Judge and Megan Thee Stallion cheers. Nice cameo. Dennis wonders if he had a shot with the real Megan Thee Stallion and both tell him no. Dennis says that it’d be nice for a way to remove her powers, to really punish her, which gives Jen the idea to get Bruce’s inhibitor to use on Blonsky.

 

Later, the Parole board has come to a decision. They agree to parole Blonsky, on the condition that he’s prohibited from transforming and must wear and inhibitor. Changing or taking off the inhibitor will result in his return to prison. Blonsky thanks Jen, Jen tells him he can thank her from staying out of prison, and Blonsky encourages her to try to get control of the story that is her life than not. Jen goes on to have a interview as She-Hulk. She talks about how the She-Hulk was a name a rando gave her. They cut to commercial and the anchor promise when they come back Jen will share her diet and exercise secrets.

 

Oh, hi Wrecking Crew.

Later, Jen is jumped by a group of guys. Two try to grab her on their own, and Jen freaks out for a minute… then remembers she has the option to be a seven-foot-tall Jade Giant, so does so. Two more guys show off and Jen face off against her first villain team, the Wrecking Crew. …They’re only slightly more impressive in the comics. Their physiques match their weapons there. They fight Jen, poorly, and one of them tries to get a blood sample but can’t pierce her skin. She scares them off, they dogpile into their truck and drive away. When it’s confirmed they didn’t get the blood, Wrecker (boss) notes their boss won’t be happy about this. Jen cleans herself up and goes inside, credit’s role.

 

In a post-credit scene, we’re shown Jen signing Megan Thee Stallion as a client and the two of them dancing to her music. Okay, so she’s a singer, got it. Megan tells Jen that she’s way more fun than her last lawyer, Jen says she’d kill for Megan Thee Stallion and Megan tells her to chill.

 

This was a fun continuation of the story. I would have guessed that the whole parole hearing would be a multi-episode thing, with Blonsky’s parole being the season finale, but I guess I forgot we’re working on a bit of a tight timetable. I don’t think Tim Roth is cheap enough to keep as a guest role on a TV show for multiple seasons. I’ve liked how they continue to characterize Blonsky. He comes across as an asshole, but it’s hard to tell if he’s an asshole that has genuinely improved himself, or a still bad guy that’s making his enemy’s cousin jump through hoops for him just for funsies. Hard line to walk but Roth does it well. Tatiana Maslany continues to kill it as Jen. She’s got a quick wit, is clearly very confident in her She-Hulk form and despite her complaints obviously does enjoy being the most powerful person in any given room of normies. The bit where she struggles with the Wrecking Crew for a sec before going “oh yeah,” and becoming invincible to them made me chuckle. Even the B-plot with Pug, Dennis and Runa was funny. Like I said, the whole plot works specifically to set Dennis up as an entitled dumb asshole. Especially because Runa is so bad at impersonating people. It was also fun to see the Wrecking Crew. In the comics, they’re a four-man villain team that got their powers through a case of mistaken identity. Wrecker aka Dirk Garthwaite, had knocked out a depowered Loki, put on his helmet, and then got a magic enchantment from the Norn Queen because she only saw the back of him. Wrecker later learned how to transfer some of his power to his friends, they became Piledriver, Thunderball and Bulldozer. In this version, it sounds like they just stole Asgardian construction tools and hoped that be enough. That’s believable stupid for three of them. Thunderball is in fact a PhD physicist in the same intellectual weight class as Bruce Banner. But enough about them. I liked this episode. I liked Blonsky, I liked Jen, I even enjoyed the stuff with Dennis, and anyone who complains about the post credit scene is just being difficult. It’s fun. Have a good night. 

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Twitter: @BasicsSuperhero

Viewer Log: She-Hulk ep 2

Blonsky's baaaccckkkk. 

Last time on She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, we met and got to know Jen Walters. She and her cousin Bruce Banner were in a car accident while on a road trip. Wasn’t her fault, an alien space cruiser flew in front of her. Jen pulls Bruce from the wreckage but accidentally is exposed to Bruce’s blood and transforms into She-Hulk. Bruce kind of, sort of, definitely kidnaps Jen and takes her to his remote beach lab in Mexico to help her get control of her new powers. It becomes clear quickly that Jen might not have the same level of physical power as Bruce, but she’s faster, has greater dexterity and isn’t warring with another personality in her head. Jen continually asks to leave, feeling that she’s learned all she needs to in a few weeks, but Bruce is adamant she stays to get control. Even after Jen gives a very earnest speech about having to control her anger infinitely more than him. The two Hulks fight when she tries to leave, smashing Bruce’s bar in the process. They apologize to each other as they fix the bar and Jen leaves with Bruce’s blessing and offer to train her more if she needs it. Jen tries to just live as a normal lawyer, but a large super strong lady burst into the court she’s lawyering in, and she Hulks up to fight the woman off. Enough recap. Let’s get to it.

 

Episode 2: Superhuman Law

 

Yeah, this about sums up what it feels like when you
hit rock bottom.

We open with news segments about Jen’s brawl with the large lady. Turns out, the large lady is Titania, a “superpowered influencer” who caused a panic after smashing her way out of traffic court. Talk about turning a molehill into a mountain, am I right? They coin the term She-Hulk almost immediately and Jen’s normal life is basically over. That night, Nikki encourages Jen to just embrace it at the local bar and have fun. Jen is obviously a little miffed at the name “She-Hulk,” but, in the name’s defense, it was thought up in the 80s, so it could have been worse. Jen Hulks out and goes inside. She’s basically an instant hit with everyone except Dennis, who thinks it was a publicity stunt. He tries to get her spill how she got her power but she’s not talking. Nikki comes back with drinks, saying they’re on the house for the new Superhero, but Jen still isn’t into that idea. She’s a lawyer, not a vigilante, as that’s for Billionaires, narcissists, and adult orphans (for some reason). Nikki points out that she could be an Avenger, and Jen asks if that comes with pension, maternity leave or even a paycheck. Her boss comes over and asks to speak to her as “Jen-Jen.” She de-Hulks and stumbles because she’s way drunker as Jen Walters than she was as She-Hulk. Her boss tells her that their case got declared a mistrial because GLK&H said that because she saved the Jury, the jury was biased in her favor. That’s some legal ese right there. She’s fired because she’s considered a “liability” by the DA’s office.

 

The next day, Jen wakes up to a message from Bruce offering to talk if she needs it. He promises to only gloat a little. Jen then goes for several interviews but is rejected because the firms think that the She-Hulk thing will be too much for them to work with. Later, with Nikki and depressed, Jen considers switching to being a mascot at a Swiss village. She gets a text from her mom reminding her about a family dinner. Also, Jen’s wallpaper is Captain America’s ass, so I guess she’d agree with Ant Man that his IS America’s ass. Jen tries to get Nikki to come with her but she’s busy.

 

It's actually a good if dysfunctional family.

Jen goes to her parent’s house, and we’re introduced to Morris and Elaine Walters, her parents, and her Uncle Tucker, Aunt Melanie, and cousin Ched. FYI, Elaine is the Banner connection. Initially, Morris tells Jen that he’d already told the family about her being fired and so no one will bring it up, only for Ched to bring it up immediately. It’s classic awkward family dinner, with the added complication of her being a superhero and her family having superhero questions. Her dad asks a good one about if Hawkeye collect’s his arrows after fights. Jen zones out but pulls back out when her dad asks her for her help with something. They go to the garage, and it’s revealed that Morris only asked for her help so he could check in with her one on one. She tries to play it off, but then lets all her feelings out all at once. Her dad just points out that 1. This isn’t the first time they’ve had a Hulk in the family, 2. She didn’t destroy a city (or two, well, maybe New York twice), and 3. The worst thing happened and she’s still standing. Morris is a good dad.

 

Later, Jen is drinking at the bar when she’s approached by a Mr. Holden Holliway. He buys her a drink and offers her a job. Turns out, he was impressed that she almost beat GLK&H in their case before the mistrial, and he wants her as head of a new division. Jen immediately says yes, on the condition she can hire her own paralegal, Holliway doesn’t care even slightly and says she reports in on Monday.

 

On Monday, Jen heads to GLK&H. Holliway greets her and gives her the details on her new job. Turns out, Superhumans are becoming increasingly common, so they’ve started a Superhuman law division, and they want She-Hulk specifically to be the face of it. As such he expects her to be at work as She-Hulk and requires Jen to transform. As he shows her around, Jen has a fourth wall breaking conversation with us about how frustrating it is to know she’s qualified to be head of a department but now everyone is going to think she just got the job because she’s She-Hulk. Holliway shows her to her office, with Nikki waiting for her.

 

Inside, Jen explains about the whole She-Hulk as the face of the Superhuman law division. One of her new lawyers, Pug, introduces himself to her and brings a welcome basket. Office supplies, snacks, and a map to the best bathrooms for pooping. Huh, weirdly specific, but helpful. Jen has a meeting with Holliway, who gives her the first case at GLK&H, the parole of Emil Blonsky… huh… you thought that she’d be cool with that? Jen is obviously familiar with Blonsky, and tries to turn down the case, due to her conflict of interest due to the whole “he tried to murder my cousin” thing, but Holliway says that isn’t an issue. Not for Blonsky, anyway. He signed a conflict waiver. Holliway says it’s this case or she’s fired but gives her the option to meet Blonsky first.

 

I was honestly shocked to see Tim Roth's Blonsky again.

Jen goes to the DODC (Department of Damage Control) facility where Blonsky is being held and immediately told she can’t go in as She-Hulk. They have a no-powers rule. She’s lead into the bowels of the facility, being told to not cross the yellow line between her and Blonsky at his cell and that they can’t guarantee her safety. She’s let in to meet Emil Blonsky. Looks like he’s been doing well since Shang-Chi, he’s at least back in his human form. Blonsky tells her that he’s “transformed” himself, spiritually as well as physically. He can still become Abomination but chooses not to, and that he’s just “Emil” now. He also mentions that he has seven “soulmates” he met through prison penpal system that he wants to start a new life with. Emil claims that the whole “kill Bruce” thing wasn’t personal, and that his rampage across Harlem was due in part to the Super Soldier Serum that the government gave him before the mission. He claims that he thought was the “good guy” and wants justice. He claims to be remorseful, in the form of bad Haikus to his victims. Jen says she’ll think about helping him. Jen gets a message from Holliway saying she has until the end of the day to make her decision. Jen announces, “Oh that sucks,” and the credits roll.

 

Well, that complicates things.

Jen calls Bruce. She gives him the gist of the situation, new job, but if she wants to keep it, she must represent Blonsky. She is clearly nervous and tries to sell Bruce on the argument, not letting him speak. When Bruce can get a word in edge wise, he says he’s cool with it. He tells her that Blonsky sent him a letter with a Haiku years ago and the two buried the hatchet. There’s an extremely meta joke that Bruce is a “completely different person” now than he was when he fought Blonsky and he holds no grudges. Bruce laughs when he hears that She-Hulk is the name that stuck. Jen asks if he’s going to visit her in LA sometime soon, but Bruce says that he’s got some things to take care of. We then pull out to see he’s on a spaceship heading into deep space. Great tachyon cell reception. Jen calls Holliway and accepts the offer. She claims she has a winning strategy, and that it’s in the bag. Holliway tells her to check the news. Jen does, and discovers that video has surfaced of Abomination fighting in the underground fight club from Shang-Chi.

 

In a post credit scene, Jen does odd jobs for her family in her She-Hulk form. Lifting the car to change a tire, hanging their new TV, and carrying like 6 of the big jugs of water in.

 

This was a good continuation from the last episode. Jen got to enjoy a few of the highs of being a publicly known superhero, before being hit with the rather large low of potentially not having a career anymore. I liked the short dinner scene with her family, as it conveyed the awkwardness that those can bring up incredibly well coupled with the Superhero reveal. I especially liked the scene with her Dad after, it was a very human moment. It’s nice when a parent-child relationship in a show feels genuine, and Dad coming up with an excuse to talk with daughter 1 on 1 is incredibly genuine. The interview with Blonsky is very well done. I’m truthfully a bit shocked they got Tim Roth back for this. I totally figured he’d be Abomination the whole time and we’d just ignore that his face was slightly off, like with Red Skull in Avengers: Infinity War and Endgame. Roth was great in that scene. He comes across as genuinely trying to improve himself but there’s just this… smug air that makes it seem like he’s just playing the part he needs to get out of prison. I also liked the nods to the one MCU movie that is probably the most disconnected from everything. Blonsky bring up the Super Soldier Serum, mentioning that it truly wasn’t personal between him and Banner, Mark Ruffalo making the joke about being “a whole other person” now, all of that made me chuckle. Also, good way to remove Bruce from the equation for the rest of the show’s run or at least until the finale, having him go off planet. I’m curious to see what the explanation was for him going to the fight club and how it’ll impact Jen’s case. We’ll talk about that, though, tomorrow. See you then. 

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Twitter: @BasicsSuperhero

Viewer Log: She-Hulk ep 1

Jen's joining the family business, whether she likes it or not. 

Alright, we’re finally here! She-Hulk: Attorney at Law is Marvel’s latest Disney+ show that features the shenanigans of Jennifer Walters, Bruce Banner’s cousin. Jen has been a staple of Marvel comics for years, serving as legal counsel for other heroes much like Matt Murdock. At the time of writing, I’ve only seen one episode, but I enjoyed it. I will say that I was a little disappointed with their design for her She-Hulk form. I just can’t believe that there’s enough power in her green tube arms for her more impressive superstrength feats. All I’m saying. Enough recap. Let’s get to it.

 

Episode 1: A Normal Amount of Rage

 

This is gonna be weird and I love that.

Our story begins with Jennifer “Jen” Walters practicing a closing argument for her latest case. Her paralegal and friend Nikki Ramos is blown away by it, but her fellow lawyer Dennis is doing that annoying asshole thing of telling her to smile more. Nikki shows Dennis out with a not-entirely-playful threat of murder before she gushes to Jen about her closing arguments. Everyone should have a friend like Nikki. She’s going up against a group called GLK&H and it sounds like a huge case. Nikki points out that if doesn’t go well, Jen has the option to “Hulk out.” Nikki leaves Jen’s office, with Jen coming back in to break the fourth wall and tell us that 1. She is a Hulk, and 2. How she became a Hulk so we can focus on the fun legal show.

 

We jump back several months with Jen going on a road trip with her cousin Bruce Banner. He’s in human form again thanks to a device he built that’s draining his excess Gama radiation and just looking to have a good time with his cousin. It’s not said out lout, but it’s implied they haven’t seen each other in years at minimum. They have fun chatting as Jen drives, Jen has a “theory” that she explains to Bruce. Basically, she’s asking Bruce if his friend and coworker Steven Grant Rogers is a virgin. Her theory basically being that he was too busy to get some after his big transformation. Bruce is clearly uncomfortable with the conversation, and probably is thankful that an alien ship flew down, cut off talk but also caused them to crash. It’s a very bad wreck, the cousins rolling down a hill and getting real banged up along the way. Jen cuts her arm getting out of the car, stumbles around, and pulls Bruce out too. Unfortunately, he’s also bleeding, and his inhibitor broke in the crash. After having her blood exposed to Bruce’s, Jen immediately transforms into a Hulk and runs off and Bruce begins to change as well.

 

I mean... imagine if they didn't have the same blood
type to boot.

We cut to several hours later where Jen wakes up just outside a bar. She looks like she’s just been in a car accident but seems otherwise fine. She sneaks in the back and tries to clean herself up in the ladies’ room but is interrupted by a quartet of bar gals. They are immediately concerned with her wellbeing and do their best to help get her looking presentable. They had a spare coat, shoes, and makeup. They look like they’d give her a full makeover, but she says she’s good and just needs a phone to call her cousin. Later, Jen is waiting for Bruce to arrive when some guys start trying to get her attention. Jen isn’t interested, they won’t take a hint, and so she transforms and roars at them. She’s stopped before she can attack them by a flying Hulk tackle.

 

She wakes up sometime later in a room somewhere, Lead Zeppelin T-shirt and other clothes waiting for her. She wanders around for a bit and discovers she’s in a beach house of some kind, a burnt out and busted Iron Man helmet is laying out like tasteful art or something. She hears music playing from a lower level and goes to investigate, finding Bruce working on something. He’s re-Hulked. He introduces his “Smart Hulk” Form. He explains that he called Jen’s parents to let them know they’re okay, and that they’re in Mexico. Tony lent him the Beach house during the Blip, it’s where he integrated his personalities so he can still be intelligent in his Hulk form. He explains that the ship that hit them was Sakaarian messenger ship, Sakaar being the place where he was a Gladiator, and that he’ll figure that out, but first he needs to help Jen. He tells her about the blood mixing, freaking her out a little, but explains that she has a rare genetic condition, like Bruce, can absorb Gama radiation and Hulk out. Her blood is more efficient that Bruce’s, and he used it to help heal his arm up again. He dramatically destroys the blood in front of her, having finished his tests, telling Jen that they must be careful as even if there’s only a millionth of a percent chance their blood could make another Hulk, it’s too risky. Jen wants to go back to normal, but this isn’t something that can be fixed. He wants to help Jen get control of her powers, but Jen just wants to be done. She has a freak out… but it turns out to be hunger, so they break for pancakes.

 

Given what we've seen of their relationship thus far,
you can't tell me Bruce isn't enjoying making Jen
look stupid just a little.

Bruce tells her that she’ll need to stay at the beach house until she can control her powers, but even then, she’ll probably have to completely reorganize her life to live with it. He gets a binder for her to help. It’s a “multi-year” process. They go back into the lab and Bruce puts her into a chamber to test what triggers her transformation. He tells her that anger and fear are the baselines that usually trigger a transformation, to which Jen scoffs and says those two emotions are just everyday for being a woman. He flips on the machine, which includes a wall of buzzsaw blades. Jen freaks out, transforms, and then immediately throws the door at Bruce. Bruce talks to her like she’s a panicky animal… only to discover that Jen is still in control of herself. Huh, weird. Bruce is happy that it seems that Jen won’t have to fight with another personality, happy but also a little annoyed. He rips out a few pages of the binder. Now that they know she can transform, they’ll focus on getting control of the shifting. He warns her that once people start seeing you as a monster, it never stops, to convince her.

 

They start with yoga. She jokes, making Bruce feel annoyed, so he tells her to get some sleep and they’ll start the next day. They open the next day with Bruce using an airhorn to wake her, she shifts into She-Hulk, and they get to work on the basics of being a Hulk. There’s a funny montage as they do training exercises, Hulk tips, and Yoga. Some highlights of advice include don’t move into a place with ten-foot ceilings, that spandex is her best friend and their ability to metabolize alcohol is insane. That night, they go through a lot of liquor and Bruce reminisces about hanging out with Steve and Tony. We linger on a shot of Tony and Bruce’s initial’s carved into the bar. They toast to a good time during a hard time.

Woo, good to see the Thunderclap in action.

 

The next day, they get back to yoga. Jen is incredibly anxious to get back home, but Bruce keeps telling her that they need to take it day by day, as being a superhero is a trial by fire. Jen says she’s not interested in the hero thing and just wants to get back to being a lawyer. He gets annoyed and tells her that she needs this, especially learning to control her anger, to survive. Jen then goes on her own mini tirade on how she’s an expert at controlling anger because that’s what being a woman is like. She gets angry and transforms, but then pulls back, returning to normal. Deciding that she can change back and forth, she storms off. Bruce follows. Jen wants to take his jeep and head back to LA. Bruce tries to convince her to stay, but she’s not interested. He tries to tell her about how when you have the power to help people, you should use it. Jen counters by pointing out that trying to be a hero cost Bruce his dreams, his career, most of his friends and his relationship with his family, so why would she want that? Solid points. He stands in front of the jeep and tries to stop her. She drives into him, knocking him into a rock pile. She gets out, hulks up and they hulk fight. She knocks Bruce around a bit, but then Bruce knocks her back with one of his thunderclaps. Jen tries to do it too but can’t get the level of force that he does. But discovers she can clap incredibly fast, and the sonic vibrations can stun him. She turns to walk away, but Bruce recovers and tackles her again. Bruce’s glasses get broken as they continue to tussle, and they end up destroying his bar. They stop and rebuild the Bar, Bruce telling her that he does respect her decision to go back, and Jen adding her initials to the bar. Later, he gives her his blessing and tells her to call him if she needs him. And they part on good terms.

 

We return to Jen in her office, her jinxing herself by saying that she proved Bruce wrong, and one doesn’t have to be a hulk despite having the powers. And tells us that, at the moment, the people who know she’s a hulk are Bruce, Nikki, and her folks. She goes to finish her case, whisper “Lawyer show” to us as she closes the door. We jump to the closing arguments of her case. The defending lawyer finishes her arguments and Jen steps up to speak. She’s stopped by a large woman bursting in and attacking people. She hulks out and introduces herself as Jennifer Walters, attorney at law. The two have a quick brawl, Jen knocking her to ground and seeing her arrested. She changes back and says she’s ready to give her closing arguments.

 

In a post credit scene, Jen and Bruce are having a drink at his bar again. She’s sad drinking at thinking about Steve dying a virgin. Bruce, fed up with it, says that Steve lost his virginity to a USO show girl in 1943. Jen, revealing that she is in fact sober, says that she “knew it,” and then loudly announces that “Captain America Fu-” before we go to the credit-credits.

 

Alright, so that was a solid start to She-Hulk.  We got to know Jennifer Walters both pre and post transformation, got an understanding of her relationship with Bruce, and her views on Superheroing. I really enjoy Tatiana Maslany as Jen. She’s got good comedic timing, a lot of confidence, and can do the dramatic parts like her speech about anger incredibly well. She also has great chemistry with Mark Ruffalo. They really captured the vibe that they’re two people that care about each other and have history but haven’t talked in a while and aren’t sure how to act around each other anymore. She clearly respects Bruce, but also knows his method isn’t working for her and isn’t willing to lie to placate him. I also liked how they characterize Bruce in this. He’s clearly lonely, and hurting, after the events of Endgame and isn’t sure how to process it. Lingering on the initials in the bar and his anecdotes about Tony are pitch perfect talking about someone you’ve lost and are still grappling with not being able to see them again. I say this about 3 weeks after the passing of my Grandpa, so I’ve got fresh knowledge. RIP Jack Arland, I love and miss you. And that’s basically it for the episode. Hard to believe that they’d originally had this slated for toward the end of the season, to explain Jen’s powers. This was a great start and I hope the following episodes keep up the energy. Good night, everyone. 

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Viewer Log: X-Men: Evolution ep 42

We learn the history of En Sabah Nur. 

Last time on X-Men: Evolution, Mesmero started his big play. The Mutant Mind-controller used Rogue as a puppet to steal the powers of all the X-Men, Brotherhood, and Acolyte members along with Mystiques, who was working with him. Magneto and his crews try to intercept her at Bayville High’s graduation ceremony, but Mesmero has her bounce before she can get captured. Logan, Gambit, and Sabretooth are sent looking for Rogue while Xavier and Magneto try to find Apocalypse’s tomb. The trio track the limo the villains were using to an air strip and realize they’re flying across the Pacific ocean and steal a plane to follow. Xavier uses Cerebro and knowledge gleamed from his last mental battle with Mesmero to determine that Apocalypse’s tomb is beneath the Sphinx of Giza. They arrive at the Sphinx, Kitty finding them a way in, but they’re immediately trapped and are about to have to duke it out with several giant robotic statues of ancient Egyptian gods. This’ll be fun. Enough recap. Let’s get to it.

 

How hot is that fire that it burns stone?

We open with the statues attacking. One of the statues slams into the floor, shattering it and dropping Kitty, Kurt, and Colossus into the dark below. Another section drops separating Pyro, Pietro, and Scott from the group. Hank tries to fight the statue alone but is just knocked around. Magneto saves himself and Charles from falling. Jean saves Bobby from dropping, and Ororo saves them both from the statue’s attack with a lightning blast. They’re knocked back and into another chamber as well, though. Magneto, Xavier, and Hank enter their own chamber, Hank just barely making it inside before the door drops and seals them in.

 

Scott and Pyro are left to fight off two statues after Pietro speeds off to try to find them an exit. Pyro, being a psycho, clearly loves it. The next room over, Ororo is doing her best to blast her statue while protecting an unconscious Jean. They’re able to disable it for a second by Bobby making an ice slide under its foot, knocking it to the ground and then freezing it solid. But two more guardian statutes come to life and attack them. Bobby is left to look after Jean while Ororo lightning blasts them. In another section, Colossus is trying to break through a wall and almost socks Kitty in her schnoz as she phases back through to him. She says that there’s just more tunnels on the other side of the wall she’d been checking. Kurt joins them, revealing that he’d found the headset, but it’d been smashed in the fall. Colossus says they’ve got to keep looking and stomps off.

 

Huh, makes you wonder how many things would
have changed had this baby died...

Meanwhile, Hank is trying to reach the busted headset with his own functional one but is obviously getting squat. He wants to search for them, but Magneto and Xavier believe finding the tomb is too important and trusts their team is prepared to defend themselves. Xavier reaches out to everyone telepathically to tell them where to find them, while Hank is tasked with reading hieroglyphs. He reads the history of Apocalypse. The glyphs describe, and we’re shown a scene of, Rama Tut arriving from ‘beyond the stars’ and using advanced technology to conquer Egypt. His design and background are a nice nod to Marvel canon, as Rama Tut is a time traveling Kang the Conqueror in both continuities. While this was happening, a gray skinned baby was left to die in the desert. The baby is found by a group of bandits and adopted by their leader, Baal, and named En Sabah Nur, the First One. Nur became a warrior of unmatched skill. Tut learns of Nur and saw him as a threat, sending his army to kill him. While Baal and the army were killed, Nur survived and laid waste to his foes, taking the name Apocalypse.

 

In another chamber, Cyclops optic beams a statue back. He destroys an arm, revealing that it’s a machine of some kind. Pietro runs back in, saying he found a way out, and then super speeds around the one-armed statue to knock it over. That breaks a wall in Ororo and company’s chamber but frees the frozen statue. Ororo destroys the two sphinxlike beasts, also revealed to be robots. Bobby tries to refreeze the statue but is running out of power. Thankfully, Jean wakes up and slams it into a wall telekinetically. It flies through and opens a path to Scott and co. She then throws the remaining statue back into the wall. Pietro leads them to the tunnel he found.

 

Hank is still reciting Apocalypse’s origin, saying that he hunted Tut across Egypt until the pharaoh fled and disappeared forever. He then found the source of Tut’s power beneath the Sphinx, a vessel of some kind. Inside was a device called the Eye of Ages. He mastered the technology and planned to use it to transform all humans into Mutants. The Eye of Ages was powered by Apocalypse himself. When he used it, it almost drained his lifeforce dry. It left him weakened and his priests, fearful of the world Apocalypse was attempting to make, betrayed him and sealed him inside. They entombed him in the highest reaches of the world and locked behind three doors in the hopes he’d be sealed forever. They realize that this isn’t the tomb, and worse, they don’t know where it is. I mean… highest reaches of the world are a large hint.

 

We jump over to the Himalayan mountains where Logan and his group tracked the stolen plane. They follow the trail up the mountain. Gambit has a good line here where he tells Sabretooth and Logan to maybe “stop sniffing and follow the footprints!”

 

Back in the tomb, Kitty and Kurt are exploring ahead of Colossus, bumping into, and scaring each other. Kitty thinks their close to the top and suggest Kurt go rejoin the professor and she’ll look for the others. Kurt is hesitant to leave Kitty with Colossus as he doesn’t trust the steel shifting giant. Kitty thinks he’s a softy. He smashes through the wall at that point, abashedly saying he “grew concerned” waiting for them. Ahhh, Piotr is a big softie. Scott and his group join them a moment later, but two of the statues follow them through, and the battle continues.

 

In the inner chamber, Hank and Xavier wonder what could be entombed here if not Apocalypse. Magneto thinks it’s “answers” and rips the doors down to the inner most chamber to get them. Inside, they find Rama Tut’s ship. It opens as they approach, and they enter it. It has an interface like Cerebro, and Xavier tries to use it to find Apocalypse. As they power it on, Logan reaches Hank and tells them they’re in Tibet. He tells them they’re at Makalu Peak. Hank tells them to try t stop them any way they can, but at that moment Mesmero mentally blasts them. Xavier’s block is enough to keep them from killing each other, though, so they keep trudging after them.

 

Back in the tomb, our heroes are battling the statues. They destroy one by Kitty phasing its foot through a stone step to stop it from moving and then Jean hurling Colossus at it, destroying it. Kitty excitedly announces they make a good team, just before remembering there’s another statue to beat.

 

Bye Mystique.

Mystique, Mesmero and Rogue reach the tomb. Mesmero delivers the final key, the shapeshifting mutant Mystique. He explains that they’re both needed to free Apocalypse. Mystique reveals that she only agreed to help in part to protect herself and Rogue’s future. She also asked why Mesmero didn’t mind jack her, to which he admits that he can’t. Mystique’s powers of control with her enhanced powers make it too difficult for him. He tells her to enter through a small hole and touch the sign of Apocalypse, a scarab beetle, and the door will open. Mystique doe so, but the moment she touches it, the doors start to open, and she’s turned to stone. Damn. Rogue walks past her and into the chamber. Logan and the other’s burst in. They’re tough, but Mesmero shows off incredibly hand to hand skills and a shock staff that keeps them at bay. Rogue opens the Eye of Ages and reveals the old and withered but still alive Apocalypse. He opens his eyes.

 

The team draws the final robot into the chamber with Xavier and the others. Magneto helps the rest of them destroy the robot statue while Xavier learns from the ship. He discovers that Tut was a time traveler and he learns how to use it to transport them instantaneously. They cripple the last statue before everyone gets on board.

 

Rogue "Wow, so that's how it feels, awful!"

Logan and Sabretooth are finally able to stop Mesmero, snapping Rogue out of her trance. Unfortunately, Apocalypse grabs Rogue’s hand before she can react. Instead of draining him, though, it seems Apocalypse drains her, taking the powers (illustrated by him sucking the shades of the Mutant’s she’d absorbed recently) into himself. This revitalizes Apocalypse, making him young and strong again. Logan arrives as Apocalypse rises.

 

Xavier transports them all to Apocalypse’s tomb. Uh-oh. Logan tries to strike at Apocalypse, but he clenches his hand and knocks him back telekinetically. The others get ready to fight him, but he claps his hands together and knocks them all back. He floats past them all and into his ship. They get up in time to see him seal himself inside and vanish again. Magneto announces that they failed and Xavier agrees, saying their greatest battle is just beginning.

 

He has risen.

Hell of a way to end the season. Well… not really. There’s one more episode that should have taken place between 38 and 40, where everyone besides a still sick Rogue takes a cruise but end up having to save the world. But that episode was aired out of order for some reason. I hope you don’t mind me considering it part of season 4, which I will get back to at some point in the near future. Good? Good.

 

This was a solid finale. I would say having most of the main cast fight robotic statues for most of the episode’s run time feels like the action equivalent of busy work, but the information about Apocalypse that is dropped makes up for it in my option. Plus, the anachronistic technology in his tomb does help set him up as a threat. Since, ya know, having a lot of powers is scary, but so is access to technology thousands of years more advanced than today. Maybe I’m being lenient because Apocalypse is one of my favorite villains of all time. Speaking of those powers, let’s talk about how he gets them in this iteration. Apocalypse is one of the most powerful villains of the Marvel canon, on par with Thanos, Dr. Doom, and Kang and only a few steps below cosmic threats like Galactus the devourer of worlds. All his depictions show him having multiple powers that he can use in concert that make him all but unstoppable to even a small group of Mutants or other heroes. Size shifting, the ability to grow weapons right out of his body, inhuman strength, energy blasts, energy absorption, shapeshifting, Apocalypse has all of these and more. Seeing this version stealing the powers he needs from Rogue was a unique way of showing how he gained this immense power. Even if they don’t explain how he did it beyond “he’s Apocalypse, that’s how.” The history of Apocalypse, while short, was also well done. While he was a major recurring villain in X-Men: The Animated Series, his origins were never divulged. You just got that he’s an ancient Mutant that is a threat in the past, the present and the distant future through the shows run. I think this is in part to avoid the time traveling shenanigans necessary to explain his story and talking about who the hell Rama Tut is. I liked that they decided to go all in and show that he is Kang the Conqueror. That’s canon to the comics too, by the way. Kang, having read about Apocalypse in the far future, went back in time and attempted to recruit him as a lackey, unfortunately being defeated by Apocalypse and giving him the technology that he needed to go from a threat in the age and location he was born into a threat across all time. Apocalypse isn’t as talkative as most versions in this episode. You usually can’t get this guy to stop talking about how he is the end, that he will destroy all, he is inevitable and so on. But it kind of works here. Facing off against the most powerful Mutants of the current age, against Magneto, Xavier, and their assembled forces and they weren’t worth even a shot speech on the futility of fighting him. Such a shame. Mystique’s end was a bit shocking. She who was obsessed with safeguarding herself and her kids is taken out because she believed a sketchy dude when he said he’d keep is word. Turned into a lawn ornament and left to rot. Bye Raven. Apocalypse is free and he’s going to shake the world. Alright, enough X-Men: Evolution and onto She-Hulk. 

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Viewer Log: X-Men: Evolution ep 41

 The stage is set for the return of Apocalypse.

Last time on X-Men: Evolution, we were introduced to Logan’s secret “clone” X-23. The villainous HYDRA had attempted to replicate the Weapon X program with a lab grown Mutant assassin. To do so, HYDRA scientist Dr. Deborah Risman used a genetic sample of Wolverine to make X-23. Her female clone of the legendary Wolverine was just as deadly as her genetic template, and just as angry. X-23 stole SHIELD data on the X-Men before running a raid on the X-Mansion. X-23 was able to take out 90% of the X-Men on her own using her strength, speed, and cunning, and took out the last three after Logan arrives. Logan and X-23 fight. Well, X-23 tries to kill her genetic template, while Logan does his best to talk her down. He finally breaks through to her, telling X-23 to stop fighting her emotions and let them win. They share a hug, but Logan tells her to run to avoid being captured by SHIELD. The events convince Logan to go easier on his own students, as you must let kids be kids sometimes or you’ll make monsters. Enough recap. Let’s get to it.

 

… Well, one more thing before we get started. This has bugged me for nearly 20 years. Like most episodes, this one begins with a brief clip show explaining the events of previous episodes to set the mood. For some reason, while showing the scenes of Magneto sending the Acolytes and then his destruction of the Spider Stone, Magneto’s voice is wrong. I’m not talking like it’s distorted or something, that is another actor besides Christopher Judge talking. I assume something happened and they lost the raw recording of Judge’s voice, so they had to do a redo… but why not have him do it? I’m sure there’s office politics or time restraints behind it, but still, tis odd.

 

We open on the X-Mansion at night. Rogue slips from room to room, touching and draining the powers of all her friends and mentors. Kitty wakes up as Rogue does this and initially escapes being absorbed. She phases through the wall and runs to check on Scott, who’s room is across the hall. She finds Scott in a Rogue drain coma, and before she can react, Rogue slips behind her and drains her too. While it’s not stated yet, the dead eye stare from Rogue certainly hints at what is going on with her.

 

Wow, Kelly is such a dick.

The next day, the X-Men all wake up late and groggy. Kitty is the first one up, and given how Rogue’s power works, assumes everything from last night was a nightmare. She quickly rushes around to make sure everyone is up to get to their last day of school. The kids all use their powers to make breakfast to make up for lost time. Rogue is the groggiest of the bunch, as one can imagine all the power draining is exhausting. The kids all arrive at school and run inside, except Rogue. A limo pulls up, and she enters it without question or comment. That’s not spooky.

 

Jean and Scott have conflicted feelings about graduating. She’s feeling nostalgic about the good times, whereas Scott is focused on the last several months of harassment. They pass Principle Kelly who, still being a Mutant Racist, tells them that he wants no Mutant mischief tomorrow as some of the students have earned a hassle free graduation. Dick.

 

Rogue stealing Wanda's powers is legit terrifying.

Rogue is dropped off at the Brotherhood House. Using her stolen powers, she sneaks in and quickly drains Wanda and Lance. She then grabs Blob, and then teleports around to capture Toad. He’s got a great line when Rogue finally has him cornered. He’s shaking like a leaf as he says, “I hate this part.” Pietro runs down and finds his whole team disabled. Rogue telekinetically flies/phases through the ceiling and tries to get the drop on him but is quick enough to dodge. He tries to run upstairs, but Rogue lifts him from the ground and pulls him back to her. She drains him and then walks out to the limo and Mystique. Well, shit.

 

That night, Ororo promises Jean and Scott that she’ll keep the rain away from their graduation. Xavier asks about what their plans are for the future, Jean expresses an interest in medicine, maybe specifically genetics, which pleases her surrogate father. We see Rogue walking through the rain, still tranced out and on her way to another attack.

 

Super metal. I'll show myself out.

We cut to the limo outside a warehouse building. Rogue drains Mystique to shapeshift into an owl and fly in through a window. She enters one of Magneto’s compounds. She finds Colossus moving a heavy crate, runs up and drains him. The crate drops on them, but she breaks through it and drags him out. Sabretooth jumps her, but she uses a metallic hand to catch his clawed one and drains him too. Pyro arrives and tries to fry her. Rogue completely turns to steel to protect herself and then drain Pyro too. Gambit arrives and tries to flirt fight with her. Obviously Rogue won’t react to his questions. He guesses that Mystique is involved but can’t get anything out of Rogue. She slips around him and drains him, this time with a peck on the lips. Huh, not sure how I feel about this nod to their comic romance when Rogue is at most 17 and I think Gambit is at minimum 21. With the Acolytes drained, Rogue shapeshifts into gambit and plays knocked out long enough to sneak up on and drain Magneto as well. Damn, one woman wrecking crew.

 

The next day, Jean and Scott get ready for their graduation ceremony on the Bayville high football field. She’s still optimistic, and Scott is being less gloomy about it all. He goes to get his seat as Jean greets her parents and sister. Xavier, Ororo, Logan and a trench coat and hatted Hank watch from the stands with Rogue. Kelly gives his commencement speech, which includes a bit of “Why did you feel the need to go there?” Mutant racism in it, as Pietro wanders the area and spots Rogue. Kelly’s speech is finally stopped by Magneto and his two teams’ arrival. Everyone obviously panics and runs. I kind of want Magneto to throw something at Kelly, but he has bigger fish to fry. Pietro stops Rogue from running off and Magneto attempts to bind her with metal chairs. Mesmero, who’d been watching from under the bleachers like a creepy stalker, switches Rogue to attack mode. Magneto tells Xavier what happened, that Rogue attacked his compound and stole his powers, and that Mesmero used his own powers to completely wipe their minds of the event. It’s only thanks to his security cameras that he knew what happened. Rogue takes off, lobbing the chairs at her friends before flying away. Kelly has one more Mutant racist comment before we move on. Logan, Sabretooth and Gambit are sent to look for Rogue as Magneto and Xavier go to work out a plan of action.

 

While the trio ride around on motorcycles to find Rogue, Xavier and Magneto settle on a plan. Plan A is to find and stop Rogue before she gets to the key. The more realistic Plan B is, if they fail to stop her, to get to the tomb first and defend it to keep the key from being used. Magneto thinks they can only send their best on this one, and Xavier plans to put mental blocks in their minds to keep them from being controlled by Mesmero. Hank, meanwhile, has narrowed the search for Apocalypse down to ancient Egyptian territories, but not much farther. Magneto tells him to search for Apocalypse’s real name, En Sabah Nur.

 

This feels so wrong.

Logan and Sabretooth were able to track down the limo but find it empty. They pick up Rogue and Mesmero, but neither of them was driving the limo when they ditched it. They don’t realize it but that kind of confirms Mystique was involved as who else doesn’t have a scent. Gambit keeps them from fighting, and they realize that Rogue and her captors must have left by the nearby air strip.

 

Having Apocalypse’ name did yield results. Hank discovers that he ruled Giza some 5000 years ago. We’re shown a pictograph of him subjugating his subjects with lightning. Hank believes that this means he’s entombed in Giza, but that’s still a big area to search. Xavier, using the knowledge he stole from Mesmero in their last confrontation and Cerebro to amplify his powers, realizes that the tomb is beneath the great Sphinx off Giza. The X-jet and several of Magneto’s pods race to Egypt to stop Apocalypse’s rise.

 

Meanwhile, Logan, Sabretooth and Gambit find the tower crew of the airstrip knocked out and a jet missing. Gambit determines their heading east over the pacific. They resolve to follow in their own stolen plane.

 

The X-Men and co land in Giza just outside the Sphinx. The team consisting of Magneto, Xavier, Cyclops, Jean, Nightcrawler, Iceman, Shadowcat, Pyro, Colossus, Beast and Storm. Kitty phases through the ground with a mask on to help her breathe and see in the dark. She falls for a few feet before finding a stairway to a chamber underneath the Sphinx. She finds a button and pushes it, revealing the hidden staircase. The group enters and Pyro lights the torches so they can see. A moment later, the stone statue depicting the Egyptian gods come to life, sealing them in and preparing to attack. And that’s how they end the episode. Jerks!

 

This was a solid start to the two-part finale. While, yes, Rogue being controlled by Mesmero was obvious from minute one, it was interesting to see how the plot unfolded. Why is he using Rogue to steal powers? It has to do with freeing Apocalypse, because duh, but we’re not sure how, or why Mystique is helping him. Regardless, it really shows off how devastating Rogue can be when she wants to. Sure, she juices herself up with powers of the unconscious X-Men first but seeing her systematically take down the X-Men, Brotherhood, and Acolytes all by herself was impressive at the very least. Seeing Magneto and Charles work together was also a treat. They’ve been frenemies for so long that they rarely work together at this point, but knowing that Apocalypse is a big enough threat to them all to put aside differences in philosophy to stop him is damned satisfying. Other than that, this episode mostly serves as set up for the finale. Just getting Magneto, Xavier and his team to Egypt, while Logan and his companions chase after Rogue to the real location. This finale is going to be a bumpy ride. See you then. 

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Viewer Log: X-Men: Evolution ep 40

 Like father, like daughter. Extremely simplified. 

Last time on X-Men: Evolution, Mesmero returned. The Mutant mind controller set up the Master of Magnetism, Magneto, to help him unlock the second door that keeps the most ancient of Mutants trapped. He feeds Magneto just enough information about his master and the ½ of the Spider Stone he attempted to steal to make Magneto believe he needed to destroy it. At the same time, the previous owner of the Spider Stone half, Warren Worthington III, warned Xavier and his team about what is going on. As Magneto and his Acolytes head to London to get the second half of the Spider Stone, an X-Men team comprised of Xavier, Beast, Jean Grey, Cyclops, and Iceman are in pursuit. The Spider Stone is reunited, a magic Spider construct is created, the Acolytes attempt to destroy it while the X-Men try to save it. Ultimately, Magneto gets in close and fries the Spider with highly concentrated Magnetic waves. It’s only after the burnt-out stone drops that Charles is able to tell his friend that the Spider was a guardian to keep Apocalypse contained, and in destroying it, the next gate opens. Damn. Enough recapping. Let’s get to it.

 

Howlett's know how to dress.

We open on a masked individual breaking into a laboratory of some kind. Our masked bandit accesses a computer terminal and pulls up information on the known Mutants of this universe. They comb through the data base for a moment before settling on and accessing the information of Wolverine, aka Logan. Weirdly, the bandit reaches up and caresses the picture of Logan before extending their claws and knifing the terminal’s monitors, setting off alarms. As they run, we’re shown an unconscious SHIELD agent with a metallic disk with a glowing red light on his forehead. More SHIELD agents arrive, seeing the Bandit has slice their way out of the building Wolverine style. They chase them to the roof, releasing dogs on them. They intimidate the dogs with their claws, but then a chopper flies up. They slice some pipping to make a smokescreen, run and jump off the edge, only to real they’re sliding down the side of the building using their two hand and a single foot claw. As the Bandit runs off, the SHIELD goons bemoan that Colonel Fury is going to have their heads. We get a shot of the Bandit, having sliced an entrance into the sewers under a car and run off.

 

There are never any Morlocks when you need them, I swear.

 

We cut to the New Mutants Bobby and Ray as they’re doing an early morning training session outside. They hear someone skulking around nearby, freak out, and Ray falls into a pit trap that has cage bars extend over him. Oh, and auto turrets firing rubber bullets pop up. Bobby tells Ray he’ll find the others and come back for him. Bobby ices up and slides off. He slides passed Roberto and assumedly the original Jaime as they hang from a snare while two clones try to get them down, and Sam who is stuck under a net as he races to the finish line. He runs into Logan. Bobby asks if he won, to which Logan tells him that he can ask himself that as they’re all go through the course again. As SHIELD copters flies in and Logan hands off training duty to Hank while he goes to deal with whatever Fury wants.

 

Long road back to recovery.

Back in the Mansion, Rogue is still in bed but sitting up. Xavier tells her that according to the most recent battery of tests, she’s fully recovered. Rogue hastily says that she isn’t feeling completely up for being around people again. Xavier says that she can take as much time as she needs and tells her he’s sure that this has nothing to do with avoiding a Logan Training Session. The prof didn’t need mind reading powers to get that one. Ha.

 

The copters touch down as Xavier joins Logan, asking why Fury thinks he’s tied t o the SHIELD break in… that I guess he preemptively read Fury’s mind about, since how else would he know that? Anyway, Fury comes out, grabs Logan, and then takes off again, after giving Xavier a nod that seems to suggest that he shouldn’t worry.

 

At the lab, Fury tells him that the intruder had metal claws and, somehow, his DNA. Fury obviously doesn’t believe that Logan is involved, but he does want answers. To get them, he introduces Logan to a blonde, tan skinned doctor. She calls Logan “Weapon X” upon locking eyes with him, which obviously pisses Logan off something fierce, but Fury tells them to take it easy and let the doctor talk. The doctor reveals that she is Dr. Deborah Risman, and she’s a HYDRA scientist. Fury gives the Cliffnotes version of HYDRA, that they’re a spy organization that loves dropping operatives in SHIELD facilities to do damage. She’s reveals that’s why she’s here, that the bandit from the previous night was one of theirs. The Bandit is dubbed X-23, they’d been sent to gather info from the SHIELD outpost, but suddenly went rogue. Risman reveals that she’s a geneticist and that her job at HYDRA was to create the perfect bio-weapon based on research that HYDRA stole from the defunct Weapon+ Program, Weapon X. We’re shown X-23 fighting several massive drones as Risman explains that she failed in this project, 22 times obviously, before she had a lightbulb moment. That to make a new Weapon X, look to the original. X-23 obliterates that bots as Risman tells him that HYDRA “acquired” his DNA and used it to make X-23. Logan thinks this means “clone” but Risman explains that she needed to do some genetic variations to make the project work, and that may have lead to X-23 having some… instability. Shockingly, attempting to remove emotion for their pet project resulted in X-23 developing extreme anger issues. The video ends as X-23 slices out of the training area and attacking the doctors testing them. We cut to X-23 as they land on a tree and take off their mask, as Risman reveals the twist that X-23 is a girl.

 

She got her daddy's stank face. 

If your mind is having trouble wrapping around Logan having a genetically female clone… well, X-23’s darker skin tone makes me believe that she’s more like a genetically engineered daughter of Logan and Risman than an actual, factual clone.

 

X-23 spies on Beast and the other New Mutant’s training session, flashing back to how she was forced to slice sandbags in the rain until she dropped. Seeing Beast and the New Mutants enjoying their training seems to visibly upset her. She almost attacks Sam after he crashes into a tree near her, but stops when she hears Beast whistling for them.

 

Back at the lab, Risman explains the insane levels of child abuse that HYDRA put X-23 through to make her a sociopathic killer. Isolating her as an infant, putting her through literal life-or-death training procedures at the age of about 5, and training her to act normal in public situations. This is the point that was hardest for her, as X-23 has kind of an issue with seeing loving families. Shock of shocks, she didn’t like being reminded of what she didn’t have. We see a moment where she was observing people in a park, where it’s implied she went berserker on the whole place with a smashed ballerina music box a kid tried to show her. HYDRA then put her through the Weapon X procedure, a process that I’ll remind you involves coating human bones in metal, when she was 12! Logan screams at Risman that X-23 is a child not a weapon, and asks how she can sleep at night. Risman reveals she doesn’t and is here to try to undo some of the damage she’s done.

 

We jump back to the Mansion as X-23 spies on the X-Men and remembering her isolated, emotionally abusive childhood. Later, Xavier hears a X-23 crying and goes to investigate. He asks her what her name is, and she gets up and slaps one of the metal balls on his forehead. This seems to shock him and knock him unconscious.

 

As Logan prepares to leave, Fury tells him that they were able to repair the computer that X-23 destroyed, and they learned the last files accessed were on the X-Men. Logan demands to go in alone, he gets Risman’s backing too. Fury gives him an hour before SHIELD comes in fast and hard.

 

We’re shown X-23 slowly exploring the mansion. It’s kind of a jarring moment to see her do things like rub a teddy bear against her face and being confused by perfume, it highlights that this unstoppable berserker is completely baffled by creature comforts. She’s examining Jean’s room when Sam comes in looking to borrow something. She slams him through a wall and sticks him with another shock disk. Bobby hears the rumble, thinks nothing of it because X-Mansion, and goes to ask Kurt if he knows what’s going on… only to discover Kurt, Kitty and Jean all knocked out in Kurt’s room, metal disks on their heads. X-23 then drops on him and sticks him with one. Scott and Ray find Xavier, Ray revealing that he’d found Magma aka Amara in a similar state. They hear someone creeping around, open a door and almost eyebeam/lightning blast Rogue. Damn. Ray goes to zap the disk off Xavier’s head, but Logan arrives to tell them that the disks are wired to explode. He tells them to run but they refuse. They find Ororo and Roberto, Jaime, and Hank all taken out. Scott demands to know what’s happening, but Logan just says it’s complicated. X-23 then cuts a hole in the ground to separate Logan from the others just before leaping in and beating the three remaining Mutants up. She’s incredibly fast, agile, and is skilled at using her senses in combat. She also shows great tactical thinking with the data she stole, grabbing Rogue, being careful not to touch her skin to skin herself before ripping the sleeves of her shirt off and shoving her into Scott and Ray, taking them both out and slapping a disk on Rogue before she can react.  

 

Logan returns and demands to know what X-23 is after. She leads Logan away, attacking him with ferocity. Logan refuses to fight back, because obviously he knows she’s not the bad guy here, not really. He tries to talk to her, trying to empathize with her. Obviously, if there’s a character that knows about being put through inhuman conditions to turn him into a living weapon, it’s James “Logan” Howlett. He says that no one should have gone through that, especially not a child. This pisses off X-23 beyond belief as she shrieks “I AM NOT A CHILD!” and tries to stab him. Logan grabs her wrists and tries to tell her that she is and they tried to take that from her. X-23 breaks Logans grip, slashes at him a few more times before kicking at him with her toe blades, knocking him outside.

 

Family bonding at it's finest.

Logan asks why she’s come after the X-Men, to which X-23 tells him that she’s just going after him. She blames her genetic template/father/delayed twin brother for everything that had happened to her. In the old “this wouldn’t have happened without you!” sort of mentality. Logan tries to tell her he didn’t know anything about this. She says he’s lying and actually, factually cuts him with her toe blade. Logan unsheathes his own claws, but only uses them to block X-23’s slash. He tries to explain to her that they’re both victims, that he’s the one person on Earth that understands her, and the closest thing she’s got to family. This seems to break something in X-23, who starts crying as Logan hugs her, encouraging her to stop fighting her feelings and just let them win. SHIELD copters fly in, Logan tells her to run and that he’ll take care of this. She runs. Fury disembarks, Logan tells him to let it go. Really speaks to how much respect and/or fear Fury has at Logan that he does so.

 

The next day, Logan, and Xavier check on Rogue, who is feeling fine but claims she’s still not up for a Logan Training session. But Logan insists. Outside, the New Mutants are having fun, but begrudgingly stop and sigh and Logan walks out. He tells the students that the course has a new objective today… Mutant dodge ball. He offers extra credit to anyone who can take out a boastful Bobby. Xavier asks his old friend why he decided to change tactics, to which Logan just replies that sometimes you just have to let kids be kids.

 

This is one of my favorite episodes of X-Men: Evolution as X-23 is such a damn badass. I like the design of her original costume, with the mask and it’s telescopic irises. Was the jacket and mask designed to make it a big “Whaaaat?” moment when it’s revealed that X-23 is a girl? Yes. Is it still extremely well done? Also, yes. It’s hard to talk about how big a moment that this was in part to the fact that X-23 is such a big character now. She’s the current Wolverine, is one of the most popular X-Men of the 21st century and was one of the best parts of 2017’s Logan. She’s extremely recognizable now, so I don’t think people appreciate how much teenage me’s jaw dropped when this original character was revealed to be a girl. It was especially cool to see how X-23 fights. She has all the speed and dexterity of ol’ Logan but seems to be more strategic in her thinking. Logan, while intelligent, usually prefers to rush is opponent and sort of make things up as he goes. How does she take on someone more powerful than her like Xavier? Use his desire to help people in distress to lower his guard and ignore good sense to get him close enough to slap something on his head to disable him. Same with Rogue, use her own power to disable her back up and then take her out before she can adjust. It’s strategizing Logan is capable of, but he rarely bothers with. Speaking of, I also enjoyed how Logan handled this fight. Namely, he let her work through her emotions and tired to talk to her the whole way through. One of the Hottest heads in Marvel history remains calm during an extremely emotional situation. Why? Because that’s his “kid” going through a lot of personal traumas, and he recognizes that. Classic Logan, showing off way more emotional intelligence than you’d have guessed. Or think he’s capable of, given his past. So yeah, I enjoyed this one. I’m sad to say that X-23 only gets one more appearance during this shows run. But that’ll be next season. Next time, it’s the beginning of the end. Apocalypse… arrives. 

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