Viewer Log: Creature Commandos ep 7

 The plot comes together. Also the sad story of Nina. 

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Viewer Log: Creature Commandos ep 6

 The sad life of Dr. Alex Sartorious

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Viewer Log: Creature Commandos ep 5

 Flag and Eric are on the hunt. It goes about as well as you might guess. 

Last time on Creature Commandos, we learned the tragic history of the Weasel. The large animal man was sentenced to life in prison after the deaths of seven children and one elderly man, but we learn that it wasn’t his fault at all. The children found the anthropomorphic animal watching them while they played at school and befriended him. A passing hunter saw Weasel roughhousing with them and assumed the worst when he saw the creature’s jaws and claws and the kids play running away. He cornered Weasel and the kids in the basement of the school and shot at him with a rifle, causing the massive explosion that killed him and six of the kids instantly. Weasel tries to save one of the little girls, but the cops who arrived at the scene assumed the worst of him, shot him several times, and unintentionally caused the girl’s death. Weasel’s lawyer has her work cut out for her, given that her client is clearly mentally incompetent. Meanwhile, Waller interrogates Circe and learns that the sorceress has clairvoyant powers that she can share. Circe shows her a vision of the future where Princess Ilana leads a bloody crusade across the world, taking it over and killing Earth’s greatest champions. They have a Themyscira expert, Professor Aisla MacPherson come in to consult, and she insists that Cersi’s powers are the real deal. Flag refuses to help and storms off in disgust. He’s followed by Eric Frankenstein, who mistakenly believes the Bride is in love with Flag after the two laughed together. They fight in Flag’s house, but come to an agreement after talking it out. Flag agrees to help him with the Bride if Eric helps him prove MacPherson is somehow wrong about Circe’s vision. Enough recapping. Let’s get to it, shall we?

 

We begin with Professor Aisla MacPherson beginning a lecture on Themyscira. The weird thing is she seems to focus on one of her coeds, calling the girl beautiful and seeming to try to get information about Themyscira out of her… ya know, the topic she’s a Professor of. When the student lists off some thematically appropriate but ‘boring’ topics, MacPherson goes to the chalkboard and writes LESBIANS and tries to get the students to talk about that. Flag and Eric watch all this from a window overlooking the class and agree that’s… and odd teaching method. When they’re stared at by some of the other students, they act like they’re searching for Eric’s contact lens in a bush. When the students lose interest, Eric asks how this helps him get his Bride. Flag explains, probably not for the first time, that this is his half of their arrangement. Eric helps him discredit MacPherson, and then they can go to the Creature Commandos, stop them from killing Ilana and then Eric gets to be a hero in front of the Bride. He is very excited by this idea, and asks if he gets to kill MacPherson… or some of the students. Flag tells him that he’s not going to be that kind of hero. He suggests they search MacPherson’s home while she’s working, and Eric proudly proclaims he’ll start the search in MacPherson’s underwear drawer… I’m starting to see why the Bride was correct in not being into him.

 

After the intro we visit the murder of Victor Frankenstein, an act Eric performed in a delusional belief that with their maker and her lover dead, The Bride will finally love him. She instead attacks him, sets the building on fire and then runs off in the night. Leaving him dying in flames. In the present, Flag tries to call Ilana again, but still can’t get through to a representative that speaks English. Eric is wasting time drinking through a crazy straw.

 

The Creature Commandos touchdown in Pokolistan and meet with Alexi again. The vaguely Slavick guard captain asks about this new threat to his princess, but the Bride keeps mum, saying that this information is need to know and he doesn’t. He makes some comments about how Pokolistan lasted a hundred years without anything weird happening, but within a few years of opening communications to the US, it’s threats every day. The Bride just kind of shrugs and the group heads out.

 

Flag and Eric arrive at MacPherson’s house. Eric is distracted by a woman walking a cat and takes that as a potential bad sign. Flag isn’t really listening and makes some noncommittal noises at him. Eric is pretty sure it’s a bad sign, saying that he learned from a… Romani woman who was steeped in the occult. They used the other word for Romani, I’m choosing to not transcribe it. We return to the flashback, Eric stumbling from the burning mansion in flames. He makes it to a river and douses the flames. But he passes out from the pain and travels down river for a few miles. The following morning the blind Romani woman’s dog finds Eric’s dog and she and the dog drag him back to her home to nurse back to health. She covers his wounds in salves as he awakens and grabs her hand, asking what tomfoolery this is. She explains about the salve having healing properties and he lets her keep rubbing. He recovers a bit and helps her pick apples. He asks why she doesn’t look at him when she talks and she informs him that she’s blind. He says that the only thing that makes life worth living is beauty and if he couldn’t see, he’d end himself. The old woman laughs as if that were an off-color joke and Eric waxes nostalgic of his beautiful Bride… who I must remind you definitely hates him. A lot. The old woman tells him to close his eyes and has him picture the Bride, showing that there can be beauty just in the mind’s eye.

 

In the present they look around MacPherson’s home. They split up and look around. Eric is briefly distracted by a cat and a possible leash, and then his reflection in a helmet. Flag notices blood on the upper level and finds MacPherson’s body seated at her desk, her throat slashed. He calls Eric up and they look her over. They can tell she’s been there for a bit so the MacPherson that met with Waller was probably a body double. He calls Ilana, and for once gets through to her. She clearly was expecting a booty call of some kind, not a warning of immanent death by Creature Commandos. Dude is, again, committing treason for this gal. So odd. Eric keeps trying to get a word in as well, trying to build credit with the Bride. Flag tells her to run, and then notices the fake MacPherson pull up. He tries to hide, while Eric pisses and moans about Flag not saying anything to Ilana about him. Again, as part of a plot to make him look good to the Bride. Flag says that the Bride is going to kill Ilana, and that they aren’t going to sit down and chat. Eric points out that he’s starting to suspect this plan is pointless from his point of view. Flag orders him to hide, and so he stands behind a birdcage. Still in full view. An increasingly angry Flag tells him to hide under the bed, which he begrudgingly does as MacPherson opens the door.

 

In the past, Eric brings a wild turkey, telling the old woman, Donna, that she has to cook it. He admits that he’s at peace with them, and that he enjoys shooting things with the shotgun. He thanks her for letting him rest and recover, and she goes so far as to tell him to think of this place as his home. She says that her and her dog Ivan have never been happier since he arrived.

 

In the present, the Commandos are forced to listen to Alexi’s music as they drive. He answers his phone and clearly gets told about the Commandos assassination plan. Alexi tells them that there’s traffic to the castle and says they’ll be taking an alternative route. Phosphorous and the Bride clearly pick up something is weird but let it slide for how.

 

MacPherson feeds the cat, calls it an idiot, and then sits down to play some Xbox. Immediately the woman’s form melts and distorts until a human amorphous being of… clay is sitting in her place. Flag confirms that that is in fact Batman villain Clayface and that he’s extremely dangerous. They’ll have to sneak out.

 

Alexi meanwhile drives the Commandos around, stopping the car and pretending that they’re having engine trouble. They’re then surrounded by a hit squad, and Alexi pulls a gun on the Bride. Phosphorous, clearly annoyed by all this, radiation heat punches through Alexi’s head, killing him. Though he says that it’s a shame as he liked Alexi.

 

Flag and Eric make it to the door, but as Eric points out, Clayface noticed them and shot clay tentacles at them. They dor their best to fight him, but the shapeshifter is in a weightclass above them. He engulfs Eric in his clay to suffocate, and beats Flag to a bloody pulp. Eric is able to force himself through to reach a wall socket and eelectoductes them both. He’s fine, though, cuz, ya know, gave him life.

 

Phosphorous and The Bride make short work of the attacking guards. The Bride attacks a guard, rips his arms off, and uses his blasters to kill his comrades. Phosphorus strips down, and melts his way through a tank, and it’s drivers, with his middle fingers extended. Nina and Weasel run off and do their best to hide. The Bride does her best to search for them, but approaching guards cause her to run off.

 

Eric cradles an injured Flag. He thinks Flag is dying and begins to ask him a bunch of burning questions. Like if the Bride ever mentioned him or said his name fondly. Flag tells him to tell the Bride the truth before passing out.

 

In the past, Eric prepares to leave Donna’s house despite her begging him to stay. She tries to make him see reason and understand that the Bride doesn’t love him, but he refuses to believe it. He thinks the whole ‘setting him on fire’ thing was a mating ritual. Donna asks why he locked Ivan out of the house, and he says he’s not sure the dog would understand. Donna sobs, saying she doesn’t want to be alone again, and Eric says that he’d never let her suffer that. Before beating her to death with her kettle.

 

At the castle, Ilana meets with her new guard captain, Sergi, and says that while she likes the Commandos, they’re being misled by their government and must be killed.  

 

The episode ends with Eric leaving Donna’s house, whistling for Ivan to follow, which the dog does.

 

Eric Frankenstein is a wonderful example of psychopathic behavior. Donna clearly loved him, she nursed him back to health, fed him, gave him a home, and that all didn’t matter compared to Eric’s fixation on the Bride. Beating her to death to spare her the pain of loneliness makes logical sense to a coldblooded mind, but it was still chilling to see. His interactions with Flag were pretty funny. I get the sense that he’d be 1000% more useful if he wasn’t constantly thinking about how to impress the woman that has spent the last two centuries making it excruciatingly clear she isn’t interested in him. His single-mindedness would almost be funny if he didn’t keep hurting people. The reveal of Clayface was pretty good. He’s a talented actor in most incarnations, so it’s believable that he could fool someone like Waller if given enough prep time and money. The use of his powers were pretty freaky, with his tentacles going every which way and beating two guys at once. The Clayface that is scheduled to come out sometime next year was what I was most excited for post Superman, and this little cameo definitely keeps my hype high. The Commandos at work was both cool and disturbing. Phosphorous in particular was brutally efficient in using his powers to kill people. I think Flag’s worries about being around that much radiation were pretty warranted at this point. I’m sorry they killed Alexi; he was a fun dude. So that’s The Bride, GI Robot, Weasel, and Eric’s backstories down, guess that just leaves Phosphorous and Nina to cover. Neat. Hope there’s are only slightly traumatic. 

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Viewer Log: Creature Commandos ep 4

 The sad story of Weasel.

Last time on Creature Commandos, we learned the sad history of GI Robot. Built in WW2, GI Robot served with Easy Company and made fast friends with the group after saving their lives from a Nazi ambush. In the years that followed, GI Robot wandered somewhat aimlessly, as he was a machine designed to kill Nazis in a world where Nazis weren’t a massive threat… at the time. He ends up getting passed around science types for a while before becoming a collector’s item. He ends up in the hands of a collector named Sam, who powers him back up. Sam seemed nice… until he took GI Robot to a National Socialist party meeting. Things didn’t go well for anyone. GI Robot was arrested and convicted. In the present, the Creature Commandos save The Bride and Nina and realize that this was a distraction to get them away from the palace so Circe could attack it. They rush back over and do their best to break through the Sons of Themyscira and save the princess. Flag tells GI Robot the Sons are Nazis and GI Robot has the time of his post war life obliterating Nazis. His head is unfortunately blown off by Circe. Circe goes to kill the princess, but is stopped by Weasel slashing at her and Phosphorous burning her face. They have Circe captured but she swears that they’ve just doomed the world. Enough recapping. Let’s get to it, shall we?

 

The story begins with Flag and Ilana making out, the princess asking if he’ll be back to see her sometime. Flag says that they need to bring Circe back to the states to interrogate her and figure out why she chose to attack Pokolistan. Ilana says that she’s got strong feelings for Flag, but he shuts this down and leaves the moment she brings that up. Shock of shocks, the divorcee with a recently deceased son has commitment issues, go figure.

 

We return to base where ARGUS agent and recurring DCU character John Economos is getting coffee when he’s confronted by Elizabeth Bates. She’s the Weasel’s lawyer and is demanding to see her client. John tries to lie and say that Weasel is sick, something Elizabeth doesn’t buy for a second, but the lie is proven anyway when they look out on the airstrip and see Weasel getting off the osprey. He’s chasing a butterfly. Flag disembarks and tells the Bride that, while she wasn’t exactly the best soldier he’s ever worked with, he thought she did a good job and hopes that she’ll consider working with him again if they need another Taskforce M field op. The Bride scoffs and says she didn’t think she had a choice, but smiles a little bit, so I think she’s not completely against the idea. She looks over towards the fences and sees a blonde man staring at her.

 

We then cut to a pair of binoculars and learn that someone else is staring at the Bride. Eric has arrived and bribed a helicopter crew to get him in the air. He sees the Bride smiling at Flag and immediately assumes that that smile means she’s in love with him. Note to any insecure guys, a lady can smile at a fella for any number of reasons, attraction does not have to factor into it. The lieutenant he’s with tells Eric who Flag is. Eric seems to fixate on the fact that Flag has a beard, something that he’s incapable of growing. The lieutenant is clearly weirded out by this but tries to play nonchalant as he suggest they land and he be on his way. Eric goes into a violent rage, grabbing the lieutenant and strangling him for, he thinks, thinking that Eric is some sort of giant man-baby for his inability to grow facial hair. The pilot tries to see what’s going on back there but Eric shrieks at him to mind his own business.

 

Elizabeth marches out to the field and calls out to the Weasel, who she calls John. She throws him a treat and demands to know where Flag took her client. The two have an argument about the Weasel, Elizabeth insisting on calling him John (John Doe) as they don’t have a better name for him and it sounds less demeaning than the Weasel. Flag brings up the whole 27 counts of murder of children, but Elizabeth insists that her client is innocent.  Weasel has a flashback to his arrest; we see a burning school and some cops looking inside to see a giant monster dragging a child’s body in its teeth. They open fire on Weasel, and the flashback ends. Elizabeth says that Weasel is innocent, that he was unfairly convicted, and the body count was actually 8. Like… 8 dead kids isn’t a good situation, but it’s better than 27 I suppose. Flag is clearly fed up with talking to her already and tells her to take the Weasel.  

 

Erik crashes his copter and snaps the neck of the pilot as he does. He steals a pen from the body and writes Rick Flag on his palm before marching off.

 

We cut to the interrogation room. Circe, looking like she’d just lost a fight with a blender and stove, is brought in with her hands contained in heavy duty manacles. Flag, Amanda Waller, and John begin the interrogation. After establishing that Circe isn’t able to cast spells without her hands free and that she thinks Supervillain costumes are overly sexualized, Waller demands to know what she was doing in Pokolistan. Circe says she was trying to save their worthless lives. Circe claims she was trying to kill Ilana to stop her from ending the world. Flag isn’t buying it, and neither does Waller, who points out Circe’s resume is filled with murder and assault charges. Circe says that she can show Waller what she’s talking about. John earns his paycheck by listing off Circe’s powers, saying that she can’t cast spells without her hands, but she is possibly clairvoyant and she can possibly use that power without her hands. Flag tells Waller not to do it.

 

With Weasel, Elizabeth lays out the photos of the kids Weasel is accused of murdering. She wants to see if the photos might provoke a reaction out of him. Weasel, who is busy licking himself, doesn’t seem interested. She draws his attention to the photos and triggers another flashback. Weasel was watching the kids playing at the playground at school. They see him, think he’s a neat animal and feed him to draw him out into the open. In the present, Weasel looks like he’s tearing up for a moment, but then eats one of the photos. The guards come in and take him away, as their time is up. Elizabeth swears she’ll figure this out.

 

Back in the interrogation room, everyone is one edge. Flag has a hand on his gun and is ready to draw. Circe asks if she’s ready. Waller has just enough time to ask “ready for wha-” before being pulled into a vision. She’s shown Ilana Rostovick leading an army of her power armored soldiers in a war that spreads across the globe. It looks like at some point she partners with Gorilla Grodd and fully overthrows the United States. We see plenty of iconic heroes dead and strung up, including but not limited to the Big Three (Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman) as well as Hawkman, Starfire, and Peacemaker. The connection ends and Waller drops to the ground, screaming. Circe is also tearing up, which I think lends credibility to the vision. Waller joins the other two and admits that it felt… legitimate.

 

They call in Professor Aisla MacPherson. She is a specialist on Themyscira and it’s history. Flag is skeptical of the formerly mythical island nation but MacPherson and John both say everything about the island is legit. MacPherson says that ten years ago Circe predicted a tsunami would hit the island. Some sisters heeded her warning and got off it, others didn’t and the ones that didn’t drowned within the hour of Circe’s prediction. She says that since Circe has been less… altruistic with her powers. Waller asks how they can be sure that the vision forced on her wasn’t another less than altruistic moment. MacPherson says that Circe can’t make visions, she can only see them. Flag still doesn’t believe it. He tries to get Waller to not act, but Waller barely listens to him as she orders John to get the Creature Commandos ready and to contact the Pokolistan Embassy to get them clearance. Flag tries to go to bat for Ilana, but Waller says that bumping uglies with someone doesn’t give you full insight into their character. Flag tries to deny it, but Waller clearly already knows. He refuses to help with this and storms off. When John asks her what to do, she tells him to get a new team leader, one “who’s less whiny, little bitch, and more just bitch.” Oscar, BAFTA, Emmy, Golden Globe, and Grammy award nominated and winner Viola Davis everyone.

 

We cut to the Bride and Phosphorous in the mess hall. Phosphorous seems to be trying to keep a friendship with the Bride, but the Bride isn’t exactly enthused by it. Their attention is drawn to some inmates trying to steal Nina’s food. The Bride confronts the giant ape creature that took Nina’s food and then kills him when he tries to brush past her. Don’t disrespect the Bride or her team. Weasel then shows up and starts licking the food off the floor. Phosphoros steals the food from ape man’s friend and gives it to Nina, saying everyone is happy… except the dead ape man. And his buddy. John comes in and tells the Commandos are heading back to Pokolistan.

 

Flag drives from the base and tries to warn the Princess what is coming. Dude must be smitten if he’s willing to commit treason for her. Unfortunately, the agent he’s talking to doesn’t speak English and tells him to call back. Flag pulls up to his house, and gets to the door when Eric rams a stolen car into Flag’s tree just as he leaps out and attacks him. They smash up his house as they wrestle, but Flag gets on his back and points his gun at Eric’s eye to get him to stop. They have a slightly tense time playing the pronoun game as they try to figure out what she either of them are referring to before Flag realizes that Eric is talking about The Bride. He says that she’s not his type, and Eric angrily stops as he says she’s everyone’s type. He says that Flag is also everyone’s type. Flag thanks him for the weird compliment and asks if he can get off Eric’s back and they can talk. Eric lets him down, and Flag offers him coffee, and Eric asks for tea.

 

He fills Eric on what happened and Eric agrees that Flag can’t let the princess be killed when they have this great love for each other. Flag isn’t sure it’s exactly love, but he knows she’s not the monster Circe claims. It’s clear that Eric doesn’t completely understand the world around him as he keeps comparing things to romantic movies, and claims that he and the Bride are meant to be together but aren’t. Like in When Harry Met Sally. Flag is clearly weirded out by this but suggests that maybe they could help each other. Eric declares that they’re best friends.

 

On the flight on the osprey back to Pokolistan, Nina asks the Bride why she helped her. The Bride shrugs and says she owed Nina for almost getting her killed. Nina says she doesn’t think they’re exactly even, as getting gross food back isn’t comparable to near death, but they both laugh at that comment so they’re clearly in a better place. The Bride tells Nina they’re headed back to Pokolistan to kill Ilana, and they’re not allowed to know why. Nina asks if she’s going to kill the Princess, and The Bride says that “one less human, leaves more room for monsters to roam.”

 

We flashback to when Weasel was playing with the school kids. Everyone is clearly having a fun time. A stray ball pushes open the door to the school. A mushroom hunter walks by and sees Weasel aggressively chomping at a ball and then all the kids and Weasel rushing inside to do pranks in the school and assumes the worst. Can’t exactly blame him with how thick Weasel’s chompers are. The hunter runs back to his shack and grabs his gun as he calls for the police. The kids and Weasel end up in the basement, playing with some matches, and a liquor bottle they found in one of the desks. In a lot of things going wrong at once, the bottle breaks as a match light up some paper, the hunter comes down with his gun and assumes the playing Weasel is attacking the kids. He shoots at Weasel, missing and causing the generator to leak fluid. Weasel leaps to try to save the kids but then the generator explodes. Weasel sees the blonde girl is still alive and tries to save her, but the cops see him dragging a kid by the collar of her shirt, assume the worst and shoot at them. He tries to escape with the girl, but is shot several times by the cop. He rushes to try to get her out, but the cops hit him several times, causing him to drop the girl and she’s buried in burning rubble. He sobs as they drag him away, clawing feebly to try to get back to the little girl. In the present, Nina asks what he’s dreaming about and the Bride says, “probably just chasing squirrels.”

 

If you had told me back in 2021 when The Suicide Squad came out that I’d be tearing up at the backstory of the freaking Weasel, I’d have called you a liar. But that was truly a tragic string of circumstances that lead to all that death. And like… the reactions were all largely reasonable… except for maybe the cops opening fire on a creature with a child in its jaws. I know, monster with kid, shoot at monster, but maybe not until you can try to get the kid away. I can’t even really blame the mushroom hunter for calling them, as again, Weasel’s got those razor-sharp teeth and fangs. Thinking he’s a monster seems reasonable, until you’re with him for five minutes and realize he’s only as aggressive like… a wolfhound. Could they screw some stuff up? Absolutely, but so long as you don’t piss them off, they just want belly rubs and ear scritches. I do like that he’s got a lawyer that’s trying to help him. Is Elizabeth going to be able to, as ‘John Doe’ is somewhere between an intelligent animal and a mentally handicapped man? It doesn’t look good, but it’s good that someone is trying. The present plot is interesting… just because it does feel like Flag is giving up a lot to protect someone he’s known for like a day and a half. Sure, ya, they boned, but as Waller said, that doesn’t really give you all there is to know about a person. Him and Eric teaming up should be interesting. I laughed out loud when Eric called him a DILFy Piece of Shit. The vision Circe had was interesting… and full of fun Easter Eggs. Does it seem odd that a princess of a backwater country leading an army powerful enough to end multiple super humans that include freaking Superman seem unlikely? Ya… but there’s magic in this universe, anything is possible. I do hope we hear more about how this plan might be carried out, if it turns out to be true. But we’ll have to wait and see tomorrow. Have a good night, everyone. 

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Viewer Log: Creature Commandos ep 3

 The sad story of the Tin Man. 

Last time on Creature Commandos, we got a brief history of the Bride. Back in the 1860s she was made by Dr. Victor Frankenstein as the future companion and bride of his creature; this version being dubbed Eric. While the animation was a success, the Bride immediately freaked out upon seeing Eric and spurned his advances. Over an unspecified amount of time, Victor helped the Bride learn and grow mentally, the two of them forming a connection that culminated in him giving her a Tourmaline necklace and then the two of them banging one out. Eric saw them and ultimately murdered their maker, assuming Victor was standing in the way of his and the Bride’s love. She attacked him, set the castle on fire, and so began a centuries-long cat and mouse game between them. In the present, the Bride and Nina search around the ruined castle until Nina finds the necklace. They’re then attacked by Circe. The Bride holds her and the Sons of Themyscira off for a while but is ultimately defeated when Circe turns her arms into tube-men and shoves her from the roof. Nina gets her helmet broken by a gun shot and passes out from lack of water beside her. The boys, meanwhile, were delayed by Ilana patching up Rick Flag’s injuries after his fight with Phosphorous… and then insisting on getting some silver fox, if ya know what I mean. They rushed to the castle, following Nina and the Bride’s tracking implant after he’s finished. Enough recapping. Let’s get to it, shall we?

 

We begin with the cavalry arriving at the ruins of castle Frankenstein. GI Robot wants to go in guns blazing, but Flag tells him to hold off until they figure out what’s going on. As he explains the plan, GI Robot has a flashback to his first mission with Easy Company back in WW2. He’s affectionately known as Tin Man by his unit. They’re ambushed by a squad of Nazis and all hell breaks loose. It takes GI Robot a few minutes to assess the situation, but once he determines they’re surrounded by Nazis, he goes into kill mode. He turns himself into a spinning gun turret and mows the Nazis down, killing all of them in seconds. After the fight, his team salute him at a bar, saying that he’s forever a member of Easy Company, and while clearly confused by these signs of affection, GI still cracks a smile.

 

Back in the present, Flag waves his team in and then burst into the castle to find the Bride tied to a chair with tape on her mouth. She is screaming at them through the tape, the team think there’s a trap of some kind until they pull the tape off. The Bride says that everyone left already. GI Robot asks about “Friend Nina,” and is told she was taken upstairs before the Sons left. He rushed up to find her, while Flag takes the time to chew out his resurrected warrior. GI Robot finds Nina in a bathtub with barbed wire across the top to trap her inside. GI Robot frees her and says that while he’s disappointed there are no Nazis to kill, it’s lessened by seeing her alive. Nina says she can’t leave the water as her helmet was destroyed, but she had a spare at the castle that GI Robot could get for her. Thinking that a waste of time, GI Robot just lifts the ancient tub with his incredible robot strength.

 

The others realize that this was a distraction to get them away from the Castle and rush back to the truck to get back there. GI Robot arrives and shoves Nina’s tub in the back before getting in after. As Flag tells Alexi what’s happening, namely they were lured away so the Sons could attack the castle, GI Robot has a flashback to an interview he did on a talk show after the war. He’s clearly confused by the attention, and is distressed when he scans the crowd to find no obvious Nazis in it. He promises to dispatch any nazis in the crowd, and when the host says that he’s sure there are no Nazis here, he points out, “That is exactly what a Nazi would say.” We shift focus to General King talking with a Dr. Magnus. King points out that GI Robot wasn’t really built for this kind of publicity moment, with Magnus correcting him and saying that he prefers to call his Robot and AI. He notes that GI Robot has obviously developed some kind of personality and is fascinated by it. King says they’ll be retiring GI Robot from the press circuit and offers to hand him over to Magnus for his studies.

 

We cut to sometime in the future where GI Robot powers back on. He’s hanging by some mechanical arms and is missing his lower half but that doesn’t seem to bother him too much. Dr. William Magnus introduces himself, and GI Robot asks if Magnus is a Nazi or if there are any Nazis to kill nearby. Magnus says he isn’t and says that GI is pretty obsessed with Nazis. GI Robot points out that killing Nazis is literally what he was built for. Magnus asks what GI Robot wants. GI Robot says that what he wants is irrelevant, he has a mandate to kill Nazis. Magnus asks what he’d do if, hypothetically, GI Robot didn’t have a directive. GI Robot says that he’d like to see Easy Company again… and kill Nazis with them. Magnus tells GI Robot that the war was 20 years ago, so he has no idea where Easy Company is now. GI Robot starts listing off his unit’s names and asking if they ring any bells, but Magnus says he hasn’t heard of any of them. He says that GI Robot will help him a great deal, not to kill Nazis but to build the next generation of automaton.

 

At the Palace, Ilana is awoken by a guard, saying they’re under attack. He tries to get her to safety, but has his upper half blown off by an RPG. Two Sons Dude bros spot her and chase after her. The Creature Commandos pull up to the Palace gates but are still a ways out. Ilana runs but is captured by one of the goons that slaps her on the ass. We learns Circe ordered them to kill her on the spot, but the goon thinks it’d be a waste to just kill her and says he wants a ‘good time’ with her. Ilana claws his face with her nails, gets dropped and runs to a room she barricades herself in.

 

The Creature Commandos pull up, killing a dude with a grenade as they slide in. The combat types wade in, The Bride shooting, Phosphorous melting bullets to ash before microwaving some goons, and Weasel being a rabid animal. One of the guards brings Nina her spare suit, but she asks what he expects her to do about anything. He says she can join the battle with it… right before taking a bullet to the brain.

 

GI Robot flashes back to when he was basically an antique collecting dust. We learn from the guy selling GI Robot that Magnus got what he could from GI Robot, and after that he bounced around from lab to lab until the government sort of just forgot about him. He’s bought by a military collector named Sam. He brings GI Robot back to his home and cats, fills him with gas and powers him back up. GI Robot powers up and asks for Sam’s name and Rank. Sam says that he’s just a guy, that he always wanted to serve but he’s got a bum leg. He shows GI Robot around his house and his collection of military hardware. They have a nice night with Sam’s cat and watching WW2 Movies. Later, Sam dresses him up in a hat and coat, taking him out to meet some ‘friends’ of his. You’ve all seen the next part. Sam brings GI Robot to what turns out to be an American Nazi rally. GI Robot notices several Nazi tattoos and gear on the men, but doesn’t act until they unveil a swastika and name themselves the Hub City National Socialists Club. GI Robot says “Oh boy, Nazis.” We then get a fight scene in two different eras. In the present, GI Robot asks if the Sons are Nazis, and Flag tells him ‘yes.’ Past and Present GI Robot goes on a spree, mowing down Nazis and Sons of Themyscira. We see that Magnus did keep his promise to upgrade him, giving him a antigravity unit and more guns, turning him into an even more efficient spinning death turret. GI Robot is arrested for killing the Hub City Socialists and put in prison with the Creatures. As GI Robot cackles with delight at getting to kill Nazis again after so long… Circe arrives and destroys his head. She then flies to the palace.

 

In the palace, Ilana gets her hands on a gun and kills the two goons chasing her. But then Circe bursts in and starts throwing her around with magic. Ilana tries to bargain, saying that she’ll give the sorceress whatever she wants. Circe says that she wants her dead. But before she can kill Ilana, Weasel bursts in and rips into her with his teeth and claws. Circe tries to escape, but Weasel clings on, causing her to crash. Phosphorous then grabs her by the face and hits it with an atomic blast. Flag looks on in horror, and the Bride tells him that he wanted monsters, so that’s what he got.

 

Nina finds GI Robot’s head. He’s still functional, but barely. He says how happy he was at getting to kill Nazis with his friend, Nina. He says what a beautiful day it is, and dies as he says Cheers to the Tin Man.

 

With the others, Circe is still alive, she is a goddess after all. Badly burned, face mangled, and in serious agony, she says they’re all idiots and have doomed the world. Well… crap.

 

So, I have figured out the formula to this show, where we’ll get the backstories of each of the commandos as we go and learn that they’re all a lot sadder than when they first appeared. I’m both excited for and dreading Weasel’s. Seeing GI Robot go from the high point in his life, fighting Nazis with soldiers that love and respect him, to a curio for collectors is genuinely sad. I do respect that Dr. Magnus did upgrade GI Robot, but the fact he just used GI Robot up and passed him off to the next person is sad. He’s a machine that outlived his purpose and is clearly aimless. I glossed over it during the fight, but towards the end of his montage we see him in prison, sitting on his bed, motionless, for what is clearly years. He’s covered in cobwebs, dust and spiders by the end. It’s just sad. And while him getting taken out is also sad, I’m at least glad he went out doing what he love… killing Nazis. The fight with Cersi was shockingly brutal. Weasel was straight up maiming her with his claws and teeth there. I know that this is a mature series and it’d be silly to not lean into the violence that a cartoon can allow for, I just wasn’t expecting to see a goddess get her face clawed and burned like that. Phosphorous went for the eyes and that is absolutely brutal. And Cerci claiming that this will somehow doom the world is… interesting. I’m curious to see what she means by this and how the team will handle it. Obviously, Flag might have something to say about this given his recent… experience with the princess. But we’ll have to wait and see where it goes. See you later. 

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Bluesky: @basicssuperhero.bsky.social

Viewer Log: Creature Commandos ep 2

 History of the Bride is crazier than I'd have guessed. 

Last time on Creature Commandos, we met the team. Needing a group of metahuman prisoners to do a cover ops assignment, because that’s all Waller knows how to use, but being unable to use Meta criminals like the ones that traditionally make up Taskforce X, Waller went back to the drawing board. She assigned General Rick Flag sr. to command Taskforce M, aka the Creature Commandos, to protect US ally Princess Ilana Rostovic from an invasion being led by evil sorcerous Circe. The group is comprised of The Bride, the literal bride of Frankenstein; GI Robot, a Nazi killing robot from WWII; Dr. Phosphorous, a man that gives off radiation so intense you can see his bones; Weasel, an anthropomorphic weasel; and Nina Mazursky, a fish lady. The group heads out to Pokolistan and get acquainted with the royals. Ilana takes a liking to Rick Flag and tries to seduce him, but he somehow refuses her advances and flees. In the night, the Bride leaves the castle, Nina following to try to convince her not to go and ending up tagging along. At the same time, Dr. Phosphorous tries to steal the remote that turns on the group’s shock collars, but Flag catches them and the two fight. They end up destroying Rick’s room and ending up in the kitchen, where Flag gets the controller back and yells at Phosphorous for being so STUPID he’d risk the punishment Waller would dish out to him even if this hairbrained plan succeeded. The Bride and Nina arrive at the Bride’s destination, castle Frankenstein, and go inside. A woman watching the building gets out her cell and calls up Frankenstein’s creature, telling him that the Bride has returned. He’s very emotional about this. Enough recapping. Let’s get to it, shall we?

 

We open on the dismembered body parts of a woman in 1831. Frankenstein’s creature insists to his maker that Victor needs to make him a bride, despite Victor’s misgivings. Victor tries to convince his creature, dubbed Eric, to wait just a bit longer. He claims that he wants more time to study Eric and get a better understanding of him before attempting his necromantic science again. Eric tells Victor that if he doesn’t do this for him, Eric will kill Victor’s wife. Victor calms his son and tells him that he is going to do it, he just wants to have a dialogue with Eric about what to expect. He has Eric assemble a bride like he’s in a build a bear, the creature selecting the head that he dubs the face of his true love.

 

In the present, the building is in ruins and Nina is quite surprised to learn that this is where her new coworker was born. Reborn? Reanimated. Nina asks why they’re here now.

 

Back at the palace, Rick is sitting on the toilet getting his battered face and hands looked after by Ilena while the robot and man members of his team watch, clearly on edge. His finger itches towards the shock button, but before he can do anything Ilena pushes the door closed. She asks about the device and tells her how it sends a painful shock to their brains if pressed. Ilena gets his shirt off to clean his wounds and asks more about the controller. Rick promises that he’ll get his team under control and they’ll help protect her.

 

Back at the Frankenstein manor, the Bride looks over the ruins and a painting that shows the Frankenstein’s. It looks like Victor, possibly his wife and two daughters. Nina asks if those are her family. The Bride tsks at that, and after Nina tells her she’s being rude, she elaborates that this castle was for Victor’s work, the family house was up the road. They travel deeper into the castle. Nina is shocked by the machine Victor had used to create her. Nina says her father was a scientist, but she’s never seen technology like this before. The Bride says that Victor was a renegade if nothing else.

 

We flashback to her creation. We see her scream in absolute agony as Victor uses his device to turn the inanimate pieces of her stitched together body into The Bride. Erik watches with a bouquet of flowers in hand. When the process was finished, she puked up blood. Erik tries to walk up to her, but Victor holds him back. He spouts off some philosophical ideal that in natural birth, a child knows their mother’s womb first and that is their tether to life and the world. The Bride didn’t have that, so she doesn’t have the slightest idea of what’s around her, she’s just a cluster of fears and impulses. Victor calms her and tries to talk to her. Erik presents her the flowers, but seeing his stitched together face causes her to scream anew.

 

In the present, Nina says that that sounds horrible. The Bride shrugs and says that’s birth for ya. God’s gift is letting you forget, but science isn’t so forgiving. Nina mentions that she ‘isn’t human,’ but the Bride disagrees. She claims that Nina is the only member of their team that is. She claims everyone else is a monster, but Nina is just a human with gills. Nina says that the world doesn’t see it like that, but the Bride shrugs and asks, “when is the world ever right?” about stuff. Nina asks what the Bride is looking for, as she’s worried Flag is going to notice they’re gone soon and shock them again. The Bride says she’s looking for a Tourmaline Necklace.

 

We get a flashback to Victor teaching her various things. Eric is getting impatient with how much time teaching her is taking, but Victor counters by asking him “You want a bride who can talk, right?” Victor ends up showing her the Tourmaline necklace and asking her what it is. She calls it pretty, and he agrees but tells her it is called a necklace.

 

In the present, Nina asks if they can leave when they find it. The Bride agrees, saying that Nina’s bitching and moaning is worse than listening to the jarhead. Outside, a Son Of Themyscira reports to the others that two of the commandos are in the old manor and the others must be back at the castle. They tell Circe, who tells them to get the address.

 

Ilena tries to seduce Rick again, asking about his various scars. Rick tries to hold off but she insists and the two of them end up doing it in the bathroom. Ilena’s guard Alexi arrives and wants to talk to Flag, but Phosphorous, Weasel and GI Robot try to buy them a little time. There’s an uncomfortably long time of grunting and moaning as the group stands there, waiting for them to finish so Alexi can tell him the other two Commandos left the grounds.

 

At the old castle, the Bride is still looking around, having flashbacks to when Erik tried to be close to her, but his touch still freaked her out to no end. He tries to force her to reciprocate his feelings, but she just keeps screaming. Victor tries to get him to stop, but Erik just drops the Bride and strangles his creator. He says Victor failed, as she was made for him but refuses him, before throwing Victor aside and running off in tears. The Bride goes to look after Victor, and he says that he’s fine. In the present, the Bride cries as well. Nina finds the necklace and brings it to the Bride.

 

She has another flashback to Victor teaching a bunch of things and the two of them bonding. They laugh over a bad joke about a fake mustache, and almost kiss, before Victor gives her a present. After explaining what that is, she opens it and finds the necklace. He gives her the necklace, saying that it belonged to one of the cadavers, so he felt it was fine to give it to her. In the present, the Bride takes the necklace. Before they can talk more, outside they see Circe flying and powering up a magic blast. She hits the bride with it and the screen goes dark.

 

Back at the palace, Flag yells at Phosphorous for wasting time and keeping Alexi from telling him about the Bride and Nina leaving. Phosphorous insists he was just trying to be a bro and do him a favor. Flag tells him to not go there as a few hours ago Phosphorous tried to kill him. Sensing hostility GI Robot asks if Phosphorous is a Nazi and if he can kill him. Flag says no, disappointing GI, and they dogpile into Alexi’s car to get to their team.

 

Circe fires another magic bolt, this time at Nina, but the Bride shoves her out of the way. The Bride throws the fourposter bed at her as the Sons sneak into the castle. The Bride shatters the floor, and she and Ina drop down below. She walks through a bunch of the sons, her inhuman strength and near invulnerable body protecting her from their guns. They run through the castle and escape before Circe lets out another magic blast. The Bride lands on a Son, steals his gun and kills the whole hit squad. She ten shoots at Circe, but she turns the bullets into butterflies and then turns them back into bullets as she hurls them back. She and Circe fight, being thrown around the castle and ending up back in the lab. It’s during their brawl that we learn that she and Victor ended up doing it on the lab table, a depressed Eric watching from nearby. Circe gets her on the ground and says that she needs to take a message back to the US government. The Bride stabs her legs and hurls her outside. They fight some more, but Circe rallies and turns the Bride’s arms into tube men before throwing her from the balcony. Nina tries to run and warn Flag, but she’s attacked by more of the Sons. She runs back as the Bride falls, her helmet getting shot and Nina gasping for water.

 

The Bride flashes back one more time to when she found Eric with Victor, the latter having murdered the former, believing he was an obstacle to their love. The Bride pummels Erik, accidentally starting a fire that consumes the lab and Victor’s body. The Bride runs, and what starts is a century and a half chase. Erik follows and catches up to her in 1850, 1880, 1895, 1912, 1923, 1941, 1964, 1991, and a few more eras they don’t give numbers to. He keeps trying to woo her and she keeps beating on him. In the present, The Pride apologizes to Nina and Nina tells her to go screw herself. Then a son knocks them out with the butt of his gun.

 

           Huh, ya know when I started this show I wouldn’t have guessed that their version of Frankenstein’s Creature would be this inspired by the novel. Granted, he clearly takes some elements from the Boris Carlov movie version, with those bolts in his head, but this creature is eloquent and soft spoken by nature, which makes his sudden bouts of rage all the scarier. And they kept his love of biblical imagery and verse. Weird. And it was fun to see the Bride rejecting Eric, which was one of the fears the original novel’s version of Victor had when his experiment demanded Victor make a companion for him. Shock of shocks, a woman doesn’t respond well to something with the Creature’s looks and demanding personality. The reveal that Victor and the Bride banged one out was a bit surprising. I guess I’m not surprised with this version of Victor, as he’s very tender with the Bride while teaching her and she responds well to him. Though considering how dependent the Bride had become to Victor, I do see that possibly factoring into Erik’s delusion that Victor was hindering his relationship with the Bride. Plus, it’s got a weird ‘banging your dad’ vibe to it. Just saying. Similar to Ilana insisting on screwing Rick Flag. It feels weird when a woman throws herself at an older man that feels like he’s got a more paternal vibe to her is all I’m saying. I’m intrigued by this idea that Nina isn’t as monstery as the others despite her appearance. The face screams fish, but I suppose she could be a Meta with just an unfortunate mutation. I’m sure we’ll get more on it later. This was our first real look at Circe and damn is she cool. She’s got all the magic power I’d want from a goddess in human form and a flair that’s really cool. The Bride cursing magic as they fought was a fun touch, especially after Circe morphed her arms. She’s clearly going to be a tough opponent for this group, as they didn’t bring a designated magic counter. That is unless Dr. P’s radiation cancels out magic or Weasel is magic proof, I suppose. Guess we’ll see where the fighting goes now that two of the commandos have been captured. See you tomorrow

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Bluesky: @basicssuperhero.bsky.social

Viewer Log: Creature Commandos ep 1

Time may change, but Waller's favorite strategy will always be forcing prisoners to do her wetwork. lol

Let’s do Creature Commandos. I didn’t watch it when it first came out, but it’s thematically appropriate for the month, is related to the new DCU by James Gunn, and I’m told GI Robot is freaking amazing. So… let’s get to it. Ya, I’ll probably do the first season of Peacemaker in November, I also haven’t seen that. I’m behind on a lot of shows right now, alright? I know that chronologically Creature Commandos happens after season 1 of Peacemaker… but this is the show I want to watch. So, sue me (shrug).

 

FYI, as stated above Creature Commandos is canon to the new DCU. So, their Superman is Superman (2025). One of the ideas that Gunn had for his new take on DC was to try to create a multi-genre format for it. We’ll see how that works out as we go. Let’s get to it, shall we?

 

We open on a military base. A few officials are watching news coverage of a terrorist attack occurring by a group that calls itself the Sons of Themyscira on the fictional country of Pokolistan. The group is being led by Circe, yes, the Goddess from Homer’s Odyssey is canon to the DC universe and she has a long-standing beef with Wonder Woman. Circe is claiming to be the rightful ruler of the island of Themyscira and says that she’ll conquer the island with the Sons once she’s taken Pokolistan. The Sons shown to be a bunch of dude bros that Circe has easily tricked by promising them access to the island of Muscle Mommies. The officials are revealed to be General Rick Flag Sr. and Director Amanda Waller, two of DC’s heaviest hitters in the US military and Government respectively. Flag dubs the Sons as a bunch of clows, but Waller reminds him that they are dangerous clowns at that. We get a quick info dumb about what is going on; Pokolistan is a poor but resource rich nation that is currently in talks about giving the US access to their oil reserves, hence why Waller is interested in giving them back up. The woman is cold as ice, but she’s all about giving the US a leg up on things. She knows that Circe isn’t interested in diplomacy, so they need to help Rostivik, the current Princess of Pokolistan. They take an elevator down to the “Non-Human Internment Division.” Flag seems to be confused by this, saying that Congress put a stop to using Metas for Taskforce X or government kill squads like it after Waller’s daughter outed the program. This is apparently something that happened in Peacemaker, guess I’ll find out more about that next month. Waller says they did, but she’s going to go through the loophole of instead of using human Metas, using creatures dubbed non-human. They go inside the security station.

 

Inside, we see several characters we’ll get to know this season; Nina Mazursky, a woman that looks like she could be the Creature from the Black Lagoon’s sister; GI Robot, a 40s era robotic soldier; Dr. Phosphorous, a mutated scientist with radiation based powers; the Bride, clearly the Bride of Frankenstein; and Weasel, the anthropomorphic weasel first introduced in The Suicide Squad (2021). I guess they captured him after that fiasco with Starro. Waller suggests using a group of non-human prisoners will allow them to get around the congressional ruling and use them for a new Taskforce. We get a quick rundown of the team and their powers, and confirmation that The Suicide Squad is canon, as Rick Flag sr. is visibly pained when Waller brings up Starro and Corto Maltese. For those late to the party, Rick Flag jr. was the soldier in charge of that team and was killed in action by Peacemaker when he tried to expose the illegal experiments the US government had been performing in conjunction with Corto Maltese. Waller apologizes for bringing up that painful memory and says the Rick jr. died a hero. As they’re talking GI Robot sees a swastika in the Jenga blocks he and Phosphorus are playing with and shoots it to pieces. Flag asks about Nina specifically, as what can a fish lady do on land? And Waller points out she’s the smartest in this group and that she’ll most likely be really helpful for him to keep control of the others.

 

The second they enter the room, the Bride, Phosphorous, and Weasel rush them. Flag pulls a gun, but the creatures are all hit with about 10000 volts of electricity before they can get close enough to do anything. Nina and GI Robot are caught in it too, as it looks like Waller’s punishment app targets all of them. Waller officially introduced Flag to his new squad, dubbed Taskforce M, aka the Creature Commandos. And after a title drop like that you know they gotta go into the opening credits.

 

After the credits, which included an animated James Gunn which I thought was a nice touch, we return to Waller ordering Flag to the Pokolistan royal palace with his team. They head out in an osprey. On the flight, Phosphorous is clearly doing his best not to stare at the Bride and failing miserably. Flag then gives his team a pep talk, saying that he knows that they’re all… well, unwilling participants in this, but they need to make the best of a bad situation. Phosphorous makes a sarcastic crack about everyone loving being there and serving their country, which Flag doesn’t completely get because Alan Tudyk is a master at sarcasm, and it’s pretty much impossible to read Phosphorous’ face. The Bride asks if he’s smiling sarcastically, which he confirms. Weasel has what’s clearly a mild panic attack as they fly, GI Robot asking if he’s scared at being discovered to be Nazi Scum. Flag tells him to back down and tells the group that Weasel isn’t a Nazi. Phosphorous calls him a child killer, though, so that’s not exactly a better look. Flag mentions that Weasel had a ‘bad experience’ last time he was on an osprey, hence his anxiety. The Bride looks out the window and asks if they’re in Pokolistan. Nina asks if she’s been before, but the Bride just swears.

 

They land and meet the Princess’ guards; all dressed in like 15^th century armor… I can see why an army of dude bros with guns might be a threat here, and they head to the palace. As they drive, they’re spotted by some of the Sons that report the group to Circe. On the drive Weasel pees himself, which really pisses off Phosphorous. They make a stop and Nina sees a small child, who she waves at before they keep driving.

 

The group arrives at the royal palace. As they walk in, we see several portraits of past rulers who look… well, like they got hit in the face with the ugly stick. The Bride comments that the gene pool around here is above ground and inflated, if you know what she means. Flag agrees, asking aloud what the princess must look like, just before locking eyes on her and getting smitten in seconds. She’s significantly prettier than her ancestors, which the Bride scoffs at. Rostovic welcomes General Richard Bill Flag Sr. to her country, and the Bride and Nina poke fun at his middle name being Bill and not William before we get on with things. Flag does a bow to Rostovic, and her captain of the guard Alexi says that’s not the right kind of bow, so they’ll have to execute him. The armored suits are revealed to be power armor as all the guards extend wrist mounted cannons to meet out the execution, but then Alexi starts laughing as that was a prank. After Alexi lets out a hearty laugh and reveals all of Pokolistan’s pop culture references are from the mid-90s, they get to business.

 

The Commandos are taken to a banquet, Rick apologizes for his team’s lack of table manners (Phosphorous eats with his hands, the Bride is double fisting wine, and Weasel is, well, a weasel) and Rostovik says that it’s fine and he should just call her Ilana. Our attention is drawn to the decrepit old woman seated at the end of the table, revealed to be Ilana’s mother. She makes a groaning noise that Ilana says means she’s happy that the Commandos have arrived. The Bride stares at her suspiciously but doesn’t say anything. Nina orders some diesel fuel for GI Robot before we cut to the next scene.

 

Outside, Ilana plays fetch with Weasel using a bone. Nina says that the scenery is beautiful, which GI Robot says that he “doesn’t enjoy scenery devoid of dead Nazis, Miss Nina.” GI Robot is fixated killing Nazis, as it is what he was built for, and is anxious (or the robot equivalent) to get to killing Nazis again soon. Nina promises that she’ll kill Nazis with him soon. This excites GI Robot, who announces that he’s been waiting 74 years, 23 days, and 52 minutes to kill Nazis with a friend. Nina is clearly weirded out by this comment but smiles at him regardless. Ilena and Rick flirt a bit, Rick asking her not to mind his team. She says she doesn’t and wonders why Weasel was in prison. Flag reveals he was accused of killing 27 children, but he hasn’t shown violent tendencies since then, so she shouldn’t worry. We’re shown Phosphorous dancing with some of the guards and the Bride drinking with a few others, as Ilana says that her country is charming and yet backward, saying they reject progress, believing it to be corrupt. Ilana says she dreams to bringing her people to the 21^st century. Ilana asks if Flag is married, and he gives her his backstory. He and his ex-wife had a son at 18, he joined the military to support them, 18 years later Jr. joined the military because he genuinely wanted to make the world a better place and protect America. Flag says his son was an improvement on him in every way and then tells Ilana that he was KIA about 2 years ago. Flag says that he’d have loved to introduce them, saying they’d get along like a house on fire. Ilana says she prefers older men and asks to show Flag her armoire. This turns into her seducing him. Flag tries to not be seduced, saying that it’s not exactly ethical to sleep with someone you’re guarding, but she’s… insistent. She gets him on the bed, but Flag insists that it’s a bad idea and flees, saying he’ll leave GI Robot to guard the door.

 

Later, Flag stays up watching something on his phone, Weasel is dead to the world asleep, and GI Robot is listing off the battles he fought in and the number of Nazis he killed in each of them. This robot would be Cotton Hill from King of the Hill’s favorite comic character. Phosphorous, Nina, and the Bride are all revealed to still be up. Nina attempts to sleep in a bathtub full of water, when the Bride leaps out a window. The Bride does some parkour tricks to get to ground level, with Nina rushing to meet her. Turns out, even while getting her suit back on so she can breathe, taking the stairs was faster than all those jumps and flips. Nina tries to get the Bride to stay, but she refuses, forcing her way through the guard station and making the guard hand over all his cash for her. Nina says that the Bride meant to say thank you to the guard, but the Bride yells back ‘I meant nothing of the sort!’ The Bride hails a cab, and orders him to drive her to ‘something’ Frankenstein. Despite her complaints and the Bride’s insistence she doesn’t “have” to come, Nina goes with her.

 

In his room, Flag wakes up to find Phosphorous rifling through his things. He’s wearing gloves and a full hoodie to hide his glow as best he can. Phosphorous gets his hands on the shock collars control device, but Flag gets up and kicks him across the room. Theye fight for control of the controller. Phosphorous’ powers obviously give him an advantage, but Flag is an excellent combatant, and he dodges all his attacks. The heat from Phosphorous body sets the room on fire and ultimately causes the floor to collapse into the kitchens below. They keep fighting, Flag using an oven mitt to let him touch Phosphorous without getting burned, but get burned rather badly by him, and the ovens they’re fighting around. Flag ultimately gets the controller back, yelling at Phosphorous for being an idiot. He reminds the glowing man that Waller has other controllers, and he’d be hopping around like a Mexican Jumping Bean if he did steal it, or if Flag reported this in. He yells at Phosphorous that they’re supposed to be on the same damn team.

 

Meanwhile, the Bride and Nina’s cab arrive at what turns out to be the ruins of Castle Frankenstein. Nina asks what this place is, and the Bride says it is where she was born. She snaps the chains off the entry gate, and they go inside. An old woman that was watching the castle sees them, and pulls out a phone and calls someone. We see the person she called partying on a boat somewhere tropical, surrounded by pretty women as he answers. She tells what is clearly Frankenstein’s Creature that a woman has broken into the house. The creature starts to tear up, saying that after all these years he’s found his Bride.

 

Overall, this was a decent start to a series. We were introduced to our principal cast, got a mission, and got to see a bit of how they interact. The cast was great, with Indira Varma as the Bride and Alan Tudyk’s Phosphorous being my favorites. Some might say that there’s nepotism involved in James’ Gunn’s brother Sean Gunn being cast in all of his series… but the man is a multitalented individual, so I get James Gunn constantly casting him. His GI Robot is spectacular with his single-minded focus on the elimination of Nazis, and he’s just good at making panicked animal noises for Weasel. Don’t knock it, it’s hard to make good animal noises as a human actor. It’s why you’ve got guys who built a corner of their careers around it, like Frank Welker and Dee Bradley Baker. Zoe Chao’s Nina is good too. She is clearly the most innocent of the commandos, and just judging from her aversion to even stepping a toe out of line makes me think there’s a weird reason she was in prison. Frank Grillo as Rick Flag sr. is decent. I’d say that he’s the weakest of the cast, but considering it’s only his third or fourth voice role ever that’s to be expected. He’s not bad, but his lines just come across less naturally than the others. The plan is straightforward, at least at this moment. The commandos are sent in to protect a foreign dignitary to protect US interests in the area. I’ve no idea how things will turn out, I’ll just say that the princess being in charge with an invalid mother that looks more like a grandmother, and her hitting no a dude literally old enough to be her father makes me raise an eyebrow. A gal can be into silver foxes, but it’s weird to try to bang a dude literally right after he was talking about his dead son. All I’m saying. The Bride’s history is going to play a big deal with this series, I’m sure, given the fact her getting into the old castle was such a big deal and that the Creature is after her. But we’ll have to wait and see where it’s going. And that’s all I have to say about that. 

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Bluesky: @basicssuperhero.bsky.social