Beans, beans, the magical fruit...
I decided to pivot just because I
want to see Superman (2025) one more time before I do a write up. So,
more Beast Wars!
Last time on Beast Wars,
things got spooky. The disembodied Spark of Starscream, Air Commander of the
Decepticon Battle Fleet, arrived on the planet and possessed Waspinator. Using
Waspinator’s body as his own, Starscream immediately tried to cozy up to
Megatron, using recon information he gathered as a Spark to lead a raid on the
Maximal base. They were able to overwhelm the Maximals with their surprise
attack and take the base. Starscream was rewarded with command of the new
outpost, and he immediately started scheming with Blackarachnia on how to take
over. The Maximals regrouped and we learned that while Starscream is known to
Maximals in this era, any specific info on him was classified by the Maximal
Elders. Dinobot, thankfully, is a military history nut and gave them the basics
on Starscream’s personality, namely he’s a treacherous worm that is always
biting off more than he could chew. Optimus led the Maximals in a surrender and
he and Dinobot are captured. Dinobot was brought in to use the CR Chamber for
repairs. Using them as hostages, Starscream sent the Maximals to attack the
Predicon base. Left alone for a bit, Optimus freed himself and gathered their
extra weapons and ammo from storage. He and Dinobot drove Starscream and
Blackarachnia from the base. Starscream arrived at the Predicon base to try to
get the Maximals to keep fighting, but Optimus arrived and the two squared off.
Optimus got Starscream on the ground and he immediately started to grovel like
Starscream tends to do. He begs Blackarachnia for help, but she ends up
betraying him, shooting a bit of Energon, destroying it, Waspinator’s body, and
driving Starscream from it as well. While everyone recovered at their bases,
Starscream was driven back out into space, the whole way shrieking he’ll have
revenge.
We open on Rattrap and Dinobot
doing some gardening. A local variety of wild bean vines is growing extremely
quickly around the base and have basically turned the area around the Axalon
into a small forest. Rattrap whines about having to do this kind of work and
Dinobot tells him that they need to clear the plants to protect them from
ambushes. He adds that one must always be prepared for sneak attacks. Because
Rattrap is kind of a dick, he decides to show Dinobot the wisdom in his own
words and launches a big bean at Dinobot’s ass when he’s distracted. This
obviously pisses off Dinobot and the Predacon warrior tries to strangle him.
This and these other interactions are so much funnier to me as an adult as I
know Dinobot and Rattrap are both voiced by Scott McNeil, so he’s essentially
fighting himself. Their fighting distracts them from hearing Rhinox warning
them Predacons are inbound. And because they’re outside they can’t activate
their autocannons to help. Rhinox says he’s going outside to help.
Inferno (who must have just gotten
back from his vacation), Waspinator and Terrorsaur launch an aerial attack.
Rhinox starts shooting at the fliers with his machine guns and tells the other
two to get inside. Rattrap tells Dinobot, who is holding him by the throat, to
get moving, but Dinobot is being obstinate today and refuses to flee from a
fight. Rhinox yells at them both to shut up and get inside. And this commotion
leaves them all too distracted to see Tarantulas sneak up and launch a dart. It
looks like it was meant for Dinobot, but the shot is ever so slightly off and
hits Rhinox in the face instead. The dart that was fired injects something into
his mouth before falling off. Dinobot sends Tarantulas flying across the ground
with his laser eyes before Rattrap makes him help get Rhinox inside. Once
they’re clear, Optimus activates the autocannons and the Predacons fall back,
Terrorsaur announcing that their mission is complete.
They get Rhinox in the CR chamber
and Sentinel determines he’s been infected with an Energon Discharge virus. To
put it simply, the virus gives him the hiccups. A case so severe that the
constant hiccupping and occasional sneezing he’s doing will eventually use up
all the Energon in his system and kill him. To make matters worse the sneezes
are so powerful that Rhinox actually destroys the CR Chamber’s pod before it
can do any more complex scans. Rhinox then has an extremely powerful hiccup
that blows a hole through the base and hits a fleeing Terrorsaur in the ass. His
hiccups damage a bunch of other stuff before Cheetor suggests he get in Beast
Mode. Rhinox does and that seems to work… for a minute before he hiccups some
more. Dinobot suggest they move him somewhere with less fragile stuff around.
Optimus scans Rhinox with a hand scanner and says that Rhinox’s powercells are
depleting fast, they need to find a cure quickly or they’ll lose him and the
base.
Dinobot and Rattrap set out in
Beast Mode to find Tarantulas. Rattrap is skeptical this will work, but Dinobot
insists he did a LOT of damage to Tarantulas in that last fight so he should
still be nearby. And that he’ll no doubt have the counter-virus. Rattrap says
that he better hope so for his own sake. They start fighting over who’s fault
this situation is, which devolves into calling each other names. Cheetor is
listening over coms and grumbles that they call HIM the immature one. He asks
Optimus if it was a good idea to send them out together. Optimus admits it
probably wasn’t, but their squabbling keeps causing problems, so they’ll either
learn to work together or destroy each other. And given the current situation,
Rhinox’s hiccups blowing another hole in the ceiling as he speaks, he admits
either option works.
Dinobot’s nose picks up smell of
rotted death and corruption. Rattrap jokes he had a limburger sandwich for
lunch, so sue him. Dinobot says he’s been uncomfortably aware of his odor for
an hour, but this is different. He points out Tarantulas, who does a Looney
Tunes style dash away from his hiding place to try to escape them. Dinobot
and Rattrap chase him, both arguing over who gets to fight him. Tarantulas
launches himself off a hill, and Dinobot and Rattrap follow, transforming
midleap. He seems to disappear for a second, but then a pit opens under the two
bots, and they drop. They slide down into a cave system. As they go, they knock
a boulder loose. They land at the bottom and Tarantulas leaps out, saying that
“The playground is closed, MINIMALS!” as if sensing that horrible pun, the
boulder the two knocked loose rolls down and slams Tarantulas into a wall. Lots
of Looney Tunes slapstick in this one.
Back at the base, Optimus and
Cheetor have jerry-rigged some jumper cables from the base to Rhinox, keeping
his power cells charged. But the drain on the ship is already massive, their
power is down 20%. And, Optimus adds, the hiccups aren’t doing much for the
décor. But they need to keep his energy up until Rattrap and Dinobot get back
with the counter-virus. Which isn’t great as Cheetor isn’t picking them up on
the proximity scanners. Optimus sighs and says they may need to get Tigertron
and Airazor so they can take their complaints to Megatron personally.
Rhinox lets out one more massive
hiccup, which can be seen from the Darksyde. Megatron is impressed that
the virus worked, which Terrorsaur confirms further by gesturing to his burnt
tail. Megs orders more of the virus to be whipped up to infect the other
Maximals, only to learn that Tarantulas isn’t back yet, and while Blackarachnia
could in theory make more, Tarantulas has all of his computer files encoded so
she wouldn’t know where to start. He orders them to find him as he wants that
virus now.
We cut to Dinobot and Rattrap
dragging an unconscious Tarantulas through his tunnel network looking for an
exit. Dinobot gets frustrated and kicks his body. Rattrap yells at him to not
damage the merchandise as they need Tarantulas to get the counter-virus. Their
yelling wakes up Tarantulas, who tries to pull a blaster on them, but they both
just punch him in the face, knocking him out again.
The Predacons search Tarantulas’
lab. There’s a funny blink-and-you’ll-miss-it sight gag of Tarantulas having
Megatron’s face on a dartboard with several darts in it. The proximity alarm
starts going off and the Preds prepare for their arrival.
Dinobot and Rattrap continue to
follow the tunnels. Rattrap asks if he’s got any better ideas, which Dinobot
says no, but he hates the idea of dying in a tunnel lacks a warrior’s dignity.
Rattrap tells him not to worry, as he won’t let anyone besides himself to take
Dinobot out. Blackarachnia watches them arguing over the security cameras and
warns Megatron that they’re about to have company.
Back at the Axalon, Airazor
flies in. Optimus tells the cat duo that they can’t wait any longer for the
others, so they’ll have to launch an assault on the Darksyde. Rhinox
comes down and says that he’s coming too. Cheetor asks if that’s a good idea,
and Rhinox counters that if he’s going to wreck the place, he’d prefer damaging
Predacon Property. Unfortunately, his power cells are basically drained so he
has no strength left. Optimus tells him to get into beast mode and eat
something to keep his energy up. Rhinox does as Optimus transforms and joins
Airazor in the sky. The plan is for them to distract the Predacons with their
aerial assault while the cats sneak in. Rhinox, meanwhile, decides the beans
smell not bad and starts gobbling them up. They must be real tasty as he eats a
whole plant in like 15 seconds.
In Tarantulas’ lab, Blackarachnia
opens Tarantulas’ chemical storage and gets the Counter-Virus. She goes to
smash it, but Megatron stops her, saying that a bargaining chip shouldn’t be
wasted until the game is over. He adds his rhetorical “Yessss” to the end of
it. In a funny meta moment, Blackarachnia asks why he’s always talking to
himself like that and Megatron quickly adds that it’s the only way he can have
intelligent conversation around here. The proximity alarm goes off, and
Inferno, Waspinator, and Terrorsaur unload on the cave entrance. They miss
horribly as they aren’t even at the entrance yet. Dinobot tells Rattrap to
cover him, and he takes Tarantulas in a human shield grab. While Dinobot walks
out, Rattrap sees a pipe and has an idea.
Dinobot announces that he has a hostage,
but Megatron immediately shoots his science officer. He asks if Dinobot has any
other stupid maximal ploys he wants to try. Just as Rattrap drops from the pipe
and disarms several of the preds with his rifle. Before they can react, Rhinox
sneezes a hole in Tarantulas’ lab. For some reason, the Maximals are in like a
movie poster pose, complete with Airazor kneeling and holding onto Optimus’ leg
like she’s a Bond girl. Weird references in this one. Megatron threatens to
destroy the Counter-Virus if they don’t all get into beast mode. They all
comply. Megatron gloats to Blackarachnia that the bargaining chip worked
perfectly. Rhinox sits down as we hear indigestion noises. Optimus asks what’s
wrong and Rhinox tells him that he’s having trouble digesting the wild bean
vines. He turns, which really pisses off Megatron as he doesn’t like having a
Maximal rhino butt in his direction. … Right before Rhinox lets out an Energon
enhanced fart so powerful it creates a mushroom cloud visible from space. The
Maximals fall back, with Rattrap grabbing the counter-virus.
Back at the base, they’re making
repairs while Rattrap and Dinobot continue to bicker. Rhinox starts to sneeze
again, everyone preparing for another Energon discharge, but it’s just a normal
sneeze that knocks him off his feet. Everyone has a good laugh.
We cut to Megatron, who admits that
this was the most humiliating defeat of his entire career. The shot pulls back
to reveal that he and the other Predacons are all stuck in a tree, several
miles from their base and are all extremely damaged by that gigaton fart.
The fact this episode ends in a
fart joke doesn’t lower it in my estimation. Yes, they are the lowest form of
comedy, but at least they built up to that finale. This episode had a lot of Looney
Tunes and slapstick comedy moments in it. I wonder if that was a studio
directive or they just felt like trying out a more gag-filled episode for some
reason. Dinobot and Rattrap have been fighting basically since Dinobot joined the
team, and I’ll be honest, I like that the episode doesn’t change that. Normally
with this style of episode, the two bickering characters bond over the course
of their adventure, learn to respect each other and to not get on each other’s
nerves as much by the end. Usually only to revert to their same relationship
the next episode. Rattrap and Dinobot don’t do that. They bickered to start the
episode, in the middle, and to end it. That’s their relationship. They do have
a certain degree of begrudging respect for each other, but that doesn’t affect
their love of constantly sniping at each other. Which, let’s be honest, is true
to life. There are people that just like to argue with each other, and no
character-building adventure will change that, so why pretend otherwise? The
virus is a solid one-off plot, being incredibly damaging with its effects, but
one can assume it’s basically useless after the Maximals get the counter-virus.
Even if Tarantulas make more, they have the start of a cure, so again, why
bother in making more? I suppose maybe there could be some rare element to the
virus, like what I normally assume when we do these one-off technology plots, but
since that was never mentioned, I’ll assume that its lack of effectiveness why
they never try the hiccup virus again. Finally, I’ll point out that this
episode is entitled “The Low Road.” One can assume this is a double meaning, in
that a good chunk of the episode occurs in Tarantulas’ tunnel network, a
literal low road, and because the episode ends on a fart joke, the lowest form
of comedy. I’m impressed by layered writing like that. Have a good night,
everyone!
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/135440265/
Bluesky: @basicssuperhero.bsky.social
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