Review: Batman v. Superman

So… Batman v Superman… The best way I can describe this movie is that it is profoundly okay. Which is strange. This movie had several good ideas, a great cast, and great effects. But in the end, the movie is just okay. Let’s see if I can analyze the film a little more with this review.

A so-so smack down.

So the movie opens to a very artsy rendition of the murder of the Waynes. You know this set up by now, wealthy family walks down the obviously named Crime Alley without a security detail, gets held up, and Thomas and Martha Wayne are killed. So sad, but then again, I think we’ve all seen this story played out several times. We then move on to Metropolis, eighteen months prior to the film. This section shows what Bruce was up to while Superman and General Zod were smashing through skyscrapers. Thousands die, billions of dollars in property damage, and ol’ Batman holds Superman 100% responsible.

We then cut to Lois Lane doing what she does best, getting kidnapped. She and a buddy were arrested in Africa while doing a story about some local terrorist group. The group is incredibly well armed, and has some highly trained mercs too. Just as the Interview is getting started, it hits the fan, the mercs murder most of the locals in the fortress and then Superman flies in to save the day. We cut to the US Capital, where Senator June Finch and her committee are trying to force Superman to fall in line with Governmental procedure. Anyone else think it’s ironic that her actress, Holly Hunter, also provided the voice for Mrs. Incredible?

At the same time, Lex Luthor is doing his best to get his hands on Kryptonite. Apparently the stuff was a byproduct of Zod’s attempt to terraform…er Kryptoform Earth. There’s a huge chunk that was uncovered in the Indian Ocean and Lex is chomping at the bit to get his hands on it. Finch is less than thrilled, feeling that making a “silver bullet” for Superman is a little extreme. Another of the Senators is more willing, giving Lex access to Zod’s body and the crashed Kryptonian ship.

Bruce and Clark meet at a LuthorCorp fundraiser. Bruce is there to steal info from Lex’s database, and Clark is there to learn as much as he can about the Batman. Bruce is thwarted by another partygoer, Diana Prince, who stole his hacking device. He tracks her down and she returns the drive without much fuss. While decrypting the drive, Bruce has a bizarre vision of the future where it looks like the world is being ripped apart by Superman, his cult of followers, and the Parademons of Apokolips. A traveler from the future gives him a warning about protecting Lois Lane and gathering “the others.” Bruce as Batman tries to steal the chunk of Kryptonite that Lex illegally imported. He’s thwarted by Superman, who demands that Batman cease and desist his vigilante activities. The new guy is pretty big for his britches, isn’t he? Batman has been operating in Gotham going on 20 years, FYI.

Pretty solid team. Batman must be feeling a little overwhelmed.

Finch then summons Superman to Capital Hill for a hearing. Superman relents, just in time for Lex to begin his master plan. Phase One: bombing the Capital, which many blame Superman for. One lady makes the idiotic argument that if Superman wasn’t involved, why did he disappear right after? If I was the only survivor from a bombing, I’d need to take a couple of days off too. Batman steals the Kryptonite from Lex, and starts manufacturing Kryptonite weapons. Lex works on Phase Two: using the fingerprints he sliced off of Zod’s body, he gains access to a hidden chamber of the ship. Side note, you’re telling me that Kryptonians, the highly advanced, super scientific race, would protect the most precious secrets of their race with a FINGERPRINT SCANNER? Idiots! Anyhow, he dumps Zod’s body into the Genesis Chamber, and then mixes his blood with the liquid. Despite the ships AI’s protest, he demands that they continue with the experiment. Another side note: Said DNA experiment was banned by the Kryptonian High Council, and yet they still allow their machinery to be able to DO said experiments? So strange.

While that’s going on, Lex begins Phase Three: forcing the Superman/Batman smackdown. How? Well, this plan is so brilliant that it puts Gene Hackman’s plan to shame. When Superman comes to confront Lex, Lex reveals that he is well aware of Superman’s dual identity. And as such has targeted his biggest weakness. No, not Lois. “Every boy’s special Lady, his mother,” as Lex so condescendingly puts. He doesn’t know where Martha Kent is being kept, but if he dies, she dies, and the only way to save her is for Superman to bring back Batman’s head. So either Superman kills Batman, ruining his image in the public, or he lets his mother die and is broken psychologically. Superman is forced to comply, but still tries to reason with Batman at first but the Bat isn’t interested. Using some well-placed traps, he goes toe to toe with Superman. This sequence is amazingly well done, showing off Batman’s brilliance and planning skills. In the end, he has Superman on the ground with a Kryptonite Spear pressed against his chest, and is only stopped when Superman starts raving about saving Martha. Bruce is stunned to hear Superman using that name, not realizing that both off their mothers are named Martha. After getting the info from Superman and Lois, the two split up. Batman to save Martha Kent, and Superman to confront Lex. Imagine his horror when he sees Lex’s final contingency plan for Superman somehow not killing Batman and still saving Martha, the DNA experiment… Doomsday. It’s up to Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman to save the day.

One punch to the mouth, and this is over.

As always, the Good first. Everyone is well cast. Ben Affleck is great as the older and battle weary Dark Knight. Haunted by demons of his long history, his mother’s death and the implied death of at least one Robin. Jeremy Irons is great as Alfred, adding a fair amount of dry wit to this dark film. “I hope the next generation of Waynes don’t just inherit an empty wine cellar… not that there is going to be a next generation of Waynes…” and “Even you grew too old to die young, not for lack of trying.” Who says this movie is without humor? Henry Cavill is good as a Superman that’s still struggling with how to live in the world and protect it. Glad to see that killing Zod hasn’t driven him to full on psycho. Jessie Eisenberg is having a ball as Lex Luthor. He’s quirky and clearly insane, but loving every minute of it. It’s especially entertaining when he’s explaining his evil plans. Gal Gadot is a surprisingly awesome and mysterious Wonder Woman. She’s mostly there to set up the sequel to this film, help out in the finale, and just generally being a badass. The effects are great, and I love the design of Doomsday in this universe.

The Bad next. In a word, the script. This movie was stuffed to capacity with exposition, set up, and more exposition. But this was kind of inevitable, since they were forced to not only set up the conflict of the movie, set up Batman and his backstory, and setting up the sequels and other heroes. There were large segments of Batman’s story that could have been cut. Like Batman searching for “The White Portuguese,” or showing him doing his ninja thing in Gotham. Which now includes branding thugs. We didn’t really need to see either to know Bruce is kind of messed up in the head. There’s a decent length sequence of Diana looking through Lex’s data on Metahumans and their powers that did nothing but set up the Flash, Aquaman, Cyborg, and Wonder Woman movies. Side note, I find it hilarious that there’s only one Metahuman in the Metahuman data bases. Amazon Princess, Human/Atlantian hybrid, machine infused human, and Metahuman speedster, weird right? Moving on, Lois had no reason to be in this film other than to cause conflict. Her kidnapping is what sets Lex’s plan into motion. Her advice seems to make Clark only make bad decisions. And she throws away the Kryptonite Spear, about ten minutes before everyone realizes they need it. Pointless. Sure, she learned Lex was behind the whole thing. Knew who else knew that? Me, ten minutes into the film. And Superman should have figured it out early on too. Just wasting time. Especially when her initial kidnapping was kind of pointless. I think the mess Superman left in Metropolis is more than enough to keep law makes busy for decades. Also, it's pretty clear that this conflict could have been solved with a Cell phone. Sups: Lex kidnapped my mom, set you up. Team up? Bats: Tots, I'll bring my gear and WW. Let's kick some ass. Simple right?

Final thought before my conclusion. I'm not SUPER well versed in DC Lore, at least not compared to my Marvel knowledge. So, I just feel like I need to ask any and all DC nuts that may be reading this. Is Gotham really just across the bay from Metropolis? I was always under the impression that there was some distance between DC's most iconic cities. 

Hm… This movie had a lot of things working for and against it. Overall, I’ve got to give it a C. A good cast, effects, and dry wit couldn’t save this film. The script was subpar, with many pointless moments. And, as my brother put it while we were discussing the movie after seeing it, we didn’t really learn anything about these characters. Two and a half hours of buildup and only a so so payoff. Do I recommend this movie? If after reading this review you’re still interested, then yes. Do I think you’ll love it? No. What should have been DC’s Avengers instead turned out to be it’s Thor: Dark World. How disappointing, but hopefully this will be the low point of the DC Cinematic Universe. We can always hope. Next time, back to One-Punch Man. 

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https://themoviecafe.wordpress.com/2016/03/28/where-does-the-dceu-go-from-here/
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