Hero Profile: Spider-Man 2099

While Peter Parker will always be my #1 Spider-Man, he’s had a few fairly competent successors to his role of Web-Head. When most folks talk about Spider-Man’s successor, they think about Miles Morales, who inherited the title after Peter’s death in the Ultimate Universe Timeline. But for me, the first other Wall-Crawler that comes to mind is the Spider-Man of 2099, Miguel O’Hara. Let’s set the stage. 2099 is a pretty dystopian future, where most of the world is run by mega-sized corporations. Also, most swear words have been replaced by the word “Shock” for some reason. The modern era of Marvel is known as the Heroic Age, where costumed superheroes and villains were plentiful. Nowadays, the only hero anyone talks about is Thor. And that’s by a group of crazy cultists, Thorites, that believe that the Thunderer’s return will herald the end of days. Yeah, pretty depressing. Now that we’ve set up the time, we’ll set up the man, Miguel O’Hara.

The skulls are a nice touch.

Miguel grew up in New York City, with his parents, George and Conchata, and his brother Gabriel. Pretty much from the get go, Miguel was shown to be a prodigy. But, he’s about as arrogant as he is intelligent, so he comes across as a bit of a jerk. As an adult, he’s quickly made head of the genetics program at Alchemax, the huge corporation that pretty much owns New York. He’s given the incredibly important and incredibly dangerous job of trying to create super-powers for Alchemax’s corporate controlled super-soldiers the “Corporate Raiders.” Alchemax wants to recreate the abilities of heroes from the Heroic Age. Miguel is 100% okay with this, since he’s pretty fixated on recreating Spider-Man. The first test subject of his genetic procedure, a prisoner looking to get some time off his sentence, is horribly mutated and dies in agony. Disgusted by what happened, Miguel goes to his Boss, Tyler Stone, and tells Stone he wishes to resign and quit his genetic research. Stone, who is basically the Norman Osborn of this era, doesn’t take kindly to Miguel’s plan. He tricks Miguel into drinking a highly addictive drug called Rapture. It bonds to the user’s DNA, making them addicts for life, and Alchemax controls the only legal supply. He gives Miguel his ultimatum, either keep working or die a junky. He gives Miguel a few hours to think about it.

Miguel, rather than allow himself to be blackmailed, does think of a creative solution. He had uploaded a sample of his DNA into his genetic manipulation machine a few days before. His plan, use the pure sample in the machine to rewrite his DNA to purge it of the Rapture. After starting the procedure, his jealous and abused subordinate sneaks in and sabotages the machine. He changed the Genetic Profile to be “50% spider.” The machine overloads, causes a huge explosion but Miguel survives. His subordinate tries to play it off like the explosion was Miguel’s fault, and that he’d just stumbled upon Miguel. He quickly drops the rues when he notice’s Miguel’s new fangs and talons. He shoots at Miguel, whom easily dodges it, before knocking the SOB out of the new hole in the lab.  Miguel tries to save him, but his subordinate ultimately falls to his death, because Miguel now has retractable claws. The claws ripped right through the lab coat. Stone, who’d detected the power surge, hires a bounty hunter name Venture, and sends Venture and his security force to take care of the possible superpowered being. Miguel quickly adapts to his new powers, and escapes his pursuers. He was helped by a passing Thorite. Said Thorite preaching the Thunderers return in costume using a new age glider. Miguel pilfers the glider’s mesh, which looks suspiciously like webbing, and heads home. He grabs an old costume he’d worn for a Day of the Dead Festival he and his brother attended in Mexico the previous year. The suit is made from unstable molecule fabric, making it largely shred resistant. He combines the costume with the mesh he took from the Thorite, making a pretty unique and kind of intimidating Spider-Man costume. Venture track him down, but he’s bested by the fledgling Spider-Man. Afterwards, Miguel begins trying to find a cure for his condition. Why do science types always want to get rid of superpowers? So stupid.

It is kind of hard to stand out with this
many spider-men/women running around.

But, Miguel quickly learns how ignorant he’s been about the suffering of others in New York under Alchemax and mega-corporations like it. While in costume he publicly vows to do his best to protect the average citizens of New York and fight the mega-corporations. He is hounded by Stone and his lackeys, and his own rogue’s gallery. Some are 2099 versions of Spider-Man villains, like Vulture, Green Goblin and Venom, and others are your typical cyborgs and bounty hunters that populate the future. One adventure took him to “Valhalla” Alchemax’s floating city. Once there, he runs into two men that claim to be Thor and Heimdall. It’s quickly revealed that these two were somehow created by Alchemax to be their minions and to undermine the popularity of Spider-Man and other new heroes. By joining forces with his era’s version the X-Men, Punisher, and Dr. Doom, they’re able to send Valhalla crashing down. He’s able to meet his predecessor, Peter Parker, during a time travel adventure, and does his best to make the world a better place. Standard hero story.

Miguel has a number of powers similar to and yet completely different from the Original Spider-Man, Peter Parker. He’s incredibly strong, fast and agile. He’s able to cling to walls, thanks to talons he has on his hands and feet. He can also use these as weapons, in a pinch. Said talons fold against his skin automatically when he touches himself, to prevent injury. He can heal fast, but not fast enough for it to be classified as a healing factor. He has spinnerets in his forearms, being the original Spider-Man to have organic webbing. He doesn’t possess a traditional “Spider-Sense,” but he does have improved vision and hearing that let him react to things at almost that level of precognition. Miguel is also incredibly intelligent, a genius in genetics and something of a savant when it comes to fighting. He also has venomous fangs, because reasons. Or they’re trying to add a few more spidery traits to Spider-Man.

Miguel’s version of Spider-Man hasn’t really been used outside of the comics. Which isn’t surprising, seeing how his original comic series was only just over 40 issues. Not much to go on there. But, he’s gotten a new comic line, so perhaps we’ll see more of him on the small screen at some point.

His most recent look. I like the white,
but miss the webbing cape.

His only television appearance was in Ultimate Spider-Man, in a four-part episode “The Spider-Verse.” Basic premise, Green Goblin gets his hands on a magic artifact called the Siege Perilous. He uses this artifact to travel between universes. His plan? To collect the genetic material from multiple iterations of Spider-Man to make himself more powerful. Why he doesn’t go after any other characters while at these different universes is anyone’s guess. Spider-Man jumps through the time-rip after Gobbie. They arrive in the future of 2099, which is all done in CGI for… reasons, and Peter crosses paths with Miguel. Initially apprehensive as seeing a legend from the past in his era, Miguel attacks Peter. They duke it out for a bit, have a heart to heart, and bond just in time to fight the Goblin. Despite their best efforts, Goblin steals a blood sample from Miguel and leaps through time again. Peter hot on his heels. Miguel returns at the story’s conclusion, along with several other Spider-Men/people, to battle Goblin.

Since he only has one TV appearance, I’ll also mention his one major game appearance. He is one of two Spider-Men in Spider-Man: Edge of Time. Fun fact, this version of Miguel is played by Christopher Daniel Barnes, who played Spider-Man in the 1994 TV show.  In it, Miguel attempts to stop Walker Sloan, an Alchemax Scientist that built a time machine. Miguel is just a step behind Sloan, who travels to the past, and rewrites history so that Alchemax is founded years before it should be. So now, Peter Parker lives in an Alchemax mini-city tower, and Miguel lives in an even more advanced world controlled by Alchemax. Miguel is unaffected by the change because he was in the time machine while things were changing. He gets a sample of Peter’s DNA, which creates a weird time-link between the two. A unique mechanic of the game is that because of the time travel distortions, either Spider-Man can help the other. The best example being that in the past, Peter destroys plans for a prototype security drone that Miguel is fighting in the future. When this happens, the Robot is replaced by several smaller machines instead of one supersized version. It’s because of wibbly wobbly, timey wimey stuff.

Miguel O’Hara is an interesting successor to Peter Parker’s legacy. He’s a bit more arrogant, a little more intelligent, and a little spiderier. I’ve only seen a little of him, in the two instances outside the comics listed above, in his initial comic run, and when he became a supporting character in Superior Spider-Man. He was forced to travel back in time to stop some event that was erasing Tyler Stone from existence. Why would he want to do that? Because it turns out that during his adventures he learned that Tyler Stone is his biological father. Tough luck Miguel. His whole utopia/dystopia landscape, while having been done to death, still looks really interesting. I found it rather odd that he wasn’t one of the guys to figure out that something was up with Spider-Man after coming to the Heroic Age. You model yourself after the guy, but don’t notice his complete personality shift? What the heck Miguel? I will admit, while Ultimate Spider-Man is more miss than hit for me, they did have Miguel give a pretty good speech about what being Spider-Man means to him. That the very idea of Spider-Man is akin to legend in his time, a legend that he's doing his best to recreate, all be it poorly. His words, not mine. A hero using a name while still aspiring to live up to it, it's a concept that I like a whole lot. He’s the futurist Spider of the future, Miguel O’Hara the Spider-Man of 2099. Next time, we'll continue this Spider-Man train with another member of the sinister symbiotes, Toxin.

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/e/e4/Sman2099.jpg

http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/marveldatabase/images/b/b0/Spider-Man_2099_Vol_2_8_Textless.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20141020231614

Hero Profile: Cable

There’s that old cliché that heroes aren’t born, they’re made. Now, on the metaphysical level, that is very true. You can be born with unique skills, talents, or abilities, but it’s only through experience that once learns to use those skills for the betterment of others. But, I wonder how that cliché fits in with a character that was literally made for a “heroic” purpose. Well, semi-heroic. Mr. Sinister was involved, that decreases overall heroism by a good percentage. Let’s get to it.

Wait wait wait wait wait.

What is it Deadpool?

Cable is going to mess some people up.

Nothing, just want to get comfortable. Popcorn, check. Comfy chair, check. Bertha the Shotgun, check.

Why do you need a shotgun?

Because I expect to enjoy myself. But if not, I wish to quickly show you my displeasure. Nobody misrepresents my bestie.

You refer to Cable as your bestie?

I refer to him by all sorts of names that he hates. It’s a hobby.

Okay… Well, let’s get to it.

As stated above, Cable’s origins can be traced back to Mr. Sinister. The centuries old geneticist was obsessed with creating the perfect mutant, one that could even challenge his master Apocalypse. And, he believed that said super-mutant would be the offspring of Scott Summers and Jean Grey. The problem? Jean had recently died, do that fiasco with the Phoenix. Not one to be deterred, Sinister found an alternative solution. Using genetic samples that he’d acquired from Jean some time ago, Sinister created a clone of Jean. He named her Madelyn Pryor, gave her a backstory and set up her meeting with Scott. The two hit it off, quickly marry, and have a son. They name him Nathan Christopher Charles Summers.

Things were complicated by the return of the actual Jean Grey, and Madelyn being corrupted by demonic forces. It’s a comic, these sort of things tend to happen. Her masters forced her tried to try and sacrifice Nathan to open a portal into his dimension of Limbo. Cyclops, his new team X-Factor, and his old team the X-Men, stopped it. After that, it looked like Sinister’s plans were back on track.

And then Apocalypse found out about Nathan. Believe it or not, but immensely powerful, despotic immortal Mutants don’t take kindly to minions plotting their downfall. He kidnapped the infant, and infected him with a techno-organic virus. Said virus would spread throughout Nathan’s body, transforming his cells into a bizarre living machinery, and would quickly kill him. X-Factor saved Nathan, but there wasn’t much they could do to help Nathan. Now.

Thankfully, hope came in the form of a time traveling sisterhood called the Clan Askani. They’d been fighting Apocalypse in an alternate timeline, and believed that the son of Scott and Jean would be key in defeating their version of Apocalypse. As much as it broke Scott and Jean’s hearts, they handed their son over to the head of the Clan, Mother Askani, and she transported him to her timeline. Now, while they had methods to slow the virus, there wasn’t a guaranteed cure in their future. Mother Askani just said that to get her hands on the baby. She cloned Nathan from his uninfected cells, making a perfect Nathan clone free of infection. But then Apocalypse attacked, stole the clone, and planned to raise Nathan 2.0 as his minion. Named him Stryfe. How subtle.

My best friend, my best friend
My. Best. Friend. And me!

Being somewhat stuck with infected Nathan, they had to make the best of it. In order to help with Nathan’s development, she nabbed the psyches of Scott and Jean, jammed them in two people of her era, so they could raise their son. Unusual, but hey, it works. They were able to teach Nathan how to use his powers to fight the virus back, which limited his immense power, but did keep him alive. As a teenager, Nathan had his superpowered smack down with Apocalypse, and came out the victor. There was much rejoicing. Unfortunately, Stryfe survived and did his best to assume his surrogate father’s place as the supreme Mutant. Nathan and Stryfe battled many times, which ultimately claimed the lives of many of Nathan’s Askani’s clansmen and his son Tyler. Realizing that Nathan was out for blood, Stryfe attempted to feel to the past. Nathan followed. He met Moira MacTaggert, who taught him English and some modern era customs. He also met Charles Xavier, who helped him adapt further to 20^th century Earth. Nathan took up the codename Cable, a metaphor about how he was the link between past and future. Nintendo might have grounds to sue.

Over the years he’s lead a number of different X-Men style teams, like Six Pack, and a new incarnation of X-Factor. He also formed the most unlikely of friendships with…

ME! Yeah, me and ol’ Cable are two peas in a pod. We get along like Peas and Carrots. We’ve traveled across eras, fighting the good fight, and protect Mutants across time and space. He’s the joke, I’m the punchline. We’re like Abbott and Costello, David Spade and Chris Farley, Optimus Prime and Bumblebee.

He barely tolerates you, doesn’t he?

60% of the time. 40% of the time, we’re besties.

More recently, he helped raise the new Mutant Messiah, the first Mutant baby born after Scarlet Witch depowered 90% of Mutants on earth. He raised the baby, Hope, in the far future. All the while evading another time traveling Mutant, and former friend of his, Bishop. They had an Iron-Man/Captain America style falling out over the whole “should the Mutant race be saved?” question. Life is sure complicated for a guy who uses time travel regularly.

Cable is one of the most powerful Mutants ever born. He has telekinetic and telepathic powers that surpass even his mother, Jean Grey. These immense powers are somewhat limited as he has to focus a good percentage of his mental focus to keep the techno-organic virus from consuming his body. Despite limits being placed on his power, he’s been shown to be strong enough to lift an entire city with telekinesis while battling the Silver Surfer. Neither task alone is easy by any stretch of the imagination. He’s an expert hand to hand fighter. To put it into perspective, he’s fought Captain America hand to hand, and won. That’s really hard to do.  There are also a few benefits to his infection. The techo-organic virus gives him the ability to interface with machines, his infected arm has superstrength, and his infect left eye can see into the infrared spectrum and see great distances. He’s also a master of firearms, specifically the advanced blasters of his era. He shoots with extreme prejudice.

Cable has had limited appearances outside the comics. It’s hard to get to him with all the other X-Men stuff to go through.

Pretty messed up when your worst enemy is pretty much
yourself.

His biggest appearance was in X-Men: The Animated Series. He appears in several episodes, usually hounding his sworn enemy, Apocalypse. They never expressly stated that he’s the son of Scott and Jean, but it’s implied after Jean reads his mind and says that he’s “Important” to her and Scott. One of the odder episodes was a two-parter “Time Fugitives.” In it, the time traveling Mutant Bishop traveled back in time to stop a plague that Apocalypse engineered. Said plague nearly wipes out the human race, which helps lead to the Sentinel controlled future Bishop is from. In the farther future, things start unraveling for Cable. Apparently, while that virus was deadly, it is instrumental in stabilizing the Mutant Genome, allowing Cable’s future to occur. When his super computer informed him of this, Cable angrily remarks “I have to help Apocalypse? I hate Apocalypse.” Cable finds an option b, he throws Wolverine into the virus containment thing. Wolverine gets infected, but instantly creates anti-bodies to it, stopping the rampant death. High fives all around. He seen again in “Beyond Good and Evil,” in it, he nearly defeats Apocalypse, but the super mutant steals Cable’s time traveling device, and exits the timeline. Apocalypse creates an elaborate plan to destroy all of time and remake it in his image. Cable teams up with mom and pop, and the X-Men stop Apocalypse. Hooray.

In the post credit’s scene of Deadpool. Deadpool flat out states that Cable will be in his sequel.

Together at last!

Indeed. Personally, I hope they push it back a year or two.

BLASPHEMY!

Hear me out. While it hasn’t been confirmed by any legit sources, one of the biggest rumors going around is that Fox is considering a deal with Marvel, much like Marvel’s deal with Sony. Again, this hasn’t been confirmed, and odds are we won’t hear yay or nay about this until after Spider-Man: Homecoming has aired. If that is the case, can you think of a better time traveling duo to smoosh these two timelines together?

Oh, I get it. Yeah, that would be pretty awesome. Me and Cable could be on like a time travel adventure, go back in time to like the prehistoric era, and I can hit it off with a fine cavewoman and through that make Mutants a thing in the main Marvel universe.

Won’t Vanessa be upset with that?

What about Vanessa? I’m like James Bond. She might be the love of my life in one movie, but in the next I’ll never mention her again.

That’s coldblooded Wade.

Yeah, that’s how I roll.

Anyway, I love Cable. He’s an immensely powerful character, gruff but likeable. He’s one of the most powerful Marvel characters, has all the hallmarks of a “Christ Figure” character but never comes off as Superman level “holier than thou.” Heck, in one story he willingly goes through a lobotomy to protect the world from his immense psychic power. It’s sort of like he died for our sins, isn’t it? It is also kind of cool that, while the techo-organic virus infecting his arm can be, well, awful, it is at times his strongest weapon. One trick I’ve seen is that, when the virus rages out of control, it transforms his arm into a giant mass of robotic tentacles that he can use to pierce through anything. And, considering the era he’s in, being able to interface with machines is a very very handy ability. He’s the time-traveling super mutant, link between the present and future, the immensely powerful Cable. Next time… still deciding. Have a good one.

http://marvel.com/universe3zx/index.php?title=File:Cable_head.jpg&filetimestamp=20070808160618

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cable_%26_Deadpool#/media/File:CABLEDP005l.jpg

http://edtadeo.deviantart.com/art/Cable-vs-Stryfe-X-Men-Blank-CVR-407593321

Review: Suicide Squad

DC, Warner Bros., I know you’re trying. You’re trying to make movies that are the same quality as Marvel, but with your own unique flair. But, if this year is any indication, you really really really really really need to reconsider your directors and writers. Why? Because Suicide Squad is worse than Batman v. Superman. There, I said it. Let’s get to it.

We open in the most logical place for this movie, prison. Belle Reve Penitentiary, it’s one of the prisons in the DC Universe where they send the Criminally Sane. We get introduced to some of our heavy hitters, Floyd Lawton aka Deadshot, Harleen Quinzel aka Harley Quinn, Waylon Jones aka Killer Crock, and El Diablo. We flash to intelligence operative Amanda Waller, who is trying to get clearance to use these four criminals and others into a team of Black Ops disposable assets, Task Force X. More commonly known as the Suicide Squad.

Villains Unite... or whatever.

They’re kind enough to show how Deadshot and Harley were captured. Here’s a hint, the guy that caught them goes by a name that rhymes with Gnat Band. Yeah, they got Bat-flec in for two short but intense capture scenes. And while the super assassin, the insane she-clown, pyro-flinging Gangbanger and Man-lizard are impressive, the higher ups of the US Brass only agree when Waller shows off her “ace” the Enchantress. Her backstory? She’s an ancient, I’m assuming, central American goddess that has possessed an archeologist named June Moone. She can teleport, bend reality, and is only obeying Waller because Waller has her heart. I’m sure there’s no way this could backfire.

They get the green light for the project, after Enchantress steals some highly classified documents for the US. Waller, and her number 2, Rick Flag, go to Belle Reve to look over their less then willing recruits. They test out Deadshot’s skills, and… that’s about it. Things sort of hit the fan when Enchantress decides she’s done taking orders, that lasted like a day and a half, and escapes. How? She breaks her brother, Incubus, out of his prison, gets him a human body, and then uses the power that Incubus can syphon to supplement her own power. They start building a doomsday weapon. Which seems odd. She and Incubus are POed that Humans aren’t worshiping them anymore, so they’re going to wipe us out… so we still can’t worship them anymore. Dumb plan.

So Waller and Flag assemble the Suicide Squad. Their team is comprised of the four mentioned above, a swordwoman named Katana, and Captain Stupid Gimmick… I mean Boomerang. They also get a guy named Slipknot, but he’s not important. Their given all of their equipment, but are also implanted with nano-explosives that will blow their heads off if they step out of line. Which is what happens to Slipknot. See? Not important. The Squad’s mission is to extract an asset from Midway City, where the gruesome twosome is causing a ruckus. They kill a bunch of mutant monster slaves, and make their way to the tower. They reach the asset, who is in fact Waller.

While all this other stuff was going on, Joker was causing some trouble. He’s apparently way more upset then usual that Harley is in jail while he is not. He kidnaps the scientist that designed the nano-bombs, smuggles a cellphone to Harley, and tracks them down. He and his joker gang steal the extraction helicopter, shoots at the squad, grabs Harley, and then is shot down. The Squad, after picking Harley up again, to kill Incubus and Enchantress. Can this ragtag group of villains do it? We’ll see.

The good first. Unfortunately, this section is rather short. Most of the cast was well chosen. Will Smith, Margot Robbie, Viola Davis, and Jared Leto do a good job as Deadshot, Harley, Amanda Waller, and Joker. Same for Adewale Akinnouye-Agbaje as Croc. I actually laughed more at his dialogue then anyone else’s. Joel Kinnamen as Rick Flag is okay, but not great. The effects are good. They also recreate a Joker/Harley comic cover in live action. I do enjoy when movies do stuff like that. The Joker’s background plot is kind of entertaining.  

He wears the mask like twice.
Why include it if you're not going to wear it?

Now the bad. There’s a lot of bad. The absolute worst of the bad? THE STORY. I can suspend my disbelief for a lot, but, you expect me to believe that when a pair of dark gods are destroying a major city and threatening an extinction level event that none of the legitimate superheroes show up to do something about it? No Batman? No Flash? No Wonder Woman? Were they all visiting Atlantis this week? I will admit, I don’t know the Suicide Squad as well as other comic teams, but I do know that their big thing is being COVERT. You send them in to handle situations that haven’t reached “Oh crap, front page news.” You send them in to take out minor dictators, psychos with dangerous weapons, or something like that. Or to rob heroes. That happens now and again. Also, we go pretty long stretches of time without seeing that main bad guys. I guess they weren’t doing anything interesting while the team was killing their minions? Kay. And there is no character development throughout. No growth, no one changes. They’re kind of awful human beings from beginning to end. Which, I get, they are villains. But the best villains do develop in a quality story. They try to make up for this with a bar scene towards the end, but it doesn’t nearly have the impact that I think they wanted it to. Also, pretty much out of nowhere, El Diablo becomes the emotional center by the end. So flipping weird.

They also didn’t really get the Harley/Joker relationship. At least as I know it. In all the iterations I’ve seen, yes, Harley is “addicted’ to Joker. It’s a toxic love for her. But for him, she’s a distraction. Someone he can smack around when he gets bored, or to do errands for him, or to distract Batman. He doesn’t really care if she’s around, unless it directly impacts his day to day. There’s a dark joke in one iteration. Harley gets pregnant, and she is aware enough that she knows that Joker isn’t really Dad material. She disappeared for a few months, had the kid, and left the baby with her sister or something like that. Her comment was that when she got back, he at least acted like he didn’t even notice she was gone. Does that sound like the kind of Joker I described above? I didn’t think so.

Finally, Margot Robbie is a very attractive woman. I’m not denying that. But, her costume is 100% fan service. To the ladies that read this, I’m sure there’s at least one, do you think booty shorts would be good monster fighting attire? I feel like a wedgie would be distracting.  Just saying.

Overall, I have to give this movie a D. There are some good elements but there is a heaping pile of manure on top of it. I agree with what most of the critics have said, actors top notch, everything else is no good. Were you to tell me that Suicide Squad 2 was getting a new director and writer, I would gladly see it. Rather than begrudgingly see it. What? Watching this kind of thing is what I do.  Next time, I think it’s time to do a truly great character. One that has saved the future a couple of times. The original Mutant Messiah, Nathan Christopher Charles Summers, aka Cable. 

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https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/suicide_squad_2016/#&gid=1&pid=h-132796

Viewer Log: Voltron ep 11

We’ve hit the grand finale. The end of the first season of Voltron. It’s been a quick but awesome ride. And, I’m happy to say that they are getting a second season. In fact, according to a few articles I’ve seen, they’re going to try and release it before the end of the year. Awesome. I hope that my little blurbs have gotten a few more folks to check out this awesome show.

So, the Voltron Paladins are stuck in a kind of a catch 22. If the Paladins try to keep fighting the good fight, build up their own force and then attack the Gulra on more even footing, that would leave Zarkon with plenty of time to either break Allura or kill her. Which, its implied, would destroy the Lions. Not good. They’re tied to her life force, or something. But on the other hand… rushing into the heart of an enemy strong hold with what equates to one warship and five fighters is s-t-u-p-i-d. If they’re not turned into space dust by the overwhelming force of Zarkon’s fleet, then they’re still risking Zarkon getting his claw like hands on the Legendary Defender. Also not good.

The Paladins return to the Castle, and Coran is rather upset that they are sans princess. After calming Coran, Shiro says something that should get Coran to freak out again. They’re going to storm the Gurla space castle to get Allura back. How are they going to do it? They’re going to take a note from the Deadpool Handbook. Do you know what is the one note in the Deadpool Handbook?

Improvisation! That’s my jam.

The most complex villain? Nope.
A pretty scary villain? I'd say yes.

Thanks Wade. Yeah… it’s a bad plan. But, it’s the only one they’ve got so we’re going with it. They use info gathered from all their various Gulra sources to pinpoint the Gulra’s main fleet and Zarkon’s warship. Oh, and this is a one-way trip. Why? Because Allura is the one behind their Castle-Ships ability to travel via wormhole. They had just enough power for one jump. How convenient. The Team jumps, hides the Castle-Ship in the vapors of a nearby Gas Giant, and plan to rush in and grab Allura.

On Zarkon’s capital ship, Allura meets the Head Druid Haggar and is then brought Zarkon. Rather than passively listen to Zarkon’s evil plan, she rushes Zarkon and tries to take him out. You go girl. Unfortunately, Haggar is very spry for an old gal and blasts her. It’s at this moment that the Gulra detect the Voltron Lions, and rather than be scared or concerned, Zarkon is pleased. A confident SOB, isn’t he? The team forms Voltron, flies in fully intent on a smash and grab rescue. Unfortunately, Zarkon seems to have predicted this and activates a “Solar Barrier.” It’s basically a giant forcefield that keeps them from escaping. The team tries to keep the momentum up, summons their giant Leo-Saber, and slices up a Warship. They then pull out their Shoulder Cannon and blow a few more ships into space dust. They fly towards Zarkon’s ship, and then things get weird. We get a creepy flash of Zarkon’s scarred face, and then Voltron starts seizing up, and then breaks apart into the individual lions.

Zarkon is shown with four Gulra Druids, the alien-wizards seem to funneling quintessence directly into their master. Zarkon specifically draws the Black Lion in while the other Lions fight the rest of the Gulra. Coran flies in and starts blasting, in the hopes of drawing some fire from the Paladins. Shiro can’t seem to get Black Lion to follow his commands. Zarkon makes a comment about Shiro’s connection to Black Lion is weak. Anyone else feel like this is like Alex Rodrigues commenting on a rookie baseball player’s swing. Dopers don’t get to comment, jerk! Shiro is ejected from Black, and Zarkon claims victory. Thankfully, Keith flies in, breaks the tractor beam that Zarkon is using to pull Black Lion in. Deciding he’s had enough of all this, Zarkon throws off his giant robes and pulls out his weapon of choice. The Black Bayard. Yeah, the show has hinted at this a few times, but this is the point where they’ve all but said that Zarkon was the original, or at least a previous, Black Paladin. Explains his confidence at capturing Voltron, and his confidence that he can take control of the giant mech, doesn’t it? Side note, if Allura was aware that Zarkon was a former Voltron Paladin, I think she probably should have let them know. Knowledge is power and all that.

Most of the time, my money would be on the giant robo-cat.
But, for once, my money's on the space tyrant.

Keith tries to take him on, but the years of quintessence absorbing has made Zarkon supremely powerful. And unlike the other Paladins, Zarkon’s Bayard doesn’t have one weapon mode, but several. A mace, sword, and a blaster are a few of the forms. Why do the bad guys always get the coolest weapons? While this is going on, Shiro is attacked by Haggar. Her magic’s are too much for Shiro. He’s whipped around, blasted, and gets his butt handed to him. She seems particularly sore at Shiro, shouting “I made you strong, and this is how you repay me? You could have been our greatest weapon,” as she blasts him. She then attacks him with holograms of himself. Psychological attacks, how dirty.

Meanwhile, Hunk gets aboard the ship, frees Allura, and the two run to save Shiro. The three are able to force the old witch back and get back into space. Keith and Red Lion are getting spanked by Zarkon. He is able to force the villain back with a magically summoned back cannon on Red. But Zarkon keeps coming. He’s like an evil purple energizer bunny. Also, doesn’t risking destroying Voltron’s right arm kind of ruin Zarkon’s potential plans for universal conquest? Zarkon nearly finishes off Keith, but Shiro and Black knock him back at the last second. Not so smug about your “connection” to Black Lion when you’re not getting a power boost, are Zarkon? The team flies back to the Castle, and they try to jump via wormhole. Unfortunately, the Solar Shield keeps them stuck. That is, until a Gulra soldier deactivates the barriers. Turn coat? Interesting. The team tries to jump, but at the last second, Haggar blast the wormhole with her magic. The wormhole destabilizes, the Lions are thrown from the Castle, and that’s it.

Can you see why I was concerned about this getting a second season? It just stops. No conclusion, we don’t even see the Lion’s and Castle landing on some distant planetoid(‘s). Even someone like me would have trouble thinking up a “personal” ending for a show with a finale like that. I’m sure other series have done this before, but this is a technique that Beast Wars did to great effect. If you watch the sort of sequel to the G1 Transformers you’ll notice that of the three finales, the bad guys apparently win two of them. So, if the show hadn’t been renewed for a second and later a third season, it would have ended with the bad guys being victorious. Keep the fans hooked, am I right?

As a season finale, this actually isn’t great. Why? Because it doesn’t really end. And that bugs me. But, it does work as a regular episode. Heck, when season two comes out, (I’m so excited!) I’m sure the sudden ending won’t seem so odd. We see some good reveals, like Zarkon’s status as a previous Black Paladin, and Haggar’s implied plans involving Shiro. From the way the baddy talks, Shiro was important to whatever the witch had planned. Keith gets some pretty good moments in this one. Of the six main characters, I felt that Keith got the least amount of development. Which is kind of interesting, given that he takes Shiro’s place as leader in the original series. I know, a remake doesn’t, nor shouldn’t, follow the original point for point but it’s an interesting change. Watching him fight Zarkon, despite being laughably outclassed by the evil emperor. I’m hoping that this is the first chapter of a reasonable length series. Fingers crossed, y’all. Next time, my review of Suicide Squad.

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Viewer Log: Voltron ep 10

Let’s recap what’s happened thus far. Four Galaxy Garrison scrubs and a former alien POW have turned into the Paladins of the Legendary Defender, Voltron. They have destroyed like fifteen warships, hundreds of enemy fighters, protected two innocent worlds, and smashed two unholy amalgams of magic and science. My goodness they’ve covered a lot of ground in only eleven episodes, haven’t they? And we’ve only had two Robeasts. How bizarre. Which actually has worked rather well for me. The build up to each monster fight has turned what was originally a “monster of the day/week” to something much more memorable. What sort of creature could possibly top ball-in-a-cup flinging Mecha-Myzax and multiple laser eye firing Death-Gaze? We’ll have to wait and see. Let’s get to it.

You laughed in the Purple Rain
Now cry in the Purple Lightning!

We start with the Paladins sifting through Sendak’s memories. The information is incomplete, you know, because Shiro launched the alien commander into space before the download could finish. Thankfully, they’re able to combine the incomplete memories with the incomplete data from Sendak’s Warship. Two fractured pieces make a whole… or something close to it. As Pidge sifted through the information, she notices one phrase that keeps coming up throughout both. It’s a Gulra phrase that translates to the “Universal Station, Galactic Hub, or Space Base.” I like the alliteration with the third one. They have a set of coordinates, but to everyone’s shock, Coran’s scan doesn’t detect anything of note. Just a single asteroid and a pair of planets. The team decide to check it out, since what evil empire would be obsessed with empty space?  Upon arrival they discover why nothing came up. There’s a lot of technobabble, but the way I understand it, the electromagnetic fields of the two planets and asteroid mask a base on the asteroid from scans. It’s the space equivalent of building a military base into a mountain, natural forces provide additional camouflage.

They are able to sneak aboard the vessel using Green Lion’s cloak and artificial cosmic interference, disable the guards (side note, Gulra troopers are stupid), and hack the base’s database. While they’re searching through the database, a ship arrives with a fresh shipment. Hunk use a broken Gulra drone to trick the new ship into thinking everything is alright. Again, Gulra troopers are stupid. While the new ship unloads, Pidge is able to learn… very little. The ship’s mainframe only seems to have the shipment schedule. Not what is being shipped, just the drop off and pick up times. Allura, who is refusing to accept failure today, insists that they sneak aboard the docked ship and see what they are carrying. How? She’ll dress up as a Gulra Guard and just walk aboard. What’s that? I hear some of you asking, how is she going to pass for a seven-foot-tall purple solider when she’s a five foot something tan princess? Shapeshifting. Yeah, this kind of comes out of nowhere. Allura explains her species can shapeshift and they used this power in more peaceful times to help diplomatic relations. I must ask, where the flying cuss word was this power earlier? It would have been really easy to sneak aboard the Gulra ship in this first episode with this superpower. No answer? I thought so. Shiro agrees, but insists that he comes along. We have a quick “boss fight” between the two, Allura insisting that she can take care of herself while Shiro insisting that as a team they need to work together. Allura finally relents and they sneak Shiro onboard the ship in a crate. Third time, Gulra = Stupid. How have the conquered the known universe?

It's a decent disguise. Too bad her acting wasn't up to snuff.

While the Princess and Captain are busy, Pidge starts hacking a drone’s CPU for info, and Keith goes off on his own to investigate the shipment itself, and the creepy Gulra Druid that accompanied it. While onboard the ship, Shiro has another PTSD Flashback, and remembers the Gulra Drones walk in predictable pattern. Maybe having the bulk of your army be comprised of robots wasn’t the best idea. They sneak deeper into the ship. While Pidge, Hunk and Lance keep trying to hack the drone, Keith catches up with the Druid. In a room filled with canisters of quintessence, he watches the black clan druid pump the canister with purple energy, turning the yellow liquid purple. Keith shows the other three and Coran a video of what he saw. This triggered a latent “exposition protocol” in the drone Pidge was fiddling with. The robot explains that the druid was “purifying the Quintessence into the Gulra’s main fuel source. Meanwhile, Allura and Shiro take out a few more guards and start hacking. I guess Shiro’s been taking some intro to hacking alien computer systems courses with Pidge, or something.

A lot of stuff starts happening at once. Shiro’s hack was detected and the Gulra throw all their troopers at them. At the same time, Keith tries to steal the quintessence, the druid senses a disturbance and teleports and starts throwing purple lighting. What is with these guys and the color purple? This is particularly bad for Keith as, you know, the worse possible weapon to have when fighting a magic guy is a sword. Which is the only weapon he has on hand. Hard to stab somebody when they can fling lightning or fire from fifteen feet away. Pidge is able to grab Green Lion and then rush in to save Keith. This seems to kill the druid, not many organisms can survive the vacuum of space, and Keith discovers that Quintessence has remarkable healing powers. His horrible electrical burns healed in seconds after being doused in the yellow goo. On the ship, Shiro and Allura are pretty hosed. They fought through several dozen troopers and made it to the escape pod, but more troopers are banging on the cargo bay door. Realizing that they can’t both escape, Allura choses to sacrifice herself so Shiro can get away. Makes sense, one of five guys that can pilot the ultimate robot champion > princess. She holds the door with her surprising super-strength while Shiro is jettisoned in an escape pod. When Shiro reunites with the others, he decides that they’ll do the incredibly stupid thing and attack Zarkon head on to get Allura back.

This is a pretty good continuation of our final story arc. Allura’s wounds seem pretty fresh after the whole Holo-Dad killing she had to do last time. At least, that’s what I attribute Allura’s stubbornness throughout the episode. Sure, the shapeshifting power thing was kind of out of left field, but, I’ll give it to them. I’ll mention that it isn’t a… fluid transformation, like with Mystique. The transformation takes a few moments, and she first grows and then changes color. It feels more like a process then with Mystique. It was also interesting to see how Shiro and Allura interact together. The other Voltron Paladins respect Shiro and often defer to his judgement. Makes sense as he’s the most seasoned pilot/soldier and team leader. But, Allura is technically his superior, she is the Princess, after all. He’s deferred to her a number of times, but almost never in the field during a mission. Two leaders trying to figure out the power dynamic, who is the most leaderie, it is a pairing that doesn’t come up all that often. Keith’s lone gunslinger act is short, but intense. His fight with the Gulra Druid is all kinds of crazy awesome. Also, love the look of the Gulra Druids. Creepy as heck. Lance, Pidge, and Hunk don’t have all that much to do in this one, as they spend most of their time monkeying with the Gulra drone, but they get a good laugh or two. Like when Pidge backhands Lance with the Gulra drone. Don’t worry, he’s okay… and deserved it. It also sets up the season finale, where they storm the enemy castle to get the Princess back. Hopefully there won’t be a toadstool there telling them their princess is in another space castle. Bet you didn’t expect this to end on a Super Mario reference, did you?

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