Viewer Log: What if...? ep 7

 Party like it's 1999. 

Last time on What if…?, Killmonger interferes with the rebirth of Tony Stark a Iron Man. Killmonger uses his new position as Tony’s BFF to build a robotic drone. He then assassinates Tony, Rhodey, and T’Challa to set the US and Wakanda against each other. Using Vibranium stolen from Wakanda and Stark Industries, he has an army of drones and sends them at Wakanda. He then turns around and helps Wakanda fight off the drones. He weasels his way into the Wakandan royal family by aiding them and is made the new Black Panther. He’s planning on “burning down the world,” but his plan might be derailed, as Shuri and Pepper Potts saw through him and began working to stop him. Enough recap, let’s get to it.

 

Episode 7: What if Thor was an Only Child?

 

I just want to start off this one by saying that the MCU is forever doing Baldur, Tyr, Hodur, Vioarr and Vali dirty by insisting that Loki is Thor’s only sibling. Don’t give me that look, this is as true in Marvel comics as it is in actual Nordic Myth.

 

Guess we're ignoring the whole abandon baby thing.

We open with the opening of Thor, with Darcy flicking peanuts into a mug in Jane Foster’s van just before the Bifrost bridge began to open. Jane frantically tries to get in contact with SHIELD as the bridge gets close to opening, but no body is taking her calls seriously. The Bridge opens... in Vegas? Huh. Thor, Sif and the Warrior’s Three have beamed down from Asgard to throw a huge party. Wow, kay. Uatu narrates how relationships are important to heroes. He explains that the difference in this universe is that when Odin found the abandoned Jotun baby Loki, instead of adopting him, he returned the baby to his “father” Laufey. I do quotes because Laufey is his MOTHER in mythology. Sorry, this has stuck in my craw since 2011. I guess we’re glossing over the fact that Laufey abandoned the baby for being a runt… kay. Uatu explains that without Loki to be his brother and nemesis, Thor has grown into a very different prince. Namely, he gets bored way more often. We return to the story with Odin entering the Odinsleep. This is a 24+ hour rest where Odin recuperates the lion’s share of his phenomenal power. Frigga, Thor’s mother is going to celebrate the solstice with her sisters, leaving Thor in charge of Asgard while she’s away. She tells him to spend the time studying, and warns him Heimdall will be watching, so no parties.

 

1.      Oh my God, this is an 80s party movie set up.

2.      I know the Asgard age slower than mortals, but this is seriously the first time you’ve left him in charge in almost 2000 years, Frigga? Weird

 

Thor gets his friends together and tells them how he refuses to be a stuffy bore like his father and they’re going to throw a party. But on the most backwater, boring place in the 9 realms, the one that Heimdall ignores, Midgard. He tells them to call the realms.

 

Some relationships are universal.

The party goes super well, we see a bunch of alien ships in the sky beaming people down to join the festivities, and even get a cameo from Skurge as he beams in. Jane and Darcy identify Thor as the first alien to arrive. Jane goes to speak with him, as he has several Skrull morph to look like him. Jane tries to talk to him about a star, Alpha Star Icarus, that disappeared a year and a half ago after she detected the Bifrost opening. Thor, who is only half listening as he’s playing party host, reveals, yeah that was him. He threw a party near the star and apparently killed the star in the process. He’s distracted briefly by her tablet and then flirting with her hard. Darcy, seeing that Jane is also being distracted by Thor’s baby blues as he is by her browns, goes to hit up the buffet table with Howard the Duck. How the hell is he the most recurring character in this series alongside T’Challa?

 

The party is still going, the Grandmaster playing DJ, Nebula playing Craps with Korg, Darcy marrying Howard… I need a whole spin off episode explaining that, and Thor and Jane getting Science and Magic tattoos. Hell of a night. The next morning, everyone is clearly hung over when Jane gets several calls and then an angry SHIELD Agent Rumlow pounding on her door. Maria Hill, acting director of SHIELD, arrives and tells her that she needs Jane’s help ending this threat to earth. We find out that Hill is currently in charge because Fury got hit by Korg as he ran to do a cannonball into a found, and that he’s still unconscious. Jane is brought to a Helicarrier and does her best to explain the situation while leaving out the fact she possibly… definitely fooled around with Thor last night. Apparently, Thor is spreading his “party atmosphere’ worldwide, causing basically the whole planet to start partying. He is currently in Paris with his crew because someone was Jonesing for Crepes. Runlow brings out SHIELD’s last resort. Jane is initially against using any “last resort” as it could ruin diplomatic relations between earth and Asgard for generations, Darcy scoffing at Jane’s “Diplomatic relations” from last night, but Hill reveals that it’s the Captain Marvel summoning pager. She makes the call.

 

Power level is comparable confirmed.

Thor is partying in Paris with his crew when HE arrives. And by he, I mean Loki. He apparently got over his runty phase as he’s now of a height with his Frost Giant kin. He demands to see the “Son of a witch, Odinson.” This is an obvious fake out, as after a brief staring contest they shake hands and admit to being “brothers from another mother.” Lads, if you only knew. Their conversation is interrupted by Captain Marvel flying. Loki makes a wish on the star before it’s revealed to be Marvel. Carol tells her to clean up the mess and go, but Thor isn’t done partying. She punches him in the face and sends him flying. Thor declares her a party pooper and she punches him into the sky. He throws Mjolnir at her, and the fight begins.

 

Thor begins by winding up his hammer and flinging her clear across the English Channel to Stonehenge. He flies after and knocks the standing stones down. DUDE. Carol punches him over the Atlantic ocean to US. They brawl, the Captain proving a match for the God of Thunder. He tries to blast her with lighting, but she absorbs it and punches him into the dirt, and then skyward again. The two battle across the sky and end up dueling in storm clouds. They crash back in Paris and Thor pins her under Mjolnir, declaring the Party Pooper needs to learn a few things in Time out.

 

Later, Hill reams the Captain for not being able to stop Thor. Also, Darcy fangirls out hard to her, which just made me laugh. Carol explains that she held back her powers to not destroy the planet. Thor calls up Jane and flirts more. She asks if he destroyed Alpha Star Icarus, which he does say he did, but claims no one got hurt. Even Gary the Goat that Fandral (of the Warriors Three) found got home… eventually. Jane gets called back to her meeting. Hill and Marvel are planning to lure Thor to one of the more inhospitable places on earth, top two contenders seem to be the Mojavi Desert and Siberia seem to be the top contenders, and kaboom him back into space. Jane tries to talk them out of it, but she and Darcy are fired and dropped off in Vegas. While Darcy “reconnects” with Howard, ie argues, Jane tries to call Thor but gets Loki instead. Thor, Loki, and the rest are eating Chinese in China. Jane tries to get Loki to pass the phone to Thor after Loki tries a few unsuccessful come ons, but he smashes the phone by mistake. Darcy, who also got that this is an intergalactic party movie, says it’s a shame they can’t just call Thor’s mom to have her break it up. Jane, realizing that if Thor and Loki must be real, than so must the rest of the mythological figures, calls her a genius and they head to work on the plan.

 

Sometime later, a bunch of Jotuns break that big Ferris Wheel in London, Surtur melts the Statue of Liberty, and other Jotun’s freeze graffiti the Washington monument.  In Sydney, Thor tries to slide down the famous Opera House’s pointy… things, but Captain Marvel grabs him and flies off. Meanwhile, Jane and Darcy, with help from doctor Selvig, make a cosmic call to get Heimdall’s attention. It takes a sec, but he pulls her to Asgard and then sends her to Frigga. Thor is punched into Siberia. Captain Marvel is ready to fight some more, and Maria Hill has nukes ready to blow him to kingdom come. She’s pretty sure Marvel will be fine. Jane tells Frigga what’s happening, and just before Thor and Marvel clash and Hill fires the nukes, Thor gets an angry magic hologram message from his mama, and she is pissed. Though, again, really hurting Baldur, Tyr, Hodur, Vioarr and Vali’s feelings by claiming he’s the only son of Odin. Thor tries to lie, saying he’s in his room studying, just as a polar bear walk by and roars. He claims he’s on Earth as part of a cultural exchange. Frigga, calling his bluff, tells him she simply has to see this “cultural exchange” and is coming to Earth to see it. Hill, realizing that the power of one’s mama showing up to a place you’ve trashed in an unauthorized party dwarfs any Nuke, pulls back. Marvel flies out, telling him to clean outward from the corners.

 

Smooth Odinson

Thor returns to Sydney and tries to get his guests to help him clean up the place. Loki and all of his guests bounce rather than help him clean up the planet. Frigga beams down to Earth. Thor uses Mjolnir to draw everyone’s attention, tells them Frigga is coming and she is pissed, so that gets everyone to help him clean the whole planet. He goes a little too far and rights the leaning Tower of Pisa. Frigga lands as Thor leads a fake class for his party guests. Frigga is clearly not buying it, but then Captain Marvel flies in and gives him a Tablet with educational information on it. Frigga still obviously doesn’t buy it, but thanks Carol for helping to educate her son. It looks like she’s going to let him get away with it, right up until he calls Mjolnir and sees it’s covered in party garbage. Whoops.

 

Shoot a duck.

Later, Thor goes to talk with Jane, saying that calling his mom was uncool but the right thing to do. He asks her out. Uatu starts to narrate that they lived “happily ever after…” just as a portal opens up and a small army of Ultron Drones march out, followed by their leader, Ultron, in Vision’s body, with all the Infinity Stones. Shoot a duck.

 

I’m not going to lie, I went into this episode expecting to hate it, but that was a blast. It very much is a party movie set in the MCU and I mean that inn the best way. Seeing Thor and his people basically trash the planet in their giant party was great. I liked seeing all the cosmic character showing up to party was fun. Sif, the Warriors 3, the Guardians of the Galaxy, Nebula, Grandmaster, Howard the Duck, Loki, and the Jotun’s were all hilarious even if their bits were only a few seconds. Captain Marvel flying to be the buzzkill was also fun. Power of a sun, intergalactic peacekeeper, and she comes in to break up a wild party, that is comedy gold. It is a pretty fluff plot, which is what makes the reality ending twist of Ultron with the Infinity Stones walking in is so good. Yeah, it’s a crazy funny episode, and then ULTRON! Damn, the last two episodes are going to be crazy. 

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