Viewer Log: Beast Wars ep 5

Enter the aliens... the other aliens, non-transforming ones.

Last time on Beast Wars, Cheetor had quite the adventure. The Maximals formulated a plan to destroy the Predacon base, but needed to survey the area for Energon deposits that might complicate their plan. The mission is complicated by a massive lightning storm blowing through. Cheetor, wanting to prove himself to Optimus and egged on by Dinobot, raced the storm to set up the survey posts. He ends up planting a post in an Energon deposit and then hit by lightning, teleporting him into the Predacon base. He has to dodge Scorponok and Waspinator, while Terrorsaur gets teleported to the Maximal base and fills in Dinobot about what happened. He hopes to form an alliance between himself and the defector Predacon, but Dinobot isn’t a team player. He attempts to use the teleporter to destroy the Predacon base, convincing Optimus to go along with it by assuring him Cheetor must be dead by now. Cheetor, meanwhile, discovers both bases are on top of a connected Energon deposit. If the bomb goes off in one base, it’ll take ‘em both out. Cheetor quickly stops the bomb, and teleports away, destroying the survey posts in the process. Enough recap. Let’s get to it.

 

The episode begins as the Maximals arrive at the Stonehenge-like formation. Rhinox assures us that this isn’t a natural phenomenon, which Rattrap points out is weird do to the… uninhabited nature of the planet. Optimus, with a scanner, notes that there is also an Energon reading, this one coming from a pile of rocks in the center of the structure. As Dinobot goes to examine the rock pile, Rhinox points out that Energon deposits don’t match the planets geology, which is also weird. Dinobot says it doesn’t matter, as they’ll need to take the Energon before the Predacons do. Megatron, clearly waiting just off camera for that line, steps in and orders his soldiers to attack. The Maximals make quick work of Scorponok and Tarantulas. Optimus duels in the sky with Waspinator and Terrorsaur. He takes out Waspinator, but Terrorsaur, embracing the “if we can’t have it, no one can” shoots the rock pile. The pile is destroyed, both sides running to avoid the blast wave. The pile sends a beam of energy into the sky. Rhinox notes that it looked like a signal of some kind, but wonders to who. Optimus says maybe they’ll learn the answer, some day.

 

An undisclosed number of days later, a pod arrives from transwarp space and heads for the Stonehenge-structure, dubbed the Standing Stones from this point on. Both sides detect the device, and head out to investigate it. Optimus and Dinobot arrive first, but are immediately ambushed by Waspinator and Megatron. Optimus is blasted back, and Dinobot prepares to fight the Preds… when the pod starts glowing and then shoots off an energy burst that shorts out the three in robot mode but also Optimus still in his gorilla hazmat suit. Optimus is seemingly vaporized by the pod as Dinobot passes out.

 

Dinobot wakes up in one of their Restoration Chambers sometime later in Beast Mode. He is woozy and thinks he’s in a Maximal torture chamber until his mind catches up. Rhinox reveals that they found him dumped on the doorstep, alone. Dinobot claims that Optimus was destroyed by the pod, vaporized when he attempted to transform against the Predacons.  Dinobot wants to attack immediately, appointing himself as leader after Optimus’ death. Rattrap prepares to attack him, not believing Dinobot's story about Optimus' death and assumes he was involved, but Rhinox gets between them, saying that they’ll settle this like Maximals, with a secret ballot.

 

Back at the Predacon base Megatron and Waspinator exit their recovery chambers, explaining a similar situation to Dinobot being dropped off. He orders Scorponok and Waspinator to the probe and prepares to lead Terrorsaur and Tarantulas to attack the Maximal base.

 

The secret ballot concluded, Rattrap and Dinobot end up tied for leadership. I… damn it, why didn’t they vote for Rhinox? Rattrap accuses Dinobot of killing Optimus himself, causing Dinobot to flip the table and announce he’ll break the tie and become leader by force if he must. He throws Rattrap across the room, just before Optimus voice comes to them over the intercom. He reveals that he’s within the pod, but he’s without a body currently. His mind is being stored while his body is scanned. He names Rattrap as leader while he’s incapacitated and warns them of a Predacon attack, mere seconds before it happens. Rattrap, Cheetor and Dinobot head out to fight the Predacons, but Rattrap tasks Rhinox to make something to get Optimus out of the probe. Cheetor and Rattrap take on Terrorsaur and Tarantulas while Dinobot fights his former boss. Rhinox attempts to make a device to free Optimus, while the base is shaking from missile hits. Yep, he’s got to be a miracle worker for this. Rattrap does a scan of the base as they fight, learning that the shields are about to go down. He orders Dinobot to go fix them, a prospect made more difficult due to his fist fight with Megatron. With no other option, Rattrap runs to the base to reset the shield, getting there and powering it up again just in time. And shooting down Terrorsaur for good measure. Dinobot blasts Megatron back, Tarantulas advising them to fall back to the probe. The Maximals revert to beast mode. Dinobot apologizes for being distracted by Megatron and not following orders, to which Rattrap just says that he can try again next time.

 

The Maximals arrive at the probe with Rhinox’s new gizmo. He isn’t sure it’ll work but the device will be as ready as it’ll ever be. The Predacons attack a moment later, because of course they do. Rattrap tells Rhinox to get Optimus out of the probe as they get into a fire fight. Rhinox’s device doesn’t seem to be working, much to his frustration. He notes that the whole area is awash with stable Energon radiation, like it’s one big device. He spies on Waspinator trying to sneak around to attack him in the probe’s reflection, turns and unloads like 400 rounds of his machine gun into Waspinator. Waspinator, missing an arm and heavily damaged, falls back onto one of the Standing Stones, energizing it. The whole structure starts sparking with Energon. Rhinox says that the whole place is a single device as the pod opens and Optimus reforms. He takes down the rest of the Predacons, Megatron bowing out and saying they win the day. Optimus congratulates Rattrap for his leadership, and wonders what they’ll do with the pod… right before it vanishes. The Maximals muse who sent the pod and why as we cut to orbit and look out across space. Neat philosophical musing right there.

 

So, we’ve hit plot type 2: Alien Device Investigation. The aliens have some bizarre technology and are basically gods in comparison to the Cybertronians. The Standing Stones are just the tip of the iceberg. But more on that when we get to it. One thing that is a little weird on reviewing is Scorponok. Episode to episode he fluctuates from average intelligence to a skilled engineer to what he was like in this where he’s barely able to string together a coherent sentence. It’s just… odd. They eventually settle on him being average intelligence but a MASSIVE kiss ass. We also see the beginning of a running gag of the series, Waspinator being blow up. Basically, from this episode onwards, Waspinator gets shot, blown up, ripped to pieces, melted, partially disintegrated, exploded, or otherwise horribly hurt at least once per episode. They get incredibly creative with how they torture this poor guy. While it’s been hinted at in the previous episodes, this marks the start of Rattrap as Optimus’ second-in-command. He’s constantly whining about it, but whenever Optimus is indisposed or they need to split into groups, Rattrap is the number 2. And that’s all I have to say about that. Have a good night. 

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Viewer Log: Beast Wars ep 4

Cheetor is racing into trouble once again. 

Last time on Beast Wars, Cheetor was given a simple mission to test out a communicator. It didn’t go well. He stumbled upon Scorponok digging out a Mega Cannon that was broken off the Darksyde in their fire fight and tried to stop him but was ambushed by Tarantulas. He lost the cannon, and the communicator was destroyed in the tussle. Trying to redeem himself, Cheetor ran off on hi own to try to take out the cannon but was captured by Tarantulas. The creepy spider intended to drain him of energy and then drain him dry. Cheetor is saved by Rattrap, and the two bid a hasty retreat. Rattrap covers for Cheetor and then threatens the kid to try to ensure he never tries something like that again. The next episode proves that the lesson didn’t stick. Oh, and the Mega cannon never comes up again to my knowledge.

 

This episode begins with Optimus Primal watching a lightning strike obliterate the side of a mountain. It reveals a massive Energon deposit. Optimus radios into the command center and tries to tell them to scrub the planned mission due to the destructive potential of the storm, but radio interference keeps his message from reaching the ship.

 

Dinobot has space issues.

Meanwhile, Rhinox finishes setting up the relay posts they’re going to use for said mission. They’re long spear like poles that shrink and collapse into hockey puck sized disk. Rhinox asks if there’s any word from Optimus, but Rattrap isn’t getting anything, also due to the storm. Dinobot examines the other part of this mission, a bomb, saying that the mission is too important to delay due to bad weather. He’s going make an adjustment, but needs a special laser for it, Cheetor has it and tries to casually make the adjustment himself but instead knocks the bomb over. Everyone freaks out for a moment as it rolls away, but thankfully Optimus caught it in the elevator before he hit anything with enough force to set it off. Cheetor takes the bomb and tells Optimus that they just need to do one more little adjustment before it’s ready to send the Predacon base back into orbit. He almost sets the bomb off again, but it powers down. Optimus tells them they’re scrubbing the mission. Cheetor still wants to do the mission, as even though Optimus says that the storm will hit in the hour, he thinks he’ll be able to outrun the storm with time to spare. Optimus says no, for fear that rushing planting the posts would lead to, ya know, death and destruction. They need to set the posts up in a specific line to avoid other Energon deposits. Cheetor begs for the chance to still do it, asking Optimus to have faith in him, but Optimus still says no. Dinobot lobbies to just set the bomb without the survey posts, as the worst thing that could happen is they blow up a Predacon. Optimus tells him this isn’t about killing (they use every other word for that, because 90s TV but that’s what they mean) but destroying the Predacon base and limiting their resources. He says that winning doesn’t mean annihilation. Dinobot counters that with reverse roles, Megatron would destroy then and spare the base. Optimus claims Dinobot’s judgement is clouded due to his desire to scrap Megatron. Dinobot transforms and storms off. Rattrap tries to lobby for trying the mission, as the relays are just to scan for Predacon energy signature, so what’s the harm? But Rhinox is with Optimus that the Energon makes the mission too risky.

 

 

Later, Dinobot goes to Cheetor’s room. Cheetor is sulking and is thus really susceptible to Dinobot’s… manipulations. He does just enough flattery to convince Cheetor that he can outrun the storm and set up the posts correctly, and that doing so is the only way to prove himself to Optimus. Cheetor exits the base and starts running. He quickly runs to each point, transforms, places a relay, and then runs to the next point over the course of the hour. He makes it all the way to the last relay, but a lightning strike hits him before he can plant it. It hits an Energon deposit they hadn’t detected. Cheetor tries to pull the relay out, but the Energon is making it spark with energy.

 

At the Predacon base, Terrorsaur is on lookout duty. He detects something, hoping it’s a Maximal, but ultimately dubs it just storm interference. That is until Cheetor tries to pull the relay out again and somehow ends up teleporting onto his station. Terrorsaur transforms and the two of them start firing on each other. Terrorsaur almost finishes him off, but Cheetor shifts to beast mode and tackles him. He knocks Terrorsaur into a console and he teleports as well. Cheetor marvels at the coolness of that but is interrupted by Scorponok and Waspinator. The two chase Cheetor, ultimately blowing a hole in their ventilation system and giving Cheetor a means of escape. And to reenact Die Hard if he wants. Scorponok orders Waspinator to tell Megatron what happened.

 

Terrorsaur teleports into the Maximal base. He comes face to face with Dinobot. The two of them almost throw down, but Dinobot notices the console is sparking with energy. They realize that somehow the storm and the relays created a transporter of some kind, Terrorsaur confirming it by mentioning that Cheetor ended up at the Darksyde. Dinobot proposes a truce, Terrorsaur taking it further, saying that together they can defeat the Maximals and then rule the Predacons with two iron fists. They pump fists, but Dinobot’s smile suggests he’s plotting something.

 

Scaredycat.

Meanwhile, Cheetor is being chased through the vents by Waspinator and Scorponok. Waspinator shooting darts through the vent, leading Cheetor towards Scorponok who tries to hit him with a missile. Cheetor dodges the initial explosion, but is knocked through the vent by the shockwave, and Scorponok and Waspinator are blasted back as well.

 

On the Axalon, Dinobot confirms from Terrorsaur that just touching the console was all they needed to use the transporter. Dinobot thanks him, then kicks his ass and sticks him a launcher and fires him out into space. Terrorsaur tries to plead for him not to do it, saying they’re partners, but Dinobot casually reminds Terrorsaur that he is not a team player. Optimus arrives a moment later, having noticed the missing relays and cat and wants an explanation. Dinobot lies to Optimus, saying that Cheetor “must have” gone out on his own to set the charges and that he “intercepted a communication” saying that Cheetor had ended up in the base and has surely been destroyed by now. He uses Optimus’ anger at the thought of Cheetor’s death to try to convince him to send the bomb through the portal to finish Megatron off.

 

On th Darksyde, Waspinator and Scorponok are still looking for Cheetor. He slips into one of the computer bays and starts downloading their maps and survey data. It’s super lucky he did this, as he’s able to combine both their survey data and learns that the Energon deposit that allows the transporter to work runs under both bases. Blow up the Darksyde with the bomb, and the chain reaction will take the Axalon with it. Cheetor makes a copy of the disk right before being caught. He dodges a missile from Scorponok and keeps running. 

 

One crispy dino-nugget.

At the Axalon, Optimus confirms from Dinobot that the bomb he set will give the Predacons enough time to evacuate. Dinobot says yes, that they will give them 30 seconds to escape. They send the bomb just as Cheetor sends the data disk.  Cheetor is captured by Terrorsaur, whom I guess had just arrived back at the base and gotten Megatron. Megatron tells Terrorsaur to disarm the bomb, but they don’t have time, its anchored down and they only have 20 seconds. Cheetor offers to disarm it, which Megatron allows. He disengages the anchors and Terrorsaur flies up and throws the bomb, but still gets scorched. Megatron goes to execute him, but Cheetor jumps on the console and teleports away. After, the others congratulate Cheetor, though Optimus promises him he’ll put Cheetor’s tail in a sling if he tries a stunt like that again. Cheetor promises not to… until next time and runs off. Everyone gets a good chuckle out of that.

 

This episode was an interesting look at the psyche of my favorite former Predacon, Dinobot. While the carnivorous dinosaur is usually all about honor, one-on-one combat, and fair play, when it comes to Megatron he’s blinded by rage. He unabashedly used Cheetor’s desire to prove himself and headstrong nature to his own end of killing Megatron. He then was either willing to sacrifice Cheetor to see the mission be completed or had even less faith in the kid’s ability to stay alive than anyone else. It’s not exactly evil in and of itself but does show a ruthlessness that seems hardwired into his faction. For Cheetor, this is largely a rehashing of his story from last time. He’s an impulsive teenager that is more confident than he probably should be and is reckless because of it. He’s incredibly trusting, willing to listen to Dinobot’s praises and his idea to earn respect. Like, anyone with even a little more experience would have seen that Dinobot was using him to get his vengeance. But, kid, so he genuinely believes that Dinobot wants to help him earn street cred. This will be somewhat ironic, as Dinobot ends up being incredibly protective of Cheetor in the future, but that’s the future. We also get a bit more of Terrorsaur. So, he’s a red flyer with an inflated ego and constantly one good day away from betraying Megatron… yes, he’s basically Starscream. It’s not the most original character type, but the “constant traitor” archetype does separate him from the general clump that most of the villains are in currently. Oh, and Cheetor’s line when he returns to the base at the end of the episode “Hiya cats, miss me?” is one of his most iconic lines. I love it. And that’s all I have to say about that. Have a good night. 

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Viewer Log: Beast Wars ep 3

Cheetah vs. Tarantula doesn't go down quite like you'd think.

Last time on Beast Wars, a duel was had. Optimus Primal fought Predacon exile Dinobot for the position of leadership. The two begrudgingly admit the other has qualities they respect, just before the Preds party crash. Megatron and the others shoot at the combatants, just barely missing them due to Optimus’ quick reflexes. The missiles keep flying, revealing a giant Energon crystal embedded in a mountain. The two groups race to the mountain, ultimately engaging in a beast brawl due to the high level of radiation they’re being exposed to. Megatron ultimately risks his own body to transform and attempt at blowing Optimus away, but Dinobot runs in and knocks the missile away at the last moment. The mountain explodes, everyone just barely getting away. Optimus declares the start of the Beast Wars before the credits roll. Enough recap. Let’s get to it.

 

Cheetor out on a com mission, this'll go well.

         We begin with the Rhinox showing Optimus a new device he’d been working on. Whatever it is, the device impresses Optimus, but Rhinox says he’ll feel more confident after a field test. Cheetor overhears that last part and races over to volunteer. Optimus explains that Rhinox has just finished a prototype long range transmitter, one that should work despite the heavy Energon radiation. Cheetor swipes it and looks it over. Optimus, sensing that Cheetor isn’t taking this completely seriously warns him to do so, and then tells him to head out. If he encounters Predacons he’s ordered to return immediately.

 

Meanwhile, Scorponok has discovered some kind of device and is doing his best to uncover it. He can’t pull it out with his scorpion claws, transforms and prepares to blast it free.

 

Cheetor radios in and confirms that the comm link works at about 500 meters or so. He hears the explosion Scorponok made as he excavated and runs over to investigate. Optimus, rather annoyed by this, heads to out to met him, telling Rhinox to order Cheetor back if he radios in again. Cheetor finds Scorponok, revealing that the arachnid had uncovered a mega cannon from the Darksyde and was planning on retrieving it. Cheetor holds him at gun point, hoping to keep Scorponok busy long enough for Optimus to arrive. Unfortunately, Scorponok had back up in the form of Tarantulas. The spider distracts Cheetor long enough for Scorponok to shoot him and severely damage him. Tarantulas warns him to take the cannon and go before Optimus arrives. Scorponok tries to force Tarantulas to take the cannon instead, but the spider isn’t impressed by Scorponok’s trying to pull rank. Optimus arrives just as Scorponok pulled the cannon away, finding Cheetor with a large hole in his chest.

 

King of Cybertron!

We see Cheetor having a dream of some kind. He’s on Cybertron and single handedly defeats Terrorsaur, Waspinator, and Megatron. The dream turns into a nightmare when Tarantulas creeps in and acts… well, like a creepy spider and Scorponok shoots at him. He awakens, screaming, Rhinox telling him to relax as he’d just finished repairs. Cheetor tries to play off what happened as a minor setback, explaining how the communicator was destroyed after he’d cornered Scorponok with the mega cannon. Rattrap points out that he really was the one that was dropped in this situation. Optimus chastises Cheetor for losing the comm, as Rhinox can’t recreate it, and for losing the cannon. Cheetor transforms and threatens Rattrap with his teeth when he makes another jab at Cheetor’ pride, Optimus grabbing him by the scruff of the neck and telling him to back off. He orders Rhinox to call Dinobot in from his perimeter sweep, as they’ll need his expertise on the Predacon base layout to find that cannon. Cheetor offers to help but Optimus tells him he’s done enough. After fighting with Rattrap some more, with the more seasoned Maximal pointing out that Cheetor gets into trouble precisely because he acts like he’s not afraid, Cheetor runs off. Rhinox shakes his head and scolds Rattrap, both knowing that Cheetor is going to run off and try to fix this on his own. Rattrap begrudgingly goes after him, Rhinox smirking as he does.

 

Cheetor arrives at the perimeter of the Predacon base as they’re setting up the mega cannon as a turret. He’s planning on waiting for an opportune moment to strike… but is caught by Tarantulas, who drags him into his lab.

 

Cat in a web, how odd.

Cheetor wakes up stuck to a web of Energon. He’s clearly groggy as Tarantulas bids him welcome. The creepy spider explains that he’s using a statis web to weaken Tarantulas without damaging his body too much. The web keeps him from transforming, and Tarantulas explains that when his energy is drained, he’ll eat him.

 

Back at the base, Optimus and Dinobot are formulating a plan. Dinobot wants to rush in an attack, but Optimus wants to scout out a bit before they do anything. Rhinox joins them, lying that Rattrap is “talking” with Cheetor to explain his absence. They continue to argue.

 

A friend isn't a friend unless they're willing to cover
up one of your major screwups.

Rattrap arrives just outside the Predacon base. He uses his nose to track Cheetor’s scent and uncover the secret layer. As Cheetor dangles, he points out that this is really a stupid plan, as he doesn’t have organic fluids that Tarantulas can eat. Tarantulas points out that this is more about tasting Cheetor’s terror than nourishment. Rattrap arrives, calls Tarantulas a sick bug and a fire fight begins. Cheetor plays the peanut gallery, until Tarantulas increases the drain with his machine. He spots Rattrap with a thermos scan and starts shooting. Rattrap dodges out of view and sets a charge of some kind. Tarantulas follows the trail to the box, along Rattrap a chance to get around him, saying that he fell for the ol’ Hotbox. They shot at each other, and Tarantulas is buried in debris. Rattrap tries to free Cheetor, but the computer won’t respond to his energy signature. Rattrap, annoyed, shoots the computer and shoves it over the edge. He cuts Cheetor free and prepares to leave. Tarantulas pulls himself up from the rubble, though and tells him to give his regards to the Inferno. Tarantulas shoots at them, missing them and ultimately destroying his lab. Rattrap and Cheetor escape, and Tarantulas is buried. We cut to him in the rubble, Tarantulas mumbling that he hates that rat.

 

The two Maximals arrive back at the base. Rattrap covers for Cheetor, saying that he’d taken younger bot out, to focus his energy on other things, saying that he needed to after Optimus was so harsh with him. Optimus apologizes for that harshness, and Cheetor also apologizes, saying he’ll be a real team player going forward. When alone, Cheetor thanks Rattrap for not ratting him out. Rattrap then yells at him, saying the only reason he didn’t say anything was for fear he’d be put on the chopping block with him. Oh, and if he ever does anything like that again he’ll personally rearraign Cheetor’s spots. He walks off, Cheetor still thanking him as he goes.

 

This was a fine episode. It gives us the basics of Cheetor. He’s young and impulsive, treating their big war as a game because he doesn’t have enough life experience to completely understand what a “war” is. He’s rightly embarrassed when he’s called out for acting like a kid, but then immediately does another impulsive thing to try to make up for his other poor impulse moment. Th story also gives us a great look at Tarantulas. The spider is sadistic and creepy even by Predacon standards. This whole bit about him capturing prey to feed on them like a real spider is referred to as a “perversion” on more than one occasion. Makes you wonder if this is new… or if he was the Cybertronian equivalent of a serial killer before being given the spider theme. Oh, and it highlights Cheetor and Rattrap’s dynamic. Rattrap, extremely blunt and constantly mocking the kid for his mistakes, but is ultimately willing to save his bacon when he gets in over his head. Cheetor has this effect on most of his comrades if memory serves. He’s just too likeable to be mad at despite his bravado and he comes across as just insecure enough that everyone wants to mentor him to one degree or another. So yeah, good simple episode. Have a good night, everyone. 

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Review: Bumblebee

Bumblebee is coming to Earth and the 80s will never be the same.

            Let’s see… Transformers: Rise of the Beasts premiers next month… I’ve done two Beast Wars posts… but I only ever covered Age of Extinction of the live action films. Probably should rectify that. So we’re doing Bumblebee. Why am I not going all the way back to Transformers 1? Because I don’t want to torture myself by watching that schlock again. Besides, Bumblebee was a soft reboot, so nothing else really matters anymore in terms of canon. Burn in Hell Michael Bay! Okay, let’s get to it.

 

The start of his big adventure.

The film opens with an all-out brawl on Cybertron. The forces of the heroic Autobots and the villainous Decepticons are trying to obliterate each other. We get visual cameos from a ton of Transformers; Wheeljack, Arcee, Brawn, Starscream, Soundwave, Shockwave, most of the Seekers, it’s a colorful bunch. Optimus is leading a push to get his people to evacuate the planet. He’s looking particularly for a well-respected young scout, B-127, a yellow racer. He, B-127 and the other Autobots are able to hold off the Decepticons long enough to get B-127 to an escape vehicle. Optimus charges him with going to their evacuation site, Earth, and to do his best to hold that metaphorical beach head for the rest of the Autobots. B-127’s ship takes off as the port gets destroyed, flying into the black void of space.

 

Sneak Attack!

Sometime later, B-127 crash lands on Earth, disturbing a training exercise by Sector 7 operative (this was a prequel turned into soft reboot, so there were a few references to the Bay series that they couldn’t cut completely) Jack Burns. B-127 tries to talk, but the military assumes giant alien robot = bad. B-127 does his best to dodge Sector 7, using his scanners to take on the form of a jeep to try to blend in with their military vehicles. He gets corned, though, and things go from bad to worse when a jet flies in. It's revealed to be a Decepticon, credited as Blitzwing. He was either already stationed on Earth or must have chased B-127’s pod specifically. The two battle, but Blitzwing gets him in a chokehold and demands to know where Optimus Prime is. B-127 says he’ll never talk, and Blitzwing, being a sadist, decides to make that a prediction not hyperbole. He rips B-127’s voice box out, and does some damage to his head, effecting his memory. B-127 rips out one of Blitzwing’s missiles and kills him with it. Severely damaged, exhausted, and his brain fried, B-127 transforms into the last vehicle he saw, a Volkswagen Beetle, and basically falls into a coma.

 

The start of a crazy week for her.

          We cut to the film’s human, Charlie Watson in Brighton Falls. She’s dealing with some pretty serious depression following the death of her father some time ago from an unknown reason and is feeling flustered at how easily her mother seems to be moving on with her new boyfriend Ron. Her day isn’t great as she’s humiliated by some bullies at her work at the local pier. To help her get her mind off things, she hits up “Hank’s Marine Repair and Parts” to get a few parts for repairing her dad’s corvette. After bantering with the Hank, an old friend of her dad’s, she starts searching. She knocks over a few boats and pulls the dust cover off an old but familiar VW Bug. We see that some bees have set up shop under his hood, ya know, in case you don’t do subtlety. Charlie tries to start the Bug, which doesn’t but make B-127 send out a signal.

 

We cut to one of Saturn’s moons. Our villains of the evening, Shatter and Dropkick, are there and are torturing Autobot Cliffjumper. He tries to hold them off, but it’s two on one. He refuses to answer any of their questions. They all get the signal, and the Decepticons decide to execute Cliffjumper and decide to go to Earth to find B-127. They cross the cosmic void in a few hours, landing in Texas. They murder this dude who is in the middle of a messy break up with his wife before taking on vehicle modes and driving off.

 

Charlie, meanwhile, has a mini-breakdown when she can’t get the corvette started, and then has to deal with a practical but stylistically awful helmet from her mother, Sally, and a legitimately bad gift in the form of a book about smiling more from mom’s boyfriend Ron, storms off in a huff. She heads over to Hank’s and tries to negotiate for extra shop work to get the Beetle. He gives it to her for free, as a birthday present, provided she can start it. She does and drives off with B-127.

 

So… is he doing the Transformers equivalent of sleep walking?

 

She gets the Beetle home but is surprised when a part falls out from under it. She goes down to inspect and is even more shocked to discover a face within the machinery. This seems to wake B-127 up and he transforms into Robot mode. She’s terrified for a second, but then notices that B-127 is just as terrified of her as she is of him. They greet each other as best they can, as B-127 1. Has amnesia from the head blows he took, and 2. Can only communicate in clicks, beeps, and buzzes. She dubs him Bumblebee, as his noises sound like bees to her. I will note, Bumblebee is the ONLY Transformer that needed an origin for his name. Shatter, Dropkick, Cliffjumper, Blitzwing, these are all perfectly acceptable giant robot names, but not Bumblebee. Whatever.

 

Meanwhile, Sector 7 has detected the Decepticon’s arrival on earth and Burns heads out to intercept them along with a young Agent Simmons from the previous films.

 

The next day, Charlie goes to check on Bee, only to find that he’s gone. She’s worried that he left or was kidnapped or something, but she finally asks her brother Otis, who reveals Sally took it because their dog Conan needed to go to the vet, but Ron needed the station wagon. Folks, I’m not a parent, but taking your kid’s car without even saying a word to them feels like a parent fail. She chases after Sally with her moped, making her pull over and pretending she was concerned about Conan, when really she was worried that Bee would blow his cover. Which he almost did when he partially transformed to wave at her. After taking care of the dog, she takes Bee to a secluded beach and tries to train him to always go into vehicle mode if any human besides Charlie sees him.

 

I kind of love this joke that Bumblebee, a Robot in Disguises, is so laughably bad at hiding.

 

These two are amazingly bad at improv.

 Burns’ team intercepts the two Decepticons in Texas. He has the help of a a Sector 7 scientist named Powell. The Decepticons take the liberty to scan a copter and jet Burns brought along, becoming the series’ first official triple-changers. Dropkick wants to kill them now, but Shatter is in charge and wants to work smarter, not harder. She tells Burns that they’re a “Peacekeeping Decepticon patrol” and they’re looking for an escaped criminal named B-127, using a hologram of Bee from Cybertron. Say, Shatter, maybe change your team name from the obvious villain name. Just saying. Burns is suspicious as hell, but Dr. Powell is ecstatic at first contact with an alien species.

 

Bee and Charlie bond in a forest, but Bee’s chest starts sparking. He’s been hit… a lot recently, so I’m shocked he is just now having issues. Charlie tries to fix him, but only activates the holographic message that Bee has of Prime telling him his mission. The message is garbled, but it’s enough to jog a little more of Bumblebee’s memory. He remembers Optimus valiantly taking on a huge squad of Decepticons to get Bee time to escape. He fights one of Soundwave’s eject-able minions, Ravage, and then Soundwave, Shockwave, Starscream, and a few seekers too. Bumblebee watches in horror as his escape pod leaves.

 

Good little human.

Realizing that Bee is also dealing with some trauma, and seeing that Bee’s radio is broken, Charlie attempts to fix it. She replaces his radio with the one from the corvette and goes about showing Bee Earth music. We get a little more background on Charlie as she works, namely that she was an award-winning diver but lost interest after her father’s death. He’d died of a heart attack, it seems, and she’s still working on the car to keep his memory alive.

 

At Sector 7, Burns’ superior General Whalen is told about what is going on. Powell is enthusiastic in getting the Decepticon’s help, while Burns has healthy skepticism of the two guys who have DECEPTION in their team name. It basically comes down to the decision of, either they help the Decepticons and reap the rewards or don’t and the Soviets help them instead. It’s weird to remember that the Cold War was still a thing at this point. They tell Shatter and Dropkick are shown Sector 7’s computer system, but they’re more interested in the telephone network.

 

Meanwhile, Charlie’s neighbor, Memo, learns about Bumblebee when he goes into the garage to ask Charlie out on a date. Not having any real option, Charlie pulls a Hiccup from How To Train Your Dragon, and tries to charm Memo into not saying a damn thing about her robot car. It works well, since, ya know, Memo was already interested in getting to know Charlie better.

 

Back at Sector 7, the Decepticons invent the internet and use it to track Energon signatures. They haven’t picked up Bee’s signature yet, but they’re closing in. Powell is ecstatic at how much they’re learning from the evil robots, but Burns is skeptical.

 

I’m always confused when the scientist is apparently dumber than the military guy, just saying.

 

The teens realize that Bee is constantly changing his radio stations to learn to use it to communicate. Ya know, his main method of communicating from the Bay films. They end up at a cliff party where a popular boy tries to egg Charlie on to dive off the cliff, but she just can’t and the bully from earlier mocks her for her dead dad. Charlie wants to just try to forget, Memo and Bee are for revenge. That knight, they go to toilet paper and egg the bully’s house. This is complicated by their naïve giant robot, who lobs the toilet paper over the house, and does egg the car, before getting too excited and destroying it. They race off, just barely escaping the cops. They head home and part ways for the night.

 

The next day, Charlie heads out to work, but tells Bumblebee to stay in the garage for a few days until the heat goes off. This goes well for a little bit, but eventually Bee follows the dog Conan back into the house. Bumblebee is curious but still not completely aware of his own strength, ends up breaking things all around the house. He crushes the couch, breaks the TV, and ultimately plugs himself into a wall socket, causing a surge of electricity and Energon that let the Decepticons find him. The Decepticons and Sector 7 head out to capture him. Memo sees the commotion going on in the house and calls Charlie. She races home.

 

She gets home and sees everything wrecked. She does her best to not to explode at him but is frazzled. She does her best to clean up just a little before her mom and Otis arrive. Charlie tries to take responsibility for what happened without explaining what happened, frustrating Sally and the two finally have an argument that’s been building for a while. Sally: “Why are you acting so depressed and rebellious? We all miss your dad, but you can’t let it go,” Charlie: “My dad died, and I can’t let it go. I’m sorry that’s a bummer,” before storming off.

 

Charlie, Memo, and Bee go for a drive, but are cornered by Sector 7. They do their best to evade Sector Seven, but Shatter and Dropkick arrive and attempt to interrogate Bee but can’t get anything out of him, for obvious reasons. Burns has his men take Bee down with taser guns, and Charlie is knocked out in the scuffle. Charlie wakes up in her bed to Burns “explaining” the situation to her mom and Ron. Charlie tries to plead her case, but she’s sent to her room while the grown ups handle it. She immediately leaves, her brother almost ratting her out when she goes to get Memo, but she recruits Otis to hide her running away from Sally and Ron. They saw a new report about a “military drill” happening at McKinnon Air base and assume that’s where they’re holding Bee and head there.

 

This escalated quickly.

At the base, Powell watches the Decepticons interrogate Bee. The kids arrive as the Decepticons trigger Optimus’ recording. They openly discuss basically destroying the planet when the Autobots arrive, Powell overhears and warns Burns about their betrayal before he’s turned into goo. Shatter discovers a communication tower nearby that they can supercharge to call in the Decepticon army, and Dropkick blasts Bee to execute him. They leave and Charlie and Memo rush to try to save him. She’s able to revive him after several taser gun shots and reboots his memory. She and Bee race off to stop the Decepticons while Memo stays back to delay sector 7. Want to see how it ends? See the movie to find out.

 

The good first, as per usual. I loved the amount of Transforming in this movie. Bay’s films have one, maybe two really cool transformation shots per movie. This one really showcased the shape changing abilities of Cybertronians. Bee is constantly partially transforming, swapping forms, and the like to get out of messes or make shots more interesting. I liked one detail where Bee’s form remains pretty static, but the hood of his vehicle mode that makes up his chest morphs to match his car mode. The fact that this is Bumblebee’s movie, he got a lot of characterization. I’d say more that he got since the first film. Bay’s movies aren’t great for character development. I liked seeing how Bee learned to speak through the Radio… even though I’m not a huge fan of him being mute. Sorry, the fact that a character who’s whole thing was being a wisecracking wiseass can’t speak is just an odd choice to me. I liked Charlie, she’s one off the better human partners in these movies. This was right around where Hailee Steinfeld’s career really started taking off, it was neat seeing this phenomenal actor in an inarguably simple action movie. I think keeping the villains also down to two was good. Shatter and Dropkick aren’t exactly complicated villains, but having the “Boss” and the “muscle” makes them feel more fleshed out than the dozens of generic baddie soldiers with iconic Transformer names in previous movies. John Cena is fine too. He’s a pretty generic soldier type, but he has a few good lines thrown in that foreshadow his Peacemaker glory. And speaking off, I liked that there was less… Army-ganda in this film. Every single one of Bay’s films had the US Military play a huge role in stopping the Decepticons. I’m sorry, but if one of your villains has a gun that turns people into goo, your regular soldiers or even the most advanced human drones are just going to annoy the giant robots. Burns gets a moment where he gets to distract Shatter in the finale, but that seemed to be more her keeping him from breaking her delicate communication device than fear of her own body.

 

It's a very pretty bridge.

The bad is minimal but there. The parents are just insufferable in this. Like, they don’t act like Sally is a particularly bad parent, but she does NOTHING to talk to her daughter who is clearly still going through some stuff. She just seems to expect Charlie to stop being depressed because it’s been a year or two since her dad’s death. The whole bit from Ron giving her a book telling her to “just be happy” sets my teeth on edge as a natural pessimist. And they’re… incredibly heavy handed in how Charlie resolves her issues. The end of the film has her literally diving into a pool to “save” Bumblebee in the finale. Like… wow, there’s no subtlety in that whatsoever.

 

Overall, I really liked this movie. It’s easily the best Transformer’s film. The human character was interesting, the action was consistently good, and the movie seems to excise the worst Bay-isms from this franchise that I love. Minor issues still plague it, but they’re as much modern movie issues as they are just Transformers issues. I’m super hopeful that Rise of the Beasts will be on par with this at the very least. It’ll be interesting to see how this new franchise handles a bigger cast, as we’re going from just Bumblebee, Dropkick and Shatter, to, at minimum, Bumblebee, Optimus, Wheeljack, Arcee, Mirage, Optimus Primal, Rhinox, Airrazor, Cheetor, and Scourge. Lots more characters this go round. So yea, hopefully optimistic. I’ll see you later. 

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Review: Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania

 Into the tiniest of spaces.

Okay, another movie a long time coming. It’s unfortunate that the delay was due in no small part to the… unsavory reveal that Jonathan Majors plays barely controlled sociopaths is due to him actually being one. I’m not qualified to discuss how often Hollywood seems to rise and protect extremely dangerous individuals like this, but yeah, I’m seeing a trend. Enough heavy stuff let’s talk about something fun. Let’s talk, Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania.

 

When we last saw Ant-Man and the Wasp, they were having a moment with Scott’s daughter Cassie. They were trying to make up for the five years lost with Scott in the Quantum Realm and the Pym/Van Dynes being dust. It was a nice bit of relaxation for them after battling with the forces of Thanos.

 

The movie begins with a flashback to the original Wasps, Jan van Dyne while she was stranded in the Quantum realm, an extra dimensional space that can be reached by shrinking down beyond subatomic size. She sees something fall into the realm and crash nearby. She runs out to investigate it, finding a crashed ship. She’s immediately attacked by some Quantum realm monsters, one she kills herself, but the second is taken out by Kang, who had pulled himself from the wreck of his ship. He asks what this place is.

 

A nice domestic moment.

We jump out to San Francisco and a reading from Scott Lang’s book “Look Out For The Little Guy,” he seemed to have moved up in the world since fighting the Infinity War. He’s a local celebrity, getting lots of free food and random “thank you’s!” for his part saving the world. He’s still with Hope van Dyne, whom has taken over her parent’s company, rebranded it as Pym Van Dyne and is using her power and resources to try to help the world. So, in short, things are good for them. That is until its revealed that Cassie has gotten into her teen vigilante phase. She calls her Dad to bail her out of jail. She’s apparently used Pym particles to shrink a cop car during a raid on an illegal homeless camp. Oh my.

 

On the drive home, Scott tries to not be a disciplinarian parent when he REALLY needs to be, trying to tell Cassie to not do stuff like shrinking cop cars while trying to act like it’s her decision to make. It’s revealed that Cassie has a size changing suit, and she makes rather backhanded comment about being able to look after herself after all that. They try to change the subject and turn on the radio, only for it to be revealed that Scott listens to his own audiobook. Eyeroll.

 

They all arrive that the Pym’s house, where they have dinner. Hank shows off how much he loves using Pym particles by supersizing a personal pizza with them. Damn. Hank makes an offhand comment about if Cassie made any new friends in jail this time, inadvertently informing Scott she’s been arrested before. Cassie says that she didn’t want to tell him because he’d be like this, and Hank mentions he’d break her out with ants. Scott tries to talk to Cassie about her feelings of wanting to help people, with Cassie again making a judgey comment about how at least she’s still trying. Scott is clearly hurt by the implication that he’s ‘not being heroic’ anymore, helped along by his life-partner and her parents teasing him about saving the world and writing a book. Cassie mentions that they’re “working on something,” Hank, Hope and Cassie that is, and when pressed says they just need to show him.

 

They all go down to Hank’s lab, where we first see a hyperintelligent ant colony building a super society. He’s pulled away by Cassie talking about having read Hank’s journals while everyone was gone and learning about the Quantum realm. With the help of Hank and Hope when they got back, Cassie made subatomic ‘Hubble telescope’ in the basement while everyone was gone. Jan’s back is clearly up at why she wasn’t consulted about this, but the other Pym’s claim they tried to talk to her but she never wanted to talk about it. Things come to a head when Cassie reveals she’s sending a signal down into the Quantum Realm. Jan freaks out, demanding that they shut it down and violently pulls the plug on the device. Before she can explain why she did it, a blue sphere comes out of the device. It blasts them back and then starts sucking things into the Quantum Realm. Scott is the last one pulled in along with Hank’s super ants. Hope suits up and catches her parents before crashing into a part of the Quantum Realm, Scott doing the same to save Cassie.

 

With the Pym’s, Hope wakes up in a sort of fungal forest, finding Hank a moment later. He’s clearly confused by what they see here, as it’s nothing like the part of the Quantum Realm he saw when they saved Jan. They see something flying in and scanning the forest, but Jan grabs them and shoves them out of sight of the scanner. She says they need to find Scott and Cassie and get out of there.

 

Obligatory not in Kansas anymore.

Scott tries to get in contact with the Pyms and is getting nothing. He’s clearly freaking out but trying to seem calm. Mere moments after repeatedly saying they’ll be okay, they’re attacked by a carnivorous plasma ball and then an ameba the size of a Sandworm. Scott gets rid of the Plasma ball, but the Lang’s are saved by the Ameba from a group of Quantum People. One of which has a cannon for a head.

 

Back with the Pym’s, Jan repeats her mantra for this movie “We’ll talk later” about the Quantum Realm. Hank notes that he’d studied the Quantum Realm for years searching for Jan and wonders why it didn’t look like this to him before. Jan reveals that he simply could get good enough view from outside. He claims that there are worlds within worlds, a secret universe in the Quantum realm. 

 

We jump back over to Scott and Cassie being captured by the Quantum People. Scott is clearly freaking out, but no more so then when Cassie, with obvious jelly on her face, tells him to “Drink the ooze.”

 

The Pyms meet with a caravan of some sort. They get encircled by these Quantum people, Jan going to confront them. She fights with the leader, slicing off his arm and stabbing him, only for the creature to regenerate and them to laugh about the whole thing. He summons a giant beast for them to fly on. Jan says they need to look for an old friend of hers that should know where Scott and Cassie are.

 

Back at the camp, Scott is force fed the ooze. It’s revealed that the ooze is from an organism called Bev, and that the ooze seems to work as an auto translate feature. One of the leaders of the camp, Quaz the telepath, walks up. There’s a joke that he wishes he couldn’t read minds because everyone is disgusting. The Quantum people wonder what they should do with them. They try to explain that they’re from another universe, or whatever. Quaz confirms it, though he’s clearly confused by this. A woman comes down saying that it doesn’t matter what they say, as they’re from a different world like “Him” and he will seek them out. When asked who she means, she simply says “The Conqueror.”

 

The Pym’s fly into a space port. Hank is flabbergasted by the idea of a subatomic universe. His musings on evolution and humanities’ place in the universe are interrupted by a robots with glowing heads abusing locals, Jan saying to keep his head down and ignore it. She leads them to a secret bar area where a bunch of organisms have gathered. She orders the ooze for everyone, letting them get the auto translate feature. Jan goes off, saying to a creature that she’s here to see Crylock.  Jan grabs them just after a creature with a broccoli head hits on Jan. As they walk over, Hank gets some kind of interference on his hearing aid. Jan explains that she was a “freedom fighter” with Crylock and he should be able to help. “Lord” Cryler, who is revealed to be Bill Murry, arrives and is very Bill Murry. He reveals to the Pyms that Jan spoke of them often before getting down to business. Before they can talk about what they need, Cryler suggests getting food.

 

At the camp, Quaz reveals that the Lang’s know nothing, and the leader woman says to get rid of them. Scott tries to get their help to get them home, but they aren’t interested. They’re busy dealing with the Conqueror, who burned their homes and built his citadel in the ashes. Scott really wants to get Cassie out of there, but Cassie wants to stay and fight. She’s again, incredibly judgy of her father’s choices, saying that just because it’s not happening to him doesn’t mean it’s not happening. Scott takes the comments, saying that they need to find Jan and get out of here. The warrior woman reacts to the name, saying that Jan shouldn’t be there.

 

Cryler jaws with the Pyms for a few minutes before it’s revealed that he’s now working for the Conqueror. As if the “freedom fighter is now a lord” thing wasn’t a huge tip off. Some of Kang’s drones arrive, Cryler holding them off so that everyone can talk. He reveals that Kang wants to talk to her, and their other friends. Unfortunately, while Cryler came to speak to Jan, Kang has dispatched the “Hunter” to find the Langs. A Mechanized Organism Designed Only for Killing. Oh no. Cryler says he doesn’t know where they are but they’re probably dead. Cryler tells Jan to just give Kang what he wants, and Jan laments her friend becoming ‘this.’ The Pyms spring a trap, Hope blasting guards about with her powers and her parents’ getting weapons. They steal Cryler’s ship and fly off.

 

This is actually an improvement. The theatrical
version looked like his face was being projected on
a screen.

The camp begins to disperse, the leader lady wanting the Langs to be taken as far from them as possible… just before Kang’s ships fly in and a raid begins. The resistance people scramble to get away while Scott and Cassie run around in the chaos. Scott is forced to grow to save them from being hit by a crashing ship. They see the warrior lady get captured by Kang’s guards, Cassie running in to save her. Scott follows her and tries to give her a crash course on with size changing powers. Quaz’s telepathy goes off and he tells the warrior lady, Centoro they need to leave. Why? The hunter has arrived. It lays waste to the remaining rebel forces before cornering Scott and Cassie. The hunter is revealed to be Darren Cross, who had been sent to the Quantum realm in the first movie and rebuilt into MODOK. He claims that Scott can’t run from him, or his master. Kang is the future, the past and now all he needs is Scott.

 

On the Pym’s ship, Jan still dodges around telling her family anything.

 

We move to the Citadel. MODOK arrives to gloat. We get a few snippets of what happened to him via flashback as he talks about being abandoned in the Quantum realm to die. It looks like that he crashed into the realm after having shrunken unevenly. After that, Kang found him, fitted him in his flying chair thing and used MODOK to help him build his new World. MODOK is clearly trying to make his life sound less horrible than it is.

 

Back on the ship, Jan spills the beans. She met Kang after his ship had crashed. He claimed to be a traveler who crashed when his ship malfunctioned. The Ship can travel across time and through dimensions, Kang promising her it can take them anywhere if they can get it going. They work together to attempt to reenergize his ship’s energy core, but they spend years hitting dead ends. But, Jan admits it was nice to have someone to talk to after years of being alone. Kang tells her that he can give her more time, more time with Hope once they escape. He claims time is a cage and that it’s only when one is broken free of it that you see how small it is. They were finally able to get the ship recharged. They prepare to leave, but the ship was connected to Kang’s mind and when they powered it on, she saw what he really was. She saw the destruction he wrought over multiple realities. It’s at that point where she learns that he didn’t “crash” but was exiled to the Quantum Realm. She didn’t know by whom, but that was clear. Kang offers to take her to Hope, and when Jan asks what he’ll do after that, he just says “win.” He uses his ship to outfit him in his armor. He promises to use his ship to rewrite history for her so that she never left Hope, and even promises he’ll leave that timeline alone. Not wanting to unleash Kang, Jan used her own Wasp powers to shrink down and attempt to steal the power source for his ship.  Kang stops her from flying off, but Jan is able to thwart him by using some size changing charges to make the sphere into a giant damn mountain. So, while Kang was trapped, access to his suit made him more powerful and he used his power to turn his cage into his empire. Jan claims they fought for years before they pulled her out of the Quantum Realm. They know that he’s after his ship’s core and that he needs Pym particles to get it.

 

I will give it to Kang, he's intimidating as hell.

In the prison, Kang arrives. Scott tries to use his Avenger’s cred to just get Kang to let them go, but Kang admits he doesn’t remember Scott, asking if he’d killed him before. MODOK tries to get a word in, but Kang tortures him, telling his minion to not speak in his presence. Kang offers Scott a deal, get him the power core and free him, and they get to live. He claims that he’s the only one who can stop what’s to come, the ending that will destroy them all. The ending brought about by all of his Variants. When Scott still refuses to deal, Kang pulls him into the force field to torture him. He then tells Scott what is going to happen, he’ll get Kang the orb or he’ll kill Cassie in front of him and replay it in front of him until he begs for death. Scott buckles when Kang starts torturing Cassie, Kang releasing him and telling the “Ant-Man” that he’s out of his league. He opens a portal to the power core and users Scott, Cassie and MODOK through it.

 

The Pyms arrive on the outskirts of the core as Scott is sent in to shrink the core back to size. Cassie breaks free of her guards to hug Scott and tells him it’s all her fault. Scott tells her that his whole life happened because of screw ups and not to bat herself up about it. he leaps into the core. What follows is a trippy as hell scene where basically all possible versions of Scott start appearing and arguing with him about how to handle the situation. Hundreds of Scotts form, including one that’s in the Baskin Robbins outfit for some reason. All these Paul Rudds screaming they’re real just takes me back to Jericho the imaginary horse from that episode of Bob’s Burgers.

 

Her name has never been accurate.

Hope gets a reading on Scott and dives in to help him. All the Scotts start running around, trying to figure out how to get to the core as some of them start dying. The original Scott gets buried by his possibilities, until Cassie begs him to just come back one more time. The Ant-Men all help original Scott raise up to the core and get one of the shrinking devices onto it. Unfortunately, it shorts out and burns. The tower of Ant-Men fall, almost taking Scott with them, but he’s grabbed by Hope at the last second. All the possibilities merge at this point, and they fire more rings to shrink the core back down to size. They grab the sphere as Hope’s parents’ land. Jan tries to convince him to run with the core, but Kang arrives while they’re arguing. Back on the ship, MODOK runs into Hank and MODOK tries to get payback for being abandoned. Kang steals the orb telekinetically from Scott and knock him and Wasp aside with at flick of his wrist when they try to stop him. MODOK cripples Hank’s ship and causes it to crash. Kang grabs Jan, saying she left him right there to die, so they can see how her family does. In the wreckage of the ship, a giant Ant finds Hank.

 

In his throne room, Kang brings Jan to him and asks her what she saw when she saw into his mind. She tells him that she saw a monster that thinks he’s a God. He admits that him and his variants were the ones that continually broke creation. He saw that inevitably they’d destroy everything, and that he forced his other selves into line. Before they banished him. She claims it’s not about saving anyone but about getting revenge on those who wronged him. And he just says that he wished that killing trillions to get his way mattered. Meanwhile, Cassie frees herself and slips away from her guards.

 

At the crash site, Hank finds Scott and Hope with his giant Ants. He reveals his super ants landed in another part of the Quantum Realm and spent the day advancing thousands of years. The ants are repairing his ship, and the team try to think of a plan.

 

Cassie goes to Centoro and tries to free her to get backup. Guards arrive to stop her, but Cassie has figured out the jump and tap of Ant-person fighting, slamming the face of a guard into the cell and freeing Centoro.

 

Kang reveals to Jan that he’d built an empire down here in her absence and that he plans to take it with him. He plays a broadcast to his minions, promising that today they are going to conquer eternity. He’s cut off by Cassie and Centaro who basically call on everyone who can help to stop Kang.

 

So it’s Ant-Man, the Wasp, another Ant-Man, Cassie, an armada of ants and some rebels vs. Kang the Conqueror. Check out the movie to see how they do.

 

…

 

In an after credits scene, it’s revealed that the Grand Council of Kangs, the giant collective of Kang Variants, are aware of the Exiled One’s death and are planning on moving to now that he’s been permanently removed.

 

There’s also a teaser for Loki, Season 2, where Loki and Mobius watch as Victor Timely, one of Kang’s Variants, unveils his time machine and Loki is absolutely terrified.

 

Okay, so good first. The effects of this movie are great. The main issue I had on firsts viewing was MODOK’s unarmored face. It looked like they were just projecting his face onto a space helmet. Like, his face was all there but it was just too… flat to be natural. While I rewatched it, they clearly added additional depth and texture to MODOK’s face to seem more… real. MODOK himself was also fun. I enjoyed that basically everyone refused to call him MODOK when they realized he was Darren. Some folks were disappointed that he was such a comedic character… but he’s literally a giant floating head, you can’t play that straight in a medium outside the comics. Jonathan Majors as Kang is the standout in this film. This is less acting, as we’ve learned and more like him channeling the rage that he’d kept more or less under wraps until recently. He’s vaguely threatening in every scene, and he gives Kang’s insane god complex speeches perfectly. It’s a real shame that he’s apparently a violent abuser.  The final brawl between him and Scott was pretty well done too. I kind of enjoyed the whole undertone of their interactions, where they both know Scott Lang isn’t really a threat to Kang in any way, but he just refuses to get out of Kang’s way, and that is more frustrating than anything else. Honestly a good message for an Ant-Man story.

 

The bad is a combination of being extremely dull and paint by numbers. The resistance that we learn about in this film is generic as hell. They try to act like Centaro and her crew are super relevant to the plot… but they could have been completely wiped from the plot and nothing would change. Just send in more ants and sooner. I honestly don’t know why they didn’t just have Kang be the unopposed Ruler, as the rebels did almost nothing to affect the plot. They’re just kind of there for most of the movie. Aside from giving Scott and Cassie the ability to speak… subatomic and to help with the final push, (something they did badly by the way) they did absolutely nothing. The story seemed to not know what to do with the Pym’s in particular between getting into the Quantum Realm and reuniting with the Langs at the core. That whole bit with Bill Murray was just a solid 10 minutes of nothing really interesting. Hell, they could have just flown that giant manta ray thing to the core and skipped the port all together. The story picks up once Scott and Cassie are captured, but that’s a solid 45 minutes of this movie that just drrraaaaggggsssssss. And… I’m just not a fan of how Cassie especially but the Pyms too, seem to have decided that Scott has stopped being a hero. The man is an Ex-con that spent the last decade jumping from major conflict to prison to major conflict, I can’t fault him for taking some time off to try to enjoy himself after all that. All I’m saying.

 

Also, this isn’t so much a bad… but… uh… Ants are expansionist, relentless and have a very rigid caste system. Leaving a highly advanced Ant civilization in the Quantum Realm feels less like an out-and-out victory and more like a “under new management” moment. All I’m saying.

 

So… this is a very middling Marvel movie to me. The biggest saving grace of it is Jonathan Major’s performance, a performance that is incredibly soured by the reality of the actor. The first and second act really drags despite us jumping into the Quantum Realm almost immediately. The Wasp and her parents were really under utilized and it feels like we traded Scott’s Ex-Con crew in for more support characters but completely uninteresting ones. Scott feels like he’s being judged on all sides for wanting to take a break and enjoy his life a little. And while I love Bill Murray, he was not necessary to this movie at all. Waste of ten minutes. I’d say it’s a lackluster entry into the MCU, but I do know that the next film blows it out of the water. More on that later this week. Have a good night, everyone. 

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Twitter: @BasicsSuperhero

Viewer Log: Beast Wars ep 2

Gorilla vs. Deinonychus, it's much less one side than it sounds. 

         Last time on Beast Wars, the Wars… began. Predacon insurrectionists stole the Golden Disk from the Maximals on Cybertron and used a ship with a Transwarp drive to travel to Earth’s ancient past. A group of Maximal explorers caught up to them and both ships shot each other down. They crash land on the planet, only to discover that it’s not Earth. The coordinates are right, as is the fauna, but none of the other readings match. The planet is rich in naturally occurring Energon crystals, though, so the Predacons decided to make lemonade from these lemons. The Maximals plan to stop them. Both sides take on Beast forms to work as hazmat suits to protect them from the intense Energon radiation. A skirmish is had between them, but both sides come off relatively unscathed. The Maximals return to their base to discover one of the Predacons, Dinobot, waiting. Megatron’s former second-in-command had been fired for trying to usurp control of their group after discovering this wasn’t the right planet for their plan. He announces that he and Optimus will have a trial by combat to see who will lead the Maximals. Enough recap. Let’s get to it.

 

Anyone else hearing duel of fates playing?

We begin right where we left off, Dinobot standing on the bridge and challenging Optimus to trial by combat for the position of leader of the Maximals. Optimus, ever the diplomat, tries to convince Dinobot that he can join them without fighting, not as the leader but as an ally, but that’s not on the table for Dinobot. He shows off his confidence in his assumed victory by revealing he’d pre-emptively changed his activation code, shouting “Dinobot, MAXIMIZE!” Optimus transforms as well and the two of them start fighting. Optimus pulls out a pair of scimitars and Dinobot whips out a sort of spinning rapier and… I have no idea how to describe his other, signature weapon. Imagine someone took off the rotating blades of a helicopter and used them as a weapon. That’s basically it. Cheetor prepares to Transform and fight Dinobot too, but the others stop him, the more seasoned members of the team knowing that this won’t be settled without Optimus getting a clear win. Optimus nearly falls, gets up and decks Dinobot in the face. Dinobot recovers from his robot concussion and says that he’s still alive, so Optimus has to finish it. Optimus tells him that’s not how Maximals do, and Dinobot says that will have to change as he uses his laser eyes to blast Optimus. No, he’s never very consistent with laser eye use. Optimus stumbles  back and falls, catching himself with his legs at the last moment. Dinobot, shockingly, grabs him and throws him back onto the bridge. When Optimus asks why, Dinobot says that he saw Optimus slipped. By his honor code, if Optimus had died that way, it wouldn’t be a victory for him and would taint his leadership. He goes on to say one of the most badass lines of the franchise, “I prefer to beat my opponents the old-fashioned way… BRUTALLY!” before attacking again. They dual for a few seconds, both bots admitting they have qualities the other likes.

 

Meanwhile, the Predacons have arrived and are watching from a distance. Megatron decides that it would be preferable if there wasn’t a winner in this conflict. The Predacons Terrorize and fire missiles at the duelists. The Maximals see it coming and Cheetor shouts to Optimus. Optimus, thinking quickly, reverts to beast mode and tackles Dinobot. Everyone thinks they fell to their deaths for a moment, but it’s revealed that Optimus used his simian feet to catch them. As they hang, Dinobot starts shorting out. He can’t transform with Optimus holding his foot, so tells him to let Dinobot drop. He refuses, saying they’ll both go if he can’t save him. Rhinox grabs Optimus at the last second and pulls them up. The Predacons unleash all their firepower on the bridge, destroying it in a manner I’m pretty sure is impossible, with Rattrap almost falling to his death. Optimus grabs him, though and pulls him up.

 

That's a lot of crystal.

Megatron, furious, hits Terrorsaur and blames his soldiers for letting the Maximals escape. Scorponok points to their still traveling missiles and they see them impact a nearby mountain. It reveals a gigantic Energon crystal. The Predacons revert to Beast Mode and head out. The Maximals see it too and try to decide what to do. Dinobot says that Megatron will be unstoppable with a crystal that size. Rattrap, already tired of Dinobot, tells Rhinox to scrap him, but Optimus holds them off. He asks if Megatron will send the fliers out ahead, Dinobot says no, as only the spider Tarantulas has the expertise to cut it into moveable chunks. They head out, with Rattrap announcing they’re all gonna die.

 

Sometime later, the Maximals are on approach. Rhinox asks if Optimus shouldn’t transform and use his jets to fly ahead. Optimus says that he won’t, they need to stay together, as they don’t know what the Predacons or the planet itself might have in store for them. Rhinox points out an excellent example of that last point, a giant Stonehenge like structure just off their path up the mountain. Terrorsaur and Waspinator fly in, transform, and start shooting. The Maximals hold them off until they hit their Energon limit, though, and they retreat. Dinobot, not wanting to let them get away, fires eyebeams after them, almost crushing Rhinox when his beams break some of the cliffside off and it nearly crushes him. Rattrap, not believing that to be an accident, attacks him. He almost blows Dinobot’s head off, but Optimus lands and tells him to stand down, saying it was an accident. Rattrap is insubordinate again, Optimus telling him to question his orders one more time and see what happens. Rattrap backs down and they start traveling again.

 

Literal beast war!

The Predacon arrives first, Tarantulas observing that the energy output of that crystal would destroy them in less than a minute in Robot mode, so this fight is going to be in beast mode. The Maximals arrive a short time later and they face off. They charge each other, literally slamming into each other before one-on-one fights begin to rock music. Some fights are thematic, Optimus vs. Megatron, Dinobot vs. Scorponok, others are just bad luck… I’m thinking specifically of Terrorsaur vs. Rhinox. Bird-cousin vs. biological tank, tank wins. Megatron gets Optimus down and nearly crushes him with his jaws, but Optimus tosses him off and he gets his head trapped in between rocks. Megatron breaks free, charges Optimus again and takes a huge chunk out of Optimus’s  right leg. Given the bite force of a T-Rex jaws being enough to turn bone into literal powder, Cybertronian metal must be tough. Optimus throws him off but crumples a moment later. He shouts that the fight is over, but Megatron is in a “If I can’t have it, no one can” transforming and launching a missile at Optimus. Dinobot runs in, knocking the missile to one side, causing the Energon to start to go off. Cheetor announces “it’s time to fade, heroes!” and everyone runs. It looks like for a moment that Megatron died from the Energon exposure… just to show him a moment later leaping from the mountain to get out of the blast radius.

 

After the battle, Dinobot clarifies that he didn’t save Optimus out of loyalty but to make them even on their life debt for Optimus saving him. Rattrap sarcastically asks if they can go home now, since they beat Megatron and destroyed that crystal. Optimus says no, not mentioning the damaged ship, but because Megatron could be back and if he even gets a little Energon off the planet, they’re boned. So, he says let the fight remain on this strange, alien world, and let it be called BEAST WARS!

 

…

 

I feel like he would know it’s just one war, so it be the Beast War, but I guess the plural sounds cooler.

 

Part two of the pilot episode was about 2/3rd battle, but they were good battles, and the 1/3 plot was interesting. We got good insight into Dinobot as a character. The “Noble Villain” thing is hard to pull off, but I think they find a good balance with Dinobot. He tries to avoid using underhanded tactics in a fight, but he’s also unwilling to listen to peaceful solutions when presented. The “Brutally!” line has lived rent free in my head since 1996. That’s approaching 30 years. The episode does also take a moment to plant the seeds of the mysteries on this planet, with that weird Stonehenge the Maximals passed on their way to the mountain. The aliens that set up that structure and others are recurring plot points in the series, serving as the third recurring plot. The three big plots are: 1. Maximals or Predacons attempt to use a one-off technology to get the upper hand, 2. Alien tech investigated, 3. Pod lands. The first season is very episodic, with a handful of overarching threads, but the episodic bits are interesting, so I can forgive it. The first two episodes only focus on Megs for the villain, but the other baddies get enough chances to differentiate themselves going forward. Tarantulas, in particular, goes from just this mildly creepy because he’s a spider background character to someone who’d be creepy even if his alt form were a baby panda. The teams have faced off, the Beast Wars have begun. I’ll probably be back to this story real soon. Next time, Quantumania, for sure, 100%, no dodging again. 

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