Viewer Log: Voltron ep 5

We begin pretty much right where last episode left off, with Commander Sendak sending his five Robot Drones to kill Pidge. They hack Pidge and Allura’s communication to figure out where she’s going. Clever little buggers. But, I do have to question sending your entire squad of robots to take out a single intruder. Sure, it may increase the odds of stopping the intruder, but decreases security around the control room. You’ve got the castle, the Lions, and most of the paladins. Sendak doesn’t even need to take off, really. Just call the boss, they’ll send a fleet, and then the bad guys win. I’m thinking too hard about this, aren’t I?

Not sure why Shay's species doesn't have pupils.

Pidge makes it to the generator room. Flashes back to her back when she went by her birth name of Katie Holt, having one last dinner with her brother and father before their mission to Kerberos. It’s the kind of sweet, happy moment that if we hadn’t already seen them disappear, I’d have called disappearance or death. After Shiro, and her family’s disappearance, she breaks into the office of a Galaxy Garrison official for answers. Her snooping has told her that the official story that everyone had died in a crash was complete bull spit. She’s caught, it’s stated that it’s happened before, and told she’s forever banned from GG property. Katie swears she’ll never stop looking for answers, which she obviously didn’t. Back in the present she gets attacked by the drones. Allura then enlists her mice to help with the whole force-field disabling thing. Who knew being telepathically connected to rodents would be useful?

Pidge is able to escape the Gulra Guardbots thanks to a hologram, and her whip like Bayard. She escapes to the training deck, and uses the invisible maze from a few episodes ago to trap and disable two of the guards. One of the remaining guards chases her into the ventilation and nearly kills her. She smashes it, nearly falls down the same airduck as the bot, but is saved at the last moment by Rover. Such a helpful little machine.  

Back with Coran and Hunk, they bond with the local Balmerans. The lizard-like people are very pro-family and generous. Except for one of them, Rox, Shay’s brother. He says and does things that make it clear he’s going to make bad choices. He’s very much a “keep our heads down and deal with life, because a sucky life is better than death,” sort of fellow. These guys never make the right choices when baddies show up. Shay lets them know that there’s one “star ship class” crystal that they are looking for, but it’s pretty much impossible to get. The crystals are incredibly rare, even before the over mining, and the Gulra jealously guard these as soon as they’re discovered. Coran goes to do some recon while Hunk repairs the ship.

Back with Pidge, she flashes back to her first day at Galaxy Garrison, and meeting Hunk and Lance. She runs into the commander whose office she’d broken into several times before, who is apparently an idiot. Why? Pidge modeled her “Guy” look off of her brother. Same hair style and color, to the point that she’s just a shorter version of her bro. Someone the command would either have known personally or by reputation. So how the flying cuss word did he not figure out that Pidge Gunderson was Katie Holt? Or at least connected to the Holts. No idea. She blows off Hunk and Lance to do more snooping. Back in the present, Pidge finally gets she’d been kind of a jerk to her team in the pasts and resolves to do better now. And she’s going to start by saving the day today. You go, girl.

Back on the Balmera, Hunk bonds with Shay the Balmeran. Shay has no idea what the sky looks like, having been forced to live in the caverns of the Balmera all her life. Kind of messed up, right? Hunk is kind of flabbergasted by the fact that the obvious slave, the latest in countless generations of slaves, doesn’t have a concept of freedom. Damn, Hunk, I know you’re not always the brightest, but come on. Rox interrupts their discussion and keeps being a dick. Not even going to waste time trying to think of a D I C K acronym. Rox is just a dick, plain and simple. He basically tells Hunk to buzz off and stop filling his sister’s head with impossible dreams.

Pidge is able to further sabotage the castle, overloading the ships main engine and disabling the Gulra soldier for a moment. She and the soldier, Haxous, duke it out after he recovered. Grown Gulra Male vs. pre-teen/teenage girl, it’s not the most even fight. Not being sexist here, no teenager could hope to go toe to toe with a full grown adult and a soldier at that. Haxous has the height, weight, strength and experience advantage. Despite these obvious handicaps, with Rover’s help she’s able to cause Haxous to die pretty horribly. She trips him up with her Bayard’s energy chain and knocks him off the side of the platform they’re on. He grabs Rover, who opts to power down, killing itself to finish off Haxous. I’d scream noooooo, if Rover had been a slightly more memorable character. I kind of forgot about the little guy until the last two episodes. Pidge is heartbroken to see her little drone dying, but isn’t really given a chance to grieve. Sendak contacts Pidge via the comms, tortures Shiro and tries to force Pidge to surrender. Jerk.

Yet another living planet. They seem to be pretty common
across the universe.

On the Balmera, Coran comes up with a harebrained scheme to get the Crystal, it goes horribly, but they’re able to disable the guards and get their hands on the crystal. They free it using the old techniques, at the cost of Coran’s back, but they are caught by the Gulra robot Guards. Quick flash of Sendak making evil speeches, before returning to Hunk and Coran in prison. They’re freed by Shay, who had stolen the crystal, stuck it in their ship before freeing them. Huh, pretty lucky that one Balmeran is strong enough to move a battleship class crystal without an escort, isn’t it? They make a break for it, but Rax turns them in to the Gulra. Again, he’s a dick. Shay communes with the Balmera, who disables the guards with a cave in. Shay’s captured in the escape, but Hunk vows to free her.

In one of the strangest scenes I’ve seen, the mice kill the remaining drone and disable the shield letting Keith and Allura back inside. Most vicious yet brilliant little vermin, ever. Pidge uses more holograms to distract Sendak, but the Gulra commander is craftier then she anticipated and sees through her rouse. He nabs her in his robot arm and starts crushing her. Keith and Allura arrive, Sendak implies he’ll crush Pidge in his robot hand if they don’t stand down. In the excitement, no one notices that Lance momentarily wakes up. Somehow he’s able to read the situation, summon his Bayard blaster, and shoots Sendak in the back. The impact is enough to force him to drop Pidge, but not kill him… for reasons. The group then rushes Sendak, literally disarming him of his robo-arm, before capturing him inside a force field. Keith and Lance have a bro-bonding moment, as Keith helps the injured Lance up and he grumbles “we make a good team.” Awh. Hunk and Coran just barely escape the Balmera thanks to Pidge’s tinkering with their pod. She included a booster rocket, which could have turned the pod into a fireball, but doesn’t because… reasons. Makes you wonder why they included the two lines setting up the possible consequences of using the booster rocket. Once they get back, they plug in the new crystal, Lance is stuck in a cryogenic healing pod, and Pidge decides to stay with the team. Hooray for teamwork.

This is a very Pidge centric episode. It answers a whole bunch of questions about her past, why she decided to infiltrate Galaxy Garrison, why she hid her gender, and also helped give her some character growth. Killing Rover to reach that end felt a little forced, but meh, I’ll let them have it. It also helps to set up Hunk’s story arc for the next few episodes, as watching Shay get captured to save them hits him pretty hard. Shay’s capture is Hunks, to quote Tallahassee from Zombieland, “Time to Nut up or Shut up” moment. Everybody needs one of those. The fight scenes, both between Haxous and Pidge as well as between most of the team and Sendak, are really well done despite only being a few seconds long. Once again, no Voltron, but as we established earlier, this isn’t really a bad thing. Less stuff about Voltron means more stuff about the characters, just about always a good thing. So yeah, a good episode. Next time, episode six.

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Viewer Log: Voltron ep 4

Episode 4 is the start of the new story arc. I kicked around a few ideas for an unofficial name for the next few episode’s arc, and settled on the Plight of the Balmera, for reasons that will be made apparent in the next couple of minutes. Why do I need to unofficially name the arc? Because, again, folks keep saying that you can just binge this. I, on the other hand, think we can break this up a little more. Enough set up, let’s get to it.

Hm... I'm hearing Stewie from Family Guy screaming
"Victory is Mine!" Not sure why...

Things start out peaceful enough, with Allura hosting a sort of ‘Getting to Know You’ party for the Arusians that they befriended last time. They seem to be taking the whole, “holy place that we’re not supposed to enter is actually somebody’s house,” thing pretty well. Which is a little surprising, not going to lie. But they took the whole “our goddess is actually a giant fighting robot” thing pretty well, too, so maybe Arusian’s are just a very accepting people. Everyone seems to be having a good time, except for a few folks. Shiro is ill at ease, believing that the casual little get together is just making them an easy target for Gulra attack. At the same time, Lance is suddenly hit by an extreme feeling of homesickness, as the grand scale of their fight against the evil alien empire and the sheer size of the universe kind of just hits him in the face. He misses his mom, can’t fault a guy for that. And Pidge is acting incredibly shifty, and gathering food into a knapsack. At the same time, Allura is learning secrets about her friends from the mice that she is psychically bonded too. Why the heck is that not the weirdest sentence that I’ve ever written? Anyway, she learns something about Hunk and Lance, we’re not told exactly what, and is given the ‘shocking news’ that Pidge is in fact a girl. After seeing Pidge pilfering pastries, and then cleaning her ear in a most unladylike manner, she asks the obvious question, “Are you sure?” and when the mice stand by their news, she vows to get to the bottom of this.

Outside the party, Commander Sendak and his minimal surviving crew, one other soldier and like five robot drones, are doing exactly what Shiro was worrying about, plotting to attack. They spend a few minutes trying to figure out how to attack a fully functional, highly advanced castle with so few troops, when the opportunity presents itself. The two aliens see that Pidge has Rover, her flying Gulra drone companion, and come up with an ingenious plan. use some alien tech to copy its signal frequency. Why? So they can upload it into their own drone and send it in as a Trojan Horse. The computer will scan it, think that it’s Rover and not react to them. Simple, but effective. Also, this is why it is bad to steal enemy technology. Just saying.

After a sort of awkward conversation where Allura tries to get Pidge to spill the beans on her being “a her,” Pidge reveals she’s dropping out of the whole Team Voltron thing, and going to look for her father and brother. She rigged up a shuttle pod to use, and is planning on leaving that night. Hunk is all for bailing too, he’s not the bravest of folks if that wasn’t clear, but Keith on the other hand is very vocal about how selfish they’re both being, putting their personal baggage over the fate of the known universe. I’m with Keith on this one. While I can understand wanting to find missing family members and being terrified of fighting an alien empire, when you’re one of five people that can pilot a giant fighting Robot, you muscle through it. The needs of the many out ways the needs of the few and all that, just saying.

Sad Lance. :(

While this is going on, Coran and Lance bond a little over their shared homesickness. Not sure why, Coran’s homeworld of Altea sounds kind of awful. What? Don’t give me that look. It rains hot lead. Regularly! It’s probably for the best that it’s either space debris or a lifeless husk, now. Wow, I went to dark place with that one. Their screen time is cut short by Trojan-Drone, who flies in and blows the crystal powering the castle to smithereens. Lance gets pretty badly injured protecting Coran, throwing himself between him and the explosion. And at the same time, Sendak launches a raid against the Arusian village. Dude is really great at causing a ruckus, isn’t he?

So let’s go over the bad news. 1. The Castle is completely without power, cutting the team off from the Altean tech they need to help Lance recover, castle defenses, and the Voltron Lions which are now locked in their bays. 2. Lance is badly injured, in a coma, and will probably die horribly if he doesn’t receive medical care. 3. Their allies are under attack and will probably die without help. And 4. The enemy is pretty much at the gates, waiting to pounce. All around, a pretty awful end to the evening. They decide to divide and conquer. Keith and Allura go to help the Arusians. Hunk and Coran go out using Pidge’s Pod to find a replacement crystal. Pidge had left the bay for her pod open, since she expected to leave in a couple of minutes. Hooray for selfish goals… for once. And Shiro and Pidge stay behind to protect the castle and Lance.

And things spiral out of control from there. Once at the village, Keith and Allura realize that the attack was a diversion to split them up, thus weakening the castle’s pretty much non-existent defenses. Amazing what you can do with a few broken robots, sticks, and a handful of high grade explosives, isn’t it? At the same time, Sendak and his crew attack the castle. Seven on two, not great odds. Despite being outgunned, and outnumbered, Shiro actually puts up an amazing fight. He and Sendak actually fight to a standstill, despite the alien’s assumed more extensive combat training, and his obviously better robot arm. While Shiro’s arm is really just a normal arm with a purple energy pulse, Sendak’s arm is like a mace attached to his shoulder. But, Shiro is forced to surrender when Sendak’s second-in-command puts a gun to Lance’s head. Damn villains, always pulling stunts like that. Pidge escapes by using her small size and some stealth technology she’d rigged up.

Keith and Allura get back to the castle about two seconds too late to do anything. The Gulra plug in their own evil version of a power crystal, power up the forcefield, and begin prepping for takeoff. The castle is actually a giant space ship; did I forget to mention that? But, thankfully, all is not lost thanks to Allura’s knowledge of the ship, and Pidge’s impressive brain. They’re able to disable a few key systems, grounding the ship a while longer. Unfortunately, Sendak is able to spot the pintsized saboteur and sends his troops to take care of the problem.

They're adorable, and harbingers of chaos!

Meanwhile, Hunk and Coran make it to a Balmera. A Balmera is a planet sized, fossilized living creature. It’s space, I guarantee that the Balmera isn’t the weirdest sci fi organism out there. Coran is rather horrified to learn that the Gulra were already at this particular Balmera and had set up a mining colony on it. They strip mine the creature for its precious crystals, rather than harvesting them and then doing a sort of ritual to replenish the Balmera’s strength, like the Alteans did 10,000 years ago. They’re shot at, shot down, and barely avoid being captured thanks to some helpful locals. Well, a helpful alien. Shey the Balmera lizard woman, and her stick in the mud brother Rax give them shelter from the Gulra troopers.  And that’s how it ends. Cliffhangers, they’re intense.

So… you may have noticed something missing from this episode. Yeah, no Voltron. Heck, we really don’t even see the individual Lions this time around. That’s the thing, in this iteration of the show, Voltron actually doesn’t appear that often. Which, is kind of a good thing. Sure, title character and all that, but in the end Voltron is just a tool for the heroes to use. The really interesting stuff involves the… what’s the best word here, considering the cast is only partially human? Humanoids? Sapients? People? Yeah we’ll go with people. The really interesting stuff involves the people. By showing them in a situation where their backs are to the wall, their greatest weapons are disabled, and their forced to fight tooth and nail for any chance at a victory, you get more intense drama and character development. It’s for that reason that I think that this remake is superior to my vague recollections of the original, from a story telling perspective. What’s better, a show that follows a formula in every episode, personal conflict, monster attack, stock footage of robots combining, kill monster, conflict resolved, hooray? Or, a story where the characters are constantly put in new situation and are always being forced to adapt to the new challenges that meet them? Yeah, number two is clearly better. And, despite Lance getting KOed for most of the episode, this episode actually had a few good character moments for Lance. His homesickness and description of his home life does add a fair amount of depth to Mr. Overconfident, Want-to-be Casanova Lance. He misses his family, particularly his Mom. Aw, almost makes up for Lance constantly hitting on Allura. Overall, a solid episode even if Voltron didn’t make an actual appearance. Next time, Episode Five. 

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Viewer Log: Voltron ep 3

And so we reach the end of our first arc. If we count the opening movie, and the previous episode, there has been a lot of build up to this first monster battle. All of it, smashing the Gulra ship, bonding as a team, and the first five to ten minutes of this episode, to show one fight with a giant robot Gorilla. Does it meet that build up? In a word, yes. But you’re here for more than just a word, so, let’s get to it.

We open to see villains doing villainy things. Zarkon is seen absorbing a large amount of “Quintessence.” In this show’s universe, that’s the name for ‘life energy,’ and it’s generally implied that it’s through absorbing planet’s worth of the stuff that Zarkon has been able to live for ten centuries. Implied, in that they don’t directly say it, but showing how much energy absorbs, and how much power he’ll show off later, it seems the most likely reason. And, if I had to guess a method of how an evil being stayed alive for centuries, it’d be eating a planet. Just saying.

He's got an energy ball, and he knows how to use it.

Back with the Paladins, Pidge and Shiro interview the aliens on what they recall about Shiro, as well as Pidge’s family. One alien explains that they’d all been slaves forced to fight for Gulra entertainment. Their first opponent was a monster named Myzax, it’s the same dude that Haggar fused with a metal ape. Pidge’s brother Matt was the one scheduled to fight Myzax first, but Shiro intervenes. The alien’s claim that Shiro’s bloodlust was so great that he injured Matt and took his spot as the first contestant. He defeated Myzax and earned the title of Champion. Pidge is rather upset to learn his leader and friend had attacked Matt. And Shiro can’t seem to accept that he’d lose it and attack a friend. Hm… I wonder why a six foot two, two-hundred-pounds of muscle soldier would do everything in his power to enter a death match before a younger, hundred-pounds-soaking-wet scientist? You see where I’m going with this, right? Anyway, Shiro suggests that he and Pidge investigate the downed Gulra warship they’d crashed in the first episode to see if it had any clues.

Meanwhile, the rest of the Voltron Paladins and Princess Allura meet and bond with the local peoples of Arus. They’d locals had come to believe that Allura’s castle was some sort of holy place, and that Voltron was a Lion Goddess. They try to befriend the Arusians, and explain that the whole “fire and metal raining from the sky” thing wasn’t because they’d angered a goddess. They have mixed results. The little Arusians insist on doing an apology dance, despite Allura’s insistence that it wasn’t necessary. Since the Arusians gave them the options of “accepting” the apology dance, or watching them incinerate themselves on a pyre, they went with the less violent one.

Commander Sendak is ready for round 2.

On board the Gulra Warship, Pidge and Shiro look for clues. They access a Gulra computer terminal using Pidge’s computer skills, and Shiro’s Gulra robot arm to power it. They start downloading the ship’s records, but are interrupted by something falling from the sky right at them. Much to Pidge’s dismay, they’re forced to abandon ship before the download was finished. The Paladins assemble, form Voltron, and then face off against Mecha-Myzax. Mecha-Myzax uses as weapon that can be best described as a weaponized version of one of those Ball-in-a-cup games. You know, toss a ball on a string in the air and catch it in a cup. It’s much more effective then it sounds. His right hand can create a ball of energy, which he then throws and can direct from a distance. It smashes into an opponent and then returns to his hand. If Voltron focuses on the energy orb, Mecha-Myzax hits them head on. If they focus on Mecha-Myzax, he hits them from behind with the energy orb.

The fighting causes Shiro to have another flashback. He remembers Myzax, and how he defeated him in the ring. Myzax used the same weapon in their fight. The weapon makes a loud buzzing sound when the orb is about to return to it, and after the orb has hit something three times, it needs to return to the weapon to recharge. They use this knowledge to time an attack, but despite their best efforts they fail to overpower Mecha-Myzax. Apparently his armor is stronger than robot lion jaws. Shocking, I know. They’re about to retreat, but the Red Lion gives Keith a hint on how to still win. We need to backtrack just a little. First episode everyone, except Shiro, is given a sort-of-magic weapon called a Bayard. It’s like a hilt that can shapeshift into a unique weapon for each Paladin. I didn’t mention it because they weren’t all that relevant until now. Hunk gets a giant cannon, Lance gets an energy rifle, Keith gets a sword, and Pidge gets a sort of energy blade on a chain. Shiro doesn’t get his, as his Bayard was lost with a previous Black Lion Paladin. Keith inserts his Bayard into a port his Lion revealed, which gives Voltron a colossal sword. They slice Mecha-Myzax to ribbons. High fives all around.

Honestly, are you that shocked Pidge is a she?

Despite this defeat, Zarkon isn’t all that concerned. Which, considering that he’s got the resources of the known universe at his fingertips, isn’t all that surprising. But that’s not the main reason he’s so confident. He reveals that Commander Sendak survived the Warship crash in the first episode, and that he’s now on a sabotage mission. Something wicked this way comes. Back with the Paladins, Shiro explains to Pidge what should have been obvious to begin with, that he injured Matt so he wouldn’t die fighting Myzax. Oh, and he reveals that Pidge is a girl. What!?

But, honestly, this should be a little obvious. Pidge looks exactly like Matt. In the picture Matt is glasses-less, and the girl looks like just a long haired Pidge complete with glasses. And, why the heck would Pidge be so upset whenever one of the guys saw the picture or made comments about it? This, according to my limited research, is one of the bigger liberties they took with the source material. In the Original Voltron, Pidge was 100% dude. It would seem that they did this to try and up the number of women on what was a predominantly male team, even by Team-Supehero/Power Rangers style shows. Sure a 2:5 ratio isn’t great, but it’s better than a 1:6. Just saying. Normally this isn’t the kind of thing I’d spoil, but 1. It was kind of obvious, and 2. It’s kind of a big deal from episode 4 onwards. Best to just get it out of the way now. So yeah, Pidge is a girl. Moving along.

Shiro’s big reveal, about intentionally injuring Matt to fight in his stead, is treated like a huge crisis of identity or something, but again, I kind of figured out the whole story pretty much from the get go. I think my earlier sarcasm illustrated that pretty well. And, while the reveal wasn’t great, It is rather cool to learn that Shiro’s robot arm is pretty much a Swiss army knife of powers. Superheated attack hand, and charges enemy tech. It also slices and dices.

Overall, this was a fine third episode, and end to the firsts story arc. The team has grown bit by bit, a few secrets have been revealed, they’ve protected their first planet, and newer and grander threats are on the horizon. Pretty much everything you want for the first story arc. Next time, episode Four, aka It hits the fan.

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Viewer Log: Voltron ep 2

I’ve read a few reviews of Voltron since the show premiered. All of them have highly praised the show, which I agree with wholeheartedly. But, most of them also claim that the show is designed for binging, and that episodes don’t really end but feed into the next one. And, while it is true that Voltron doesn’t have a single standalone episode, I would argue that it does have arcs. Three of them by my count. Each has a beginning, middle, and end which involves Voltron battling a Galra monster. Two of them are “Robeasts,” giant combinations of Gulra magic and tech in the shape of alien beasts, and once against the Gulra’s big bad boss, Zarkon. Episode two of Voltron is the middle episode of the first arc. This is one of the slower episodes, as there isn’t really any Robot on Robot brawling, but it’s still very well done. Let’s get to it.

Prepare to see a lot of this.
Group shots, its a team-show thing.

We begin with alarms. Lots and lots of alarms. The Voltron ‘Paladins’ are roused from sleep or their early morning routine by Allura and Coran freaking out about a Galra attack. Everyone except Lance, that is, who somehow acquired earmuffs. When they assemble on the bridge, however, it’s revealed to be a pretty lackluster drill. If the lack of explosions, fires, and general chaos hadn’t tipped them off, Coran’s overacting about Allura’s dismembered head’s final words was probably a big tip. Allura is rather upset to see that her new Paladins are 1. Incredibly slow to assemble, 2. All out of uniform except Shiro, and 3. Not all there. She tries to impress upon them the seriousness of the situation, once Lance gets his lazy bum out of bed, and shows them a map of the known universe. Basically, after 10,000 years of war, if it is a known star system, the Galra either own it, are invading it, or planning to invade it. So yeah, not the most ideal of situations. She insists that they spend the day training so they can form Voltron whenever the need arises. Yeah her ancestor, in their infinite wisdom, decided not to just include a button or switch that they could press to form the giant Robot, and instead made it so that the pilots had to bond with their giant mechanical quazi-magical jungle cats before they can mash them all together. Kind of a major design flaw, not going to lie. Also, for my viewers that are legally able to drink, I suggest turning this episode into a drinking game. Take a shot every time they use the phrase “Form Voltron,” or any possible variations. In 22 minutes, you’ll have a pretty good buzz going.

They try several different methods to try and force their Lions to transform into a giant fighting robot. Like flying in formation, stack the Lions like a cheerleader pyramid, dodging the castle defenses, and nosediving while blindfolded and pull up before crashing by ‘seeing’ through the Lions eyes. Results, 1. Nope. 2. Nope, 3. Definitely not, and 4. Hunk and Pidge pull up too early, Keith and Lance crash because they decided to race to the bottom, and Shiro actually does get it. 1/5… not great results. They do some team building exercises outside of their Lions too, facing combat simulations, trust exercises, and finally a weird computerized simulation. The simulation is actually rather interesting, as we get to see what is on the forefront of the Paladins’ minds. For Hunk, it’s food. No surprise there. Keith’s thoughts seem to wander to his shack back on Earth. Lance can’t help but think about, not women, but his rather large looking extended family. Huh, wasn’t expecting Lance to be a sentimental dude. Shiro thinks about his old spaceship. And Pidge’s mind seems focused on a picture. The picture had appeared one or twice before, it’s of Pidge and someone else. The other Paladins assume it’s Pidge and his girlfriend, but Pidge’s shifty attitude on the subject seems a little off. This training ends when Pidge announces that he refuses to have the others digging around in his head. That’s not suspicious at all…

Seriously, would it have killed the designers to include a
push to unite button? Team work and bonding is cool and all
but this is a Legendary defender for goodness sake.

They also face off against a supercharge warrior drone called the Gladiator. It quickly disables Hunk and Pidge, then Lance and Keith. When Shiro goes up against it, he has a sort of PTSD flashback to him fighting some sort of monster in an area, causing him to freeze up. Allura’s getting pretty exasperated with her Paladins, but tries one last tactic. When they sit down to eat, she has Coran handcuff them together, so they’d be forced to feed each other. This, again, doesn’t work well and leads to a giant food fight. But, it turns out a food fight is just what they needed. They bond, laugh, and are finally able to create their giant Robot. Hooray!

Meanwhile, the Gulra are working on a means to defeat Voltron. Haggar and the other Gulra druids use their magic and Gulra tech to create a giant robot that vaguely resembles a gorilla. Haggar them convinces a giant brute of an alien to volunteer for an experiment, with the promise that Haggar will give him the power to destroy the Champion, aka Shiro. They stick the monster dude in a coffin and seem to fuse him with the mechanized gorilla’s body. The episode ends with the first Robeast being sent to battle Voltron.

So like I said, this is a slower episode. Which is kind of welcome after the break neck speed of the first one. We get to see little bits about our heroes, simple things like their morning routines. Shiro and Keith seem to be early risers that do morning work outs and/or tinkering, Pidge is more of a night owl, pun intended, and works into the night, and Hunk and Lance are more into their beauty sleep. Especially Lance, given the lengths he goes to stay asleep. I’m still wondering where he got the headphones, blindfold, and blue lion slippers. Mostly the blue lion slippers. It’s also kind of interesting to see the Lance/Keith rivalry intensify by a quite a bit. From their banter in the previous episode, it seemed like the only one that thought they were rivals was Lance. But, by this episode, they are constantly trying to prove which of them was better. Heck, they crash their Lions in that plunge of faith simply because they tried to prove who was the most “in tune” with their mecha-cats. And they fail at least two combat simulations because Keith and Lance are more interested in one upping each other than team work.

It is also interesting to see how Shiro is reacting to his memories returning. Obviously, given the scars, premature grey/white hair, and his entire right arm being replaced, his time with the Galra wasn’t peaceful. The freezing up in combat and/or stressful situations just screams of Post-Traumatic Stress. Cartoon intended for kids has a character with PTSD, let that sink in.

And the episode does at least try to show the scale of what team Voltron is up against. The Galra empire is colossal in scale, with seemingly limitless resources and weapons at their disposal. They have one castle-battle ship, and five Lions that transform into one giant Robot. The odds are most certainly not in their favor. I also like the build up with the Gulra Druids and the Robeast. In taking a chunk of an episode just to make the creature they’re sending in, it does drive home the point that this won’t be an easy battle. So, overall, a slow but good build up episode. It adds some things, and builds a little tension for what is coming next. Well done. Next time, ep 3.

http://nerdist.com/voltron-legendary-defender-is-the-space-opera-you-need-review/
http://cdn.collider.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/voltron-legendary-defender-lions.jpg

Viewer Log: Voltron ep 1

Time for another Viewer Log set. Why so soon after One-Punch Man? Because I really really need to have this show get a season 2. What show? Voltron: Legendary Defender, duh, the title of this post. I really didn’t watch the previous incarnations of Voltron, though I did have a general knowledge of it. It’s a sort of Power Rangers set up. Evil forces menace the universe, and are thwarted by five “TEENAGERS WITH ATTITUDE.” Sorry, Channeled my inner Zordon for a second. They pilot giant robot Lions that form the titular Voltron. And that’s about it. Despite not knowing that much about the show, it falls into a genre that I do like, so I decided to give it a go. Also, while I know this isn't an Anime in that it was created in Japan, it is an Anime in style, tone and just overall feel. Like Avatar, which was produced by the same animation company, it's about as Anime as show can get without actually being from Japan. And yes I know the original show was Japanese, but this version is very much American. Enough rambling, let’s get to it.

Not the most confidence inspiring first flight.

The show starts off simply enough, with a three-man expedition on Pluto’s moon, Kerberos. The crew consists of Sam Holt, his son Matt, and their obvious security detail, Shiro. They’re extracting ice samples for… reasons. Everything is going along swimmingly, until an alien warship shows up. That’s like the #1 most awesome way to have a day ruined, just saying. They’re brought on board, Shiro learns that the aliens speak English for some reason, before being knocked out.

Flash forward one year, don’t worry that wasn’t a cold opening, to another three-man crew on a mission to Kerberos. The team consists of Lance, the “ace” pilot, Pidge, the boy genius and science guy, and Hunk, the engineer that suffers from motion sickness. Why the heck would you sign up to be an engineer on ANY moving vehicle if that was the case? Whatever, they get a distress beacon, Lance flies the ship to begin a rescue mission, despite Hunk and Pidge’s objections, and things just kind of spiral off from there. Lot of stuff breaking, falling, and Hunk throwing up in places he shouldn’t. When they crash, it’s revealed to all be a simulation. The trio are cadets at Galaxy Garrison, a sort of space military thing. They get reprimanded for sucking, its implied that this isn’t the first time, and then are dismissed. Oh, and it’s quickly mentioned that Pidge gets really angry when someone brings up the Kerberos mission, and that Lance was originally a cargo pilot that was pumped up to Fighter pilot class after the #1 in his class was dismissed for insubordination. Remember these points, they’ll be important later.

Lance, feeling like his ‘crew’ need a pick-me-up after such a lousy day, convinces Hunk to sneak out with him to go on a night on the town. They sneak off to try and grab Pidge, but discover their third guy is doing some sneaking of his own. They follow Pidge to the roof, and learn he’s monitoring signals around Kerberos. He’s discover one that isn’t originating from Earth in an unknown language. Spooky. The signal appears to be repeating only one word… Voltron. It’s right when Pidge reveals this that a big meteor strikes nearby. The trio… well, Lance and a little Pidge, decide to check it out. And Hunk is dragged along. FYI I think that when they call him “Hunk” the thought is more a “Hunk of rock/stone/etc.” and less “He is a…” just a guess.

They arrive at the crash site to see GG has already set up a perimeter. Pidge is able to hack the security feed, which lets them learn that the meteor was in fact some sort of alien escape pod. And it’s one occupant was none other than Shiro of the Kerberos mission. He hasn’t aged well, having premature white and grey hair, and a large scar across his nose. Oh, and his right arm’s been replaced by some crazy cybernetic prostatic. A regular Winter Soldier over here. The three want to go in to get Shiro, but the armed guards are something of a deterrent. Thankfully, a distraction comes in the form of an explosion, and a mullet-guy on a flying motorcycle. Lance gets angry when he notices that said mullet-guy was Keith, that Ace from his class that left GG that I mentioned earlier. All four sneak in and bust Shiro out. There’s a chase scene, and then the group gets away.

He makes this look good.

The team learns that Keith had been tracking a mysterious signal he’d “felt” since around when he left GG and that Shiro has a serious case of Amnesia from his last year as a prisoner. All he remembers is the word Voltron, and that the baddies are coming to find it on Earth. Not a great first day back on Earth for Shiro. Hunk shows off his engineering prowess when he designs a device that could track Keith’s mysterious signal. It’s like a Giger Counter, the more Clicking you hear the closer you are. They discover a secret cavern with cave paintings of a Blue Lion. When Lance touches the paintings, they’re hit with a torrent of water that leads them to another secret cavern, this one having a giant mechanical lion in it. Much better discovery than cave paintings, not going to lie. Lance touches the force field that enveloped the Lion, causing it to dissipate, and the group gets a vision of Blue and four other lions merging together to form Voltron. Best group hallucination ever. They all get into the Lion and take it for a spin. Hm… a group of teens to twenty somethings flying in the sky aboard a giant blue lion. One of the weirder sentences I’ve written, not going to lie.

They show off to the new toy to the Garrison, but then get the attention of the alien Warship. Everyone’s less than happy that Lance is the one behind the wheel as the Warship starts firing. The phrases ‘Worst Pilot ever,’ and “this isn’t the simulator!” are shouted once or twice. To which Lance counters with “That’s good, I always wreck the simulator.” It’s good to have confidence. They’re able to survive, somehow, and discover a wormhole. When the choice is stay and be shot at, or fly through a wormhole to an unknown part of the universe, the choice is obvious. Into The Wild Blue Yonder!

Blue takes them to a mysterious castle on a mysterious planet. They’re drawn inside, and discover a pair of pods with aliens inside. The first one is, ‘shockingly,’ a Princess named Allura, and the other is her manservant Coran. After Lance makes a very painful pass at Allura, followed by the princess passing pain to Lance, we get a little bit about her and Coran’s history. 10,000 years’ prior, their Kingdom of Altea was at war with the Gulra Empire. The Gulra Emperor, Zarkon, wanted to capture Voltron, as the giant robot was the only force in the universe capable of stopping him. Allura wanted to fight, but her father decided it was best to Live to Fight another day. He knocked Allura out, stuck her and Coran in a sort of cryogenic stasis, and then hid the Voltron Lions before perishing. Not a great week.

We get a quick peek at the Gulra Empire. Somehow, Zarkon is still alive and running the show. His chief advisor and all around scary witch, Haggar, informs him that she’s felt a disturbance in the force… I mean a “resurgence of Altean energy.” Realizing that this is the opportune moment to get all the pieces of Voltron, he sends one of his commanders, Sendak, to the source of this resurgence.

Team Voltron detects the approaching Gulra ship, and race to find the other four Lions. Well, three, the Black Lion is housed within the castle itself but will only be released when the other Lions are present. Each Lion is connected to one of our heroes, Shiro to Black, Lance to Blue, Hunk to Yellow, Pidge to Green and Keith to Red. They break into teams, Shiro and Pidge go after the Green Lion, while Hunk and Lance take Blue to get Yellow. Keith stayed behind in case they were able to detect the missing Red Lion. Pidge and Shiro have a lovely little ride down an Amazon-like river to get the Green Lion, while Hunk and Lance avoid being shot at by Galra troops while getting Yellow. When everyone regroups back at the castle, they discover the location of the Red Lion. On board the Gulra cruiser coming to kill them. Man, those force fields the Lions put up are pretty useless.

There, they look much better once
they get the matching uniforms

After some arguing, Allura gives them a rousing speech about staying and fighting, and they formulate a plan to liberate the Red Lion. Basically, the plan boils down to using the Yellow and Blue Lions, which the Gulra know they have, to distract the main force while Shiro, Pidge and Keith sneak aboard to get to Red. This plan works for about 15 seconds before things go haywire. Lance and Hunk are bombarded once again, and Pidge kind of mucks up the plan by more or less demanding they search the ship for Shiro’s former crew. Why does he care so much? The other two guys from Shiro’s crew were his father and brother respectively. Shocking! Wait… Pidge looked almost identical to his brother. So not shocking at all. What a lame twist. Any who, Pidge and Shiro go to free the prisoners, Keith goes after Red.

Pidge and Shiro steal and reprogram a Gulra robot and then use it to free several alien prisoners. Said aliens recognize Shiro, referring to him as the Champion. Pidge is disappointed to learn that his family isn’t present, but deals with the disappointment long enough to get the aliens to an escape pod. Meanwhile, Keith finds the Red Lion. He tries to get the big cat to bond with him, but Red doesn’t even seem to take notice of him. Until Keith is almost sucked out into space. Then Red drops its forcefield and saves him. Outside, Lance and Hunk are able to smash the Gulra’s super death laser, which buys them all enough time to escape, and unlock the Black Lion. Team Voltron pilots their Lions, destroying several Gulra ships before pulling out their finest trick. The five big cats combine to form Voltron, whom quickly takes down the warship. High Fives all around.

Whew, that was a lot to cover. Don’t worry, the rest of these Viewer Logs will be significantly shorter. This first episode is actually three combined into one series opening movie, essentially. So, overall impression, this was a solid start to the series. We got to know a little bit about all the main characters, beyond the archetypal traits they possess. Shiro is obviously the stoic leader, but he’s obviously shaken up by his nearly year-long absence and memory loss. Pidge is the science wiz, but also has the rather important personal mission/obsession with finding said missing family members. Hunk is a combination of comic relief “fat guy” and engineering wiz. They make multiple jabs at his motion sickness, again I question why he signed up for a job in space, but also take time to show off his skills. The guy built a detector for an element that doesn’t exist on Earth. Like an hour after discovering said element. That’s some skill. Lance is your typical cocky “ladies man,” but… not really a but there, that’s pretty much it for him. Well, in this opening episode. Same with Keith, he’s the actual pilot ace and seems to have some slight anger management issues, but that’s about it. To begin with. I do like that in the beginning of the episode Lance believes that he and Keith are rivals, where in actuality he was so beyond Keith’s notice that Lance had to remind him who he was. It’s a set up that’s been done before, “We’re eternal rivals!” “Who are you again?” style set up, but it’s done very well. Princess Allura is presented as a more “modern” take on the Princess. She’s a take charge, give orders style of princess. That is always nice to see. I especially liked the fact that she got Lance in a grapple-hold about .5 seconds after he attempted to hit on her. You go girl. Coran is the funniest character on the show, hands down. I can sum him up best with one scene. He and Allura are trying to get their castle up and running before the Gulra Warship arrives while Team Voltron buys them time. They hit a major snag when a major power crystal is out of alignment, and both of them are too large to get at it. Allura discovers she has developed telepathic connection with some mice that had been frozen with her. The mice fix the crystal and Allura breathes a sigh of relief, but questions why Coran is glaring at the mice with his fingers against his temples. Why is he doing it? “I’m trying to get them to make me a sandwich!” This got a pretty good chuckle out of me.

This evil Emperor is brought to you by vague Immortality.

Vague Immortality, making reigns of tyranny eternal

since the beginning of time

The villains are creepy looking and mysterious. Zarkon drips with malice and intimidation, even though all he really does in this is command one warship to attack a castle. And we learn that he’s at least 10,000 years old. Which is kind of terrifying to think that this guy’s been dominating the galaxy for more than recorded human history. Similar things can be said of his Druid Advisor, Haggar. Doesn’t do much, but just looks creepy and unnerving while doing it.

It’s also really funny. Most of the best lines are given by Coran or Hunk, but everyone gets at least one chuckle worthy line. I mentioned my favorites above, but there are plenty more. Don’t have much in terms of complaints. Just that mentioning that the Lions have personalities doesn’t really go anywhere. They say that Black is stoic, Yellow is compassionate, Green is inquisitive, and that Red is temperamental. But Red is the only one to show any sign of said personality, and I wouldn’t call ignoring your potential pilot as temperamental. I call that being a dick. And, having watched this through once, I can tell you that the Lion’s personalities aren't even brought up again. Heck, the only rational I can give for them having any level of sentience is for the times when they need to rush in and save their squishy pilots. But that hardly ruins an otherwise excellent show. Overall great start, can’t wait to go over the rest of this series for ya’ll.

https://gabrielpino.wordpress.com/2016/06/13/8-questions-after-finishing-voltron-legendary-defender/
http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/voltron/images/7/7d/Voltron_poster_finaljpeg.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20160614002339
http://geektyrant.com/news/awesome-new-trailer-for-voltron-legendary-defender-netflix-series

Villain Profile: Harley Quinn

I’ve been wracking my brain trying to figure out which post to do next. I knew that I wanted to do another villain, and DC character, as they’re the smaller post pools that I’ve done. I finally narrowed it down to Superman’s mischievous imp of a nemesis, Mr. Mxyzptlk, and the terror of the DC Multiverse, the Anti-Monitor. Then, I decided to say screw it, and go with someone with more name recognition, Harley Quinn. That’s how I roll. Let’s get to it.

The most famous dysfunctional relationship since Ralph
and Alice from the Honeymooners.

Before she donned the black and red jester costume, she was Dr. Harleen Quinzel. She had just began working at Gotham’s #1 vacation spot for the criminally insane, Arkham Asylum. Harleen was a model student, receiving top marks at Gotham U, and was a dedicated gymnast. She had a lot of potential, and might have done some great things in the world of psychological science if she hadn’t met a certain someone. Harleen was fascinated by the criminally insane, particularly The Clown Prince of Crime, the Joker. She believed that the obviously psychotic clown was merely a misunderstood man who desperately needed psychological help. I applaud her passion, just not her common sense. She had to petition the heads of Arkham for three months before they finally said “Screw it,” and let her analyze the Joker. Now, this was profoundly stupid since the Joker is a well-documented master manipulator. At this point in his career, he’d already broken the minds of several previous doctors that have tried to “understand” his madness. But, they still allowed the INTERN to give it a shot. She must have really, really pestered them over those three months. Also, once again, Arkham is run by idiots. The Joker started off strong, getting the naïve young doctor to believe a sob story about his supposed abusive childhood and traumas he’d suffered as an adult. I say supposed, since there’s a chance that the story ‘might’ be true. At least a little. It’s hard to tell with this psycho. He even made her feel sorry for his constant “abuse” at the hands of Gotham’s Dark Knight. How you can make well documented stories of you picking a fight with the Batman the Batman’s fault, I’ll never know. After reeling her in with his stories, he seduced Harleen, and got her to help him escape on several occasions. The higher-ups of Arkham caught on, finally, and had Harleen’s license revoked and had her committed. Sucks for her, am I right?

She eventually escaped Arkham, thanks to a devastating earthquake. She reunited with her ‘puddin’’ and created a costumed identity of Harley Quinn, the Joker’s #1 henchman. Henchwoman? Hench-person. Their relationship is best described as complicated. On the one hand, Joker is incredibly abusive (emotionally, physically, and mentally) and often doesn’t seem to give a rat’s backside if she’s hurt and/or arrested during his crimes. And yet, he does eventually free her from Arkham when she’s arrested. Every jokester needs a punching bag, I guess. On more than one occasion she’s been described as the “only one to see the Joker cry.” Which suggests a certain level of intimacy and or dependence between them. Or, the Joker is just really into messing with her head. What? He’s the biggest psycho of DC, making a woman believe he’s emotionally vulnerable is right up his alley. Harley has wised up and left him on several occasions. When she does she usually hits up her only actual friend, and occasional girlfriend, Poison Ivy. They actually met after the Joker had ‘broken up’ with Harley by launching her on a rocket. Ivy discovered Harley after the rocket crashed and quickly became, as I believe the teenagers say, besties. Ivy gave Harley an inoculation that made her immune to Ivy’s usual toxins. The femme fatales usually work really well together, even getting the upper hand on Batman, but their partnerships end whenever Harley falls for Joker again. A toxic relationship ruins yet another wonderful partnership. In more recent stories she’s definitively broken up with Joker, she basically smashed his face in, and is now a regular member of groups like the Suicide Squad.

Her original look.

Harley is a gifted gymnast and has a rather high IQ. She’s well versed in psychological techniques, as it was her job for a while. Harley is also remarkably strong; given that she regularly wields an enormous mallet. The thing is enormous and unwieldly, and yet she swings it around like it’s nothing at all. She’s demonstrated a mental instability on par with the Joker’s, which isn’t all that shocking. You’d have to be insane to find pale skin, red lips and green hair attractive. I think. To however many female viewers I have, Joker: Attractive or Unattractive? And I’m talking the Heath Ledger or Jack Nicholson Joker, not the Jared Leto one.

Harley has appeared in just about every Batman series since her creation for Batman: The Animated Series back in the early-90s. I feel that it’s important to note that Harley had been predominantly played by only two actresses. Two voice actresses, to be specific. She’s seems to either be played by Arleen Sorkin, her original voice actress and whom partially inspired the character. In terms of mannerisms, accent and general kookiness. Not in the whole “in abusive relationship with psycho.” In more recent years she’s more or less handed off the role to Tara Strong. I guarantee that if you don’t know the name, you know the voice. Look her up on Wikipedia or IMDB, I guarantee you she’s played a role on some animated show/movie that you’ve seen.

She was created back in 1992 for Batman: The Animated Series. Her first episode was “Joker’s Favor.” In this episode and most of her early appearances she’s largely a comic relief character and target for Joker’s misplaced anger. Her most important episode, and ultimately the saddest, occurred in the sequel show The New Batman Adventures. Harley, tired of being ignored by the Joker, decides to take out her biggest competition for Joker’s attention, Batman. She flashes back to how she met the Joker, when she worked at Arkham Asylum. Lies and advise about the “dark side of comedy” followed. In the present, Harley is actually able to capture Batman and hangs him over a piranha tank. Why is this different than other times he’s been hung over a death trap? One, Harley took his utility belt, so no tools. Two, she used chains instead of rope, so he can’t just break out. And three, she injected him with some drug that left him feeling groggy, so only very limited access to his magnificent brain. She’s about to drop him in the tank, when Batman points out that the Joker will never believe that Batman is dead without seeing it himself. So Harley calls her Puddin’ in, expecting praise. She does not receive praise. I believe his exact reaction was “YOU’VE GOT WHO? WHERE?” while making a face like he was about to pass a kidney stone. Upon arriving, he beats the heck out of Harley with a plastic swordfish. Why? Because she dared to take his victory against Batman from him. He knocks her out a window, and then turns to kill Batman himself. He’s a complicated psycho. Batman frees himself, thanks to his hidden-in-glove lockpicks, and he and Joker do battle. Batman points out that Harley’s plan would have worked. He was immobilized, dizzy, and had his back to the wall. The only thing that saved him was knowing that Joker couldn’t stand to let anyone else kill him, and that Joker and Harley’s fight would give him time to clear his head and escape. He captures Harley and sends them to Arkham. Joker escaped. Harley, having finally woken up to the fact that Joker is an irredeemable psychopath, a lying, manipulating, abusive and all around bad dude, swears that this time she’ll try to get help in Arkham and live a normal life. No more Joker. This lasts all of 3.5 seconds until she sees a rose and a get well soon card on her bed. She calls Joker “an angel,” and seems to immediately fall back in love with him. Dude literally defenestrates her, and all it takes is a, probably, stole flower and card to get back in her good graces. Makes my head hurt.

Her modern look. She's less Harlequin
and more... Clown tramp.

We see what became of her in Gotham’s future in the TV Movie, Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker. Commissioner Barbara Gordon explained via flashback, after the Joker’s mysterious return, that the last time she saw the dysfunctional duo, Harley and Joker had kidnapped Robin (Tim Drake) and transformed him into Joker Jr. While Batman actively tries to kill Joker for the first time that I’m aware of, Batgirl did battle with Harley. Harley explained that she felt bad for what they did to Robin, but promised that she’d make it up to him by being a dynamite mother. Yeah, I don’t see that working out. She and Batgirl have a scuffle, and she ends up falling into a chasm, disappearing. Barbara explains that if Harley was still alive, she’s probably too old to be stirring up trouble. In the films ending, we see two members of the Jokerz gang that Joker had recruited being released into their grandma’s custody. Dee-Dee and Dee-Dee are immediately berated by their wizen grandmother, to which one of the Dee-Dee’s shouts “Shut up, Nana-Harley.” So either A. Miss Quinn found a nice man and started a family, and her grandkids just ended up part of a gang inspired by her former puddin’ or possibly B. she had the spawn of Joker, and their granddaughters had some inbred drive to join the Jokerz and spend some quality time with their Grandpa. Not sure which I find more disturbing.

She’s had minor appearances in shows like The Batman, and Batman: The Brave and the Bold. They pretty much just cover the basics, henchwoman of Joker, former Psychiatrist and all that jazz.

One of her biggest roles was in Batman: Assault on Arkham. In this movie, she’s recruited by Amanda Waller as part of the Suicide Squad. Their mission is to infiltrate Arkham and steal the Riddler’s Cane, which has some incriminating information on it. She and team leader Deadshot have a quick fling (did I mention this movie isn’t for kids?) before the group breaks into Arkham. While on mission, she and Deadshot run into Joker in his special cell. Harley pretty angrily breaks up with Joker, actually pulling a gun and shooting at his cell several times screaming “I HATE YOU” with tears in her eyes. This later proves to be an elaborate ruse, as the shots she fired allowed Joker to escape. And when I say ruse, I mean she intended to get him out, but I don’t doubt she was venting a little with the gun. Just saying.

She’s set to appear in the DC Cinematic Universe in Suicide Squad, portrayed by Margot Robbie. She’s already set to reprise the role in other projects.

Harley is one of the few characters that I’ve got to see progress almost from the get go. While I was only about 3 when Batman: The Animated Series first aired, the reruns were one of my favorite shows growing up. And I have to say her progression has fascinated me. Much like Deadpool, and X-23, she’s a character that started off in a pretty minor role that has just exploded in popularity as time has marched on. Her background story makes a rather tragic character, as it was her desire to help the most damaged of minds that led to her own psychological break. That’s just sad. She’s also a rather…confusing character. Young girls seem to really like her for her zany personality, wacky villainy, and, in more recent stories, her “I don’t need no man” attitude. That last sentence pained me so. And yet, she’s perhaps the most… exploited-by-men character in comics. Let me put it to you this way, if you are a parent with a child that likes Harley Quinn, always make sure that Google’s “safe search” function is on. You’ll thank me later. She’s the unstable former shrink with a passion for smashing, Harley Quinn.

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/1/12/HarleyqLG.jpg

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/b/b1/Harley_Quinn_%28model_sheet%29.jpg

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/a/a5/HarleyQuinn.png

Review: X-Men: Apocalypse

I’ve wanted to see Apocalypse on the big screen since the original run of movies. That’s about fifteen years of waiting, and I must say that… I like it. It’s not the greatest film I’ve ever seen. But it’s far, far from the worst. It does do a few things amazingly well. And yet there’s something about it that, in my opinion, is holding it back. Let’s get to it, shall we?

A really well designed poster.

The movie opens in ancient Egypt. A gold clad figure is being worshipped by his legion of followers. They chant En Sabah Nur, while several guards make very obvious “We’re planning something” gestures. Once inside, they dispense with the gold and we see a very old, blue man. This is En Sabah Nur, aka Apocalypse, the first Mutant ever born and extremely powerful being. The other guys bedecked in Gold are his minions, the Four Horsemen. One of his Horsemen slices a man on a pedestal, revealing that the obvious sacrifice has healing powers. They make a veiled reference that now, Nur will be able to “rule forever.” They begin a ceremony, revealing a giant golden idol atop the pyramid. As the sun shines on the golden pyramid, a transfer begins. Nur transfers his consciousness into this new body, which turns blue and gains his adornments. While Nur is temporarily vulnerable, the traitors begin their assault. They spring this elaborate trap to bury Nur and his minions. It works… by and large. Nur’s minions are killed in the collapse, but they’re able to safeguard their master. Which of course begs the question, why the heck did Apocalypse make it so obvious that this transfer was happening? Even if I was a being with near godlike power, I would not ever let my downtrodden masses learn of even one moment where I’d be vulnerable. Just saying. Another side note, I could understand the traitors shouting a lot of things. Death to Tyrants. Death to dark Gods. Death to Evil Gods. Death to Pharaoh. But, I can’t imagine an ancient culture shouting “Death to false Gods.” Apocalypse is a God in nearly every sense of the word, the man can disassemble things on a molecular level. How would anyone in 3000 bc not think he was a God? Back on task.

In the modern era, Mutants have been largely accepted as a “part of life” by the rest of the world, but things are far from peaceful. In East Berlin, Mystique is helping save Mutants in danger. She frees Warren Worthington aka Angel and Kurt Wagner aka Nightcrawler, two Mutants that were being forced into a no-holds barred cage match. Angel flies off, despite a partially burnt wing, while Mystique takes Nightcrawler. And in Poland, Magneto is living peacefully. He’s married and working in a factory. They’re soo happy… you know it’s going to end badly. It is a movie after all. Back in Egypt, CIA Special Agent Moira MacTaggert, is investigating something. In a seedy carpet store, she discovers a cult worshiping the golden pyramid top from Nur’s days. Unfortunately, it’s her discovering the cult that leads to this films conflict. In finding the underground cavern, she neglects to recover the hidden entrance. Sunlight hits the pyramid for centuries, energizing the Pyramid, and Nur beneath. Nur awakens, destroys the cavern, and creates a powerful shockwave that travels across the globe.

If I had to guess, his first ability was Telekinesis so powerful he could effect atoms.
If not, it was definetly his favorite power.

Back in the states, a young man named Scott Summers begins to manifest his iconic optic beams. Alex Summers aka Havok, his older brother in this version, takes him to meet Prof. X. I will point out that this is the point where I realized that they seemed to embrace the “floating time” from the comics. Basically, while time around the characters is marching forward the characters themselves don’t age accordingly. So, while 20 years of time has obviously passed in terms of fashion and technology, the characters haven’t aged that much. Why do I say that? Assuming that Havok was 18 in X-Men: First Class which takes place in 1962, then by this movie, taking place in 1983, Havok is just shy of 40 years old. Now, that’s not too out there. My own father is 18 years older than his youngest brother, but given the brief glimps of Mr. and Mrs. Summers, they don’t look old enough to have a son that is very nearly 40. Just saying.

Back in Cairo, Nur saves a young pickpocket named Ororo Monroe, who can control the weather to a limited degree. She takes him back to her place as thanks, and spouts a little exposition about hero-worshipping Mystique. Apparently in this timeline, she’s seen as the hero that stopped the villainous Magneto. Sees that everyone forgot when she threatened Bolivar Trask and the president with a gun. Selective memories, I guess. Nur uses his powers and Ororo’s TV to catch up on the last 5000 years of history. He’s not amused by the so called Superpowers. He plans to pick up where he left off, conquering the world. He upgrades Storm’s powers, turning her hair white as well. Rookie mistake Nur, never mess with a woman’s hair.

During Nur’s awakening, his shockwave caused an earthquake that spread across the globe. This became a problem for Magneto. The earthquake caused a large piece of machinery to fall, nearly crushing a coworker. But, Magneto chooses to use his powers to save a coworker. Knowing that revealing his powers leads to trouble, Magneto tries to spirit his family way, but the cops are faster. They apprehend his daughter, and order that Magneto come with them. They were smart enough to leave behind anything metal, so he’s forced to follow along. His daughter isn’t happy with her dad being arrested, and uses her Mutant powers to summon forest animals to attack the cops. In the confusion, a cop with a bow accidently releases the arrow which kills Magneto’s wife and daughter. In a very dark moment, Magneto uses a locket he’d given his daughter, that has a photo of his dead parents inside, to murder all the cops. Yeah, really dark. At least use the Coin from First Class, it was already coated in blood and not a family heirloom with your dead parent’s pictures in it.  

Definitely has the grandeur of an ancient God, 

After meeting Scott and giving him a little tutoring, Xavier and Alex travel to DC to learn what Moira was doing in Cairo. Cerebro gave them the hint. They learn about Apocalypse and his habit of recruiting four powerful minions. Xavier also takes the time to hit on Moira a little. Got to make up for lost time, I guess. Meanwhile, Apocalypse is recruiting. He travels to Caliban, a black marketer and information broker. In the comics he could also locate and track any mutant on Earth. Just an FYI. After threatening Caliban, they recruit his top enforcer, Psylocke and continue on their quest. I find it pretty funny that they went out of their way to not use Psylocke’s real name. Can’t begrudge them this, though, Olivia Munn just doesn’t look like a Betsy does she? They then track down Angel, and Apocalypse upgrades his wings. Side note, Psylocke makes a remark about Angel’s “Flying days are done,” because of his injury from the fight with Kurt. That was a minor burn at worst. Give him two or three months and his wing would have been back to normal without crazy metal upgrades. After that they track down Magneto, and recruit the damaged man as their forth horseman. They do an amazing scene where Magneto obliterates Auschwitz as a sign of him fully embracing his powers.

Back in the States, Xavier, Moira and Alex are greeted by Mystique and Nightcrawler. Mystique, having learned about the rediscovery of Magneto and the tragic death of his family wants Charles’ help in finding him. Xavier does, using Cerebro. He tries to convince his friend to come back to the mansion, but Magneto refuses. Unfortunately, Apocalypse senses Charles, and hijacks the psychic connection. Using Charles’ powers and Cerebro, he forces all the nations of the world to launch all their nuclear arsenals into space. He smiles creepily at how easily he dispatched the so called Superpowers. Xavier has Havok destroy Cerebro to cut Apocalypse off from Charles augmented powers. Apocalypse and the horsemen arrive and kidnap Charles. Havok tries to stop them, but instead destroys the X-Men’s jet, the Blackbird, causing a massive explosion. They’d all have died horribly, if Quicksilver hadn’t stopped by.

Pietro, I refuse to call him Peter, had come to get Xavier to find Magneto, as he wanted to meet his bio-dad. He superspeeds in, and saves everyone he can. It’s like the superspeed scene from Days of Future Past, but amped up further. Scott, Jean Grey, Jubilee, and Kurt arrive back at the mansion. They had a very funny, but pretty pointless scene of their reaction of Star Wars: Return of the Jedi. Jubilee thought Empire was best, Scott says the original was best, and Jean makes a crack about the third film being the worst. Whoever wrote this joke and gave it to Jean, I love you. The group is horrified to see the mansion blow up, and Scott is heartbroken to learn his brother was killed in the blast. But, it’s this heartbreak that saved the day. While Scott is mourning, and Nightcrawler and Jean try to comfort him, William Stryker, military big wig and colossal Delusional Idiotic Callous Killer, arrives, knocks out the other mutants and kidnap Mystique, Beast, Quicksilver, and Moira. Scott, Jean and Kurt, who were outside the radius of their knock out weapon, stow away on the helicopter, and travel to Stryker's base on Alkali Lake.

The worlds Nukes are beneath him. Think about that.

Stryker tries to interrogate them about Charles, erroneously believing Charles was the cause of the planet wide earthquake, just as Charles is forced to send a message to the world. Basically, Apocalypse wants to threaten the world but promise that the strong with survive. In a final F-U moment, Charles changes the last line to encourage the strongest to protect the weak. He also sends an SOS for Jean. Never underestimate Charles Xavier. Scott, Jean and Kurt try to free the others from their anti-mutant prison, and discover Weapon X. They free Logan, who goes HAM on Strykers men. After… clearing out most of the soldiers, Jean uses her psychic powers to “give back” a piece of his mind. She found his name, essentially. Logan runs off, and I’m sure we’ll never see him again. They free Mystique and the rest, and they steal a secret military plane to get to Cairo. What is Apocalypse’ plan? Phase 1, use Magneto’s powers to alter Earth’s magnetic poles. The violent alteration is pretty much an extinction level catastrophe. So yeah, chances of survival are pretty low. Even for Mutants. Phase 2, to transfer his consciousness into Charles’ body. Why? Such a transfer is how Apocalypse collects powers. He transmits his mind, and powers, to a new body, reclaiming youth and whatever powers the new body had. Telepathy is one power he doesn’t have yet. Which is pretty nuts, right? Dude collected technopathy, the ability to connect his mind to machines, 3000 years before we even had the lightbulb. HOW? Phase 3, use Charles’ immense psychic power to control the survivors of Phase 1. Immortal, with immense power, and in total control of the hundreds of people that make up his superior Homo Superior race. Sound plan. Not going to lie.

 Good first. I still like most of the character in their roles. Michael Fassbender, James McAvoy and Nicholas Hoult are great in their parts. Jennifer Lawrence is great too, but I still don’t care for this superheroic version of Mystique. I had moments were I thought they’d just turned her into Katniss Everdeen again. I like Evan Peter’s Quicksilver too. They clearly learned from Days of Future Past and gave him a much bigger role this time around. And, while she’s honestly not given that much to do, Olivia Munn’s Psylocke is both gorgeous and terrifying. Newcomers Tye Sheridan, Sophie Turner, Alexandra Shipp, and Kodi Smit-McPhee are great as Cyclops, Jean, Storm, and Nightcrawler respectively. Oscar Isaac does an acceptable job as En Sabah Nur. I really love the fact that Po Dameron is the unstoppable God of Destruction. Seriously, look it up. While Apocalypse from X-Men: The Animated Series and X-Men: Evolution are still my favorites, there are still moments here where I could believe that I was watching the ancient Mutant made flesh. Effects are stunning, from Apocalypse obliteration things to Mystiques shapeshifting to Quicksilver’s running and beyond are all really well done.

Pietro is always cranked to 11.

The bad is minor, but does weaken the film overall. As per usual, the movie doesn’t really utilize their more minor characters. Fox seems to still think that it’s just okay to give us a name, or minor glimpse of a character and that’ll satisfy us. I’m thinking of Angel in particular. Warren Worthington the III is a major X-Man, being one of the original five. He has a long history, coming to terms with things like his distant and mutant hating father, and his own more dickish tendencies. He tragically loses his wings in a battle, which scars him as much psychologically as physically. His transformation into Death, Horseman of Apocalypse, is as much a mental attack on the X-Men as a physical one. Scott, Jean, Hank, and Bobby are horrified to see their old friend completely consumed by evil. In this version… he’s a dick. We see he’s being forced to fight other Mutants, and seems to be enjoying it a little too much, that he’s bummed out when his wing is injured, and that he becomes a loyal Horseman. No connection to the X-Men. No complex back story. No even real reason for Apocalypse to choose him as a Horseman. Other than Angel was a Horseman in the comics. Hank aka Beast is also rather underutilized. He’s a super genius with super strength and agility, he builds most of the X-Men tech, and is the only actual original X-Man of the X-Men. And yet most of his time in this one seems to be hitting on Mystique, complaining about Magneto, and growling. Which is just weird. And, as I said above, not a huge fan of Mockingjay Mystique. Apparently in the 10 years in universe since the last film, she’s like, the rallying point that young Mutant’s flock behind. Which I don’t get. Sure, she helped stop Magneto, but I don’t see being involved in that would throw one person of a group to superhero superstardom. Or at least to the degree that Ororo, living in third world conditions, would have heard of her. Just saying. And, much like X-Men: First Class, it feels really rushed in places. It needs to not only introduce Apocalypse, and show the changes since he last film, AND introduce all the new X-Men. That’s a lot to do. Makes me wonder why they even wasted time on Jubilee. She’s just there to hang around Scott, Jean and Kurt, and is abandoned when the other three go to save Mystique and the others. She’s basically Ginny Weasley. No, wait, Ginny actually got some character development. She’s the Lavender Brown. Just kind of there.  

 Overall, this gets a B+. I like the cast, story and effects, but some little things that irked me keep it from hitting the A range. I don’t know, while its better than Batman V. Superman it’s still not to the same level as Captain America: Civil War. Or even its predecessor, Days of Future Past. Which is a shame, because members of the X-Men make up many of my favorite heroes, and Apocalypse is one of my favorite villains. It’s still worlds better than X-Men: The Last Stand, which is not something I’m not going to complain about. Have a good one.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3385516/mediaviewer/rm1040980992

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