Viewer Log: Iron Fist ep 7

Before we get started, I feel it’s important to let you all know something. On my last post, The Scorpion, a fan reached out asking for a guide on how to potentially get into comics, specifically Marvel. I am currently working on this post, but it’s going to be a little while before I get it all finalized. I want to give you, my audience, the best most comprehensive guide that I can produce. But if you can’t wait, the shortest bit of advice I can give is check out Marvel.com. Thank me later. Let’s get to it.

Not the face you want to make when your hand is glowing.

We open to Harold Meachum in his weird sleep pod thing. He’s rudely awaked by a pair of Hand goons. They are because their boss, Madam Gao, had recently learned that Danny Rand is in fact the Iron Fist. Something that troubles her, as Harold went so far as to break his near hermit like isolation to visit Danny in the mental hospital. Harold feints ignorance, claiming he has no idea what the Iron Fist is, or that Danny is it. The goons are debating what Harold’s “punishment” should be, chopping off a finger or his tongue, when Danny bursts in. Worst. Timing. Ever. The two men fight off the goons, and Harold kills them both. He then chops off his own finger, to hopefully fool The Hand into thinking the goons came in, did their job and then died at some point after leaving. I just feel the need to ask, why didn’t the Hand have somebody watching the penthouse from a distance? For this very situation? Whatever, moving on.

With the two younger Meachums, Joy is chastising her brother for his flagrant substance abuse. Something that, again, she’s apparently known about for a while but somehow didn’t come up until like last episode. So bizarre. During their heated debate, Ward gets called up by Harold. He rushes over to the penthouse, and learns that Daddy just wants him to dispose of the bodies. And considering that Ward walked in while Harold was smashing their teeth out, this might actually be the worst timing ever. Because Ward has no backbone when it comes to his Dad, he agrees. He’s rewarded by finding another vial of his pills in the back seat. Hooray? He dumps the bodies, and then checks a bank account. He’s got a couple million dollars in said account… how interesting.

Meanwhile, Colleen stitches up Danny’s wounds from his death match against the Hand. They then share a drink, and Danny gives her a small explanation of his Iron Fist tattoo. The large winged dragon on his chest, FYI. Namely, that being made the Iron Fist increases his strength, and allows him to channel his Chi more effectively. Colleen and Danny then get… better acquainted. It’s a good thing that the Iron Fist doesn’t have to take a vow of celibacy, just saying.

Madam Gao is probably the best part of this series thus far.
She's this little itty bitty old woman that fills me with dread.

The next morning, Danny arrives at his office and asks his secretary to look into all of his father’s files. He’s shaken up by Gao’s claims that she knew Wendel Rand. Joy arrives, grabs Danny, and shows him the statement he’ll give to the board of directors. Basically, it’s a “sorry I spoke out of turn” note. The board meeting completely flies out of Danny’s mind, as Madam Gao herself hobbles into his office. She brought him a bonsai tree, how nice. She gives a few vague hints about her past, how she’s incredibly old and that she’s had dealings with previous Iron Fists. She mentions that despite how long she’s been around, she’s just now seeing a paradigm shift. The devil of hell’s kitchen, the man with unbreakable skin, and now a weapon that left it’s post, these things are unusual, even for Gao. And I guess Jessica Jones is chopped liver. She gives him another ultimatum, namely, stay away from her dealings and enjoy being the head of Rand. She departs and shows off a special ID badge in the elevator.

Danny forces the doors of the elevator open, summons the Iron Fist, and slides down the shaft after them. Madam Gao stops at the 13^th floor of the building, a floor that apparently needs a special pass to access. Danny sneaks in and overhears some of their dealings. The Hand has it’s fingers in a lot of pies, as the saying goes. After Gao departs, Danny assault’s her secretary, and gives the young woman an out. Leave Rand, and New York, and he’ll destroy the Hand so they can’t follow her. Not a terrible deal, really.

While this is going on, Colleen gets a visit from an old friend, someone named Bakudo. Bakudo is some sort of mysterious martial artist, and knows that Danny is the Iron Fist. How odd? And with the Meachums, Joy and Ward reconcile, and Ward is clearly looking to make a break for the Bahamas. Joy is under the impression that he’s going into rehab. Poor trusting girl.

Danny suits up for the board meeting, and is really disappointed about what his secretary was able to dig up about Wendel Ward’s files. She literally was only able to find his old pass. Shoot. At the meeting, Danny tosses out Joy’s note, and reveals his plan. He wants them to shut down the plant, until they know for sure that their Staten Island plant isn’t causing cancer. And that they don’t fire the workers. <Sign> Danny, ask Tony Stark how well this sort of idea goes over with a board of directors. Sort it doesn’t go over well.

Later, he gives Harold all of the data that he got out of Gao’s secretary. They learn that the Hand is using Rand to ship product all over the world, and that their plant is most likely in Brooklyn. Danny grabs Colleen, and then the two get the Ax Gang… I mean the Hatchet men from the previous episode to help them raid the Hand facility. They smash through the place, but are too late to save the Chemist, Radovan. He, with his last few breaths, lets them know that Gao now has his formula for the synthetic heroin, and that she is heading to Anzhou, a city in China. The very city that the Rand family was heading to before their plan crashed. How interesting.

There's heavy handed symbolism, and then there's this
craziness.

Meanwhile, things aren’t going well for the Meachums. Joy is informed by the Board of Directors that after an emergency meeting, she, Ward and Danny are getting ousted from Rand. Now, I have no history in business, but I feel like you can’t kick the majority shareholder off of anything. Correct me if I’m wrong. Ward, meanwhile, tries to head for somewhere warm and sunny, but is informed that his card was declined. And when he checks his account, all the money is gone. He goes to the one man that could have done that. Harold laughs at his son’s fury. Harold informs Ward that he was well aware of Ward embezzling from Rand from the beginning, and furthermore, was the reason that the IRS or the accounting department at Rand never found out about it. He chastises Ward for trying to run, and beats him a few times when Ward claims the last happy day of his life was the day that Harold died. Ward, finally having hit his breaking point, grabs the knife that Harold had used earlier, and stabs his father in the gut repeatedly. He then drags daddy out to the glade again, and buries him with the Hand goons. Well, that was dark.

Honestly, most of the elements in this episode should have appeared in the first half of the season. Danny meeting his opponent, Madam Gao, Rand starting to fall apart after the fall out from Danny’s incompetence, and Ward snapping at his father. Ward has been one of my least favorite characters in this show, but this episode does make up for some of it. Seeing him hit his breaking point, when his pills are gone, his body is barely hanging together, and he’s being asked by Dad again to swallow his pride and be a good boy. Yeah, I can see why he’d stab his daddy. I have no idea what’s going on with that Bakudo guy, other than his name sounds like Bakugo, but he’s much calmer and collected then that Anime psycho. So yeah, this episode is an upswing from some of the rest of the season, and I hope it continues.

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Villain Profile: The Scorpion

Okay, so one more, slight detour before I return to the topic of Danny Rand’s adventures in New York. So, a number of years ago now, I did a theme week of characters that had been bonded to the Venom Symbiote. One of those characters was MacDonald “Mac” Gargan. While Mac is one of the better known, and long running, Venom hosts, he actually got his start much, much earlier in the Spider-Man Mythos, as the monstrous Scorpion. Let’s get to it.

I wonder how much property damage he
causes just scaling buildings.

Way back in the day, Mac Gargan was a sleazy private investigator. One of those guys that had few moral qualms, would do anything for a quick buck. Which made him perfect for a job that everyone’s favorite Spider-Man hater, J. Jonah Jameson, had in mind. See, JJ hates Spider-Man, but prints stories about him in the Daily Bugle because they sell copies. He knows that one of his freelance photographers, Peter Parker, somehow takes really amazing pictures of Spider-Man to use in these stories. And he also knows that Parker is pro-Spider-Man and would never tell someone like Jameson about the details of how he gets said pictures. So, Jameson hired Gargan to follow Parker in the hopes of learning how he takes the pictures in the hopes they could use this information to finally ruin Spider-Man. This of course doesn’t work out the way that they’d hoped, because, you know, Spidey Sense, and Gargan returns to Jameson empty handed. Obviously infuriated by this, Jameson decides to try plan B. He hires Gargan to undergo a highly dangerous and virtually untested genetic procedure. Now, a smarted man would have walked away after the words ‘highly,’ ‘dangerous,’ and ‘untested’ came up in the contract, but Jameson offered him like a $10,000 to do it, so Gargan might not have heard all the details. A geneticist named Dr. Farley Stillwell combined Gargan with the DNA of a Scorpion, as scorpions are one of the spider’s natural predators. He also outfitted Gargan with a costume that came equipped with a large club-like mechanical tail, similar to that which an actual scorpion uses.

The newly dubbed Scorpion sought out Spider-Man and easily dispatched the wall-crawler. Spider-Man slips away, but is quickly tracked down and beaten some more. Spider-Man escaped a second time, which proved most fortuitous for everyone involved. It’s at this point where the side effects of combining human DNA with an arthropods’ DNA proved to be insanely dangerous and stupid. The combination of the scorpion’s natural predatory instincts and, I’m assuming, degeneration from the DNA tinkering, quickly drove Gargan into a homicidal rage. He tried to murder Jameson and Stillwell, but Spider-Man intervened. This time he was able to disarm, or in this case de-tail, Scorpion of his mechanical appendage, and saw that Gargan was put away for his crimes.

Now, despite being one of Peter Parker’s older enemies, and being his original ‘broken mirror’ villain (similar powers to hero but few to no moral restrictions), Gargan hasn’t really done all that much of note. He’s largely a merc villain, working for anyone and everyone that’s willing to pay him for his services. Huh, the more things change… Though, he harbors a special hatred for Jameson and Spider-Man. He’s actually let more than one largely foolproof plan fall apart simply because he wanted to humiliated one or both of the men he hates so intensely. Like the time he started working as a merc for evil billionaire Justin Hammer, who even gave him some suit upgrades for his trouble, which he flushed away when he turned a kidnapping into a hostage situation. All to humiliate JJ. He lost the job and his tech upgrades right after. He also tried to kidnap JJ’s bride-to-be, but was thwarted by Spider-Man, and also tried to attack Spider-Man at a hospital. Spidey’s location had been given to him by another villain, the Jackal. Rather than finding Spider-Man, he just found Peter Parker and Aunt May. He threatens the poor old gal to force Peter to get Spider-Man. After she passes out from the shock of this ordeal, Peter slips away, gets into costume and beats the heck out of Gargan. He then forces the Scorpion to personally apologize to Aunt May.

He really hates being called names.

The Scorpion didn’t really switch into High gear until more recent years, like during the Acts of Vengeance story. A superhero reality TV show lead to an insane exploding villain named Nitro to going off in a suburb, killing hundreds. People were up in arms after this, demanding harsher punishments for super criminals, and for all super-beings to register their powers with the government. Gargan had tried to escape to Canada, but was quickly ‘deported’ by Canada’s… Avengers? X-Men? Their superhuman team Alpha Flight, and the lesser known Gamma Flight. He eventually traveled to Latervia and took up a position as an enforcer for the current Latervian dictator, Lucia von Bardas. He’s taken down by Nick Fury and the Avengers, in an unsanctioned mission into Latervia, and sent to prison. He’s eventually freed by Norman Osborn, whom turns the Scorpion into one of his enforcers. His first job is to essentially ensure that Norman stays out of prison. Namely, after Norman’s most recent arrest, Gargan was tasked with kidnapping Aunt May and forcing Peter to break Norman out of prison. Gobby told Scorpy who’s beneath Spidey’s mask, fyi. And after that snafu, it was then that the Symbiote, having recently ditched its newest host, approached Gargan with an offer.

As mentioned in his Venom post, Gargan spent a few years as Venom, but quickly grew to hate some of the more ghoulish things the suit forced him to do… like eating people. He’s finally freed after Norman, who’d been going nuts once again and used his position as head of the SHIELD replacement HAMMER to waged an all-out war with Asgard, and the rest of their compatriots were arrested. In prison, he’s eventually freed by another Spider-Man baddy, Alistair Smythe, and given a new and improved Scorpion suit. Sometimes it’s best to stick with the part you know, ya know?

Mac Gargan was given similar arachnid-like powers as Spider-Man, thanks to highly dangerous and experimental chemical and radiological treatments. This was included, but not limited to, splicing his DNA with a Scorpion, having him ingest various steroids and more exotic substances, and hitting him with near lethal doses of Radiation. The end result turned him into a hulking brute, with enhanced strength, speed, agility, reflexes, and stamina. He can climb walls, but unlike Spider-Man who adheres to the surface, he uses his claw-like fingers to punch holes into the sides of walls. He wears a cybernetically enhanced battle suit that further enhances his durability and strength, and also gives him a robotic tail. Said tail he uses like a club, but it usually comes equipped with something extra as well, like the ability to shoot acid, poison gas, or darts.

The Scorpion’s biggest weaknesses are his severe anger management issues, and his rather low intelligence. If you can get him mad, which isn’t hard, he starts making a metric ton of mistakes and is actually surprisingly easy to manipulate. His hatred of Spider-Man and J. Jonah Jameson often get him into trouble, as he’ll abandon any plan or turn on pretty much anyone if they try to stop him from getting his revenge. He’s a dumb, dumb, dumb man.

Scorpion is a regularly recurring villain from Spider-Man’s rogues’ gallery. Not quite on the same level as the big three, Venom, Doc Oct, or Green Goblin, but he does appear in most shows. One of the few Spider-Man shows that he didn’t appear in directly was The Spectacular Spider-Man. He was alluded to in the second season finale, and show runners have confirmed that he would have appeared in season 3, had they been renewed.

His latest comic book form.
He's like a green Rhino.

Mac’s origin story was pretty much shown note for note in Spider-Man: The Animated Series from the 90s. In it, Mac began as a fat, neurotic PI that had been hired by JJ to find Spider-Man’s secret identity. After a few failed attempts at getting the dirt, Jonah convinces Gargan to undergo a genetic experiment using a device called the Neogenic Recombinator. The portly little Gargan turns into a giant Spider-Man killing machine, and goes to bring Spider-Man in. He’s stronger, and faster then Parker, being able to catch up to Spider-Man and cut his web-lines mid-swing. He’s able to capture Spider-Man, but then undergoes a much more severe and painful mutation, growing claws, fangs, and scalier green skin. He erroneously believes another dose of radiation could reverse the process, going so far as to make a reactor begin to go nuclear to meet that end. He’s distracted long enough by JJ insulting him for Peter to get the upper hand, knocking Scorpion out and bringing him into custody. After this, he’s mostly seen as part of the Insidious Six, the Fox Kids approved version of the Sinister Six. He appears in the episodes “The Sting of the Scorpion,” “The Insidious Six” parts one and two, “The Final Nightmare” part 2, “Partners” and “The Wedding.”

His most recent appearance was in Spider-Man: Homecoming. In it, rather than a PI, he’s some sort of crime boss. Because subtlety is stupid, he has a sizeable Scorpion shaped tattoo on his neck. He has a deal with the Vulture for several of his exotic weaponry. They meet on the Staten Island Ferry, but their deal is interrupted by Spider-Man, and the FBI. Gargan gets messed up pretty bad in the fight, being hit by a car as the Ferry nearly goes under. In a mid-credit’s scene, we see that Gargan is put into the same prison that Toomes is in. He has heard through the grape vine that Toomes might know who Spider-Man really is, and that he has people on the outside that could use that information to get payback. Adrian denies it though, and their ushered apart. Just got to say, much better way to set up the sequels then the Amazing Spider-Man series. This way, the villain for the sequel really could be anyone, from the Scorpion himself, to any number of lesser mercs, like Kraven the Hunter, or Mysterio.

Hm... wonder if/when he'll done his scorpion
tail?

A version of the Scorpion appears in Ultimate Spider-Man. This version is not Mac Gargan, but a young man trained at K’un-Lun and is a rival of Iron Fist. He betray's Danny and tries to force him from K'un-Lun as he feels Danny is unworthy of the title of Iron Fist, but is thwarted and excommunicated from K'un-Lun after that. That’s about all I have to say on that, as he’s largely a background character from that point onward. This is probably due to the fact that he was played by the rather popular voice actor Dante Basco, whom I'm pretty sure doesn't have all that much free time to be doing largely one off characters. Dante Basco was Prince Zuko in Avatar, Jake Long in American Dragon: Jake Long, as well as Rufio in Hook, if his name doesn't ring a bell. 

A version of the Scorpion is set to appear in Marvel’s Spider-Man, the latest incarnation of Spider-Man to appear on Disney XD. From the trailer I saw, he’s going to be one of the first villains that Spider-Man comes across, as the teen hero is in a much more makeshift costume in the trailer. And that’s all I really know about that particular appearance.

He makes an appearance in one form or another in pretty much all of the Spider-Man games. Just saying.

Huh, I didn’t really realize until I started writing this post just how little Scorpion actually has appeared outside of the comics. He has the two mentioned above, the one promised appearance that never came to fruition, and then two other appearances in older shows that I never saw. Despite this, I know this character reasonably well. He’s your pretty standard ‘wanted powers, but regrets them’ type bad guy. The powers he’s received, while making him one of Spider-Man’s more iconic villains, have left him a monstrous shell of a human that only seems to delight in causing pain and misery. It’s kind of sad when you think about it. Like a lot of more burly villains, he’s on the dumber end of the intelligence spectrum, and because of that hates being talked down to or insulted. One of the lines I remember best from him was in his initial episode when he kept screaming “Stop callin’ me names!” after JJ started laying into him about his insane plan to get a cure. I’m unsure if I’d want to see him appear in the next Spider-Man sequel, or if they should save him for a third movie, but I’m sure he’ll grace the big screen sometime soon. Have a good one everybody.

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https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/a/a8/Scorpion_%28Mac_Gargan%29.jpg
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/7/71/Spidermanep2.jpg
http://imgur.com/gallery/UlRtZ
http://marvelcinematicuniverse.wikia.com/wiki/File:SMH_BtS_Scorpion_2.jpg

Review: Spider-Man: Homecoming

Much like with my Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2 review, I find myself again conflicted. Spider-Man: Homecoming (SMG) is a good movie, but a lot of the minuscule changes does bring me out of it just a little. But, once again, I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s get to it.

Would he really need the headphones?
I feel that Tony would have built some
into the mask.

We start in the beginning. Way in the beginning, just after the Chitauri invaded New York. A local salvage company run by Adrian Toomes was contracted to perform the city’s clean up. Toomes is obviously elated with this turn of events, as the massive damage and tons of Alien tech means a pretty big windfall for him and his company. Unfortunately, things take a turn when their operations are taken over by the U.S. Department of Damage Control (DODC). This new agency, developed in part by Tony Stark, is tasked with this and all future massive clean ups caused by the Avengers or other heroes. Toomes is, to put in nicely, infuriated that he’s been pretty much ruined by government meddling. But, he does have a bit of inspiration. See, his crew still had some Chitauri tech they’ve salvaged but didn’t turn over. His idea? Rip it apart, look it over, and see if they can’t make some improvements. His crew, with few other options, agree.

We flashforward eight years, and see Peter’s trip to fight alongside Team Iron Man during the Civil War. After things had calmed down, Tony drops him off back at his Aunt May’s, leaves him with the Stark Tech Spidey-suit, and promises to call him if anything big happens. Two months later, and absolutely nothing big has happened. We see that Peter has pretty much been obsessing over his ‘Stark Internship,’ as he calls it, and has pretty much reoriented his life around being ready to answer the call. This includes dropping out of most of his after-school programs, and largely tuning out his friend, Ned. He keeps himself busy fighting minor crimes, helping others, and calling Happy Hogan to pester him about the next big mission. Happy was put in charge of looking after Peter’s well-being, FYI. Things start making a turn when he comes across an armed ATM robbery. The robbers are outfitted with super advanced laser cutting tools and some sort of anti-gravity gun. He’s able to stop them, but loses the baddies when he saves a local convenience store owner. He tries to tell Happy about it, but the man is clearly all kinds of done with working as Peter’s liaison. Peter, wrapped up in his thoughts, kind of accidentally reveals his superhero identity to Ned. Really hard to lie to your buddy about being a hero when he sees you literally crawl on the ceiling. Ned spends the next few days grilling Peter about all the nuances of being a hero.

Sometime later, they’re invited to a party thrown by local hottie… is it weird I’m saying that about a teenager? Looking… looking… oh, thank goodness, her actress is 27. She’s a drop dead gorgeous local hottie, then. Why are they at the party? Well, the boys heard that said hottie, Liz, has a crush on Spider-Man. The teens have a half-cocked planned about Peter showing up at the party, then coming in as Spider-Man to show off. He could get some attention from Liz, and get local bully Flash Thompson to shut his trap. They seem to forget the important bit that if Peter’s in costume, drawing attention to Peter not being there, might be detrimental to the whole secret ID thing. Thankfully, Peter’s dumb plan is interrupted by the sight of a few mushroom clouds. Oh, that’s not something to be thankful for.

Michael Keaton is rocking that giant bird suit.

He comes across an arms deal between local screw up Aaron Davis and two of Toomes’ goons. One Herman Schultz, he appears to be Toomes’ right hand man, and Jackson Brice, a trigger-happy idiot that goes by ‘The Shocker.’ Given his usual Alias, this is a major step up for Brice, just saying. Peter stops the deal, and chases the goons across town. He gets close to stopping them, but unfortunately, they called the boss. Toomes suits up and flies in. The Vulture throws Peter around and drops him into the river. He’s saved by Tony, who sends a remote-controlled Iron Man suit to save him. He warns Peter to stay out of this and let Tony and his people handle things, but Parker’s oh so rarely stay out of trouble. On his trek back into town, Peter recovers one of the weapons that was lost in the chase.

Back at the lair, Toomes berates his goons for all the damage they caused, and Brice for showing off the weapons far too openly. He fires Brice, but then Brice lets slip that he may just let slip all he knows about the operation. Toomes turns him into ash. Literally… he thought it was an anti-gravity gun. He takes Brice’s gauntlet from the dust pile, tosses it to Shultz and says he’s the Shocker now.

Peter and Ned look over the weapon, and uncovers the alien power cell within it. They’re nearly found by Schultz, but Peter is able to slip a tracking device onto him. After a few hours waiting, they learn the lair in all the way back in Maryland. Which is quite fortuitous, as the school’s Decathlon team is on their way to DC for the national championship. And guess who used to be their star member? That’s right, Peter Parker. Once in DC, Peter bugs out to chase Toomes’ goons. Beforehand, though, he and Ned disable the suit’s built in tracking device, and disable the ‘Training Wheels’ protocol to give Peter full access to the equipment. He finds Toomes’ crew, and interrupts the big buzzard stealing from a DODC truck. Unfortunately, Toomes’ in his Vulture gear overpowers Peter, and traps him in the DODC truck, and later the DODC facility. Peter misses the decathlon, but learns something very important. That the Chitauri core will turn into a bomb if it’s irradiated. Shoot. He escapes the DODC in the morning, and arrives just in time at the Washington Monument to see the core detonate, threatening Ned, Liz and most of his classmates. A smart-ass gal named Michelle didn’t go on because she didn’t want to celebrate a monument that may or may not have been built by slaves. Smart girl. Peter shows off some acrobatics, and saves everyone in the nick of time.

Why just the one glove?
Shocker always had two before now...

Back in New York, he tracks down screw-up Aaron Davis and convinces him to let Peter know where the next weapon exchange will be. Why? One, Peter willingly offered himself up to protect Davis when the two goons thought the deal might be a set up, and Two, because he’s scared of those weapons and doesn’t want to risk his kid nephew from getting on the business end of one. Hint hint, subtle hint. Where is the next deal taking place? On the Staten Island Ferry with a crime boss named Mac Gargan. Peter charges in, and disrupts the buy, but things get royally screwed up. FBI guys show up and start shooting, Toomes gets in gear and starts blasting, and Peter’s interference causes the ferry to split and start to sink. Peter is able to save the day, due in large part to an assist from Iron Man. Tony is furious at Peter’s recklessness, and demands the suit back. Peter tries to keep it, but Tony isn’t having it.

Peter’s life gets back to normal for a bit. He gets back into school, he and Ned hang out, and he even gets a date to the titular Homecoming dance from Liz. Hooray. Things hit the fan again, though, when he goes to Liz’s for their date. Imagine his terror when Adrian Toomes answers the door. Now, I initially thought he somehow learned about Peter’s identity and threatened his little girlfriend. You know, like every other Spider-Man villain, ever. But no, actually, Adrian Toomes is in fact the last man on earth to threaten Liz. Why? He’s her dad. Oh crap. Peter is obvious tense, but things only get worse when Toomes’ actually uses his brain. I know, it’s totally shocking, isn’t it? He figures out Peter’s ID and none-too-subtly threatens Peter to stay out of his business and show Liz a good time. Unfortunately, Peter can’t bring himself to do it. Especially when he figures out that Toomes’ new plan is. He’s going to rob a Stark Industries’ jet, as it moves the last of the Avenger’s tech to their new facility upstate. So Peter is going up against Vulture, his goon Shocker, and all he’s got is his handmade costume, and Ned as tech support. Shoot.

One of the smallest, but funniest
roles I've seen in a while.

The good first, as always. Stellar cast across the board. Tom Holland, Michael Keaton, Jon Favreau, Robert Downey Jr., Marisa Tomei, Donald Glover, the list goes on. I’ll call special attention to Jacob Batalon as Ned, and Zendaya as Michelle Jones. Both steal every flipping scene that they’re in. Jacob especially as he’s in more scenes overall. He’s the tech guy, and just a massive fan boy to Peter form the moment that he finds out his best friend is a superhero. Zendaya, who I swear has at most twenty lines, made me laugh every single time. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. She’s just a delight. The effects are amazing, I especially like the movie design of the Vulture. His giant cleaving wings are stunning. The story is, as I’d hoped, more or less down to earth. Peter, having tasted what the life of a hero could be like, is hungry for more, and chomping at the bit to prove himself. His’ head is in the clouds, but he needs to learn to keep his feet on the ground. Toomes’ arc, while completely not tied into the character he is base on, is relatable. All he wants is to provide for his wife and daughter, regardless of the costs. Very relatable, and not the least bit forced feeling like with Sandman in Spider-Man 3. It’s also funny. Really, really funny. If it’s not a sight gag with Michelle or this random student in a tiger mascot costume, it’s a quip from Peter or Ned. I don’t think I went ten minutes without a minor chuckle. They still haven’t gotten down the “Peter makes jokes during a fight” thing down just yet, but they’re making progress.

The bad is minimal, but definitely there. A lot of the changes in this film feel like they were done simply to be different from the comics and previous movies. Michael Keaton’s Vulture isn’t really the Vulture, he’s Norman Osborn. Think about it, a villain hellbent on getting his way regardless of the costs, flies around on an over-sized and scary machine, and who’s defeat will ruin the life of someone that Peter cares about. Sure, Liz Allen… I mean, Liz Toomes is better looking than Harry Osborn, but they have a lot in common this go around. Tony’s filling in for Uncle Ben, since we can’t have that “great power” line again. And Michelle Jones is soooo Mary Jane Watson that they used the same initials for her nickname. You can’t fool me, an MJ is an MJ. Ned is much the same. They don’t say his last name is Leeds, but he bares resemblance to Ned Leeds, an old school fre-enemy of Peter’s. My understanding is that for both cases they wanted to reference the comics but not be ‘tied down’ by the canon surrounding the two but... come on. I don’t think anyone, that matters anyway, would care if Michelle Jones is the movies Mary Jane, or that Ned might one day find himself in an orange hood astride a glider. Finally, the fights are all a little anti-climactic. Spider-Man vs. Vulture round 1, lasts about fifteen seconds. Just enough to lift him off the ground and dropped into a river. Round 2, some good licks are laid on both sides, but again, over in under a minute. And Round 3 is pretty much Peter dodging Toomes until the buzzard is distracted. Again, a real quick fight. Finally, I find it a little hard to believe that a government agency wouldn’t notice that a sizeable amount of highly dangerous tech is missing. Like, come on, if I was in charge of Damage Control, my guys would be cataloging every nut, screw, and bolt. Just saying. So yeah, problems are minimal, but there.

I love everything about this kid.

Final note, this movie is jam packed with Spider-Man characters. Pretty much everyone with a speaking line is at least loosely tied to a comic book character. Michelle (MJ) Jones, Ned (Maybe) Leeds, Adrian Toomes aka Vulture but basically Norman Osborn, and Liz Allen-Toomes have been mentioned before, but here are a few more. Jackson Brice usually goes by the code name Montana, a rope trick expert and leader of minor villain henchmen for hire the Enforcers. Herman Shultz is recurring merc villain The Shocker. Aaron Davis is Spider-Man anti-hero the Prowler, and he nephew he mentioned has been confirmed to be Miles Morales, a future Spider-Man. Mac Gargan, with his large arthropod tattoo, will more than likely one day don a large battle suit and call himself the Scorpion. Adrian has tech support from Phineas Mason, better known as the Tinkerer, a tech designer and information broker for the Marvel villains. Student news anchorwoman Betty Brant (another of Peter’s former love interests) makes a few appearances. And finally, there is Principle Morita. This isn’t really a reference to a comic character, more a reference within a reference. His actor, Kenneth Choi, had previously played Jim Morita in Captain America: The First Avenger. It’s never said out loud, but, given the WWII era photo on his desk we see at one point, it’s safe to assume that the principle is supposed to be the son, grandson, or possibly great-grandson of the former Howling Commando. Our cup runneth over with minor characters.

This is an A- movie. It has a decent pace, all-star cast, and a good script. While some of the numerous changes might turn off a comic purest, none of them were so horridness as what you find in Fantastic Four (2016). It’s a more lighthearted story, which I think is great for those whom may feel that the latest string of Marvel and DC movies are a little too dark for their tastes. Don’t let the fact that this is another reboot deter you from seeing this, as Spider-Man has finely, truly, come home. At least in this humble nerd’s eyes.  

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Viewer Log: Iron Fist ep 6

Okay, before we get started, we need to have two moments of silence. One for Mrs. Joan Lee, wife of Marvel’s Stan Lee. While she was never directly tied to the company, we can pretty much thank her for all of the characters and stories that have sprung forth from them. As she was the one who encouraged Stan to make heroes and stories on his terms, rather than fall in line with his editor who wanted DC style characters. She was a classy lady, by all accounts, and will be missed.

…

 The second is on a more personal note, as on 7/7/17, my family had to put down our beloved dog Harley. He was fourteen, nearly blind, stone deaf, and seemed to have some kind of arthritis. Despite all this, seeing him get put to sleep was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. It sucks when what you know is the right thing makes your heart and soul ache, doesn’t it?

…

Iron Fist is Iron Pissed.

Okay, now that we’ve gotten the somber stuff out of the way, let’s talk Iron Fist. I’ll start by saying that I have no idea what the director or editor were thinking when they filmed this episode. I don’t know the technical stuff that goes into shooting a scene or anything, but I can say that when the scene is so dark that I can’t even see the characters in places, it’s too damn dark. The only reason I can think of as to why they’d do this is to make it easier to slip in Finn Jones’ stunt double for the fighting. Not a good reason, if that’s the case. Let’s get to it.

The episode opens to Danny meditating. Again. At the same time, a number of assassins are given some sort of summons from the Hand. Each smile and mention that it is ‘finally time.’ Danny ends his mediation by reciting a line from his master, “Doubt leads to Death.”

Ward watches the video again, the one where Danny apologizes for the Rand chemicals giving a woman’s son cancer. He reaches for his pills, but is interrupted by Joy. Joy reveals she had called a team that specializes in crisis response. To help minimize the damage that Danny caused. Joy convinces Ward to dump his pills. He goes to get Danny. Danny has, meanwhile, discovered several warehouses that might hold the Chemist’s daughter. Ward tries to convince Danny to put it off in favor of the crisis response meeting, but Danny won’t listen. Ward goes along in the hope he could force Danny to come back.

They go through four warehouses before they find the trailer that Danny smashed though. Rather than the Heroin that he’d expected, they find the severed head of the goon that failed to stop Danny. In his mouth is another summons this one for Danny. Danny blows off the meeting to accept the challenge. He talks to Colleen and Claire, who are looking after the Chemist. He explains that if he fights and defeats the Hands top assassins, they have to listen to his demands. Claire thinks it’s a bad idea, but can’t think of what else to do. Like calling a hero that she knows, who has had dealings with the Hand. Did she lose Matt Murdock’s number since last year?

His first mistake was thinking a tournament that started
              with a 2 v 1 fight would be honorable.

Danny meets Gao at the area the Hand has prepared. His terms, if he wins, the Hand will hand over the Chemist’s daughter and leave Rand Enterprises alone. Madam Gao’s terms are, if he were to lose but live, he’ll have to keep his nose out of the Hand’s business. His first fight is against a pair of knife wielding weirdos. They slash their hands and form a circle of blood. If Danny falls out of the ring, he loses. Danny fights and defeats them. The next round is against a woman with a spider tattoo. She plays mind games with him, and sticks him with several acupuncture needles tipped with Singing Spider venom. This disorientates him for a moment, but he regains his senses and defeats her too.

The final round is against a guy with a dozen weapons line around the room. They duel, with Danny once again getting the upper hand. But, before he can defeat the fighter, Madam Gao comes back with the Chemist’s daughter. She orders that Danny forfeit or she’ll kill the girl. Despite his own reservations, Danny does the morally right thing by forfeiting. Before leaving, Danny learns that Madam Gao has gone up against a previous Iron Fist, and knew Danny’s father Wendel Rand. He tries to get info from her, but she smacks him around with telekinesis… or something. He leaves the arena, his spirit clearly broken.

Claire, stop acting like the only thing you can do is make
               the situation worse and call Matt Murdock.

Meanwhile, Ward is going through serious withdrawal. He keeps seeing the severed head of the goon he saw earlier. He abruptly leaves the meeting and tries to get new pills. He stops at an Urgent Care and none to subtlety demands more pills. Joy saves him from embarrassing himself.

Colleen and Claire are looking after the Chemist. When his condition worsens, they’re forced him to take to an actual hospital. Unfortunately, the Hand learns about it, and steal him away despite their best efforts. Not good.

            Hm… I have to say, I really wish this first season had taken place in K’un-Lun. We could have seen Danny’s training, the hellish and deeply psychologically damaging events that he had to go through to become the Iron Fist. We could’ve seen the trials, the tribulations, the spirit breaking moments he must have gone through to be this supreme warrior. Instead, we just get Danny spouting snippets of philosophy and have darkly lit Kung Fu fights. Lame. I am also not a fan of how we really only see Finn Jones clearly during the closeups and really easy Kung Fu moves. If I am wrong and Finn Jones actually did all of his stunt work, and that the unclear fight scenes were 100% on the director and other crew, then I am truly sorry. Iron Fist has been difficult to get through, I’m not going to lie. I will thankfully get a small reprieve when I review Spider-Man: Homecoming.
Have a good night everybody.

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Viewer Log: Iron Fist ep 5

It’s really just occurred to me that while we’re a fair way through Iron Fist and yet we’ve had very little in terms of plot development. The first three episodes were all about Danny getting back as head of Rand Enterprises, and hints that the Hand are somehow involved. The whole ‘getting the company back’ story was concluded last time, for now at least. So yeah, it’s overall not much to go on. It’s high time we move the plot along, shall we?

We open to three women walking with those rolling carryon bags. Each of the bags has a serpentine dragon on the tag, very reminiscent of the Shao-Lo dragon on Danny’s chest. Very interesting. They break apart and we see them meeting with various folks. What are these gal pitching? Heroin. Really, really good heroin. Hm… good isn’t the right word, we’ll say effective. This stuff is potent, chemically designed so that users don’t build up a tolerance, and is designed to be absorbed through the skin. One junky tests it out, gets high in seconds, and claims it’s like the first time he shot up. Oh, that does not bode well at all.

Yeah, probably shouldn't have left this guy with
Super-Heroin.

At Rand Enterprises, Danny is having a consultation with a Rand chemist. She examined a sample of the heroin that Danny got his hands on. Did I forget to mention that? Oh, yeah, I did, sorry. The Triad left him a sample at the end of the last episode. She explains that, somehow, the drug is composed of 100% legal compounds and is also 100% synthetic. Not sure if something like that is possible, but hey, disbelief is suspended.

Joy, meanwhile, is dealing with a new potential lawsuit. Rand Enterprises may be facing a class action lawsuit. A group of citizens are claiming that the RE chemical plant on Staten Island has caused cancer in some of them. Joy is very firm that RE’s plant didn’t cause the problem. And even if the chemicals are dangerous, RE has followed the law to the letter. So, the group has no legal grounds to sue. That’s their story and she’s sticking to it.

Danny shows Ward the Heroin. He explains that, according to the info he’s received, that this is what the Hand is shipping at the Pier RE recently purchased. He’s particularly disturbed by the serpentine dragon symbol, as it is Shao-Lo, the dragon that gave him his Iron Fist powers. Ward is instantly dismissive. He basically tells Danny to buzz off and let him work. Danny leaves in a huff, leaving the heroin behind. As soon as he’s alone, Ward pops a few pills. Did they establish that Ward had a drug problem? I don’t think so. Either way, Danny goes to his assistant, Megan, and gets info about the next shipment to the pier.

After getting the shipment info he needs, Danny is ambushed by one of the women from the lawsuit meeting earlier. She shows him a picture of her son, tells him the boy has cancer, and begs him to do something. She claims that Rand’s company is behind it. Danny apologizes and promises to do something. Her lawyer, meanwhile, recorded the whole thing. That’s no good.

Damn, Claire Temple is everywhere. She'll be popping
up in Spider-Man: Homecoming next.

We then cut to Colleen training a student. Who is the student? Claire Temple. What are the odds? She’s the former nurse that has had dealings with Daredevil, Jessica Jones, and (might be?) dating Luke Cage. Danny arrives a few minutes later, bringing “take out” with him. From a fancy restaurant. Like a place that doesn’t actually do take out, unless you’re a multi-billionaire. He, Colleen, and Claire have a nice dinner together. Kind of weird.

The Meachums are having a problem. The lawyer had sent Joy the video of Danny and his client. They’re both rather steamed as Danny, unwittingly, admitted that Rand is at fault, and thus the group now has something to base their lawsuit on. Joy thinks they should settle, Ward isn’t so sure. He wants to assemble the board and figure this out. Once he’s alone, Harold texts him saying “Do what Joy says.” Ward examines the heroin again, pops a few pills and looks rather glum.

Over dinner, Danny talks a little more about his time at K’un L’un. After they’ve finished small talk, Claire takes the hint and bails. Once they’re alone, Danny gets Colleen to agree to help him investigate the pier. In exchange for a month off rent. He just bought her building, FYI. Danny and Ward look over the pier. After some searching, they find a truck with a bunch of boxes in the back. Danny sneaks in to investigate, but gets taken along when the baddies shut the container up and drive off. Colleen steals a van and follows. Inside, Danny finds…an apartment? Two men are inside. One is called Radovan, the Chemist. The other is a nameless goon. Danny fights the goon, Radovan is stabbed during the fight, and the two escape. Danny and Colleen take Radovan to Claire, who patches him up. They learn that the hand is involved, and that Radovan’s daughter is being held hostage to keep him compliant. Danny, and Colleen, vow to help.

Meanwhile, Rand Enterprises is in trouble. Despite his father’s warning, Ward convinces the board to not settle. This leads to a media firestorm as the other side releases the video, like they threatened. Ward ignores his father’s calls, and gets high out of his mind. Joy finds him and tries to get him back in his right mind.

Ward is high as a kite
And Joy looks so totally done.

In the closing moments, Madam Gao investigates the truck. If you don’t remember the name, she was one of the Kingpin’s associates back in season one of Daredevil, is Harold’s handler, and is implied to be one of the higher ups of the Hand. She’s furious to learn that the Iron Fist is in town, and executes Radovan’s body guard.

While watching this, I can’t help but wonder how the show would have fared if Danny hadn’t gotten RE back right away. We would have seen Danny struggling to get back his family companies, while at the same time fighting to live up to his duties as the Iron Fist. Instead, we see Danny buying his way out of problems, and getting his company in trouble. I think part of Danny’s problem as a character, at least in this show, is that he’s just a little too bland. Wealthy characters like Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark are eccentric philanthropist. They literally throw money around and look like they’re having a blast while doing it. Danny, meanwhile is a soft-spoken man whom just feels like he’s just figured out what money is. It’s just not interesting to watch. And, again, the show is just now getting into the overarching plot of the season, five episodes in. So overall, passable, but for me the cracks in the show are starting to become apparent.

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Viewer Log: Iron Fist ep 4

Okay so where did we last leave Danny Rand? Hm… oh right, he was being defenestrated from the top of Harold Meachum’s secret apartment. And I posted this… back in March. Huh, if anyone was really looking forward to me getting to episode 4, I’m… sorry? Sorry if I’m doing Iron Fist a disservice, but somehow, I’m getting that fans of this show are… few, to say the least. Let’s get to it, shall we?

Okay, what sort of face is Harold making?
Smiling kindly? Evilly? Smugly?

Moments after being pushed out a window, Danny is able to catch himself on a light fixture sticking from the building. He slips off a moment later, but temporarily stopping does slow his momentum down so he doesn’t break anything. Hooray. He wakes up in the apartment, where we learn that Ward was the one that shoved him out the window, and he learns that Harold is alive. They have a small bonding moment, and then Harold explains how he is still alive. His miraculous recovery is due to the Hand. They used whatever secret Ninja techniques at their disposal to kill Harold, and then raise him from the dead. Three days later. Uh, Iron Fist writers… that was a little too on the nose. He’d been imprisoned ever since and been forced to do the Hand’s bidding. He convinces Danny to help him, however he can. As a reward, Harold has Ward drop all litigation again Danny, and announce to the press that Danny Rand is back. Hooray. As they’re leaving, Ward warns Danny not to trust Harold too much, as the Meachum patriarch has only ever cared about one thing. Himself. Less Hooray.

Danny is presented at the Press Conference, and even gives an eloquent speech about where he’s been, and how he’s going to help Rand Enterprises be the best it can be. One reporter questions him about his time at the psych ward, to which Danny gives another well thought out explanation as to why he’d stay at a mental hospital before Ward ends the conference. None of the reporters wanted to hear about Danny’s life at a monastery? That’s way more unusual then a billionaire spending time at any kind of hospital, just saying.

Real subtle blocking.

After the meeting, Danny meets up with Jeri Hogarth, whom explains somethings to him as he signs the final paper work to get him control of RE. Namely, that while he doesn’t technically have a job at RE, as the majority shareholder, he pretty much has the final say on everything. He then goes to a board meeting where Ward is explaining a drug that Rand has developed to combat some made up disease. While Danny is happy to hear that, he’s disgusted to hear that the five-dollar pill that they produce is going to be sold at fifty dollars a pill. Everyone explains that this is how the business is done, that nearly all the proceeds will be reinvested in R and D, and the company will only make a small profit on this. But Danny says No, and they sell it at Cost. Not 100% up to date on my legal lingo, but I assume that means that they’ll sell the pill at the price it takes to make it. Five dollars out, five dollars in. Danny then leaves with Joy.

Later on, Ward gets a call Harold. He’s advised to take care of the reporter that was asking questions about Danny’s psych ward visit, to make up for buggering the pill price earlier. Apparently, papa Meachum wasn’t happy about selling at cost, either. Danny and Joy discuss marketing stuff, why selling things for a profit is good, and some of Danny’s past as he trained to be the Iron Fist. All the while looking into why Ward had been so interested in buying that Pier in a previous episode. Their discussion is interrupted by Joy nearly being kidnapped by a bunch of thugs. Danny goes to stop them. The thugs pull out hatchets. Did I just change the show to Kung Fu Hustle? Or is Danny actually fighting the Ax Gang? No matter, Danny beats the spit out of them, and gets Joy to safety.

They meet up with Colleen Wing. She’s been fighting in cage matches of late, just in case you’re wondering what she’s been up to. Danny asks if she knows about the Golden Sands, the name of the group that attacked them. She admits that they are a Triad. If the term is new to you, it’s the Chinese, and I believe to a lesser extent Japanese, form of organized crime. A Chinese Mafia, if you will. Danny goes to one of the Golden Sands legit business fronts, a restaurant and tells their boss to back off. Said boss admits that they just wanted to talk about, meaning force, Joy to make a deal with them regarding the Pier that RE had recently purchased. When Danny admits the Hand forced RE to buy it, they instantly back off, metaphorical tails between their legs. Weird. Danny meets up with Joy and Colleen, and he and Joy head out.

Hm... for some reason seeing Danny with these
two women seem rather awkward. Can't put my finger on why.

Meanwhile, Ward meets with the reporter from earlier. He pretty much lays out everything about Danny’s behavior at Rand, obviously embellishing in places, and makes particular note of the drug price fiasco. She leaves a few minutes later, excited about her big scoop. Imagine Ward’s anger the next day when it is clear in the article headline that she decided to sing the praises of Danny selling a lifesaving drug at cost. And, at his place, Harold is picked up by the Hand. His reward for getting them the pier was a chance to see Joy for a few minutes. When he sees she’s been hit, he asks one more favor, which the Hand allows. Namely, killing the Triad member that hit Joy. Dark but intense fatherly love there.

Overall, this is a decent enough episode. Fair amount of actions, with scenes that push the plot forward, and all that. But that’s kind of part of the problem, actually. By this point, all three of the other series in the Marvel/Netflix family have had at least one excellent episode or episodes that kept the energy going. At this point, I’m just chugging along because it’s a Marvel series. It’s decent enough, but it’s just that, decent. Which is sad. And I was not a fan of the meeting scene. I understand that they’re trying to build him up as a white knight, or whatever, but yeah, if you want a business to do work, they need to turn a profit. I have no business experience, and even I can appreciate that literally giving away a product might seem fine on paper but it’s impossible to make it work logistically. It’s the same problem that I kind of had with Ant-Man, trying to make the hero too much of an outlandish goodie good hurts them as a character. The reason Marvel’s character work so well s because at their core they’re humans in an abnormal setting. Iron Fist has his flaws, like any other character, but over exaggerating his ‘White Knight’ qualities just make him less interesting as a character. Just saying. Also, Colleen’s story feels really tacked on. Granted, her cage match is cool, but it really doesn’t connect to anything in Danny’s story. Just saying. And that’s all I have to say about that.

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Review: Wonder Woman

             Before I get started, let’s have a moment of silence for the late, great Adam West. He was a Batman unlike any other. … Alright, moving on.

Diana blocks all the bullets.

Sorry it’s been so long. It’s unprofessional, I know, but my real life has been rather busy. And, furthermore, I had a devil of a time getting to see this movie. I went out to see Wonder Woman three times before I was actually able to see it. First, the theater I went to had only one convenient showing, but since it was on their ‘Ultra Screen’ or whatever, they were charging nearly $20 a ticket. Too rich for my blood. Second time, went to a theater farther away, that I knew would be cheaper, but since it was $5 movie Tuesday, all the shows were basically sold out. So, finally, after nearly two weeks of attempts I finally got to see it, and it was very much worth it. Let’s get to it.

We open to Diana Prince, in modern day Paris at her day job as a museum curator. She receives a metal brief case from our favorite DC billionaire, Bruce Wayne. She opens it, and is very pleasantly surprised. Via a Note, Bruce explains that he’d spent some time since the Doomsday incident tracking down the original WWI era photo of Diana and her team. Said picture make Diana think about her entire life story. I’ve heard of crazier framing devices.

Diana was born on the Island of Themyscira, the only child to be found on the island. She was the biological daughter of Queen Hippolyta, but is essentially the child of the island. Despite her mother’s insistence that Diana stay away from weapons or the art of war, she clearly is drawn to battle like a fish to water. In an attempt to dissuade her from the path of a warrior, Hippolyta explains the Amazon’s backstory. In this universe, Zeus made humans and for a time, things were good. But Ares, Zeus’ jealous son, corrupted them and caused the humans to start fighting amongst themselves. Zeus created the Amazons to protect humankind, and help end the chaos. Ares slew his fellow gods, and mortally wounded his father before being struck down. Using the last of his strength, Zeus created the isle of Themyscira, transported the Amazon’s there, created a protective field around it, and breathed life into Diana. Hippolyta had shaped the girl from clay, FYI. He also left the amazons with a weapon to kill Ares, should he return. That’s a lot of stuff for someone to do with the ‘last of their strength,’ but this is Zeus we’re talking about here, so yeah.

Diana is trained to fight by her aunt, General Antiope, first in secret, then much more openly once Hippolyta discovered her sister’s actions. Flashforward a non-disclosed amount of time, and Diana is a nearly peerless warrior, able to fight multiple opponents, and just all around awesome. She accidentally injures Antiope in a training exercise, by making some sort of energy barrier/shockwave, and goes off to brood. Which is good, since she stood in just the right spot to see a plane pass through the barrier around their island, and hit the water. She dives in, and saves the pilot, Steve Trevor.

These two want to destroy the world.
Or something. Their motivations are a little vague.

Minutes later, Themyscira is invaded by the German soldiers pursuing him. An all out brawl ensues, between the German forces and the Amazons. The warrior women prove victorious, but Antiope is slain in the crossfire. Trevor is taken in for questioning. Under the influence of the ‘Lasso of Hestia’ aka the Lasso of Truth, Trevor explains what happened. He is an American soldier, assigned to British Intelligence as a spy. He infiltrated a German weapons facility in the Ottoman Empire, and discovered that Dr. Isabel Maru, aka Dr. Poison, had been developing weapons of mass destruction. Specifically, a kind of mustard gas that eats through gas masks. Considering standard mustard gas is a thing of pure evil, you can understand why this is bad. She’s working under orders of General Erich Ludenorff, whom somehow believes that the Germans can still win the war, despite lack of soldiers, food, and other resources. Seizing an opportunity, Trevor stole Maru’s notes and made a break for it. Unfortunately, the German forces followed. Diana, believing that this is all the work of Ares, wants to help stop him. Hippolyta isn’t convinced, though, and forbids it.

Diana, not one to be deterred, steals the Lasso, some armor, and the Godkiller sword. She and Trevor are caught attempting to leave, but Hippolyta relents. She banishes her daughter, but wishes her well on her quest. She also gives Diana the headband/tiara that her aunt Antiope wore. Hippolyta advises her daughter to be worthy of said tiara.

Sometime later, they arrive in London, and after a snafu with some German spies, and getting Diana some inconspicuous clothing, arrive at the Supreme War Council. After some political hoop jumping, and some failed codebreaking on behalf of British Intelligence, Diana is able to translate Maru’s notes. They’re planning to release the super mustard gas at the war front. Trevor and Diana want to stop the plan, but are forbidden to do so by Trevor’s superiors. He decides to say, ‘screw it,’ and assembles a team with Diana. They recruit spy Sameer, a marksman named Charlie, and a smuggler known as the Chief to help them. They are able to do this thanks to secret funding by a member of the War Council, Sir Patrick Morgan. He’s trying to negotiate an armistice with the Germans, but knows super mustard gas is something that probably shouldn’t be allowed to exist.

Diana and Trevor enjoying a horse rider.
Before taking on machine guns,

The group travels to Belgium, where they believe the Germans will release the gas. Trevor and co want to press on, but they are somewhat delayed by the front line. Trench warfare has a habit of disrupting travel plans, what with the deep trenches and machine guns everywhere. The men folk want to walk around, but Diana is moved by the pleas of the locals and tries the direct approach. She unveils her red and blue uniform, draws her sword and shield and charges. She almost singlehandedly takes down the entire German force, and frees the small town of Veld. The guys help, a little. The team celebrates victory, taking that famous photo, and bond a little.

 The team learn of a gala at the nearby German High Command. There, they assume Ludendorff is going to show off the super gas. Trevor infiltrates the party, in an attempt to find and destroy the gas. Diana, though, believes that Ludendorff is Ares in human form and that killing him with stop the war. She seems to be under the impression that Ares has the entirety of the Central Powers forces under some kind of mind control. Diana is... about as naive as you'd expect someone who spent her entire life on an island. She attempts to kill Ludendorff, but is stopped by Trevor. He feared such an… open attack will just make the war worse. Ludendorff, having not been un-alived as Deadpool would put it, launches his gas on Veld, killing them all. Diana rushes to the city to try and do something, but she’s far too late. After chastising Trevor for stopping her, she goes after Ludendorff, to end things.

Good first, which is most of the film. Gal Gadot was one of the best parts of Batman v. Superman, and she absolutely shines in her solo movie. She’s confident but a little naïve, strong but kind, and just a delight from start to finish. Side note, if a video exists, I’d love to see the reaction that the young actresses Lilly Aspel and Emily Carey had to when the learned they’d get to play two young Diana Prince’s. It’s probably hilarious. Chris Pine is awesome as Steven Trevor. He’s his usual confident awesome self, but is clearly conflicted about all he’s done, seen and will continue to have to do in the Great War. True to many a soldier’s experience back then, or so I’ve read. Danny Huston, whom I’ve had mixed feelings about since X-Men Origins: Wolverine, is decent as the clearly insane General Ludendorff. Not the best villain I’ve ever seen, but better than his William Stryker. The score is amazing, whomever wrote Wonder Woman’s theme music should get a substantial raise. The action scenes, particularly the Amazons vs. The Germans, and Diana storming No Man’s Land, are just amazing. They make excellent use of Zack Snyder style slow-mo. I also really enjoy that, for most of the movie, there is definitely this feeling that Diana isn’t really fighting Ares. She’s fighting War itself, the seeming human need to cause harm to one another. It’s really well done.

Diana Prince, always prepared.

The bad is super minimal, and mostly nitpicking. I’ll start with the biggest problem first, the side characters. They aren’t bad, far from it, they’re woefully underutilized. We have Said Taghmaoui as Sameer ‘Sammy’ the spy. He wanted to be an actor but was forced into the life of a soldier due in part to his ethnicity. Ewen Bremner is Charlie, an expert Scottish marksman whom suffers from PTSD. And Eugene Brave Rock, as Chief, a Native American smuggler who is trading to both sides. He left America as his people haven’t fared super well over there due to the American Government. And that’s all we’re ever told about them. Sammy’s dreams of acting, and Charlie’s PTSD seem important, but they’re almost forgotten as soon as they’re revealed. Then there’s Lucy Davis as Etta Candy, Trevor’s secretary. She really wasn’t in enough to be mentioned in the review, but she is hysterical. I laughed particularly hard while they were trying to get Diana some ‘London appropriate’ clothing. One of the best lines of the movie, Trevor puts a pair of glasses on Diana to make her ‘less conspicuous,’ her quip, “yeah put spectacles on her, like that’ll make her less of the most attractive woman you’ve ever seen.” She’s funny and unfortunately, we’ll never see her or the rest of Diana’s team again. Which is the same kind problem that Steve Rogers had in Captain America. The being set nearly a hundred years in the past make it kind of impossible for the old characters to pop up again. There is also this completely unnecessary point of Dr. Poison creating a super stimulant gas for Luddenorff. Something that he inhales and gives him temporary super strength. Why? So, he can have a quick fist fight with Diana. Only reason. It was an unnecessary minor plot point for an unnecessary minor fight. All I’m saying. And finally, certain twists could be seen from space. Specifically, what the Godkiller, the weapon to kill Ares, actually is, and whom Ares human form is. Pretty much the second these plot points come up, you’ll know who’s who.

Overall, A-. This is an amazing movie that I recommend to everybody. Diana does an excellent job on her first solo outing, and truly earns the title of Wonder Woman. If you haven’t seen it yet, go see it. My nitpicks are just that, nitpicks. I thoroughly enjoyed this movie and can’t wait to see more of WW in the DCU. If she is a sign of things to come, then it looks like said DCU has finally found it’s grove. Have a good night everybody.

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