Review: Deadpool

And that’s why you don’t have a Theme Week, Deadpool.

Huh, okay that’s a fair point. Are you going to explain it again for the regulars?

That’ll be next time. For now, let’s get to your movie.

B-e-a-utiful. I love talking about me.

Okay, so Deadpool is a very different superhero film. It’s raunchy, violent, and crazy, and anyone who takes their under 16-year-old to see it should seriously reconsider their parenting techniques.

It’s beautiful. SOOOOOOO Beautiful.

Took me ten years to get this gorgeous mug
on a poster. Worth it.

The movie opens with Deadpool in a taxi cab. He explains to the Indian man driving the cab that he’s planning on getting vengeance today. For Wade, it's Christmas in April, as he keeps insisting. After stiffing the guy on the cab fare-

I pay in high fives, the most encouraging currency.

Sure… Anyway, he leaps into action. To call the action sequence that followed one sided would be an understatement. Deadpool slaughters his opponents, despite only having, what, twelve bullets?

Exactly. I’m economical.

After that, we finally get more or less Deadpool’s backstory. He’s a former special forces soldier that was working as a mercenary at a local bar. Basically, if you can pone up the cash, old Wade Wilson would threat and possibly kill anyone that’s giving him trouble. He’s not a great guy, thought, as he incites a fight between two other regulars at the bar in the hopes one would kill the other so he could win the dead pool. Shortly after that, he meets Vanessa, and the two really hit it off.

Hit it off? Is that what the kids are calling it these days? Back in my day we just called it f—

I’m trying to be subtle, Deadpool.

OH, I get it.

Sure you do, Deadpool. But yeah, they have several scenes that one should never watch with their parents, and Wade even proposes to her around Christmas time. Though, that’s when it hits the fan.

Late stage cancer in my brain, lungs, and prostate. Sooo much fun.

He tries to leave Vanessa a few times, to spare her from the mental/emotional pain of watching him wither. He finally does leave, once he’s approached by a mysterious man in a suit that offered him a cure for cancer, provided he was willing to be subjugated to some less than ethical experiments.

It's a love story. Sort of.

Yeah, the guy in charge, Francis, puts me through a bunch of screwy stress tests to try and trigger a mutation in me. We’re talking water torture, being smacked by bamboo poles, and so on. The tipping point was when I was stuck in a machine designed to keep me in a perpetual state of suffocation. It was sooo much fun that my mutation triggered, which had the less than savory side effect of turning my Ryan Reynolds face into a potato.

They flash forward to the freeway again, where Wade is finally able to fight and disable Francis. He goes by Ajax, FYI. He tries to force the mutant maker into fixing his face, but is interrupted by Colossus and Negasonic Teenage Warhead, a pair of X-Men.

Still want to trade names with her.

Apparently, Colossus and Deadpool had met before, as the big guy wants to force Wade into becoming an X-Man. Deadpool is less than thrilled, especially when Ajax uses the opportunity to slip away. We flashback again to how Deadpool escaped Ajax. His sidekick, a bruiser named Angel Dust, had a habit of keeping a match in her mouth like a cigarette. Deadpool head-butted her when they re-strapped him into the oxygen sucking machine to steal it. Ajax really should have taken the hint when you didn’t have a smartass remark.

If I’m not talking, I’m usually planning something horrible. I take the match, light with my mouth, and then blow the oxygen tanks to kingdom come. I show off my new healing powers, and get into a crazy Kung Fu fight with Francis. I would have had him, if I wasn’t as equipment-less as a man can be. That’s right, I get to fight bare butt naked.

It was…graphic. Deadpool is stabbed through the chest and left for dead. But, he survives the explosion, and sets about getting vengeance. He gets help from his buddy the Weasel, and starts setting himself up as Deadpool. We get a montage of him performing murder and mayhem.

If Trump can do it, Wilson/Bob '16.

My favorite was the Zamboni. So much fun.

Which leads to the confrontation at the freeway. After having his status of not-being-dead revealed, Ajax goes after Vanessa.

No body messes with my girl. Ain’t no body.

Which leads into the super intense final battle, with Deadpool, Colossus, and Negasonic Teenage Warhead vs. Ajax, Angel, and an army of goons.

They should have brought more goons to the Not-Helicarrier.

This is the perfect representation of Deadpool. We get to see his gross out humor, his “creative” approach to violence and torture, as well as the heavier stuff like how he handles his cancer and his status as a “Super Hero.” They have plenty fourth wall jokes, gross out jokes, and just regular jokes. My favorite was when he went to the X-Mansion for help, and comments on how “I only ever see [Colossus and Negasonic]. It’s like the studio couldn’t spring for more X-Men.” The CGI is great, the violence is great, too.

I think we spent most of the budget on dismembered body parts, and Colossus’ big metal body. I’m a little surprised I didn’t mention how weird it is that he’s always armored up. It’s like the perfect Deadpool-servation.

Ryan Reynolds is excellent as the Merc with a Mouth. It’s like this entire movie was a big fat “I’m sorry,” for X-Men Origins: Wolverine. TJ Miller, Vanessa Carlysle are great as Weasel and Vanessa, respectively. Ed Skrein is great as the villain, Ajax. The perfect mix of sadistic, and yet still quirky. He really really really wants to make Deadpool call him Ajax, but Deadpool refuses. I also find it kind of hilarious that Colossus, who is a mixture of motion capture, and top notch voice acting, got more characterization here then he did in four main series X-Men movies. Pretty nuts. I honestly have no major complaints for this one.

So… I get an A?

A+ Mr. Wilson.

Heck yes. It’s hammer time. Uh-ho, uh-ho.

I can cross Deadpool doing the MC Hammer dance off of my list of things I’d thought I’d never see. So yeah, if you’re interested go see Deadpool. It’s a fun story. Next time, I’ll be giving ya’ll an update on some changes that’ll be happening here. Have a good night everybody.

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