Time to get some Witches together.
Last time on Agatha All Along,
we caught up with Westview’s favorite noisy neighbor. Agatha Harkness, witch,
dog-killer, and all-around nasty lady, has spent the last three years believing
herself to be Agnes of Westview. Her TV sitcom persona seems to have gotten a
glitch in it, though, and now she’s acting like a grizzled police detective in
her small town. She has a time investigating the death of a Jane Doe that’s
clearly Wanda Maximoff from Minute 1 and has an antagonistic relationship with
a woman named Rio Vadel. A mysterious Teen tries to break into her house to
steal something, but Agnes catches him. The boy is the first person to tell her
to her face that her delusion is a delusion. She’s drawn to the morgue to
investigate the body one more time and Rio coaxes Agatha out of Agnes, helping
her peel back the layers of her assumed identity and shed them until she
realizes she’s naked in her house in Westview. After threatening her neighbor
to get caught up on her situation, Agatha realizes she’s lost her powers and
Wanda stole all of her magic stuff while she was in Lala land. She then also
realizes the Teen is real and is locked in her closet. Rio then arrives, being
a witch associate of hers. They fight but Agatha gets her to back off for a
little while so she can try to get her powers back. Rio agrees but says that
she’ll tell the Salem 7 where she is, and they won’t be so easy on her. They
should be there by sundown. Enough recap. Let’s get to it.
Ep 2: Circle Sewn With Fate/ Unlock Thy Hidden Gate
Agatha finally gets dressed and
starts packing a go bag to get out of Westview before her ‘friends’ arrive. The
Teen from earlier struggles to be heard by her but the tape gag works better
than a tape gag ever should. Agatha tells him the house is his and to tell her
vengeance seeking friends she says hi. He gets the tape off and asks her to
take him to the Witches Road, which sparks her interest. Agatha says that the
Road isn’t real, but Teen says that he knows that’s a lie real witches tell
normies to get them to back off. He says anyone who can make it through get
their hearts desire. Agatha drops the pretense and says that the Road will kill
him. He insists he can do it, and he wants Agatha’s help to prepare because she
also went down the Road at some point. The Teen admits that he knows quote “an
egregious” amount of her and loved her Salem era. That’s why he came to
Westview to free her. She’s impressed that he had the goods to break a curse
set up by the Scarlet Witch herself. The Teen says that he wants to go down the
Road to gain power, and while he’s studied and knows quite a bit, he really
wants someone with practical experience to help him out. Agatha says no,
though, too risky. The teen points out that the other witches sound serious and
asks her if she can outrun them without magic. Agatha sees her locket and after
checking the hair is still inside, asks the teen his name. He says it, but when
he does, his voice distorts and his mouth gets covered over, indicating a spell
is keeping Agatha from learning his name. Agatha is very intrigued by this
point and does agree to help. After a gaffe where she tries to drive off in the
fake car from her hallucinations (it’s basically an exercise wheel stuck to a
tabletop) finally frees the Teen and says he’s driving.
They head out, walking down the
street. She asks the Teen what he knows about Covens. He rattles off a few
facts, ultimate form of sisterhood, drawn together by mysterious forces etc. He
gets excited that Agatha is taking him to meet her Coven, but Agatha says those
harpies are dust, but they’ll need a cover to access the Witches Road. She stops
at the foundation of the Maximoff/Vision house. Someone spraypainted ‘evil
witch’ on the concrete. She spits at it and they head to the Teen’s car. They
drive out of Westview. The Teen’s boyfriend tries to call him, but he ignores
the call to focus on the mission. He asks how they’ll find a Coven and Agatha
explains that there’s sort of a witch’s magnetism effect that draws these sorts
of people together. She claims that this is the Covenstead rule, in any
three-mile radius there’ll be enough people with talent to form a coven. He
asks her to write that rule down in a notebook, but she is very much against
that idea, throwing the pen out the window and offering to throw the book out
too. He says it’ll be hard to find a coven of people on her level. Agatha
scoffs at this and says that’s never existed. But all ya need is some folks
with even a little talent and the group can form enough of a spark to get her
what she needs. She tells him to stop, and they pull up in front of a psychic shop.
They enter the shop and meet with
the owner (Patti LuPone) of the shop. Agatha spins a yarn about wanting to commune
with her dead husband to locate some gold bars in their backyard. She says the Teen
is her son, but he doesn’t talk due to social anxiety. They pay her to do the
reading on the Teen’s debit card. They get a clearly fake reading saying the
gold is in a bowling bag at the back of their closet. Agatah gets up to leave, but
then the psychic does an actual reading, having figured out Agatha’s past and
describes it in detail. How she hurt Wanda and was trapped for three years. The
psychic, Lilia, says that she knows why they’re here, but she’s not interested.
Agatha is not taking that for an answer. They follow her into the back, and
Agatha says she hasn’t gotten the pitch yet. Lilia says she’d have to be nutty
to deal with THE Agatha Harkness. She then screams bloody murder for a second
before they continue the conversation. We find out that Lilia is roughly 400
years old. Agatha asks her if she doesn’t miss the Glory days when people
respected her. Lilia says no, as back then she’d be chased out of villages all
over for accurately predicting disasters. Agatha drops the Witches Road
bombshell and she has Lilia locked in. But she’s still hesitant, saying that
she’d be crazy to coven up with the most infamous witch on the continent. Teen
is affronted by this and asks her to name a badder bitch from South America or
Europe. When asked, Agatha introduces him as her pet. Lilia asks if Agatha
really thinks that she’ll risk her life to get power from the road just to have
Agatha steal it from her. Agatha lets her in on a little secret, that she can’t
just steal power. She has to be blasted with it, and then she’ll suck it in and
drain her. She’s an absorber in that way. So as long as Lilia shows some
restraint, the power is all here. She also points out that Lilia is being
evicted anyway, so why not join them. She still says no and starts to walk
away, but then magic starts coursing through her, causing the lights to flicker
and the tea kettle to boil. Lilia comes out of it and says “three of pentacles”
and gives Agatha a list of names she’ll need. She tries to walk away again, but
then they notice that Lilia is on the list too. Teen gives her Agatha’s address
and says to be there by five. They’ve got their Divination Witch. They head out
and Teen gushes about what just happened. He asks her who’s next on the list,
and after being distracted by a crow for a second, they keep going.
We cut to a candle shop where our
next witch, Jen Kale (Sasheer Zamaka), who runs a shop selling candles. Agatha
comes in and causes a scene to make the customers leave. Jen says she ‘hasn’t
see (her) since I made a very pointed effort to never see you again,” to Agatha
when alone. Agatha tells her she’s assembling a Coven to Walk the Road and she
needs a potions guy. She says that walking the road will break the binding that
left Jen powerless for the last century, and then Jen notices that Agatha is
also powerless. Jen says she’s not bitter and doesn’t to be a real witch again,
Agatha calls bullshit and almost storms off. But Teen cuts in, saying firsts
that he loves Jen’s products… but points out that she’s in a LOT of legal
trouble right now after a product caused severe burns to several customers.
Agatha has a great line about how historically they don’t do well in
courtrooms. They point out a powered-up witch wouldn’t have trouble dodging the
law and give her Agatha’s address and to be there by 5. Potions Witch, check. Teen
says that’s 2 down, 2 to go, but Agatha says only one. When he asks to see the
list because he’s pretty sure it had four names on it, she eats the note, and
then says she’s actually hungry so they’re hitting up a food court.
At the food court, Agatha explains
their third is a Blood Witch. That’s the child of a witch and that this one’s
mom was a famous goddess of rock. Teen guess she means a witch named Lorna Wu,
of Lorna Wu and the Coral Shore, a witch that wrote a famous various of The
Ballad ever. It took me a second to
realize Rock Goddess in this sense meant Rock and Roll and not stone. Ha. Teen
says that his mom loved her and got to see Lorne on her last tour before she
died. Agatha sees a rat and rushes them out of the food court. They go to check
out a Hot Topic… or a legally safe knock off, where Lorna Wu’s daughter Alice
Wu-Gulliver (Ali Ahn) works as a security. Agatha forces the Teen to fake
shoplifting to get her attention, and then to get her fired when her boss
thinks she assaulted a customer for no reason. Alice isn’t interested, saying
that the road is a myth, a con. Agatha dangles the chance of figuring out what
happened to her mother, who disappeared on the Road, but Alice walks off. Teen
lament not giving her the address, but Agatha says they don’t need her.
On the drive back, Teen asks if two
witches will be enough and how far the Road is. Agatha asks Teen where he’s
from. He starts talking about himself, but Agatha can’t hear him besides he was
born in Eastview. Like, she can hear herself snapping and the radio, but her
brain can’t take in the information that the teen is giving out. She tells him to drive faster.
At the house, Agatha gets on her
traveling gear and hears a wolf howl. She sees one on the suburban street and
runs back inside. Teen sets up a welcome sign, that Agatha tears down in
frustration just before her squad arrives, Jen, Lilia and Alice. Alice says
that she used to be a cop and that somehow let her track them down. Agatha
tries to get them to go right then, but the others point out that they need one
more, a Green Witch. According to the Ballad they need Green witch as Earth
magic is the most important skillset to use on the Road. Teen points out there
was another name on the list, Agatha pretends to not know what it is, but Lilia
says it wasn’t a name but a Black Heart. Agatha says she remembers now and goes
to get her. Agatha runs across the street and grabs Kitty Foreman… I mean Sharon
Davis (Debra Jo Rupp). Agatha greets her as Mrs. Hart, but Sharon corrects her
and says that’s the name Wanda gave her in the Hex. Agatha lies to her and says
that she’d like her to join a party she’s throwing, to which Sharon is
delighted as she hasn’t been to a party since her husband died… huh… that gives
some credence to that fan theory that the “Mr. Hart” in Wanda’s hex was already
dead.
Anyway, they go to Agatha’s
basement where she explains to Teen that they’re not going to the Road but
conjuring it here. She sends Teen upstairs and calls the witches to sing the
Ballad to summon the road and get their dreams to come true. They try to figure
out their parts, with Lilia shouting “get off me,” before they can really
begin. Teen finds Agatha’s bunny upstairs and senses… something and goes to investigate.
The witches start singing while Sharon looks on confused. As they sing, Teen
goes outside and sees a cloaked figure waiting outside. John Collins the
neighbor is also outside and asks Teen if he’s also seeing the cloaked lady. The
cloaked figure splits into seven figures and John drops his groceries and runs
inside. Teen also runs in to warn Agatha. The Witches and Sharon grab hands and
chant as Teen blocks the open door to keep the Salem Seven out. They finish the
song, but it doesn’t seem to work. The witches start arguing, Sharon saying
that she thought they sounded great. The Seven start attacking Teen. Agatha
starts yelling at the other Witches, and that seems to draw some power out of
them. Agatha really gets into it, trying to get the others to blast her. Lilia
catches on that Agatha actually didn’t intend to bring them on the Road, she
just wanted to get enough witches together to get that magic spark she
mentioned before, and then trick them into attacking her so she can steal their
power and get strong enough to protect herself. Sharon then points out a
pentagram has formed at their feet. Lilia tells her to open it. She tries but
it takes all five of them to pull the doors open, revealing a staircase deep
into the earth. Agatha grabs some dirt on top of the stairs as Teen runs in and
says they really need to go now. Everyone runs down the stairs, Agatha quickly
slamming the doors shut to escape the Seven. They find the Witches Road at the bottom.
Everyone takes off their shoes and starts walking barefoot. Props on Sharon for
just rolling with this.
This was a fun continuation of the
story. I liked each of our new witches, and how Agatha has got such a
reputation that even the witches that don’t know her personally are as guarded
around her as those that do. I think at this moment Patti LuPone’s Lilia is my
favorite, as her reacting to things that I assume are going to happen later is
just a fun sight gag. From her screams it looks like walking the Road is going
to be… exciting. The other two are also fun but I think that we didn’t get
enough of them to get a good read on their personalities beyond fabulous witch
and gruff witch. The fact that the whole gathering was just a ploy by Agatha to
try to steal their powers was a nice touch.
Like, the plot to get three witches together to try to steal their
powers so she faked getting them together to walk the Witches Road was just
convoluted enough to cover her tracks. I do wonder if the Black Heart did mean
someone specific or if Agatha was worried that the others would realize Sharon
was just a rando, so she tried to misdirect them. I’ll probably learn more as
we go. The mystery with the teen is interesting. The fact that Agatha seems to
be incapable of taking in any information about him does suggest he’s important
in some way. Plus it must be a doozy of a hex, spell, curse, or whatever that
is keeping Agatha taking in detail as mundane as his first name. Props to Joe
Locke, by the way. The kid has got such exuberant energy that I totally believe
that he’s spending time with his idol right now. Maybe he actually is a big fan
of Kathryn Hahn. Not saying that’s impossible, but she’s kind of an extremely
specific actress to be fawning over into. Just saying. The song that the
witches used to open the way to the Road was really well done. I wonder if they
dubbed over the actors for that one or if it was their natural singing voices.
If so those gals have pipes. And, loved seeing Debra Jo Rupp. What? I was a fan
of That 70s Show growing up. Kitty and Red Foreman were basically what I
imagined my Grandparents were like to my dad as a kid. Though Donn Johnson was
much more of a jock than Eric Foreman ever was. Though I imagine if Kitty had
to deal with four other kids on top of Laurie and Eric like my grandparents did
her drinking problem would have been much more severe. … I’m getting off topic.
Debra, she’s great. I totally buy that she just sort of wandered into this
weird fantastical journey. Can’t wait to see more of her. So yeah, fun episode.
Have a good night everyone.
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Twitter: @BasicsSuperhero
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