Villain Profile: The Riddler

Riddle me this, Riddle me that, Who’s afraid of the big, bad Bat? God, I hate Batman Forever but Jim Carrey saying that line is too good to not compliment. The Riddler is one of Batman’s oldest and most intelligent foes, but is also probably one of his least effective baddies. But more on that in a few minutes. Also, The Riddler’s name has been tinkered with a few times. Sometimes he’s Edward Nashton, sometimes he’s Edward Nigma, sometimes he’s Edward Nygma. I’ll try to be consistent with each series. Let’s get to it.

He's got all the answers. And even
more questions.

The Riddler began life as Edward Nashton. He was a remarkably intelligent son of an abusive father. Amazing how often those come up, isn’t it? Edward was desperate to prove his intelligence to his dad, and decided that a school contest would be the best way to do it. The contest was to solve a puzzle the fastest. Edward wanted to win so bad that he broke into his school late at night and practiced solving the puzzle again and again until he could solve it in under a minute. He, obviously, won but said victory didn’t have the desired effect. His father refused to believe young Edward was smart enough to have accomplished this on his own, and increased the beatings upon his boy. And Edward’s prize? A book of puzzles and riddles. Oh joy.

Over the years, Edward developed an intense love/desire with being right. And a love for puzzles. As an adult, he ran a carnival game where he challenged customers to complex puzzles. He also cheated, ensuring that no customer had any chance of winning any prizes. So like every other carnival that has ever existed, got it. Edward also changed his name to Nigma, to separate himself from his abusive father, and give himself an obvious alias. E. Nigma, seriously? Edward eventually grew bored with fleecing rubes at his carnival games, and decided to turn his attention on a worthy opponent. And who is the only one that Edward felt was a worthy opponent? Why, Batman of course. To do this he created the guise of the Riddler, and one of the stupidest costumes I’ve ever seen. A green leotard covered in question marks? With a belt? Does he have no fashion sense whatsoever? Whatever, he tried to defeat Batman using a series of deadly traps and complex puzzles, but Batman proved the superior mind, thwarted Riddler, and saw him locked in Arkham Asylum. Like so many of Arkham’s guests, this proved to be a short vacation.

Over the years, The Riddler has developed into as one of Gotham’s most notorious criminals and information brokers. Batman more or less tolerates the green weirdo’s presence in Gotham as long as the information he gets is good. Better the devil you know, I suppose. More recently, the Riddler learned he was suffering from Cancer. Using his various resources, he was able to secretly get access to a Lazarus Pit, one of the chemical pools that makes Ra’s al Ghul largely immortal. The pools healing waters cure his cancer and, in the fit of insanity that follows exposure, realizes that Bruce Wayne is Batman. He devices a very cruel scheme, where he has the shapeshifting Clayface morph into Jason Todd, Batman’s late ward, to torment Batman. Batman, at first off balance, gains the upperhand and confronts the Riddler. Edward threatens to reveal Bruce’s secret, but the Dark Knight scoffs at the idea. Why? Because if Edward reveals the answer to the greatest riddle of all, “who is the Batman?” the information becomes worthless. Something that Edward’s rattled mind could not stand. And, furthermore, revealing the secret would give Ra’s a clue about who’d been bathing in one of his precious pools without his permission. Something the Demon’s Head would never tolerate.  

Major costume downgrade.

The Riddler is a criminal mastermind and expert at puzzles, traps, and riddles of all kinds. Like Batman, he has no superpower other than his above average intelligence. Now if only he had Batman’s talent for fighting, then he might be a credible threat. He utilizes a number of Question Mark shaped weapons and gadgets, his favorite being a Question Mark shaped Cane that usually shoots some sort of projectile. While extremely intelligent, he has a major flaw in that he needs to PROVE his intelligence. It’s described as a form of obsessive compulsive disorder. Even if he’s perfected a deathtrap, no obvious means of escape for his target, he’s pretty much compelled to stroke his own ego, talking about how brilliant the trap was and, more often than not, mocking his target for not figuring out how to escape. Thus telling his capture how to escape. Idiot.

The Riddler has appeared in a number of DC series. He’s one of Batman’s most recurring villains, alongside the Joker, Two-Face, and Penguin. Just about every Batman series has him either an active role or at the very least a cameo appearance.

He appeared in a few episodes of Batman: The Animated Series. For the first half they did a significant redesign for him, dressing him in a suit and bowler hat. Fun fact, he’s played by John Glover, who would later go on to play the father of Lex Luthor, Lionel Luthor, in the Smallville TV series. They also changed his zanier personality, making him more calm, cool and collected when he’s not being bested by Batman. This, I’ve read, was in order to help differentiate him from the Joker, whom he shares some personality traits with. I think they didn’t give we 90s kids enough credit. One guy dresses in green, the other purple, it’s not hard to tell them apart. He appears in the episode “If You’re So Smart, Why Aren’t You Rich?” In the episode, he’s established as an up and coming game designer that created a game “The Riddle of the Minotaur” which sold millions of copies. He’s then fired by his boss, Daniel Mockridge, who wanted to keep all the profits for himself. Enraged, Edward disappeared. Two years later, he appeared in his Riddler costume. He kidnapped Mockridge and trapped him in life size version of the Minotaur’s Maze. Batman and Robin, despite sympathizing with Mr. Nygma, have to intervene to save Mockridge. They’re able to save Mockridge, who escaped legal punishment since he technically didn’t break the law, but now lives with perpetual fear of Nygma’s return for more revenge. So… little victories. He also appeared in “Almost Got ‘Im,” “What is Reality,” “Trial,” “Riddler Reform,” “Knight Time,” and “Judgement Day.” He has a somewhat smaller role then his compatriots, as the writing team had trouble thinking up plot lines for him that weren’t overly complex or convoluted. They also redesigned him for the later seasons, reverting him to the green leotard. Such a shame, I really liked the classy look he had to begin with.

Too much mouth liner. Is that even a thing?

A very different looking Riddler appeared in the very different The Batman. This version is… well, a goth. Like no other way to look at him. And he’s played by Robert Englund, you know, Freddy Kruger. Perfect casting, really. He first appeared in “Riddled.” He set up several bombs across Gotham, which could only be disarmed by a Riddle. This was set up to keep the cops, and more importantly Batman, busy while he robbed Gotham bank. Batman and his police aide Detective Yin are able to stop the bombs. His origins are revealed in “Riddler’s Revenge,” A few years prior, in episode, Edward Nygma had developed a device to increase the subject’s intellect with his partner Julie. A man named Gorman came and offered to buy the machine. Nygma wasn’t interested. During a demonstration of the device, it malfunctions, ruining Nygma’s career. He swore vengeance. It’s how he got his start as the Riddler. It’s revealed by episode’s end that the saboteur was Julie, who wanted Nygma out of the picture so she could deal with Gorman. The Riddler also appeared in “Night and the City,” and “Rumors.”

He was one of two major villains in Batman Forever directed by Joel Schumacher, portrayed by Jim Carrey. Edward Nygma was a Wayne Enterprises employee that built a device he called “The Box,” which could beam information directly into the viewer’s brain. He saw it as next gen TV. Bruce Wayne thought the technology too dangerous and ordered the project be terminated. Frustrated, Nygma continued experimenting and realized it could drain a victim of their intelligence and transfer it to Nygma. He murdered his supervisor, stole the tech, created the Riddler identity and partnered with Two-Face to cause trouble. This movie is bad. Not Batman and Robin bad, but bad. What should have been perfect casting came across way too campy and way too bizarre. A major step down from Batman and Batman Returns.

Why Mr. Carrey, why?

He’s a major side villain in the Batman: Arkham games. Not important to the story at hand, but his riddles and Riddler trophies are scattered about, for the guys that like to be completionists. He’s also the main target of the Suicide Squad in Batman: Assault on Arkham. Amanda Waller tells her unwilling recruits that his cane has a flashdrive with intel on the Suicide Squad, namely members and potential recruits. In actuality, he’d discovered how to disable the bombs that Waller implants in the Squad to make them compliant. He disarms them for the active squad, which leads to a show down with Batman. Always a fun time with this guy.

The Riddler is an interesting villain. He’s one of Batman’s greatest foes, but is also one of the least effective, given his habit of ruining his own traps. It’s always rather interesting to see him match wits with Batman, which helps highlight the fact that the Dark Knight is equal parts brain and brawn. Which infuriates the Riddler, which is always good for a laugh. And, it’s always entertaining to see a villain whose greatest motivation is his Achilles Heel. He has to be the smartest, has to be the one with the answer, and will go out of his way to ruin nearly flawless plans to prove that point. In the end, he’s still that little boy, the helpless child taking his father’s beatings while hearing that he’s worthless. He can’t prove to dear ol’ Dad he’s worth something, so all of Gotham and Batman have to suffer for it. How sad. How pathetic. That’s the Riddler for ya. Next time: We’re in for a Sweet Christmas, as Luke Cage has his Netflix debut. 

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Villain Profile: The Ventriloquist and Scarface

Today we’re going to be talking about one of the nuttier members of Batman’s rogue’s gallery. And, considering the sort of crazy weirdos that run around Gotham City, that is saying something. Also, just going to say right off the bat, dummies are creepy. I don’t mean the kind of guys that Jeff Dunham uses, but the classic wooden toys. They’re just… unsettling. With their cold dead eyes, and creepy flapping mouths. Don’t give me that look, watch any Slappy themed episodes of the old Goosebumps TV show and tell me that you don’t find them creepy. Let’s get to it.

Who's controlling who?

Like a number of Batman’s baddies, Arnold Wesker’s childhood bears a striking resemblance to the Dark Knight. How? Tragic death of parents. Arnold was an incredibly meek, timid child. One of those kind of kids that if you popped a balloon to close to him, he might wet himself. That sort of thing. One day, his parents took him to the Gotham City shipyards to see an albatross. The bird was something of a local attraction, don’t know why. For some reason, this bird terrified young Arnold. Have you ever seen an albatross? Yeah, they’re big birds, but they are far from the most intimidating avian on planet earth. He demanded that his family take him home, and his folks comply. While walking back to the car, a delivery truck lost control, rocketed down the street, and hit Mr. and Mrs. Wesker. Right in front of Arnold’s eyes. The death of the Waynes is tragic, but at least Bruce’s parents could have an open casket funeral. Just saying.

The trauma of seeing his parent’s violent death, caused by his emotional outburst, caused Arnold to develop some pretty severe emotional problems. Namely that he completely repressed all of his emotions. He grew up… pathetically. Like George McFly before Marty changed the past in Back to the Future. But worse, since he didn’t meet the hot local girl that was willing to lower her standards for him. So sad. Arnold’s life changed once again, when the dam that held back his reservoir of anger finally crack. He was in a bar, when a brawl started. He accidentally, but brutally, killed the guy that started the bar fight. He was sent to Blackgate Prison. He was put in a cell with a man named Donnegan. He and Donnegan had an…okay relationship. It was good enough that Donnegan showed Arnold his’ greatest treasure, a dummy he named Woody. Woody was carved from the wood of the old Blackgate gallows, and looked creepy as heck. But, for some reason, Arnold was enamored with the creepy thing. He wanted to get his hands on it, but Donnegan was very protective of his toy. When Arnold did get a few minutes alone with the creepy, creepy thing and Donnegan found out, he beat the snot out of Arnold.

As time went on, Arnold grew increasingly depressed with prison life. Shocking, I know. When he finally had enough, he decided to commit suicide. He made himself a noose, and prepared to hang himself at night while Donnegan slept. To his surprise, Woody began speaking to him. Woody encouraged Arnold to, not hang himself, but to escape. He initially thought that Donnegan was just messing with him, but the other prisoner was dead to the world. ‘Woody’ informed Arnold that Donnegan had spent fifteen years digging a tunnel under their cell, but had given up. After just a little coaxing, Arnold was convinced to keep living and make his escape. Arnold grabbed Woody, intending to bring the doll with him. Unfortunately, Donnegan woke up and attacked Arnold again, this time with a corkscrew he’d smuggled in. During the altercation, Donnegan scratched Woody’s right eye. Arnold grabbed a loose brick, and smashed it against Donnegan’s head, killing him. He strung up Donnegan’s body with the noose, and escaped. The tunnel led to the prison boathouse. On Woody’s urging, Arnold stole a riot shotgun and murdered two guards, before escaping on a raft. They made it to the mainland of Gotham City, stole some new clothes, and gave Woody a new name. The little doll “hated” the name of Woody, and chose to go by the name Scarface.

Seriously, shouldn't that little gun still
blow off his little puppet arms?

Arnold, now going by the moniker the Ventriloquist, and Scarface became powerful drug kingpins in Gotham City. Scarface, despite being an extension of Arnold’s broken psyche, was incredibly abusive to his ‘partner.’ Verbally, and even physically. And, even though this was a very bizarre arraignment, most of their goons payed little attention to Arnold, but were fiercely loyal to Scarface. Wow, even in a city as weird as Gotham, what has to happen to someone to make them want to willingly take orders from a wooden doll? They ran a club they uninspiringly called the Ventriloquist Club, where they sold a designer drug called Fever. Their method for smuggling drugs into Gotham was to hide them in cadavers and then ship them to a local funeral home. Batman, having found out about Fever, tracked the drugs to said funeral home while Arnold and Scarface were getting their drugs. After a short tussle, scratch that, a very short tussle, Arnold was arrested. This time he was sent to Arkham Asylum.

He spent only a short time in prison. Drug money, it works wonders. After getting out and recovering Scarface, Arnold actually wanted to retire from the drug life, but Scarface refused to allow it. While they were in lock up and the evidence locker, respectively, a new group called the Street Demonz had taken over their territory. Scarface does not take kindly to interlopers. They reclaimed their gang and declared all-out war against the Demonz. They had several turf brawls, one of which ended with Scarface being riddled with bullets. Believing that Scarface was “dead,” Arnold tried to bury him. Literally. But, from the little wooden coffin, Scarface demanded to be released. Arnold complied, and repaired the damage to his little master.

Scarface and the Ventriloquist were pretty constant fixtures in Gotham’s underbelly, until Arnold was brutally murdered by an up and coming crime boss. Despite this, the Ventriloquist did make a comeback. As a Black Lantern during the Blackest Night event. For those just joining us, a Black Lantern is like a Green Lantern, but also a Zombie. A very crazy combination, I know. But, even in death and equipped with the Black Lantern power ring, Arnold wasn’t free of Scarface. BL Arnold felt compelled to creating a new Scarface, this one being a Black Lantern Construct. Darn, it sucks to be this guy. He was ultimately destroyed along the rest of the Black Lantern Corps when its leader/avatar Black Hand was brought back to life and conscripted into the Indigo Tribe. (The Purple Green Lanterns)

As the Ventriloquist, Arnold Wesker has no superpowers or even above average abilities. He even sucks as a ventriloquist, being unable to pronounce ‘B’s’ while throwing his voice. He’d substitute G’s in. So “Boys, we’re robbing the bank before Batman gets here,” becomes “Goys, we’re rogging the gank gefore Gatman gets here.” He’s really not good at anything… except being a crime boss. Arnold Wesker suffers from a form of dissociative identity disorder, where he acts out his aggressive impulses and thoughts through his dummy. Scarface is absolutely ruthless, killing anyone that gets in his way, and abusing Arnold whenever he has even the smallest excuse. His preferred weapon is a tommy gun. Not sure how that kind of high powered weapon doesn’t blow off his arms, to be honest.

And, while not a superpower or accessory, the Ventriloquist and Scarface do have incredibly loyal minions. Notably the musclebound Rhino, and the willowy Mugsy. Both are fiercely loyal to their odd bosses. Rhino has been shown to be one of the few that considers the Ventriloquist to be his actual boss, and only addresses Scarface like he’s in charge to humor the Ventriloquist’s psychosis.

Wonder if this put Arnold's life into perspective for him?

It is interesting to note that most stories are deliberately vague as to whether Scarface is just a split personality of Arnold Wesker, or if he’s actually some sort of malevolent entity all on his own. He has been shown to occasionally move or speak on his own, but these could also just be chalked up to the damaged mind of Arnold. One thing that does make the whole “living doll” thing at least plausible, is his creepy background of being carved from the wood of an old gallows and that, despite being puppeteered by several different individuals, he always seems to have the same personality. That of a 20s era gangster. Weird.

The Ventriloquist and Scarface are two minor but recurring villains of Batman’s canon. Scarface has actually made several more appearances then his puppeteer, usually as a trophy in the Batcave or similar location. Also, Arnold is shown to be a much better ventriloquist outside the comics. No replacing B’s with G’s in the TV shows.

In Batman: The Animated Series, Batman first becomes aware of the Ventriloquist and Scarface in “Read My Lips.” He searched for the ringleader of a series of bank robberies, imagine his surprise when he finds a mild mannered guy holding a very angry dummy leading the crime ring. After a few encounters, Batman is captured by the gruesome twosome and is put in a deathtrap. Tied up and suspended over a pit of mannequin hands with sharpened nails pointing up. Batman is able to get out of this situation by using his own ventriloquism and impersonating skills. He mimics Arnold’s voice, throwing it as both puppeteer and puppet. Arnold and his alternate persona start arguing, and in a fit of frustration Scarface orders Arnold be shot. His goons are pretty confused by this, as they all had been working on the assumption that, while their boss was insane they by no means thought that the puppet was anything more than their bosses bizarre quirk. Like Penguin’s birds, Riddlers questions or Two-Face’s coin. Do you shoot your boss when he tells you to shoot him? In the confusion, Batman is able to escape, and Scarface is destroyed. Arnold is brought to Arkham, where he almost immediately starts working on a new Scarface. They returned in several other episodes, including “Trial,” “Catwalk,” and “Double Talk.”

How is the evil doll made of death energy
LESS creepy then the wooden version?

They appear again in The Batman. In this incarnation, Arnold Wesker is a former ventriloquist that snapped after he was booed off stage. Also, Scarface is redesigned to more closely resemble Tony Montana. You know, the original Scarface. Can’t imagine that the scarier look of Scarface won him any fans, just saying. He and Scarface become criminals, first robbing everyone that booed them off stage. Throughout the episode, Arnold and Scarface steal some heavy machinery, which culminates in a giant robotic version of Scarface. In a bit of role reversal, Arnold becomes the dummy being carried, as Scarface still needs the wimpy little guy to help him move. Batman defeats Mecha-Scarface by separating him from Arnold, and then destroying him. Arnold is imprisoned at Arkham. Sometime later, Arnold is freed from Arkham after being announced cured by corrupt psychiatrist Hugo Strange. Batman’s initially skeptical, but after observing him for a few weeks, Batman accepts that Arnold is actually cured. Unfortunately, this turns out to be a disturbing experiment by Strange, who then reunites Arnold with Scarface. Arnold obviously relapses, and starts committing crimes. Batman captures him again, and berates Strange for his unusual “help.”

The Ventriloquist and Scarface are an interesting pair. Arnold’s bizarre psychosis makes him both incredibly pathetic and dangerous. It’s a very bizarre thing to watch, seeing a mild mannered man constantly being berated and abused by a puppet. How much do you have to hate yourself to allow your little puppet to abuse you? I actually think his best episodes are “Double Talk” from Batman: TAS and “A Fist Full of Felt” from The Batman. Both are episodes that show the return of Scarface after Arnold is pronounced cured, and the relapse into his old ways. Both are actually pretty good metaphors for addiction or abusive relationships, as in both Arnold Wesker kicks his “Scarface” habit, but falls back into, through his old gang for TAS and subpar therapy in The Batman. He knows Scarface is bad for him, he knows being near the puppet will lead to misery, but he is incapable of functioning without it. Which is so very, incredibly, unbelievably sad. They’re the pathetic puppeteer and deranged dummy, the gruesome twosome, the Ventriloquist and Scarface. Next time: either the Riddler or Luke Cage Viewer Logs, whichever comes first.

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Review : Spider-Man (2002)

I’ll start this post out by saying this, love or hate Spider-Man as a character, love or hate Spider-Man as a film, we owe the modern Marvel Cinematic Universe to him/it. It was the immense financial success of Spider-Man and X-Men film series that convinced the execs over at Marvel to finally give making movies a shot. They made Iron-Man and the rest is history. Let’s take a look back, shall we?

Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does whatever a Spider can.

Spider-Man opens to Peter Parker (Tobey McGuire) running after a bus. Yeah, apparently someone thought Peter being bullied by other students wouldn’t be enough, so they got the bus driver to be a dick to him too. Jerks. Where are they going? To Columbia University’s science lab as part of a school field trip. Funded by Oscorp, nothing ominous about that. Peter fails miserably at getting Mary Jane Watson (Kirsten Dunst) to notice him before meeting up with his best friend Harry Osborn (James Franko), who arrived in a limo with his father, Norman Osborn (Willem Dafoe). Pause, there’s something wrong with this set up that has bugged me for years. Harry, you didn’t offer to give Peter a ride in the limo knowing that stuff like chasing the bus is a regular incident for him? Shame on you. Anyway, they get inside and have a look at what Oscorp is working on. There’s a giant electron microscope, some weird chemicals, and a giant wall of genetically altered super-spider’s on display. What an oddly chaotic lab set up. The Spiders were altered to show off the powers that Peter will later gain; super strength, super jumping, and a borderline precognitive spider sense. MJ points out that one of the enclosures is empty, and the tour guide just brushes it off with a “oh they must still be working on that one.” BS. In a high tech lab like that, you know exactly how many experiments are going on, and you freak the heck out when one has apparently vanished. Said spider was chilling in web it had set-up in a corner.

Both Peter and Harry weirdly try to flirt with MJ, Harry using info lifted from Peter to appear smart, while Peter asks her to ‘model’ in a few shots for the school paper. Peter, Harry, I’ve been down the “buddies flirt with same girl” road before, it doesn’t end well. After Mary Jane is called away, the Spider drops down from the ceiling and bites Peter. It hurts like hell, but, nothing too unusual happens.

We jump to Oscorp labs. Norman Osborn and Doctor Stromm show off their products to a General, in the hopes of keeping their military funding. Despite Norman’s insistence that their new performance enhancement drugs is ready for human testing, Stromm is less certain. Norman is given the ultimatum of have a human test in 2 weeks, or lose their funding. Not a great situation.

Peter returns home to his Aunt May (Rosemary Harris) and Uncle Ben (Cliff Robertson). Ben gives some exposition about being laid off and how the family finances are rather tight. Peter rushes to his room, as the spider’s venom seems to finally be affecting him. He passes out, and we get a weird montage as Peter’s DNA mutates. We jump back to Norman and Stromm, who are prepping a to expose Norman to their performance enhancing drug. Osborn goes in, gets vaped, seems to have a stroke and dies. Stromm pulls him out, just in time for Norman’s heart to kick back on. In an insane fit, Norman attacks Stromm, tossing him into some lab equipment, killing him.

The itsy bitsy spider crawled up the water spout.
Down came the goblin, who took the spider out.

Jump back to Peter, who, after a fitful night, awakes to 20/20 vision, a much more muscular physique and spider powers. Best spider-bite ever. He walks out to see Mr. Watson berating MJ. He thinks about going over and trying to comfort her, but misses out when her friends pick her up. He also misses the bus. Bad luck. He is able to chase down the bus, and rip off the banner on the side off it, thanks to his new powers. At Osborn manner, Harry finds Norman passed out on the floor, with no memory of the previous night. He’s informed of Stromm’s death, and that Oscorps experimental glider and flight suit were ‘stolen.’

At School, Peter shows off more of his powers, like his spider-sense, adhesion, and the ability to produce and shoot webbing. Which nobody notices until he accidently hits bully Flash Thompson with a tray of food. Flash chases him down, Peter shows off his new strength, agility, and speed, knocking Flash away by several feet. Odd how no one seems to remember this a few months later after he becomes Spider-Man, isn’t it? Nerd shows off inhuman abilities shortly before a superhero shows up. NO one questions this? After ditching the rest of school, he climbs a wall for the first time, tests out his super jumping, and tries to fire more webs. He tries several ‘hand signs” before getting his signature “I love you” sign. He web-swings, and ends up hitting a billboard. First flights are always a little bumpy. Hours later, I never understood this jump in time, he returns home just in time to see MJ suffer some more verbal abuse. Not creepy at all. They bond a little in the backyard, before Flash pulls up in his new car. She runs off, and he gets the notion that to get the girl, he’ll need a car. Cause, you know, no woman was ever impressed by SUPERPOWERS. For a smart kid, Pete can be an idiot.

He picks up a paper and finds the perfect car and a way to get the money. Amateur wrestling. He puts his artistic skills to the test, and designs his Spider-Man suit. He practices with his powers some more before the big night. Back with the Osborns, Norman is hearing cackling laughter. Also, not ominous at all. Ben gives Peter a ride into town, and tries to talk about Peter’s unusual behavior over the last few weeks. He gives Peter the “With Great Power, Comes Great Responsibility,” lecture. Peter snaps, telling Ben to stop pretending to be his father, and walks off in a huff. Dick move, Peter, dick move. Peter arrives at Amateur night, and prepares to fight the wrestler, Bone Saw McGraw. Played by Macho-Man Randy Savage. The MC of the night, Bruce Campbell, gives him the iconic name of “the Amazing Spider-Man,” when he’s unimpressed by Peter’s choice, “The Human Spider.” He fights Bone Saw, showing off his impressive Spider-Powers, and pinning Bone Saw in two minutes.

Peter’s joy at victory is quickly cut short when he’s only paid a hundred bucks. Owner is a dick. A moment later, the owner is robbed. Peter lets the thief run, despite being in a position to stop with almost no effort, and throws the owner’s words of how this isn't Peter's problem back at him. On the street, Peter comes across a scene, a crowd around a dying man. To his horror, he realizes it's Uncle Ben. He’d apparently been car jacked and shot. Ben dies as Peter clutches his hand. Peter, in a fury, tracks down the killer at the docks and beats him within an inch of his life. To his utter disgust, the murderer happened to be the guy he let escape. The Thief dies after tumbling out a window. Peter returns home and grieves with Aunt May.

Meanwhile, Oscorp’s rival, Quest Aerospace, tests out their Iron-Man… er, exoskeleton battle suit. The testing is interrupted by a cackling Goblin, who murders them all.

An unspecified amount of time later, Peter graduates. He and Norman seem to form something of a father-son bond, as Harry seems to make a move on the recently single MJ. Violating the Bro-Code, Osborn. Peter grieves some more, get used to it, Tobey’s Peter cries a lot. After some encouraging words from Aunt May, Peter decides to use his Great Power, becoming Spider-Man. Editor of the Daily Bugle, J. Jonah Jameson (J. K. Simmons) wants pictures of Spider-Man, and offers big bucks for them. Peter meets MJ on the street, and learns she’s dating Harry, on his way home to his and Harry’s apartment. Harry tries to get Norman to help Peter find a steady job, but Peter isn’t interested in a handout. Which is when he sees Bugle’s ad. He sets up a camera, and gives the pics to Jonah. Peter tries to get a job, but is instead told to be a freelance photographer.

Vengeance, thy name is Norman Virgil Osborn.

At Oscorp, Norman is happy to say Oscorp is doing super well. Unfortunately, Oscorp’s board of directors is planning to sell to Quest Aerospace. And, that, Norman is out of a job because of it. They’re going to announce the sale after the “World Unity Festival.” Which gives Norman a terrible, terrible idea. At the “World Unity Festival” Peter takes some photos as Harry and MJ watch from a skyscraper. Peter’s Spidey-sense goes off, just as something flies in on a glider. This can’t be good. Goblin bombs the festival, killing the board of directors.  Peter suits up, saves MJ from a tumble, and dukes it out with Gobby. He disables Goblin’s glider, forcing him to flee as he shouts, “We’ll meet again, Spider-Man!”

Back at Osborn manner, Norman has a psychotic episode and learns that he’s the Green Goblin. His “Goblin” persona decides to try and get Spider-Man on his/their side. Gobby attacks Jameson, wanting to know who gets Spider-Man’s pictures. Thankfully, Peter had just been in, and comes back in as Spider-Man. Gobby knocks him out, takes him to a roof, and makes his offer. They join forces and rule. Peter isn’t interested, and while angry, Goblin lets him go to think it over.

Peter saves MJ from a mugging, and have an upside-down make out session. Is that cheating? That feels like cheating… Later on, Peter saves some folks from a burning building, and is attacked by Green Goblin. In their fight, Peter gets a sizeable cut on his arm, but is able to escape. To the Goblin's irritation. Later on, Norman arrives at the Parker/Osborn apartment for Thanksgiving dinner. Peter swings in a moment later, drawing his family, friends and nemesis’s attention. He jumps to the ceiling just in time. Norman notices some blood falling from the ceiling, but still misses Peter. Peter comes in from street, and the meal commences. Peter starts bleeding, and Norman notices that it’s in the same place as Spider-Man. Peter… why the heck didn’t you get a band-aide on that? Norman storms off to prepare, but not before belittling MJ and her and Harry’s relationship. Real stellar parenting there, Norman, implanting in your son's head that women will only ever love him for his money.

Later that night, Norman/Goblin plan to destroy Spider-Man by attacking Peter. “The Heart, Osborn. First, we attack his heart!”as his Goblin persona put it. Love that line. First target? Aunt May. He blows away the roof of her house and does... something to her. They're pretty vague about it. She’s rushed to the hospital, freaked out but otherwise okay. Peter realizes that Goblin knows his identity. After chatting with MJ and Aunt May the next day, Peter also realizes who the Goblin is going to target next. Around the same time, Harry, not on purpose, gives Norman the idea to attack Mary Jane. Peter calls MJ, get’s Gobby, who lures him to the Queensboro Bridge. At the Bridge, Goblin sings merrily as he prepares his plan. “The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the water spout, down came the Goblin who took the Spider out.” His plan is simple, but effective. Mary Jane in one hand, a cable car filled with kids in the other, and he lets them both drop. “Let die the woman you love, or suffer the little children,” as he so eloquently put it when Peter arrives. Peter jumps after MJ, grabs her, and then swings around to grab the cable car. He’s forced to hold on to both while a barge sails into place, all the while surviving an assault by Gobby. Peter probably wouldn’t have made it, if the New Yorkers on the bridge above hadn’t started throwing trash at Gobby to distract him. The kids and MJ are saved, but Gobby isn’t done yet. He grab’s Peter and takes him to a burnt building. Is it spoiling the end of a movie by talking about it, when said movie is nearly 15 years old? Don’t care, doing it anyway, but you have been warned.

Didn't have the definitive Spider-Man, Green Goblin or Mary Jane,
But it did have the definitive J. Jonah Jameson.

Green Goblin and Spider-Man have a no-holds bar match. Goblin gets the upper hand, and then makes the big mistake of threatening MJ again. Peter goes off, beating Goblin within an inch of his life and dropping a wall on in. Green Goblin reveals his identity at the last moment in a last desperate attempt at saving himself. He remote controls his glider into place, and tries to distract Peter long enough to kill him. Peter’s spidey sense goes off at the last minute, saving him and skewering Norman. With his last breath, he asks Peter “Don’t tell Harry.” Peter drops Norman’s body off at Osborn manner, where Harry discovers him. Harry swears everlasting vengeance. At Norman’s funeral, Peter decides to bear the burden of his and Norman’s secrets, and swears to stay away from Mary Jane to protect her. The movie closes with Peter saying, “Who am I? I’m Spider-Man.”

The good first. The cast is pretty darn good. JK Simmons is phenomenal as the greedy and paranoid JJ Jameson. His part was sooo good that the reboot went out of its way to NOT cast anyone else in the part. Talk about big shoes to fill. I am a huge fan of Willem Defoe, and love him as Norman and The Green Goblin. Sure, he can ham it up a bit, but if you’ve read the original issues of Spider-Man, ol’ Gobby can be pretty darn hammy. Tobey McGuire, Kirsten Dunst, and James Franko are pretty good at each of their parts too. They aren’t what I’d call the “definitive” versions of the characters, but they aren’t bad by any stretch of the imagination. The effects haven’t aged great, but they’re still pretty good considering the time.

The bad is minimal, but there. Peter Parker is a bit of a crybaby in this series. I’ve seen just about every iteration of Spider-Man there is, and I can tell you that while the deaths of his various loved ones still haunt him to this day, he rarely breaks down into tears because of it. He may linger on a photo of Uncle Ben or one of the other fallen loved ones, he may even get slightly choked up, but he never sobs like Tobey’s Peter. Also, as Spider-Man, he’s not nearly as funny as he’s supposed to be. I think I mentioned this in my Spider-Man hero profile, but if not, here it is. There are two huge elements to Spider-Man’s fighting style. One, is his spider-sense, that allows him to react to threats at nearly a moment’s notice, and the other is his sense of humor. He’s constantly cracking wise or spouting one liners or just talking in general while fighting. Why? Because it keeps his foes off balance. It’s like trash-talking while playing basketball. It’s hard enough to act, or fight, while focusing in on your task. It gets even harder when an arachnid themed weirdo in a leotard is constantly pushing your buttons. And finally, I think the final fight didn’t quite have the weight the film makers were going for. In the comics, Spider-Man and Green Goblin fought for years before they had their ‘final’ confrontation. It was the culmination of over a decade’s worth of fighting, with the final line being crossed when Norman attacked and caused the death of Peter’s girlfriend Gwen Stacey. It was the end of an era. Does that sound like something that could be fit into one 2-hour movie? I don’t think so.

Overall, I give this movie a B. Is it the best Superhero movie? Far from it. But, it’s still pretty darn good, and I cannot deny its effect on popular culture and the superhero movie genre. If you haven’t seen it, somehow, I do recommend it. It’s cheesy, but in a good way. And, while I find its portrayal of Peter Parker/Spider-Man as a little too mopey and a little too grim, it’s still an overall good representation of the source material. And, unlike the sequels, it didn’t beat you over the head with the “With great power, comes great responsibility” line. It had just the right amount. Those are my thoughts on Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man. Next time, let’s take a look at a lesser known DC villain, Arnold Wesker aka the Ventriloquist and his dummy Scarface. 

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http://spiderman-films.wikia.com/wiki/The_Green_Goblin_(Willem_Dafoe)
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Anti-Hero Profile: Toxin (Patrick Mulligan)

One of Spider-Man’s most dangerous foes is Venom, the alien symbiote that he brought back from Battleworld. The hate filled pile of living black ooze has been a constant threat to both Spider-Man and Peter Parker since their ‘falling out’ back in the 1980s. But, another serious danger lies in the offspring of Venom. The Venom Symbiote has given birth asexually several times over the years, his most famous spawn being Carnage, but there are a few others like Scream, as well as Phage, Lasher, Riot and Agony, better known collectively as Hybrid, Mania, and, technically, Anti-Venom. I mean, calling Anti-Venom his “son” is easier then calling him a mutated clone or whatever the heck he was. Carnage has also budded a few times, the one we’re going to focus on is his first son, Toxin. Let’s get to it.

Imagine seeing this thing coming at you in
the dead of night.

  Toxin’s first day was violent, to say the least. His “parent” Carnage had realized he was pregnant and was trying feverously to find a way to stop the birthing. Why? For one, Carnage is completely disgusted by the thought of reproducing. And for another, Carnage feared that, as he is obviously more powerful than his sire, that his spawn would be stronger still and thus a threat to his existence. Venom, on the other hand, also sensed Carnage’s pregnancy and was trying to stop Carnage for destroying his grandson. Venom’s logic being that the future symbiote would be a potential ally, and thus worth saving. Also, since the new symbiote would be the 10000 of their line, chances of psychosis and extreme violence were pretty high, so it’s in everyone’s best interest that Venom look after things. Looking at his extended family, listed above, I can safely say that this creature had no chance of being ‘normal.’ Venom and Carnage battled across New York City, Carnage eventually losing his father by knocking him into the East River, gross, and buries himself in an attempt to stop the birthing. This resulted in an explosion.

Said explosion brought police attention, specifically Officer Patrick Mulligan. What he found was a mostly exposed Cletus Kasady, the Carnage Symbiote having expended most of its body and energy in attempting to stop the birth, and then the birth itself. Weakened to the extreme, Carnage decided to implant his son in the unwitting police officer, so he can come back and kill it later once he’d recovered a little. Around the same time, notorious cat burglar Black Cat stole some new age painting during the whole symbiote hullaballoo.

Not realizing that he’d been infected with an alien parasite, Patrick returned home to his pregnant wife. They start playfully arguing about what their son’s name and profession will be, but are interrupted by Venom crashing into their apartment. He had sensed his grandson’s location and came to protect it. Venom gets kind of creepily close to the Mulligans, wanting to know what it’s like to actually give a darn about one’s offspring, but is also interrupted by someone. Spider-Man. The Web-Head was able to track the hulking black monster thanks to the trail of dingy East River water Venom left. Venom and Spider-Man duke it out while the Mulligans high-tail it out of there. Venom explains the whole Carnage Pregnancy thing, just in time for Carnage to show up. The red menace chucks Pat’s wife off of the stairs and takes Pat out of the building to disembowel him. For some reason. Villains, they always like wasting time. Thankfully, Gina Mulligan was saved from going splat by Spider-Man, who then had to rush Gina to a hospital. Apparently near death experiences can induce labor. Who knew?

He has his father's eyes.
And fangs. And claws.

Because Carnage is the sort of psycho that likes to play with his food, he delays killing Pat, and chase him around a rooftop. It might have been slightly cathartic for Pat, if Carnage wasn’t trying to skewer him. Carnage and Pat cause enough of a ruckus to get the attention of Black Cat. She’d been a building over selling her stolen goods and rushed over to save Pat. Good kitty. And while the shadowy feline-themed burglar would have been ripped to shreds by Carnage, Venom shows up just in time to discipline his son. During their wrestling match, Venom reveals that he decided to name the new symbiote Toxin, as a tribute to himself. Vain goo monster, isn’t he? He throws Carnage under a train, and Pat escapes. He meets his wife and new born son, Edward, at the hospital. Venom and Spider-Man spend the next few days watching over the Mulligans, independent of each other, as Toxin… incubates.

Once he gets back on the job, Pat gets a lead on the art thief from a few days ago and tracks down Black Cat. He tries to arrest her, and she resists. Despite her strength and feline agility, Pat shows off some inhuman speed and strength as well. He’s just about to cuff Black Cat when Carnage, as Cletus Kasady, busts down the door. Kasady symbiotes up to kill them all, but unfortunately for him, his son decided to make his first appearance. Pat is engulfed by the new symbiote, becoming Toxin. Toxin trounces Carnage, and hurls him across the city. He and Black Cat come to an agreement, he doesn’t implicate her in the art theft, and she doesn’t spread that he has a black and red goo monster living inside him.

A few days later, the Mulligans move to a new apartment and have something of a housewarming/christening party. Pat feels uneasy, but a visit from his father inspires him to do something about Toxin’s father. Using Toxin’s unnatural tracking ability, he found Cletus’ apartment. Unfortunately, Carnage detects Toxin too, so they’re forced into another brawl. Toxin proves stronger, but, despite his earlier impulses, can’t bring himself to kill Carnage. He runs off.

After seeing that Toxin may prove too… noble for his purposes, Venom decides it’s best to go with Carnage’s plan. Father and son form a temporary alliance to kill the next generation. The next day, Toxin stops a bank robbery, but Pat starts losing control of the alien. He threatens to drink their brains, but regains enough control to just arrest them. Spider-Man lowers himself from the ceiling and congratulates the fledgling superhero. A few days later, Pat meets Black Cat at a funeral. The dude she was selling the stolen painting to had died during the Carnage confrontation. The funeral is interrupted by Venom and Carnage.

Think he feels it, crawling
under his skin?

Venom laments how his plans for Toxin were all for naught, before the fight starts. Spider-Man, across town, senses the trouble and starts swinging at high speed. Now, Toxin is stronger than either of his forebears, but the two combined quickly overwhelm him. Black Cat is able to distract Venom and Carnage long enough for Spider-Man to arrive. He and Toxin are able to fight off the other symbiotes. After the fight, Pat realizes that it’ll be impossible to balance his home life, with his wife and son, with the life of being a symbiote host. He quits his job, walks out on his family, and resolves to be the kind of thing that monsters fear. Pat goes on a few adventures, battling some minor Marvel villains like King Cobra. After some time, he and the symbiote reach an understanding. For 22 hours of the day, Pat is in charge, he can use the suit however he likes. But, for 2 hours each night, he has to let Toxin out for his own “play time.” But, Toxin isn’t allowed to commit grand theft, arson or murder. Twist his… tendrils why don’t you? Pat is unfortunately brutally killed by Blackheart, the demon son of Mephisto during the Civil War. The Toxin symbiote is taken, and put into storage for a new host.

Like Carnage and Venom before him, Toxin has many abilities that were copied from Spider-Man. The ability to cling to walls, super-strength, and the overall design of his form are all lifted from Spider-Man. He’s immune to Spider-Man’s spider-sense, and can track just about anything if he’s got a sample of it. While Pat is calm and in control, he looks like a red-and-black version of Spider-Man. But, if he gets anger enough he’ll morph, adding a lot of muscle mass and getting the family grin. Like Carnage, he can morph parts of his body into weaponry. Mostly spears. Toxin is the strongest Symbiote to date, but has some quirks. Unlike his father, grandfather, and siblings, he doesn’t try to control his host or bond with Pat to the extreme degree. Where Venom is “We,” Carnage is “I.” Pat and Toxin are “him and me,” essentially. Toxin is also very childlike in his thought process, prone to temper tantrums and such.

To date, Toxin hasn’t been used outside the comics. But who knows when that will change.

I like Toxin, and Pat. I had a general knowledge about both of them before writing this post, but have only just recently read their story in the Venom vs. Carnage mini-series. For the first time, since Spider-Man, we see what happens when a decent human being is bonded to an alien organism that feeds on aggression. Every time he uses Toxin, it seems like he’s worried he’s losing a bit of himself. There is a very good moment at the close of the V vs C mini-series, where Pat is looking after his son, when “something” from his earlier fight with Venom and Carnage drops on the baby. It’s an innocuous object, mostly, but it really shakes up Pat, and is what makes him resolve to cut himself off from Gina and Edward, to protect them from his new other life. It’s a simple moment, but understandable. In his stories that follow, you get to appreciate his loss, and how difficult it must be, being bonded to something that is slowly driving him insane. Not pretty. He’s the savage alien, the strongest symbiote, the terrible Toxin. Next time, one last Spider-Man thing. Let’s talk about his original movie, 2002s Spider-Man. 

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Hero Profile: Spider-Man 2099

While Peter Parker will always be my #1 Spider-Man, he’s had a few fairly competent successors to his role of Web-Head. When most folks talk about Spider-Man’s successor, they think about Miles Morales, who inherited the title after Peter’s death in the Ultimate Universe Timeline. But for me, the first other Wall-Crawler that comes to mind is the Spider-Man of 2099, Miguel O’Hara. Let’s set the stage. 2099 is a pretty dystopian future, where most of the world is run by mega-sized corporations. Also, most swear words have been replaced by the word “Shock” for some reason. The modern era of Marvel is known as the Heroic Age, where costumed superheroes and villains were plentiful. Nowadays, the only hero anyone talks about is Thor. And that’s by a group of crazy cultists, Thorites, that believe that the Thunderer’s return will herald the end of days. Yeah, pretty depressing. Now that we’ve set up the time, we’ll set up the man, Miguel O’Hara.

The skulls are a nice touch.

Miguel grew up in New York City, with his parents, George and Conchata, and his brother Gabriel. Pretty much from the get go, Miguel was shown to be a prodigy. But, he’s about as arrogant as he is intelligent, so he comes across as a bit of a jerk. As an adult, he’s quickly made head of the genetics program at Alchemax, the huge corporation that pretty much owns New York. He’s given the incredibly important and incredibly dangerous job of trying to create super-powers for Alchemax’s corporate controlled super-soldiers the “Corporate Raiders.” Alchemax wants to recreate the abilities of heroes from the Heroic Age. Miguel is 100% okay with this, since he’s pretty fixated on recreating Spider-Man. The first test subject of his genetic procedure, a prisoner looking to get some time off his sentence, is horribly mutated and dies in agony. Disgusted by what happened, Miguel goes to his Boss, Tyler Stone, and tells Stone he wishes to resign and quit his genetic research. Stone, who is basically the Norman Osborn of this era, doesn’t take kindly to Miguel’s plan. He tricks Miguel into drinking a highly addictive drug called Rapture. It bonds to the user’s DNA, making them addicts for life, and Alchemax controls the only legal supply. He gives Miguel his ultimatum, either keep working or die a junky. He gives Miguel a few hours to think about it.

Miguel, rather than allow himself to be blackmailed, does think of a creative solution. He had uploaded a sample of his DNA into his genetic manipulation machine a few days before. His plan, use the pure sample in the machine to rewrite his DNA to purge it of the Rapture. After starting the procedure, his jealous and abused subordinate sneaks in and sabotages the machine. He changed the Genetic Profile to be “50% spider.” The machine overloads, causes a huge explosion but Miguel survives. His subordinate tries to play it off like the explosion was Miguel’s fault, and that he’d just stumbled upon Miguel. He quickly drops the rues when he notice’s Miguel’s new fangs and talons. He shoots at Miguel, whom easily dodges it, before knocking the SOB out of the new hole in the lab.  Miguel tries to save him, but his subordinate ultimately falls to his death, because Miguel now has retractable claws. The claws ripped right through the lab coat. Stone, who’d detected the power surge, hires a bounty hunter name Venture, and sends Venture and his security force to take care of the possible superpowered being. Miguel quickly adapts to his new powers, and escapes his pursuers. He was helped by a passing Thorite. Said Thorite preaching the Thunderers return in costume using a new age glider. Miguel pilfers the glider’s mesh, which looks suspiciously like webbing, and heads home. He grabs an old costume he’d worn for a Day of the Dead Festival he and his brother attended in Mexico the previous year. The suit is made from unstable molecule fabric, making it largely shred resistant. He combines the costume with the mesh he took from the Thorite, making a pretty unique and kind of intimidating Spider-Man costume. Venture track him down, but he’s bested by the fledgling Spider-Man. Afterwards, Miguel begins trying to find a cure for his condition. Why do science types always want to get rid of superpowers? So stupid.

It is kind of hard to stand out with this
many spider-men/women running around.

But, Miguel quickly learns how ignorant he’s been about the suffering of others in New York under Alchemax and mega-corporations like it. While in costume he publicly vows to do his best to protect the average citizens of New York and fight the mega-corporations. He is hounded by Stone and his lackeys, and his own rogue’s gallery. Some are 2099 versions of Spider-Man villains, like Vulture, Green Goblin and Venom, and others are your typical cyborgs and bounty hunters that populate the future. One adventure took him to “Valhalla” Alchemax’s floating city. Once there, he runs into two men that claim to be Thor and Heimdall. It’s quickly revealed that these two were somehow created by Alchemax to be their minions and to undermine the popularity of Spider-Man and other new heroes. By joining forces with his era’s version the X-Men, Punisher, and Dr. Doom, they’re able to send Valhalla crashing down. He’s able to meet his predecessor, Peter Parker, during a time travel adventure, and does his best to make the world a better place. Standard hero story.

Miguel has a number of powers similar to and yet completely different from the Original Spider-Man, Peter Parker. He’s incredibly strong, fast and agile. He’s able to cling to walls, thanks to talons he has on his hands and feet. He can also use these as weapons, in a pinch. Said talons fold against his skin automatically when he touches himself, to prevent injury. He can heal fast, but not fast enough for it to be classified as a healing factor. He has spinnerets in his forearms, being the original Spider-Man to have organic webbing. He doesn’t possess a traditional “Spider-Sense,” but he does have improved vision and hearing that let him react to things at almost that level of precognition. Miguel is also incredibly intelligent, a genius in genetics and something of a savant when it comes to fighting. He also has venomous fangs, because reasons. Or they’re trying to add a few more spidery traits to Spider-Man.

Miguel’s version of Spider-Man hasn’t really been used outside of the comics. Which isn’t surprising, seeing how his original comic series was only just over 40 issues. Not much to go on there. But, he’s gotten a new comic line, so perhaps we’ll see more of him on the small screen at some point.

His most recent look. I like the white,
but miss the webbing cape.

His only television appearance was in Ultimate Spider-Man, in a four-part episode “The Spider-Verse.” Basic premise, Green Goblin gets his hands on a magic artifact called the Siege Perilous. He uses this artifact to travel between universes. His plan? To collect the genetic material from multiple iterations of Spider-Man to make himself more powerful. Why he doesn’t go after any other characters while at these different universes is anyone’s guess. Spider-Man jumps through the time-rip after Gobbie. They arrive in the future of 2099, which is all done in CGI for… reasons, and Peter crosses paths with Miguel. Initially apprehensive as seeing a legend from the past in his era, Miguel attacks Peter. They duke it out for a bit, have a heart to heart, and bond just in time to fight the Goblin. Despite their best efforts, Goblin steals a blood sample from Miguel and leaps through time again. Peter hot on his heels. Miguel returns at the story’s conclusion, along with several other Spider-Men/people, to battle Goblin.

Since he only has one TV appearance, I’ll also mention his one major game appearance. He is one of two Spider-Men in Spider-Man: Edge of Time. Fun fact, this version of Miguel is played by Christopher Daniel Barnes, who played Spider-Man in the 1994 TV show.  In it, Miguel attempts to stop Walker Sloan, an Alchemax Scientist that built a time machine. Miguel is just a step behind Sloan, who travels to the past, and rewrites history so that Alchemax is founded years before it should be. So now, Peter Parker lives in an Alchemax mini-city tower, and Miguel lives in an even more advanced world controlled by Alchemax. Miguel is unaffected by the change because he was in the time machine while things were changing. He gets a sample of Peter’s DNA, which creates a weird time-link between the two. A unique mechanic of the game is that because of the time travel distortions, either Spider-Man can help the other. The best example being that in the past, Peter destroys plans for a prototype security drone that Miguel is fighting in the future. When this happens, the Robot is replaced by several smaller machines instead of one supersized version. It’s because of wibbly wobbly, timey wimey stuff.

Miguel O’Hara is an interesting successor to Peter Parker’s legacy. He’s a bit more arrogant, a little more intelligent, and a little spiderier. I’ve only seen a little of him, in the two instances outside the comics listed above, in his initial comic run, and when he became a supporting character in Superior Spider-Man. He was forced to travel back in time to stop some event that was erasing Tyler Stone from existence. Why would he want to do that? Because it turns out that during his adventures he learned that Tyler Stone is his biological father. Tough luck Miguel. His whole utopia/dystopia landscape, while having been done to death, still looks really interesting. I found it rather odd that he wasn’t one of the guys to figure out that something was up with Spider-Man after coming to the Heroic Age. You model yourself after the guy, but don’t notice his complete personality shift? What the heck Miguel? I will admit, while Ultimate Spider-Man is more miss than hit for me, they did have Miguel give a pretty good speech about what being Spider-Man means to him. That the very idea of Spider-Man is akin to legend in his time, a legend that he's doing his best to recreate, all be it poorly. His words, not mine. A hero using a name while still aspiring to live up to it, it's a concept that I like a whole lot. He’s the futurist Spider of the future, Miguel O’Hara the Spider-Man of 2099. Next time, we'll continue this Spider-Man train with another member of the sinister symbiotes, Toxin.

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Hero Profile: Cable

There’s that old cliché that heroes aren’t born, they’re made. Now, on the metaphysical level, that is very true. You can be born with unique skills, talents, or abilities, but it’s only through experience that once learns to use those skills for the betterment of others. But, I wonder how that cliché fits in with a character that was literally made for a “heroic” purpose. Well, semi-heroic. Mr. Sinister was involved, that decreases overall heroism by a good percentage. Let’s get to it.

Wait wait wait wait wait.

What is it Deadpool?

Cable is going to mess some people up.

Nothing, just want to get comfortable. Popcorn, check. Comfy chair, check. Bertha the Shotgun, check.

Why do you need a shotgun?

Because I expect to enjoy myself. But if not, I wish to quickly show you my displeasure. Nobody misrepresents my bestie.

You refer to Cable as your bestie?

I refer to him by all sorts of names that he hates. It’s a hobby.

Okay… Well, let’s get to it.

As stated above, Cable’s origins can be traced back to Mr. Sinister. The centuries old geneticist was obsessed with creating the perfect mutant, one that could even challenge his master Apocalypse. And, he believed that said super-mutant would be the offspring of Scott Summers and Jean Grey. The problem? Jean had recently died, do that fiasco with the Phoenix. Not one to be deterred, Sinister found an alternative solution. Using genetic samples that he’d acquired from Jean some time ago, Sinister created a clone of Jean. He named her Madelyn Pryor, gave her a backstory and set up her meeting with Scott. The two hit it off, quickly marry, and have a son. They name him Nathan Christopher Charles Summers.

Things were complicated by the return of the actual Jean Grey, and Madelyn being corrupted by demonic forces. It’s a comic, these sort of things tend to happen. Her masters forced her tried to try and sacrifice Nathan to open a portal into his dimension of Limbo. Cyclops, his new team X-Factor, and his old team the X-Men, stopped it. After that, it looked like Sinister’s plans were back on track.

And then Apocalypse found out about Nathan. Believe it or not, but immensely powerful, despotic immortal Mutants don’t take kindly to minions plotting their downfall. He kidnapped the infant, and infected him with a techno-organic virus. Said virus would spread throughout Nathan’s body, transforming his cells into a bizarre living machinery, and would quickly kill him. X-Factor saved Nathan, but there wasn’t much they could do to help Nathan. Now.

Thankfully, hope came in the form of a time traveling sisterhood called the Clan Askani. They’d been fighting Apocalypse in an alternate timeline, and believed that the son of Scott and Jean would be key in defeating their version of Apocalypse. As much as it broke Scott and Jean’s hearts, they handed their son over to the head of the Clan, Mother Askani, and she transported him to her timeline. Now, while they had methods to slow the virus, there wasn’t a guaranteed cure in their future. Mother Askani just said that to get her hands on the baby. She cloned Nathan from his uninfected cells, making a perfect Nathan clone free of infection. But then Apocalypse attacked, stole the clone, and planned to raise Nathan 2.0 as his minion. Named him Stryfe. How subtle.

My best friend, my best friend
My. Best. Friend. And me!

Being somewhat stuck with infected Nathan, they had to make the best of it. In order to help with Nathan’s development, she nabbed the psyches of Scott and Jean, jammed them in two people of her era, so they could raise their son. Unusual, but hey, it works. They were able to teach Nathan how to use his powers to fight the virus back, which limited his immense power, but did keep him alive. As a teenager, Nathan had his superpowered smack down with Apocalypse, and came out the victor. There was much rejoicing. Unfortunately, Stryfe survived and did his best to assume his surrogate father’s place as the supreme Mutant. Nathan and Stryfe battled many times, which ultimately claimed the lives of many of Nathan’s Askani’s clansmen and his son Tyler. Realizing that Nathan was out for blood, Stryfe attempted to feel to the past. Nathan followed. He met Moira MacTaggert, who taught him English and some modern era customs. He also met Charles Xavier, who helped him adapt further to 20^th century Earth. Nathan took up the codename Cable, a metaphor about how he was the link between past and future. Nintendo might have grounds to sue.

Over the years he’s lead a number of different X-Men style teams, like Six Pack, and a new incarnation of X-Factor. He also formed the most unlikely of friendships with…

ME! Yeah, me and ol’ Cable are two peas in a pod. We get along like Peas and Carrots. We’ve traveled across eras, fighting the good fight, and protect Mutants across time and space. He’s the joke, I’m the punchline. We’re like Abbott and Costello, David Spade and Chris Farley, Optimus Prime and Bumblebee.

He barely tolerates you, doesn’t he?

60% of the time. 40% of the time, we’re besties.

More recently, he helped raise the new Mutant Messiah, the first Mutant baby born after Scarlet Witch depowered 90% of Mutants on earth. He raised the baby, Hope, in the far future. All the while evading another time traveling Mutant, and former friend of his, Bishop. They had an Iron-Man/Captain America style falling out over the whole “should the Mutant race be saved?” question. Life is sure complicated for a guy who uses time travel regularly.

Cable is one of the most powerful Mutants ever born. He has telekinetic and telepathic powers that surpass even his mother, Jean Grey. These immense powers are somewhat limited as he has to focus a good percentage of his mental focus to keep the techno-organic virus from consuming his body. Despite limits being placed on his power, he’s been shown to be strong enough to lift an entire city with telekinesis while battling the Silver Surfer. Neither task alone is easy by any stretch of the imagination. He’s an expert hand to hand fighter. To put it into perspective, he’s fought Captain America hand to hand, and won. That’s really hard to do.  There are also a few benefits to his infection. The techo-organic virus gives him the ability to interface with machines, his infected arm has superstrength, and his infect left eye can see into the infrared spectrum and see great distances. He’s also a master of firearms, specifically the advanced blasters of his era. He shoots with extreme prejudice.

Cable has had limited appearances outside the comics. It’s hard to get to him with all the other X-Men stuff to go through.

Pretty messed up when your worst enemy is pretty much
yourself.

His biggest appearance was in X-Men: The Animated Series. He appears in several episodes, usually hounding his sworn enemy, Apocalypse. They never expressly stated that he’s the son of Scott and Jean, but it’s implied after Jean reads his mind and says that he’s “Important” to her and Scott. One of the odder episodes was a two-parter “Time Fugitives.” In it, the time traveling Mutant Bishop traveled back in time to stop a plague that Apocalypse engineered. Said plague nearly wipes out the human race, which helps lead to the Sentinel controlled future Bishop is from. In the farther future, things start unraveling for Cable. Apparently, while that virus was deadly, it is instrumental in stabilizing the Mutant Genome, allowing Cable’s future to occur. When his super computer informed him of this, Cable angrily remarks “I have to help Apocalypse? I hate Apocalypse.” Cable finds an option b, he throws Wolverine into the virus containment thing. Wolverine gets infected, but instantly creates anti-bodies to it, stopping the rampant death. High fives all around. He seen again in “Beyond Good and Evil,” in it, he nearly defeats Apocalypse, but the super mutant steals Cable’s time traveling device, and exits the timeline. Apocalypse creates an elaborate plan to destroy all of time and remake it in his image. Cable teams up with mom and pop, and the X-Men stop Apocalypse. Hooray.

In the post credit’s scene of Deadpool. Deadpool flat out states that Cable will be in his sequel.

Together at last!

Indeed. Personally, I hope they push it back a year or two.

BLASPHEMY!

Hear me out. While it hasn’t been confirmed by any legit sources, one of the biggest rumors going around is that Fox is considering a deal with Marvel, much like Marvel’s deal with Sony. Again, this hasn’t been confirmed, and odds are we won’t hear yay or nay about this until after Spider-Man: Homecoming has aired. If that is the case, can you think of a better time traveling duo to smoosh these two timelines together?

Oh, I get it. Yeah, that would be pretty awesome. Me and Cable could be on like a time travel adventure, go back in time to like the prehistoric era, and I can hit it off with a fine cavewoman and through that make Mutants a thing in the main Marvel universe.

Won’t Vanessa be upset with that?

What about Vanessa? I’m like James Bond. She might be the love of my life in one movie, but in the next I’ll never mention her again.

That’s coldblooded Wade.

Yeah, that’s how I roll.

Anyway, I love Cable. He’s an immensely powerful character, gruff but likeable. He’s one of the most powerful Marvel characters, has all the hallmarks of a “Christ Figure” character but never comes off as Superman level “holier than thou.” Heck, in one story he willingly goes through a lobotomy to protect the world from his immense psychic power. It’s sort of like he died for our sins, isn’t it? It is also kind of cool that, while the techo-organic virus infecting his arm can be, well, awful, it is at times his strongest weapon. One trick I’ve seen is that, when the virus rages out of control, it transforms his arm into a giant mass of robotic tentacles that he can use to pierce through anything. And, considering the era he’s in, being able to interface with machines is a very very handy ability. He’s the time-traveling super mutant, link between the present and future, the immensely powerful Cable. Next time… still deciding. Have a good one.

http://marvel.com/universe3zx/index.php?title=File:Cable_head.jpg&filetimestamp=20070808160618

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cable_%26_Deadpool#/media/File:CABLEDP005l.jpg

http://edtadeo.deviantart.com/art/Cable-vs-Stryfe-X-Men-Blank-CVR-407593321

Review: Suicide Squad

DC, Warner Bros., I know you’re trying. You’re trying to make movies that are the same quality as Marvel, but with your own unique flair. But, if this year is any indication, you really really really really really need to reconsider your directors and writers. Why? Because Suicide Squad is worse than Batman v. Superman. There, I said it. Let’s get to it.

We open in the most logical place for this movie, prison. Belle Reve Penitentiary, it’s one of the prisons in the DC Universe where they send the Criminally Sane. We get introduced to some of our heavy hitters, Floyd Lawton aka Deadshot, Harleen Quinzel aka Harley Quinn, Waylon Jones aka Killer Crock, and El Diablo. We flash to intelligence operative Amanda Waller, who is trying to get clearance to use these four criminals and others into a team of Black Ops disposable assets, Task Force X. More commonly known as the Suicide Squad.

Villains Unite... or whatever.

They’re kind enough to show how Deadshot and Harley were captured. Here’s a hint, the guy that caught them goes by a name that rhymes with Gnat Band. Yeah, they got Bat-flec in for two short but intense capture scenes. And while the super assassin, the insane she-clown, pyro-flinging Gangbanger and Man-lizard are impressive, the higher ups of the US Brass only agree when Waller shows off her “ace” the Enchantress. Her backstory? She’s an ancient, I’m assuming, central American goddess that has possessed an archeologist named June Moone. She can teleport, bend reality, and is only obeying Waller because Waller has her heart. I’m sure there’s no way this could backfire.

They get the green light for the project, after Enchantress steals some highly classified documents for the US. Waller, and her number 2, Rick Flag, go to Belle Reve to look over their less then willing recruits. They test out Deadshot’s skills, and… that’s about it. Things sort of hit the fan when Enchantress decides she’s done taking orders, that lasted like a day and a half, and escapes. How? She breaks her brother, Incubus, out of his prison, gets him a human body, and then uses the power that Incubus can syphon to supplement her own power. They start building a doomsday weapon. Which seems odd. She and Incubus are POed that Humans aren’t worshiping them anymore, so they’re going to wipe us out… so we still can’t worship them anymore. Dumb plan.

So Waller and Flag assemble the Suicide Squad. Their team is comprised of the four mentioned above, a swordwoman named Katana, and Captain Stupid Gimmick… I mean Boomerang. They also get a guy named Slipknot, but he’s not important. Their given all of their equipment, but are also implanted with nano-explosives that will blow their heads off if they step out of line. Which is what happens to Slipknot. See? Not important. The Squad’s mission is to extract an asset from Midway City, where the gruesome twosome is causing a ruckus. They kill a bunch of mutant monster slaves, and make their way to the tower. They reach the asset, who is in fact Waller.

While all this other stuff was going on, Joker was causing some trouble. He’s apparently way more upset then usual that Harley is in jail while he is not. He kidnaps the scientist that designed the nano-bombs, smuggles a cellphone to Harley, and tracks them down. He and his joker gang steal the extraction helicopter, shoots at the squad, grabs Harley, and then is shot down. The Squad, after picking Harley up again, to kill Incubus and Enchantress. Can this ragtag group of villains do it? We’ll see.

The good first. Unfortunately, this section is rather short. Most of the cast was well chosen. Will Smith, Margot Robbie, Viola Davis, and Jared Leto do a good job as Deadshot, Harley, Amanda Waller, and Joker. Same for Adewale Akinnouye-Agbaje as Croc. I actually laughed more at his dialogue then anyone else’s. Joel Kinnamen as Rick Flag is okay, but not great. The effects are good. They also recreate a Joker/Harley comic cover in live action. I do enjoy when movies do stuff like that. The Joker’s background plot is kind of entertaining.  

He wears the mask like twice.
Why include it if you're not going to wear it?

Now the bad. There’s a lot of bad. The absolute worst of the bad? THE STORY. I can suspend my disbelief for a lot, but, you expect me to believe that when a pair of dark gods are destroying a major city and threatening an extinction level event that none of the legitimate superheroes show up to do something about it? No Batman? No Flash? No Wonder Woman? Were they all visiting Atlantis this week? I will admit, I don’t know the Suicide Squad as well as other comic teams, but I do know that their big thing is being COVERT. You send them in to handle situations that haven’t reached “Oh crap, front page news.” You send them in to take out minor dictators, psychos with dangerous weapons, or something like that. Or to rob heroes. That happens now and again. Also, we go pretty long stretches of time without seeing that main bad guys. I guess they weren’t doing anything interesting while the team was killing their minions? Kay. And there is no character development throughout. No growth, no one changes. They’re kind of awful human beings from beginning to end. Which, I get, they are villains. But the best villains do develop in a quality story. They try to make up for this with a bar scene towards the end, but it doesn’t nearly have the impact that I think they wanted it to. Also, pretty much out of nowhere, El Diablo becomes the emotional center by the end. So flipping weird.

They also didn’t really get the Harley/Joker relationship. At least as I know it. In all the iterations I’ve seen, yes, Harley is “addicted’ to Joker. It’s a toxic love for her. But for him, she’s a distraction. Someone he can smack around when he gets bored, or to do errands for him, or to distract Batman. He doesn’t really care if she’s around, unless it directly impacts his day to day. There’s a dark joke in one iteration. Harley gets pregnant, and she is aware enough that she knows that Joker isn’t really Dad material. She disappeared for a few months, had the kid, and left the baby with her sister or something like that. Her comment was that when she got back, he at least acted like he didn’t even notice she was gone. Does that sound like the kind of Joker I described above? I didn’t think so.

Finally, Margot Robbie is a very attractive woman. I’m not denying that. But, her costume is 100% fan service. To the ladies that read this, I’m sure there’s at least one, do you think booty shorts would be good monster fighting attire? I feel like a wedgie would be distracting.  Just saying.

Overall, I have to give this movie a D. There are some good elements but there is a heaping pile of manure on top of it. I agree with what most of the critics have said, actors top notch, everything else is no good. Were you to tell me that Suicide Squad 2 was getting a new director and writer, I would gladly see it. Rather than begrudgingly see it. What? Watching this kind of thing is what I do.  Next time, I think it’s time to do a truly great character. One that has saved the future a couple of times. The original Mutant Messiah, Nathan Christopher Charles Summers, aka Cable. 

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/5/50/Suicide_Squad_%28film%29_Poster.png

https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/suicide_squad_2016/#&gid=1&pid=h-132796